- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW,
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[soft music]
*
[muffled banging]
- AQUEDUCT, HA!
NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT, I SAY.
[shovel plops] - WHAT?
THIS THING'S GONNA SUPPLY WATER TO THE ENTIRE VALLEY.
JUST THINK OF IT.
NO MORE WALKING TO THE WELL.
- YEAH, BUT WHY DO THEY HAVE TO RUN IT
THROUGH THESE MU TONG FIELDS?
THIS STUFF IS TOXIC.
- ONLY IF YOU INGEST IT.
JUST RELAX.
WHY ARE YOU SO JUMPY?
- SERIOUSLY? YOU'VE HEARD THE RUMORS.
- WHAT, ABOUT SOME KILLER SNAKE?
PLEASE. YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR.
[shovel bangs]
- I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE OF THAT.
BOW DOWN, "CUR-SED" TWO-LEGGERS.
BOW DOWN BEFORE LORD FU-XI.
- [gasps] TOO--TOO SCARED...TO BOW.
- SUCH A PITY FOR YOU.
[grunts savagely]
- HURRY UP, SLOWPOKES!
WE'RE LATE FOR THE AQUEDUCT FESTIVAL!
- ANOTHER FESTIVAL?
DON'T THESE VILLAGERS EVER WORK?
- LIGHTEN UP, TIGRESS.
IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- SURE, IF YOU'RE SOME LAZY NO-ACCOUNT SLACKER.
- AQUEDUCT! [laughs giddily]
WHOA!
[bodies hit ground] all: OH!
- SORRY, GUYS.
[grunts] I GOT SWEPT AWAY WITH AQUEDUCT FEVER.
- DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT AN AQUEDUCT IS?
- COULD YOU REPEAT THE, UH, QUESTION?
- LET'S JUST GO TO THE FESTIVAL.
- [screams]
[body hits ground]
- I MAY NEED A SHOWER FIRST.
[overlapping chattering]
[silence]
- HEY, EVERY--
BODY.
- [gasps shakily] OOH!
[tense music]
- WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT US?
- I THINK THEY'RE STARING AT VIPER.
- [grunts, whimpers]
[gasps]
- ARE YOU OKAY?
- I'M SO SORRY.
WITH THE STORIES WE'VE BEEN HEARING,
I GUESS WE'RE ALL A LITTLE WARY OF SNAKES.
- WHAT? WHAT STORIES?
- THERE'S AN EVIL MONSTER LURKING IN THE FOREST!
A SCARY SNAKE.
JUST LIKE YOU!
- HANG ON A SECOND.
THIS IS CRAZY.
VIPER'S A GREAT WARRIOR.
A MASTER OF THE JADE PALACE.
AND ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. - [whimpering shakily]
- PO, IT'S OKAY.
- NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT OKAY.
DON'T BE SCARED, LITTLE BUDDY.
I FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT VIPER UNTIL I GOT TO KNOW HER.
- YEAH!
WHAT?
- BUT NOW I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HER!
THE SCALES, FANGS,
HER SINISTER FORKED TONGUE.
THAT CREEPY SLITHERING THING SHE DOES.
- [whines loudly]
- I THINK I'M WINNING HIM OVER. - HMM.
- THIS IS MASTER VIPER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOU'RE ALL ACTING LIKE FOOLS.
- YEAH, THAT'S HOW YOU WIN 'EM OVER.
- COME ON, FOLKS!
THERE'S NO PROOF THAT ANY SNAKE HAS DONE ANYTHING TO ANYONE.
- SNAKE!
HE'S AFTER ME! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
NO! NO! HE'S EVERYWHERE!
[yelling and whimpering]
- CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! WHAT'S WRONG?
- [yelps]
- IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE SAFE NOW.
[dramatic musical surge]
- FU-XI. FU-XI!
[groans hysterically]
- FU-XI?
- SO THE EVIL SNAKE'S NAME IS FU-XI?
