- WA-CHA! HYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW,
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- IT'S TOO MANY, PO.
IT CAN'T BE DONE.
- TRUST ME, DAD.
I'M ALL PRO.
ORDER UP!
[scattered mumbling]
[grunts]
HA!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
MR. FESSIONAL. COMMA PRO.
- [chuckles]
DID ANYBODY GET THE WRONG FOOD?
- HUH.
[explosion]
UH, YOU CAN SORT IT OUT.
RIGHT-OKAY-THANKS-BYE!
- [scoffs]
- HUNDUN!
- DRAGON WARRIOR?
NO, WAIT, THIS ISN'T-- - HYAH!
- I CAN EXPLAIN WITH WORDS FROM MY MOUTH.
- OH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE PUTTING ON
A FIREWORKS SHOW FOR SOME KIDS?
[screams] NO!
[all cheering]
IT IS A FIREWORKS SHOW.
- FOR SOME KIDS WHO ARE CHILDREN,
BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUNG.
- WAIT, HOW DOES THIS FIT IN
WITH YOUR WHOLE GETTING REVENGE ON ME THINGIE?
- MY REVENGE IS MINISCULE LIKE A GRAIN OF SAND
ON A BEACH FULL OF SAND.
THIS IS TO PROMOTE MY NEW BUSINESS.
I'M OPENING A NOODLE SHOP...OF NOODLES.
[bowl shatters]
- SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.
- AND THANKS TO YOU, I HAVE YOU TO THANK FOR IT.
- ME? - YES.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME TO CHOR GHOM PRISON
AND TAUGHT US ALL YOUR RECIPES?
- WELL, YEAH, BUT--
- YOU TAUGHT ALL OUR RECIPES TO A BUNCH OF THIEVES?
- [chuckling] NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
SOME OF THEM WERE KIDNAPPERS.
- OH, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
- WHAT? I WAS TRYING TO, YOU KNOW,
REHABILITATE THEM AND JUNK.
- AND IT WORKED.
MY LIFE WAS A CHURNING STEW OF RAGE
THAT RAGED AND CHURNED LIKE A STEW-FILLED RAGE CHURN.
BUT YOU AND YOUR RECIPES CHANGED EVERYTHING.
I CAN NEVER THANK YOU ENOUGH.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THAT MAY BE ENOUGH.
- UH, YOU'RE WELCOME...BUDDY.
- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING PO?
HE'S GONNA STEAL ALL OF MY BUSINESS.
- NO, HE WON'T DAD.
YOUR CUSTOMERS WILL STICK WITH YOU.
- NAH, THOSE BEET HEADS.
GIVE 'EM SOME FIREWORKS AND THEY'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
- THERE'S FIREWORKS?
[excited chatter] [dishes break]
- COME ON, DAD.
HUNDUN IS FINALLY ON THE PATH OF NON-CRIMINALNESS.
- LISTEN TO ME, SON.
PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.
- HE SAYS HE WANTS TO GO STRAIGHT
AND I HAVE TO SUPPORT HIM.
HE CALLED ME HIS FRIEND.
NOW COME ON.
HUNDUN INVITED US TO CHECK OUT HIS SHOP.
WE ARE GOING TO GO AND WE'RE GOING TO BE CIVILIZED.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
THE CLEAVER IS NOT CIVILIZED.
- [defeated] OKAY, LET'S GO.
- HELLO?
- HMM.
IF THIS ISN'T AN EVIL HEADQUARTERS
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
- PO. MR. PING. PO.
YOUR PRESENCE FILLS MY BURSTING HEART LIKE A FIELD OF FLOWERS
GROWING ON A SUNLIT FIELD OF DAISIES.
- WELL, THANK--
- I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, HUNDUN.
- [chuckles]
YES, I AM.
I'M UP TO...FLAVOR!
- OH.
WAITERS?
- YEAH, WAITERS.
- MATCHING OUTFITS?
VERY CLASSY.
- PLEASE, TRY MY DISHES ON YOUR TASTE BUDS.
- WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT HERE, HUNDUN?
WE'D NEVER STOOP TO TASTING SOME EVIL RHINO SWILL.
RIGHT, PO? - MMM.
THAT'S--OH, THAT'S JUST--OH, I LOVE THAT.
MMM MMM MMM.
SO GOOD. MMM.
- COME ON, WHAT'S YOUR FIENDISH SECRET?
WHERE ARE THOSE HIDDEN WEAPONS?
THERE MUST BE--THEY MUST BE RIGHT--
[stammering]
HA!
NO.
I BET--
[knocks]
HA!
YES--DARN.
