- [kung fu grunts]
- AND NOW...
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- * HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scats]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
[martial arts grunts] * KUNG FU PANDA
[scats]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scats]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS *
* AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE *
* PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' *
* SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' ALIVE
[fighting grunts]
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS SWEET!
- YOU SEE, GUYS, THE KEY TO PICKING A LOCK
IS A WILL OF IRON AND A STEADY...
AH, DARN IT, I DROPPED THE...
CAN YOU JUST-- JUST PICK IT UP.
JUST GIVE IT!
GOL, ABOUT TIME.
ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING...CLICK!
[all murmuring approval]
- I KNOW, JUST LIKE THAT, IT'S OPEN.
[grunts]
[grunting]
WELL, IF YOU'D HOLD THE LIGHT WHERE I COULD SEE--AAH!
OW! DARN IT!
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST--OOF!
- IF YOU GUYS WANT SOME NOODLES,
IT'S BEST TO STOP BY DURING BUSINESS HOURS.
- [spits]
- OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?
GARY!
- I'M JUST AT THE PART WHERE THE MILKMAID
FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE STABLE BOY.
- WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT MILKMAIDS.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU BOTCHING LOOKOUT DUTY.
LOOK!
SEE? HIM.
- 'SUP?
- DARN IT, GARY.
LOOK, THIS JOB IS TOUGH ENOUGH WITHOUT--
- TRYING TO PICK A LOCK WHEN THE KEY IS UNDER THE MAT?
- UH, HATE TO INTERRUPT-- - NO, HANG ON, GUY.
LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT, GARY? I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF YOUR KNOW-IT-ALL ATTITUDE, AND YOUR FANCY WORDS,
AND YOUR BOOK-READING... WITH YOUR EYES!
YOU'RE THE WORST CROC BANDIT EVER.
[all gasping]
- YEAH... [chuckles]
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT, SO...
- NO, NO, DON'T GO.
I WANT YOU ALL TO HEAR THIS.
- OH, YEAH? - FUNG...
I AM TIRED OF YOUR INSULTS. - OH.
- YOUR INSENSITIVITY-- - OOH.
- WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? - OH.
- AND YOUR CONSTANT MISPRONUNCIATION OF MY NAME.
- WHAT? - IT'S "GAH-RI."
- "GAH-RI"! - OH, YEAH, GAH-RI?
WELL, I THINK I HAVE A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.
- ME TOO. I QUIT. - YOU'RE FIRED.
- I QUIT. - YOU'RE FIRED.
- NO, NO, I QUIT. - YOU CAN'T QUIT,
'CAUSE YOU'RE FIRED. - I'M FIRED?
NO, YOU'RE FIRED. - NO--HOW AM I FIRED?
I'M THE LEADER.
- UM...I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND FIGHT YOU NOW.
- HUH? OH! OH, GOSH--
I'M SORRY, GUY, SURE.
EVERYONE BUT GARY... ATTACK!
OOF!
[fighting sounds]
ARGH--HUH?
- OOPS.
- WHAT?
- [kung fu grunts]
- OW!
EVERYONE BUT GARY... RETREAT!
- HEY, THANKS FOR THE-- - [sobs]
[sobbing]
- WHY DON'T WE ALL GO INSIDE FOR A--A NICE CUP OF TEA?
- I WISH I COULD.
BUT DON'T LET ME STOP YOU TWO FROM, UH, YOU KNOW...
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU CAN'T JUST STICK ME WITH A SOBBING CROCODILE.
- SORRY, DAD, I-I GOT MIDNIGHT PATROL.
IT'S IMPORTANT, YOU KNOW, I'M, UH--
- DRAGON WARRIOR, I KNOW, I KNOW.
MR. BIG PANTS ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO DO.
- THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.
UH, GOOD TO SEE YOU, GAH-RI.
- [blubbers]
- YOU TOO.
UH, BYE, DAD!
- [sighs] - [blubbering]
- [scats]
TWO, THREE... [scatting]
DAD! DAD--
GAH-RI?