- SOUNDS LIKE HE'S
SOME SNEAKY, SLIMY, BELLY-CRAWLING SNAKE.
- I THINK WE'VE COVERED THAT, PO.
- WHOEVER FU-XI IS,
HE MUST BE CONSIDERED A GRAVE MENACE.
- NO! LORD FU-XI IS NOT A MENACE!
- WHAT?
- HOLD ON, I'LL FIELD THIS ONE.
WHAT?
- YOU--
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- [growls]
- LORD FU-XI IS A DESCENDENT OF THE DRAGON GODS.
HE'S STRONG, FAST AS LIGHTNING.
AT FIRST, HE BRAVELY FOUGHT TO DEFEND CHINA.
HIS VENOM FILLS HIS VICTIMS WITH A MIND-NUMBING FEAR.
HIS TERRIFIED ENEMY WOULD SIMPLY FLEE,
AND HE HARMED NO ONE.
BUT THERE WERE THOSE THAT FEARED HIS POWER.
[indistinct shouts]
FU-XI AND HIS FAMILY WERE PERSECUTED.
ENRAGED, HE TURNED RENEGADE,
SWEARING VENGEANCE AGAINST HIS TWO-LEGGED OPPRESSORS.
BUT EVEN NOW,
EVERY SNAKE IN CHINA STILL REGARDS HIM AS A HERO.
- BUT YOU SAW WHAT HE DID TO THAT WORKER.
YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY THINK HE'S A HERO.
- I'M A SNAKE, AREN'T I?
- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER SNAKES.
YOU'RE, YOU KNOW, NICE.
- AND OTHER SNAKES AREN'T?
- YES. NO. TRICK QUESTION!
- ATTITUDES LIKE THAT
ARE THE REASON FU-XI TURNED RENEGADE.
- VIPER, ENOUGH.
WE'VE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER IF WE'RE GONNA TAKE FU-XI DOWN.
- I'M SORRY, MASTER. I--
I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT.
- WHAT? - YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
- VIPER, YOU KNOW THIS ENEMY.
WE NEED YOU.
- I WON'T FIGHT AGAINST MY OWN KIND.
I WON'T!
- MASTER VIPER.
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU PRIVATELY.
- YES, SIR.
- [sighs]
WHY'D VIPER GET SO MAD AT ME?
- UH, LET'S SEE.
ONE, SHE'S UPSET
ALL THE VILLAGERS TURNED AGAINST HER.
AND, TWO, YOU WERE EXTREMELY UNCOOL, MAN.
- WHOA!
WAA! - YEAH, PO.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SNAKES,
THEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH VIPER.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE!
I LOVE VIPER!
SHE'S KIND, AND GENEROUS, AND GOOD.
BUT IT IS KIND OF GROSS WHEN SHE UNHINGES HER JAWS AT LUNCH.
[birds chirping]
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M A CLOSET SNAKE-A-PHOBE.
GAH! I DISGUST ME.
- EVERYONE, VIPER HAS SOMETHING SHE'D LIKE TO SAY.
- I MAY BE A SNAKE,
BUT MY FIRST DUTY IS TO THE JADE PALACE.
I'LL DO WHAT I CAN TO STOP FU-XI.
- VIPER, I'M SORRY.
I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
- IT'S OKAY, PO.
[softly] FORGET IT.
- BECAUSE OF HER EXPERTISE,
I'M SENDING VIPER TO INVESTIGATE THE SCENE OF THE ATTACK.
PO, YOU ARE GOING WITH HER.
- RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY, MASTER SHIFU.
WE'LL CATCH THAT SNAKY, SCALY--
I MEAN SERPENT-Y, SLITHERING, UH, FORKY-TONGUE--
AAH!
[birds chirping]
- JUST GO.
[light music]
[water rushing]
- EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.
HAVE YOU SEEN A VERY LARGE, VERY LETHAL SNAKE
IN THIS AREA?
- [gasps] SNAKE!
