- [grunting]
- AND NOW...
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AAH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS *
* AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE *
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' ALIVE
OOH! AAH! UNGH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS SWEET!
- [slurps]
- UH, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
- TRYING YOUR SOUP.
- UH, THAT'S NOT SOUP.
I'M WASHING MY CLOTHES. - [grunts]
OOH!
[spits]
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL US?
- I'M GONNA BE SICK.
[coughs]
[blows nose]
- PO! PO!
YOUR FATHER, HE'S IN HORRIBLE TROUBLE.
THE NOODLE SHOP. IT'S TERRIBLE.
- I'M COMING, DAD!
AAH!
AAH, AAH, HOT PANTS!
HOT PANTS! HOT!
OOH, OW!
[grunts]
AAH!
HA-HA!
WHAT?
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
TABLE SIX NEEDS BEAN BUNS.
- BEAN? YOU--
I--TABLE SIX NEEDS BEAN BUNS?
THAT'S THE HORRIBLE TROUBLE?
- WHAT? IT'S BUSY.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
BY THE WAY, YOUR PANTS ARE FILTHY.
YOU SHOULD WASH THEM.
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
- I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU OR SOMETHING.
YOU LIED TO ME.
- WELL, WOULD YOU HAVE COME
IF I HAD SAID TABLE SIX NEEDED BEAN BUNS?
- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
IF YOU DO STUFF LIKE THIS,
HOW CAN I BELIEVE YOU?
- CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER, PLEASE?
TABLE SIX STILL NEEDS BEAN BUNS.
- I'M DONE.
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T. - BUT--
- YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED THOSE NOODLES.
- [groans] I'M NOT HUNGRY.
- IF YOU DON'T FINISH YOUR NOODLES,
THE QILIN IS GOING TO EAT YOU UP.
- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE QILIN.
[shattering sound]
- WHO SAID THAT?
WHO--WHO--WHO-- WHO SAID THERE'S NO QILIN?
WHO?
WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU,
MY LITTLE FRIEND,
BUT THE QILIN IS QUITE REAL, AND I ASSURE YOU,
I'VE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I WAS YOUR AGE. AGAINST MY PARENTS' WISHES,
I HAD GONE FROLICKING DEEP INTO THE XIN XAO FOREST.
* FROLIC, FROLIC, FROLIC
I WAS SO BUSY FROLICKING, I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS LOST.
LOST.
I HEARD A HORRIBLE BREATHING SOUND.
- [growling]
- AND WHEN I TURNED AROUND, THERE IT WAS...
THE QILIN!
I RAN AS FAST AS I COULD.
I EVEN TRIED FLYING.
BUT I HADN'T LEARNED THAT YET,
SO THAT WAS POINTLESS.
THE QILIN CAME AFTER ME.
- [growls]
AAH!
LUCKILY, I FELL INTO A STREAM AND FLOATED TO SAFETY
BY DISGUISING MYSELF AS A LOG.
- [gobbles]
- OH, THANK YOU, MR. PING.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND DON'T WORRY, SONNY. THE QILIN WON'T EAT YOU.
IT JUST CHEWS YOUR HEAD OFF.
- AAH!
- OH, MR. PING, HOW COULD YOU?
- UH, WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD THERE,
DIDN'T YOU, DAD?
- WHAT? HMM, JUST TELLING THE TRUTH.
- AW, COME ON, PING.
KNOCK IT OFF. THE QILIN'S JUST A LEGEND.
- I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S TRUE.
IT ATTACKED ME. THE QILIN IS REAL.
[all laughing]
[growling]
I'LL SHOW THEM.
ATTENTION, STUPID CUSTOMERS. I'LL PROVE THE QILIN EXISTS.
I'M GOING TO FIND IT AND BRING IT BACK.
- HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT, PING?
I THOUGHT IT WAS HUGE.
[laughs]
- NOTHING'S TOO HUGE FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- WHAT?
DAD, STOP.
WE NEED TO TALK. - NO TIME.
WE NEED TO REACH THE XIN XAO FOREST BEFORE NIGHTFALL.
- "WE"? NO, DAD.
SEE, THERE'S NO "WE."
I'M NOT GOING WITH YOU.
- YOU HEARD THEM LAUGHING AT ME.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP YOUR FATHER RESTORE HIS HONOR?
- BY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST?
- IT DOES EXIST.
WELL, FINE, NEVER MIND. I'LL GO BY MYSELF.
- YOU COULD GET LOST OR HURT.
- THAT'S A RISK I'LL HAVE TO TAKE.