DAD, WHAT'S GAH-RI DOING BACK HERE?
- BACK? HE NEVER LEFT.
- YOU CAN BE HONEST, DESPITE MY OBVIOUSLY FRAGILE STATE.
- YOU'RE LETTING HIM MAKE SOUP?
IN YOUR KITCHEN?
WITH YOUR GOOD LADLE?
YOU NEVER EVEN LET ME TOUCH IT.
- [gulps]
IT'S FANTASTIC.
YOU'RE A NATURAL, GAH-RI. A NATURAL.
HE HAS BROTH IN HIS BLOOD, NOODLES IN HIS SOUL.
- I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
HIT ME.
[slurps]
MMM...MMM!
[satisfied moans]
[moaning]
[moaning continues]
[sighs]
NEEDS SALT.
- OH, GOOD TIP.
I'M ALWAYS UP FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
NOT LIKE THE ABUSE I TOOK FROM FUNG.
[sniffles]
- IT'S OKAY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A BREAK [chuckles],
AND GO WAIT ON SOME TABLES?
- THANKS, MR. PING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU.
- OH, GAH-RI.
- DAD, WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM HANG OUT WITH YOU?
HE'S A CROC BANDIT.
- WAS. ONCE UPON A TIME.
- ONCE UPON A TIME YESTERDAY!
NOW YOU'RE LETTING HIM TOUCH YOUR LADLE.
- GAH-RI IS A CHANGED CROC, PO.
AND YOU SEEMED FINE ENOUGH TO LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH HIM LAST NIGHT SO YOU COULD GO OFF DRAGON WARRIORING.
- OH, WELL, HE WAS UPSET,
SO I-I DIDN'T THINK THAT HE WAS...FINE.
BUT DON'T THINK I WON'T BE KEEPING MY EYE ON HIM,
'CAUSE I WILL. BOTH OF 'EM.
AFTER I HAVE A LITTLE--OW!
- [sips]
- I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR MEAL.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING,
ANYTHING AT ALL, I CAN GET YOU TWO LOVELY LADIES.
- [giggles]
WELL, COULD YOU RECOMMEND A DESSERT?
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT'S AWESOME IS THE--
- I WAS TALKING TO GAH-RI.
- OH. SORRY.
- I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE COCONUT BALLS.
- OH, BUT MY WAISTLINE.
- MRS. YOON, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD,
YOU LOOK SVELTELY RAVISHING.
I'LL BRING YOU TWO ORDERS.
IT'LL JUST BE BETWEEN US.
- [giggles] OH, YOU.
- THAT'S THE MOST EXPENSIVE ITEM ON THE MENU,
AND HE'S ALREADY SOLD FIVE TODAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER GOT ALONG WITHOUT HIM.
- GREAT.
[gasps] DAD! DAD!
- WHAT, PO? WHAT'S WRONG?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?
- OH, GAH-RI DID A LITTLE REARRANGING
WHEN HE MOVED IN. [chuckles]
I THINK IT LOOKS BETTER.
HAS A NICE FLOW.
- GAH-RI MOVED INTO MY ROOM?
- UH, SON, YOU LIVE AT THE JADE PALACE NOW.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD MIND--
- WHERE ARE MY ACTION FIGURES?
WOW.
GUY CAN REALLY WRAP.
AND FOLD.
AND BRAID.
WELL, THIS IS FINE. I GUESS.
- GAH-RI'S REALLY TURNED HIS LIFE AROUND.
- YEAH, HE HASN'T STOLEN ANYTHING
IN A WHOLE WEEK.
REAL IMPRESSIVE.
- I'M GLAD YOU LIKE GAH-RI TOO, PO...
BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU.
I'M ADOPTING HIM.
- AAH!
- [sings]
- DAD?
DAD!
- [warbles]
- DAD, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?
- UH, PO, WE'LL HAVE TO DO IT LATER.
SINCE YOUR NEW BROTHER GOT HERE,
I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE NEW CUSTOMERS.
- HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THESE...DAD.
- OH, PO, YOU KNOW THAT I--
- SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT IF WE DON'T CLEAR THESE TABLES,
WE'LL NEVER BE READY FOR THE DINNER RUSH.
- HE'S SUCH A HARD WORKER.
- OKAY, LISTEN UP, GUYS.
THAT INGRATE GARY IS GONE,
SO I'M GONNA NEED A NEW SECOND-IN-COMMAND.
THAT'S THE NUMBER-TWO GUY.
ALL RIGHT? SO HERE'S WHAT--
- UM...WHAT'S AN INGRATE?
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE... UM, OKAY...
IT'S LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S UNGRATEFUL.
ALL RIGHT? THERE YOU GO.
SO WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR IN THE--
- WOULDN'T THAT BE AN UN-GRATE?
- ANYWAYS.
I'VE, LIKE, DESIGNED SOME SCENARIOS
TO TEST YOU GUYS' REACTIONS UNDER PRESSURE,
SO...
SCENARIO!
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE COMING OUT OF A STORE.
YOU JUST ROBBED IT, RIGHT?
WHEN YOU SEE TWO FIGURES IN THE MOONLIGHT.
WHO DO YOU ATTACK?
OKAY, YOU ONLY HAVE A SPLIT-SECOND--
- AAH!
- QUIT IT! KNOCK IT OFF!
OW!
GAH! DARN IT, GUYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST FORGET IT.
JUST TAKE FIVE.
- YOU WANT US TO PUNCH YOU FIVE MORE TIMES?
- OOH. COME HERE.
- WHAT?
- JUST...HAND ME THAT.
- YOU WANT THE HELMET.
- YES. THANKS.
- HERE YOU GO.
- NO, I DON'T MEAN HIT ME FIVE MORE TIMES!
I MEAN TAKE A BREAK! GOL!
OW! - OW!
- PO?
[both grunting]
[both growling]
- [sighs]
[both groaning]
- CALL IT A DRAW?
- DRAW.
- SO...
MISSING YOUR BUDDY?
- NO.
IN FACT, I'M FINDING A REPLACEMENT FOR HIM RIGHT NOW.
- REALLY? HOW'S THAT GOING?
[metal crashing] - GET IT OFF ME!
GET IT OFF ME!
- AW, WHO AM I KIDDING? GAH-RI WAS THE BEST.
HE WAS MY NUMBER-TWO.
I JUST LET HIM WALK AWAY, JUST WALK AWAY.
HE WAS, LIKE, THE BEST BANDIT EVER.
[laughs]
I REMEMBER THIS ONE TIME WHEN THIS THING HAPPENED.
HA, THAT WAS GREAT.
AND THIS OTHER ONE TIME,
THERE WAS THIS WHOLE OTHER THING.
[laughs] OH, MAN.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE THAT ONE DOWN.
WHOO! HA, HA...
- YOU KNOW I CAN'T SEE
WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD, RIGHT?
- DO I--DUH!
OF COURSE I KNOW THAT. [snorts] GAH!
LIKE, WHO WOULDN'T KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
LIKE, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
EVEN BABIES KNOW THAT.
OH, WHAT'S IT MATTER NOW?
GAH-RI'S PROBABLY ALREADY GOT A NEW GANG.
IT'S ALL AWESOME AND STUFF,
AND, LIKE, THEY'RE TOTALLY DOING EVERYTHING.
- ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST WORKING FOR MY DAD
AT THE NOODLE SHOP.
- YOU DON'T MEAN... - YEAH.
HE'S EARNING AN HONEST LIVING.
AND WHAT'S WORSE? MY DAD...
WANTS TO ADOPT HIM.
- WHAT?
I-I JUST-- I THINK--OH...
- YOU, UH, OKAY OVER THERE?
[sniffles]
- UH, NO PROBLEM.
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, UH...EYE SWEAT, YOU KNOW?