[overlapping screaming]
- [softly] THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION.
- THEY THINK I'M A BAD GUY JUST BECAUSE I'M A SNAKE.
- [sighs] THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW THE REAL YOU.
THEY CAN'T SEE PAST THE SKIN SHEDDING
AND THE LEG-LESS-NESS.
WHICH I LOVE.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP.
- WOULDN'T IT BE SAFER TO STAY TOGETHER?
- NOT FOR YOU.
[shimmer] - VIPER, I--
[groans]
- DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M HELPING THESE PETTY JERKS.
- [rattles]
- THAT'S AS FAR AS YOU GO, SNAKE!
- WAIT, I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
- YOU DON'T FOOL US.
- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
- IEE!
[both grunting] - [groans]
- [grunts] - OOH.
OOH. [grunting]
- [screams savagely]
- YAH!
MISERABLE TWO-LEGGERS.
NO ONE HARMS A SERPENT WHILE I LIVE.
[all scream savagely] - [hisses]
[grunting, punching]
- [inhaling] - LORD FU-XI!
- [screams]
- YOU--YOU SAVED ME.
- DID I?
- [inhales] - [gasps]
- [grunts]
- [screams goofily]
[bangs into cart]
- LORD FU-XI, WAIT!
YOU SAVED ME.
TWICE.
THANK YOU.
- I'D DO THE SAME FOR ANY SERPENT, LITTLE SISTER.
EVEN THE GREAT MASTER VIPER OF THE JADE PALACE.
- YOU--YOU KNOW ME?
- WE ALL KNOW YOU. YOU'RE A SERPENT.
YET YOU FIGHT FOR THE TWO-LEGGERS.
WHY? - THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
WE--WE PROTECT THE VALLEY.
- I PROTECT THE VALLEY AS WELL,
FROM YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDS.
WELL, VIPER, ARE YOU HERE TO DEFEAT ME,
DO THE TWO-LEGGERS BIDDING, AND LOCK ME UP?
- I-I WAS.
BUT I CAN'T.
YOU ARE A GREAT HERO.
THE OTHERS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- LARGE, SCARY SNAKE?
COILS OF DEATH?
KINDA FANGY? ANYONE? NO? - [screaming]
- SIR, PLEASE, I'M CONDUCTING A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION.
- S-S-SNAKE!
BACK THERE! - HUH?
OH, THAT'S JUST MY PAL VIPER.
SHE'S TOTALLY COOL.
BUT DO NOT EAT LUNCH WITH HER.
[shudders] - BUT THERE'S TWO OF THEM!
[overlapping shouting]
- TWO?
[gasps] VIPER!
- I'M FLATTERED YOU THINK SO HIGHLY OF ME,
LITTLE SISTER.
BUT I WARN YOU,
I'M ABOUT TO STRIKE A GREAT BLOW FOR SERPENTS EVERYWHERE.
YOU AND YOUR JADE PALACE FRIENDS
HAD BETTER STAY OUT OF MY WAY.
- LORD FU-XI, WAIT.
MAYBE I CAN...
MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.
- [dramatically] REALLY?
- VIPER! HAH!
- WAIT!
- FOR WHAT?
HE'S EVIL.
[grunting]
AAH! NOT THAT ALL SNAKES ARE EVIL.
- [hisses]
- WA-HAH!
I'M SURE HE HAS MANY GOOD QUALITIES.
[chuckles]
- PERISH, FOOL!
[grunts]
[both grunting, punching]
- FEEL FREE TO HELP ANYTIME. - [hisses]
- PO, STOP!
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, VIPER.
THIS GUY'S TOUGH, BUT NOT TOUGH ENOUGH
TO FIGHT THE PARALYZING SHOULDER PINCH!
COURSE, MIGHT BE TOUGH,
WHAT WITH THE LACK OF SHOULDERS AND--GAH!
[both grunting]
[punches]
[cracking]
- HA-HA!
SORRY, PAL, YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF.