GOOD-BYE, PO.
IF I DON'T COME BACK,
SOMETHING HORRIBLE PROBABLY HAPPENED TO ME.
NOW WHICH WAY IS IT?
I GET SO TURNED AROUND.
OH, DEAR. IF ONLY I HAD SOMEONE TO GO WITH ME.
[strains]
- [sighs] I'LL GO WITH YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU, SON.
NOW HURRY UP.
THERE IT IS.
XIN XAO FOREST.
YOU READY, SON?
LET'S GO GET OURSELVES A QILIN.
WELL, GO ON.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE DOING THIS.
- PO.
QUICK, PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD.
MAKE IT HARDER FOR THE QILIN TO CHEW IT OFF.
- UH.
- KEEP YOUR EYE OUT FOR CLUES.
INTERESTING. HMM...YES.
YES, YES, YES, HMM, THIS MAY BE SOMETHING.
[gasps] LOOK, SON.
QILIN POOP.
- THOSE ARE ROCKS, DAD.
- OH. THEY'VE HARDENED.
WELL, COME ON.
- UGH!
[rustling noises]
[twigs snapping]
DAD. - WHAT?
- WE'RE NOT ALONE. - WHAT?
- BEHIND US. KEEP MOVING.
- IT'S THE QILIN, PO.
PO, PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD.
DO IT! SOMEBODY HELP!
AAH! - AAH!
- AAH! OOF! - SOMEBODY HELP!
QILIN IS CHEWING MY BOY'S HEAD OFF.
- OOF! - OOF!
- HUH? GENERAL TSIN?
- DRAGON WARRIOR?
WELL--WELL, I'LL BE.
SORRY ABOUT THAT, SON. I'M CAMPING NEARBY, AND I--
WELL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BANDITS.
- AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN PRISON.
- NOPE, UH-UH, THEY LET ME OUT.
- WAIT, WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
- WELL, ON ACCOUNT OF MY TUNICS.
- TUNICS?
- MADE THIS IN PRISON.
EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT?
both: NO.
- TURNS OUT, I GOT TALENT I NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT.
THAT'S WHY THEY LET ME OUT EARLY,
SO I CAN START A NEW LIFE.
THAT, AND NOT BE CRAZY ANYMORE.
- UH, HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU?
- WELL, I HAVE MY GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.
AT EASE, SOLDIER.
ANYWAY, I'M ON MY WAY TO YOUR VILLAGE.
GONNA OPEN UP ME A TUNIC CART.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
- LOOKING FOR THE QILIN.
- [laughs]
- IT'S REAL.
- I KNOW IT'S REAL, BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT.
I SPENT YEARS HUNTING THAT EVIL, VILE THING.
THAT BLASTED HEAD-CHEWER IS A SLIPPERY ONE.
OH, YES. HIDES HIMSELF REAL WELL.
BUT BELIEVE ME,
IT'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
NEVER COULD FIND ITS LAIR.
WHAT A TROPHY THAT WOULD BE...
IF I WERE STILL A HUNTER, WHICH I'M NOT.
DID I MENTION I MAKE TUNICS NOW?
both: YES.
- SEE YOU IN THE VILLAGE.
* WHISTLE, WHISTLE, WHISTLE, WHISTLE *
- SEE, PO, HE BELIEVES IN THE QILIN.
- HMM.
- HMM...OHH.
- LOOK, WE'VE BEEN WALKING ALL DAY.
CAN WE JUST STOP THIS, PLEASE?
- WHAT? OH, IT IS GETTING LATE.
OH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- FINALLY.
- WE'LL CAMP HERE. - CAMP?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK THE BAG'S FOR?
[chuckles]
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A WOK IN THE FOREST.
[laughs]
I MADE A LITTLE PUN. WOK! FOREST!
SOME PRODUCTIVE DAY, HUH?
WE KNOW WHERE THE QILIN ISN'T NOW.
TOMORROW WE JUST NEED TO FIND OUT WHERE IT IS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, SON?
YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR NOODLE BEANS?
- OH, COME ON, DAD. THE QILIN ISN'T ANYWHERE.
ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THE QILIN, DAD.
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO IT DOESN'T EXIST.
- THEN WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT HERE?
- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T ADMIT YOU MADE THE WHOLE THING UP.
- PO, WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
- YOU HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN VERY GOOD
WITH THE TRUTH LATELY, DAD.
- WHAT?
- COME ON.
THE EVIL CURSE THAT COULD ONLY BE LIFTED
BY ME TAKING FLOUR SACKS TO THE CELLAR?