- RIGHT. YEAH, TOTALLY. [sniffling]
- PROBABLY WON'T BE LONG BEFORE THEY BOTH FORGET US.
- [sighs] YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
- YEAH!
WHAT?
- SOMETHING THAT IS CLEVER, INCREDIBLY WELL THOUGHT OUT,
AND SUPER BRILLIANT!
- OH. - YEAH.
- [hums]
- NOW REMEMBER, FUNG. ONCE THEY--
- [groans]
- ONCE DAD AND GAH-RI SEE THAT WE'VE REPLACED THEM
WITH YOU AND ME, THEY'LL GET JEALOUS
AND COME RUNNING BACK TO US.
OH, MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE--
OH, HERE THEY COME.
[guffaws]
STOP IT! OH, STOP IT!
I CAN'T TAKE IT! OH, DAD...
HA, DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
MY BEST BUDDY FUNG WAS TELLING ME A DELICIOUSLY RIBALD STORY
ABOUT...UH...
STUFF.
- YEAH.
WE'RE, UM-- WE'RE FRIENDS.
- [sighs] MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
- UH, YEAH, TWO BOWLS OF YOUR FINEST NOODLE SOUP.
NOTHING'S TOO GOOD FOR MY INSEPARABLE PAL FUNG.
- MM...
HMM.
- DID YOU SEE THEIR FACES?
I-- [gasps, laughs]
A BADGER?
[laughing] OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME, FUNG.
KILL. ING. ME.
- [slurps]
MMM, THIS IS...WOW.
THIS IS REALLY GOOD.
DID YOU MAKE THIS?
- YES.
DO YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
- OH, YEAH. THE NOODLES ARE SO TENDER.
WHAT IS THIS, LIKE, SOO...SOO-SOO...
"SOO-ZECHOO-WAN" STYLE?
- [chuckles] IT'S PRONOUNCED "SZECHUAN."
- WHAT?
OH, SO NOW I'M, LIKE, STUPID?
HUH? HUH?
HUH? - UH, YEAH.
IF THE TINY, UNCULTURED BRAIN FITS,
LIKE, WEAR IT.
- [grunts]
[screams]
- OW!
- YAH!
OW!
- OW!
[fighting grunts]
- UH...EASY, FELLAS, I, UH--
- UGH!
- [grunts]
- OOF!
- YAH!
HEY, OW!
LOSER...GUY.
- DON'T BE MAD AT FUNG, DAD.
- I'M NOT.
I'M MAD AT YOU FOR BRINGING HIM HERE
AND UPSETTING GAH-RI.
OH... NOW GET OUT.
OUT!
THERE, THERE...
REMEMBER WHAT THEY SAID IN MEDITATION CLASS.
BREATHE.
- [sniffles]
[wood creaking]
- AAH!
OW!
DARN IT.
- FUNG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I GOT ANOTHER IDEA HOW TO GET ME BACK GAH-RI,
AND YOU BACK YOUR DAD.
- REALLY? WHAT IS IT?
WHAT IS IT?
- WAIT, IS IT ILLEGAL?
'CAUSE THEN YOU SHOULDN'T TELL ME.
- JUST COME WITH ME, OKAY, GUY?
- AAH!
- AW...
ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, GUY.
KEEP A LOOK OUT.
- FINE, JUST HURRY.
- GAH.
OH!
[chuckles]
OOF!
- HOW'D IT GO?
- NO PROBLEM.
[snickers]
BY MORNING, GARY WILL BE BACK ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE LAW.
- WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?
- I-I HAVE NO IDEA.
- THAT'S THE THIEF, OFFICER. HA!
- SO YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
AND THE PORCELAIN VASE OF HONGWU
JUST MAGICALLY APPEARED AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
HA, HA. DO YOU THINK I'M A FOOL?
- SIR, I--
DAD, I, UH...
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
I TOOK IT.
- WHAT?
- DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU DIDN'T STEAL THE VASE.
FUNG AND I-- - CLAM IT, DOUGH BOY.
[spits]
NOW SLAM ME IN THE CLINKER.