YOU HAVE AN EVIL PLAN, HUNDUN.
AND I'M GONNA PROVE IT.
COME ON, PO.
NOW?
BUT IT'S SO GOOD.
- PO!
COME ON.
- [groans]
- COME AGAIN WHEN YOU RETURN AGAIN.
- MMM. MMM.
MMM, I REALLY THINK HUNDUN HAS GONE STRAIGHT.
YOU KNOW THAT HUG HE GAVE ME?
THAT WAS TOTALLY AN "I'VE GONE STRAIGHT" HUG.
WELL, YOU COULD TELL 'CAUSE WHAT--YOU KNOW--
AND HE WAS LIKE--AND THEN THE ANGLE OF HIS ARMS WAS MORE,
KIND OF, LIKE, UP AND--IT WAS, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS KIND OF--YEAH.
- WELL, FINE.
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA HELP ME,
I'LL UNCOVER THIS NEFARIOUS SCHEME
ALL BY MYSELF.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- TO BUST THIS CASE WIDE OPEN.
HUH, THERE'S NO KUNG FU IN NOODLES.
THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING.
HUH.
NOBODY LIKES A SHOW WITH DINNER.
- I LOVE A SHOW WITH DINNER.
- [angry grunts]
[explosion] [children cheer]
- REMEMBER, TELL YOUR PARENTS
TO TRY HUNDUN'S NOODLE SHOP OF NOODLES.
AND REMEMBER, FIREWORKS EVERY DAY AT NOON.
AROUND 12:00.
- AH-HA.
YES, A HIDDEN SECRET.
BEAN BUNS RECIPE...
RICE VINEGAR AND HONEY.
GENIUS.
- [chews loudly]
MMM, WOW.
THESE BEAN BUNS ARE AWESOME.
DID YOU CHANGE THE RECIPE?
- NOTHING.
- WHAT?
- THERE'S NO HONEY--I MEAN,
I DIDN'T PUT VIN-- [stammering]
WHAT ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF?
- WHAT?
- OH, THAT HUNDUN HAS TO BE PLANNING SOMETHING.
HE HAS TO BE.
- MAYBE HE'S JUST RUNNING A RESTAURANT.
I MEAN, HE CERTAINLY PICKED A GOOD LOCATION.
- I KNOW, I ALMOST BOUGHT THE PLACE YEARS AGO.
BUT IT HAS A WEAK FLOOR BECAUSE OF--
[gasps] THE TUNNEL!
- THE TUNNEL?
- OH, I REMEMBER IT NOW, PO.
IT'S BUILT ON TOP OF AN OLD SERVICE TUNNEL
THAT LEADS TO THE JADE PALACE.
- THAT DOES SEEM SUSPICIOUS.
- SUSPICIOUSLY EVIL.
THAT RHINO IS GONNA ATTACK THE JADE PALACE.
- THAT'S...NOT A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS MODEL!
I'M GONNA CHECK IT OUT, DAD.
WHERE'S THIS TUNNEL?
- UNDER THE KITCHEN.
[glass shatters] - [grunts]
AGH!
[all grunting]
[all groan]
- YAH--OOF!
- OOH!
- WHOA!
- HYAH! - OOH!
- [yelps]
- PO?
WHY ARE YOU BURGLING ME?
WHY?
- DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, HUNDUN.
I KNOW ABOUT THE TUNNEL.
- THE WHAT?
- THE TUNNEL TO THE JADE PALACE.
AND I THOUGHT YOU'D GONE STRAIGHT.
- [grunts]
- HYAH!
- [groaning shakily]
- YOU HUGGED ME WITH YOUR LYING, LYING HUG!
"FRIEND" YOU SAID.
SOME KIND OF FRIEND YOU ARE.
- PO, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOUR HURTFUL WORDS STING LIKE A THOUSAND NETTLES
WRAPPED IN A BEEHIVE OF HURTFUL--
- SAVE IT, HUNDUN!
SO I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS TUNNEL?
OH, THIS IS SO VERY NOT A TUNNEL.
- THAT?
THE PREVIOUS OWNERS FILLED IT IN YEARS AGO LAST MONTH.
- OH, AND THEY DID A NICE JOB. VERY...SOLID.
HEH. SORRY I BEAT UP YOUR WAITERS.
WON'T DO THAT AGAIN. HYAH! HA!
- WHOA! PO!
PO! - OH, SORRY, SORRY.
SORRY. RE--REFLEX.
HEH. YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?
- I THOUGHT YOU TRUSTED ME.
[voice breaking] I THOUGHT WE WERE...FRIENDS.