THE INVISIBLE PIXIE THAT COULD ONLY BE FOUND
BY ME WAXING THE FLOOR?
- ARE YOU CALLING YOUR OWN FATHER A LIAR?
WELL, I SEE.
WELL, I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE AROUND A LIAR.
I'M GOING HOME.
ALONE.
- DAD.
- LEAVE ME ALONE.
- WAY TO GO, PO.
[snores]
[rustling]
[growling]
DAD?
[footsteps thud]
[growling]
AAH!
[gasps]
- [growls]
- DAD!
DAD!
- OH, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, PO.
- DAD, THE QILIN!
OOF!
- [growls] - AAH!
OW!
[pants]
- [growls] - HA!
- [growls]
- SO IT IS REAL.
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME
SO I CAN PROVE MY DAD'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
- [growls]
- UH...
I...TAKE YOU... VILLAGE.
NO...FUNNY STUFF... GOT IT?
ALL RIGHT, NOW GET UP NICE AND EASY.
GOOD. LET'S GO.
- OH, DEAR.
NOW THAT'S GONNA BE A BIT OF A PROBLEM.
- EXCUSE ME?
- I-I-I CAN'T LET THOSE FOLKS SEE ME.
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME.
WELL, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SEE ME.
YOU JUST WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO CHASE ME.
I'VE MADE A MESS OF THINGS.
NOW I'M ALL "FLUBBOGATED." I NEED SOME TEA.
TEA ALWAYS HELPS ME WHEN I'M "FLUBBOGATED."
- HEY!
COME BACK HERE, YOU...THING.
- WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOME TEA TOO?
DON'T WORRY, I WON'T CHEW YOUR HEAD OFF.
THAT'S JUST A LEGEND.
- [grunts]
[strains]
[gasps]
OOH. OOH! [grunting]
- OH, CAMOUFLAGE.
- OOH.
- I DON'T NORMALLY SHOW MYSELF TO FOLK.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE RIDICULED AND "HARANGATANGED"
'CAUSE PEOPLE THINK YOU LOOK FUNNY.
- ACTUALLY, I THINK I'VE--
- GINGER SNAP?
PEOPLE MAKING FUN AND BEING MEAN
'CAUSE MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
OR A LOT.
- YEAH, I-I GET IT.
BUT WHY SHOW YOURSELF TO ME?
- I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU AND YOUR DADDY ALL DAY,
AND I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
YOU NOT BELIEVING HIM AND ALL.
WHY, MY DADDY-- MY DADDY WAS--
WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS,
BUT I NEVER KNEW HIM.
AND IF I HAD A MINUTE WITH HIM NOW,
I DON'T THINK I'D BE "FLIBBERTY" JABBERING LIKE THAT.
HAZELNUT WAFER?
SO I THOUGHT IF YOU SAW ME,
THAT THAT WOULD MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH YOUR DADDY.
I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D CHASE ME.
[chuckles] ALMOND CRISP?
ANYWAY, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO KEEP OUR LITTLE SECRET.
FOLKS BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME FOR YEARS.
SOME FOLKS NOT ALL THAT NICE, YOU UNDERSTAND?
YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE I REALLY EXIST.
- BUT MY DAD. HE--HE HAS TO KNOW.
- WELL, I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.
BUT ONLY YOUR DADDY. NOBODY ELSE.
PROMISE? ON YOUR HONOR?
- I PROMISE ON MY HONOR.
- GOOD.
PEACH JUMBLE?
- MMM!
DAD?
WHERE ARE ALL THE CUSTOMERS?
- YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM.
NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO EAT HERE.
THEY THINK I'M CRAZY.
- HEY, LOONEY PING!
[both laughing]
- WHAT DO YOU WANT, PO?
- TO SAY I BELIEVE YOU.
- DON'T PATRONIZE ME, PO.
I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY THINK.
NOW GO AWAY.
- DAD, I SAW THE QILIN. - WHAT?
- IT TOLD ME HOW IT STAYS HIDDEN BECAUSE IT'S REALLY PRIVATE,
AND IT'S A SUPER GOOD COOK.
WE HAD GINGER SNAPS, AND ALMOND CRISPS,
AND--AND--AND THE MOST AMAZING PEACH JUMBLE.
- PEACH JUMBLE?
THE QILIN MADE YOU PEACH JUMBLE?
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE SUCH MOCKERY?
- DAD, IT'S TRUE.
- STOP IT, PO. - BUT I SAW IT.
- THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH.