- DAD, STOP IT.
WE PLANTED THE VASE THERE TO TRY TO FRAME GAH-RI.
- [gasps]
- NO POINT TRYING TO COVER FOR YOUR FATHER, DRAGON WARRIOR.
- BUT IT'S THE TRUTH! - COME ALONG, MR. PING.
IT'S CHOR GHOM PRISON FOR YOU.
- OH, SON. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THE NOODLE SHOP
WHILE I'M GONE.
- BUT...DAD.
- I WAS TALKING TO GAH-RI.
- HOW COULD YOU?
- WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK. SEE YA, GUY.
OOF!
- WELL, WE GOT HIM INTO THIS MESS,
AND WE'RE GONNA GET HIM OUT OF IT.
- YEAH. WE--WE CAN GET HIM OUT OF THERE.
THAT'S...TOTALLY COOL.
- THAT'S RIGHT, I'M BAD.
DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME.
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'VE COME FOR MY DAD. HE DIDN'T STEAL THAT VASE.
- BEAT IT OR I'LL OPEN UP A STEAMING WOK OF WHOOP-BUTT
ON BOTH OF YOU.
- DAD, OKAY, OKAY.
I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG.
I MESSED UP.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO REPLACE ME.
- WHAT?
OF COURSE I WASN'T.
PO...
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY SON.
- THANKS, DAD.
SO...
- TAKE ME AWAY, FLAT FOOT.
- WHAT? ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO GO TO PRISON
JUST TO TEACH ME A LESSON?
- YES.
- DRAGON WARRIOR, I ORDER YOU TO STEP ASIDE IMMEDIATELY.
- NOT WITHOUT MY FATHER.
- THAT MAKES YOU A CRIMINAL AS WELL.
DETAIN THEM!
- AAH!
[fighting sounds]
AAH!
- YAH!
AAH!
OW!
- [grunting]
SORRY, I--OOF!
GAH!
AAH!
- OOF!
- GAH!
- STOP!
all: HUH?
[all grunting]
- AAH!
- GAH, HE SAID STOP!
- MAY I SEE THAT VASE A MOMENT?
UH-HUH. YEAH.
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
THIS VASE IS A FAKE.
THESE MARKINGS WERE MADE WITH A LOKI QI CHI TOOL,
WHICH HADN'T BEEN INVENTED
WHEN THE REAL PORCELAIN VASE OF HONGWU WAS CREATED.
- OOH, UH, YES, OF COURSE. HA, HA, I-I SEE YOUR POINT.
I SHOULD'VE CAUGHT THAT MYSELF.
WELL, UH, SINCE NO CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED...
RELEASE HIM.
MY APOLOGIES, MR. PING.
- DIRTY SCREW.
- COME, GENTS, WE MUST AWAY.
- THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, MR. PING, BUT...
I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD BE MOVING ON.
I'VE GOT SOME THINGS TO SORT OUT.
- OH, OKAY, GAH-RI.
BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE A ROOM AT THE NOODLE SHOP.
UH, UH, PROVIDED PO'S NOT USING IT, OF COURSE.
- SO...UM...
ANY IDEA WHERE YOU'RE HEADED?
I MEAN, I COULD FORWARD YOUR MAIL AND STUFF.
- WELL...
- IT'S TOO BAD THAT VASE ISN'T REAL, RIGHT?
[chuckles] WE COULD'VE MADE A FORTUNE.
- IT IS REAL. - WHAT?
BUT YOU SAID-- - FUNG.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A LOKI QI CHI TOOL.
I MADE IT UP.
ONCE A BANDIT, ALWAYS A BANDIT.
- DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE COMING BACK?
- IF YOU'LL HAVE ME.
AND YOU PROMISE TO WORK ON YOUR TEMPER.
- WHAT TEMPER? GAH!
OH, THAT.
YEAH. OKAY.
- SHALL WE? - AFTER YOU.
- OOF! [porcelain shattering]
- GAH-RI!