- UH, WE ARE. I--I JUST THOUGHT--
LOOK, LOOK, I'LL MAKE THIS UP TO YOU SOMEHOW.
- JUST GO. LEAVE MY RESTAURANT.
GO, AND STAY NOT HERE. GO ELSEWHERE.
[sobbing]
GO! [crying]
- SO...I'M GONNA GO...
- GO! [sobbing]
- SO DID YOU BUST HUNDUN?
- NOPE. - WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE HE'S INNOCENT! THERE'S NO TUNNEL.
I BROKE INTO HIS PLACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND BEAT UP HIS WAITERS FOR NO GOOD REASON.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR PARANOIA, DAD.
- INNOCENT?
- YEAH. AND I REALLY HURT HIS FEELINGS.
SO I'M GONNA BRING HIM THIS FRUIT BASKET.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? TOO MANY PEARS?
- YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY PEARS.
WAIT, YOU'RE TAKING A FRUIT BASKET TO THE GUY
WHO'S TRYING TO KILL YOUR FATHER'S BUSINESS?
- HE'S NOT TRYING TO-- - GROW UP, PO!
THIS TOWN ISN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR TWO NOODLE SHOPS.
JUST LOOK AT THE BREAKFAST CROWD OUT THERE.
- WHOA. SPARSE.
- HUNDUN AND I ARE LOCKED IN A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE
FOR CUSTOMERS, AND I NEED YOUR HELP.
- ME?
- YES. I NEED YOU TO HELP PROMOTE MY SHOP.
NICE LIKENESS, HUH?
- GREAT. BUT UH... FIRST, I NEED TO GO DO--
- SON, YOU'VE GOT TO CHOOSE-- HUNDUN OR ME!
- WELL, I CHOOSE YOU, OF COURSE.
RIGHT AFTER I GIVE HUNDUN THIS FRUIT BASKET.
- PO!
- HEY, THERE. HUNDUN?
BUDDY. BUDDY?
- BAH!
- HMPH!
- YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY ESTABLISHMENT, SIR.
- AW, COME ON. AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT I WAS WRONG,
I STOPPED HITTING YOUR WAITERS.
- YES, AND IT HURT THEM.
A LOT. IT WAS HURTFUL.
- I KNOW, I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU THIS FRUIT BASKET.
- WITH PEARS?
- MAYBE TOO MANY PEARS.
- YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY PEARS.
- I KNOW I LET YOU DOWN,
BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TO SUCCEED HERE.
FORGIVE ME?
- ONLY IF YOU HELP ME GET MY RESTAURANT
OFF THE GROUND.
- UH, HELP YOU...YEAH.
WITH THE...HUH...
[sighs]
WHATEVER I CAN DO TO HELP.
- THEN I FORGIVE YOU... FRIEND.
- AWESOME! [squish]
OH...I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE PEARS.
HUNDUN'S NOODLE SHOP. HALF OFF ALL SOUPS!
[whispering] PLEASE DON'T TELL MY DAD.
- PO? PO.
- UNH!
EAT AT PING'S. IT'S PING-TASTIC!
- NICE WORK, SON. KEEP IT UP.
- EAT AT HUNDUN'S.
YOU CAN TASTE THE RHINO IN EVERY BOWL.
- PO, ONE MORE THING.
- AAA!
HUH!
- OH, I FORGOT. NEVER MIND.
OH, WAIT, I REMEMBER.
- WHY DID YOU PUT-- - [blurting gibberish]
- [gasps] APPLE CART DUCK...
- WAIT, I'M NOT-- - YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.
EXCEPT AT LUNCHTIME. HERE'S A COUPON.
WALK WITH ME, SON.
SANDWICH BOARDS ARE OLD NEWS.
I HAVE EVEN A BETTER ADVERTISING IDEA.
I DRESS VIPER AS A GIANT NOODLE.
BRILLIANT, EH, WHAT? OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
NOW, I NEED YOU TO PUT ON A GIANT HAND COSTUME
AND HOLD VIPER UP WITH GIANT CHOPSTICKS
WHILE SINGING MR. PING'S NOODLE THEME SONG.
- YOU HAVE A-- - ALSO, I NEED YOU
TO WRITE A THEME SONG.
- UH, SURE, DAD. HA.
YOU'RE MY NUMBER ONE--
- HERE'S YOUR STUPID SIGN, PO.
IT GAVE ME A SPLINTER.
- AAH!
YOUR SIGN? - I...