- I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
THE QILIN LIVES IN A CAVE IN A HILL OF BOULDERS
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST.
- AHA!
TIME TO RID THE LAND OF THAT EVIL HEAD-CHEWER.
- WHAT? - [chuckles]
- NO!
- OH, YES. [laughs]
LET ME AT HIM.
[crossbow fires, boom]
YES, WHERE ARE YOU? STEP OUT, SHOW YOURSELF.
- GENERAL TSIN, NO, STOP!
- STAY BACK, PO.
TIME TO END ITS VILE REIGN OF TERROR.
[boom] - NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT LIKE WHAT YOU THINK.
- THAT THING IS PURE EVIL.
NOW STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS.
- [pants] OOF!
[grunting]
[pants]
[grunts]
QILIN, QILIN, YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!
- WHAT'S WRONG? - THERE'S A HUNTER.
HE'S COMING TO GET YOU. HE KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
- WELL, HOW'D HE FIND THAT OUT?
- I, UH, KIND OF... TOLD HIM.
- PO! - I KNOW, I KNOW.
LOOK, YOU GOTTA GET OUT-- - MOVE AWAY, PANDA!
- I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
RUN! - [grunts]
[crossbow fires]
- HWAH! - OOF!
[both grunting]
- [groans] - SORRY, DRAGON WARRIOR.
I CAN'T LET YOU STOP ME.
- ZABBITY BOO! - AAH!
[groans]
- THANKS, I--
- PLAYTIME IS OVER, SWEETHEART.
[thud] UGH!
- [gasps]
THE QILIN!
- YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
THANK YOU.
- NO, THANK YOU.
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR BEING REAL.
- NICE JOB, DAD.
I--I'M SORRY I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU.
- OH, IT'S OKAY.
YOU WERE RIGHT, PO.
I HAVEN'T EXACTLY ALWAYS TOLD THE TRUTH.
BUT NO MORE.
- SO WE'RE GOOD? - VERY GOOD.
- AW, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- [groans]
OHH. - AAH!
HE SAW ME, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
- WE NEED A SUBTLE WAY OF MAKING GENERAL TSIN THINK
HE IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING BECAUSE HE'S CRAZY.
- I'VE GOT IT.
- OHH.
OH, MY HEAD.
WHERE IS IT? WHERE'S THE QILIN?
- YOU IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
- SUBTLE.
- WHAT? WHAT? NO, THE QILIN.
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR IT, REMEMBER?
- NO, I WASN'T. YOU'RE CRAZY.
- BUT, NO, IT WAS--
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE CRAZY.
- SO, UH, IT-- IT WASN'T?
- OF COURSE NOT, CRAZY PERSON.
YOU'RE JUST CRAZY.
- YEAH, UM...
GUESS I DID IMAGINE THE WHOLE THING.
- RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A NUT.
- GUESS I BEST BE GOING.
NEED MORE TIME TO GET THINGS RIGHT...
UP HERE, YOU SEE.
- GOOD LUCK WITH THAT TUNIC CART.
- UH, SEE YA.
SAD WHISTLE. SAD, SAD WHISTLE.
- [sighs] - QILIN!
- HE WON'T BE BOTHERING YOU ANY MORE.
- THANK YOU.
- YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH US,
EVEN IF EVERYONE IN TOWN THINKS I'M AS CRAZY
AS GENERAL TSIN. OH, WELL.
- I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY I COULD MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
- MAYBE THERE IS.
AAH!
HELP!
- HE'S GONNA CHEW YOUR HEAD OFF!
[both screaming]
- [roars]
[all screaming]
- THE QILIN'S MAD BECAUSE WE WENT LOOKING FOR HIM.
- THAT'S RIGHT, AND IF ANY OF YOU EVER COME LOOKING FOR ME,
I'LL...UH...UH...WHAT?
OH! I'LL CHEW YOUR HEADS OFF!
[roars]
- AND?
- AND MAKE SURE YOU EAT AT PING'S NOODLE SHOP,
OR I'LL--I'LL CHEW YOUR HEADS OFF...AGAIN!
[roars]
[all screaming]
YOU GOT A GOOD BOY HERE WHO LOVES HIS DADDY, MR. PING.
"ZABBADOOBY." WELL, I'D BEST BE OFF.
[roars]
- HEY, PING, YOU OPEN OR WHAT?
- COMING. - DAD?
- YEAH, SON?
- WHY DON'T I COME IN AND HELP FOR A WHILE?
I HAVE A FEELING TABLE SIX MAY NEED SOME BEAN BUNS.
- [chuckles]