- OBVIOUSLY, THIS JUST MEANS THAT MY ONLY SON
HAS ABANDONED ME,
[voice breaking] AND I SHOULD GIVE UP EVERYTHING
I EVER CARED FOR.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE TO BEG HUNDUN FOR A JOB
SO I WON'T DIE PENNILESS.
- DAD, NO. WAIT!
- THEY WON'T HAVE MR. PING TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE.
[wheels squeaking]
- THAT'S THE LAST OF IT.
- UGH, THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET THAT TUNNEL CLEARED.
- [gasps]
I KNEW IT.
- CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR DISCOVERY,
WHICH SHALL BE YOUR LAST... DISCOVERY.
- I TRICKED HIM WITH LIES.
IT'S ALL NICE AND TUNNELLY NOW. SEE FOR YOURSELF.
- OH! OW!
OH, MY. THAT'S A LOT OF BOOM-BOOM.
- YES, THOSE FIREWORKS SHOWS WERE THE PERFECT COVER
TO BRING ALL THIS IN.
I WILL DESTROY THE JADE PALACE
IN A FURIOUS, BLAZING MAELSTROM
OF DESTRUCTIVE FURY AND BLAZE.
- SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS?
- ONLY THE BUSINESS OF BREATHING.
- [gulps] - LET'S GO.
- [snoring]
DAD, I HAVE THAT NOODLE SHOP THEME SONG YOU ASKED FOR.
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF MR. PING'S NOODLE SHOP *
[scatting]
- IT'S TOO LATE, PO. BECAUSE OF YOU,
THIS IS HUNDUN'S NOODLE SHOP NOW.
- DAD!
- [sinister laugh]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. [thunder]
PO, I AM YOUR FATHER.
[ground rumbling]
SEARCH YOUR HEART. KNOW IT'S TRUE.
- NOOOOO...
- [roars]
- AAH! OH--OH, MAN!
I GOTTA GO APOLOGIZE TO DAD.
[wheels squeaking]
- SO YOU USE WHITE AND BLACK PEPPER
IN YOUR HOT AND SOUR SOUP?
- AND A HINTY-HINT OF FENNEL.
- FENNEL. OH, YES. YOU'RE A GENIUS.
UH, I MEAN, YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.
- UGH. WHY DOES SOMEONE ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY THAT?
- BECAUSE YOU NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT.
- BUT THIS TIME, MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF.
[door booms open]
- IT'S NOT PROOF AGAINST THIS FOOL!
UH, WAIT, DOES THAT--
- I TOLD YOU HE WAS STILL EVIL.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I TRUSTED YOU, HUNDUN!
I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.
- COOL? AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME?
HOW COULD I BE FRIENDS WITH THE ONE WHO DID THIS?
- AW, COME ON, THE HORN THING AGAIN?
- ENOUGH! DESTROY HIM!
[grunts, groans]
[fuse sizzles]
- NO!
AAH!
[kung fu shouts, grunts]
AH.
- UNH!
- HYAH!
UNH!
[straining]
- [chuckles]
NOW, YOU JUST HAVE A NICE REST, PO,
WHILE YOUR JADE PALACE BURNS UP
IN A FLAMING FIREBALL OF BURNING FLAME
THAT'S FLAMING AND FIREBALLY.
- WAIT, RICE NOODLES-- THICK OR THIN?
- THIN IN SOUPS, THICK IN SAUCES.
PANDA, IT'S TIME TO PAN-DIE.
- PO, I CAN'T DIE NOW.
I HAVE TO REVISE MY MENU.
- I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN A GREAT SON LATELY, DAD...
BUT I WON'T LET YOU DIE.
I WON'T!
[ground rumbling]
[growls]
WA-DAH! DAH...
AA--AAH, OH, OOOOH!
- THANK YOU, PO.
IT'S JUST TOO BAD THAT NO-HORNED STINK WEASEL
GOT AWAY.
- OW! OW! OW! OW!
- [chuckles] AND THEN I SAID,
"IT'S TIME TO PAN-DIE."
PRETTY FUNNY, RIGHT? NO?
YOU DON'T--I THOUGHT IT WAS KIND OF CLEVER.
[whooshing] - HUH?
- [gasps] - HUH?
- AAH...
- [grunting]
I HATE YOU.
[explosion]
[fireworks popping, whistling]
UNH! OH...
- AAH, UNH!
- I'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY, PO! I'LL GET YOU!
[explosion]
- YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
[explosions, whistles]
- [groans]
- THIS HOT AND SOUR SOUP IS BETTER THAN EVER, MR. PING.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- GENIUS, MY FRIEND. SHEER GENIUS.
- HMM? - WHAT? HEH.
I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS MY GENIUS.