- NO!
- [grunting]
[panting]
- COME ON!
- VIPER?
- YOU SAVED ME BACK THERE.
THANK YOU, LITTLE SISTER.
- YOU'RE...
YOU'RE WELCOME, LORD FU-XI.
- YOUR FORMER FRIENDS WON'T BE HAPPY
ABOUT YOUR BETRAYAL, YOU KNOW.
- I DID WHAT I FELT WAS RIGHT.
AND I'M NOT SURE THEY EVER WERE MY FRIENDS.
I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO FIT IN,
BUT I WAS ALWAYS...
DIFFERENT.
- YES, AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAT DIFFERENCE.
YOU'RE A SNAKE.
NOW, ACT LIKE ONE!
- I'M NOT SURE I KNOW HOW ANYMORE.
- FOR STARTERS,
STOP BEING SO...
NICE.
- SNAKES CAN BE NICE.
- NO, THEY CAN'T!
SNAKES MUST INSPIRE FEAR.
THAT'S HOW WE SURVIVE.
GO AHEAD, TRY AND FRIGHTEN ME.
- WAAAH! WAH! BOO!
YAH! OOH!
GAH!
- OH, THAT'S, UH, THAT'S PRETTY BAD.
BUT...
YOU HAVE POTENTIAL.
[darkly] IF YOU'RE WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES.
[dramatic musical surge]
- [panting]
VIPER!
WHERE ARE YOU?
THAT CREEPY COBRA MUST HAVE BRAINWASHED HER.
AND MY STUPID COMMENTS PROBABLY DIDN'T HELP.
DUMB! DUMB! DUMB!
HUH?
- SO, ARE YOU READY TO HELP ME?
- I AM.
- READY TO RESTORE JUSTICE, PEACE, AND FREEDOM
THROUGHOUT THE LAND
FOR SNAKES EVERYWHERE?
- YES!
HOW DO WE DO IT?
- BY DRIVING EVERY TWO-LEGGER IN THE VALLEY MAD.
- I--HUH?
- MY BITE INSTILLS TERROR.
BUT IT WEARS OFF EVENTUALLY.
BUT IF I MIX THAT VENOM WITH MU TONG ROOT,
THEN THE EFFECT BECOMES PERMANENT.
MADNESS WILL REIGN THROUGHOUT THE TWO-LEGGERS.
[shouting] IN THE CHAOS...
[darkly] WE SHALL SEIZE THE POWER
THAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS.
- BUT--BUT HOW COULD YOU HAVE ENOUGH VENOM FOR THAT?
- I HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH HIDDEN AWAY
IN A SECRET LOCATION,
AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME DELIVER IT
INTO THE VALLEY'S WATER SUPPLY.
- BUT...
- YOU'D PREFER TO GO BACK TO THE TWO-LEGGERS,
WITH THEIR HATE AND FEAR
AND JOKES AT YOUR EXPENSE?
- [sighs]
- VIPER? WHERE ARE YOU?
- IT'S TIME TO DECIDE, LITTLE SISTER.
ARE YOU A SNAKE...
OR AREN'T YOU?
- VIPER!
OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE DUMB THINGS I SAID.
- PO.
- LOOK, YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THAT SCALY LOSER.
YOU'RE ONE OF US.
NOW LET'S CATCH THAT CREEPY COBRA
AND LOCK HIM UP FOR GOOD.
VIPER?
[screams]
VIPER! YOU...
BIT ME.
[groans]
- [giggling] WELCOME BACK TO THE FAMILY...
LITTLE SISTER.
- [groans] - [evil laugh]
THAT WAS COLD! RUTHLESS!
I LOVE IT!
- [grunts] - NOTHING CLEVER TO SAY NOW, PO?
NO STUPID SNAKE JOKE?
- [groans]
- [chuckling] OH, YOU ARE BAD.
I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU, LITTLE SISTER.
- YOU LOSE, PANDA. WE WIN.
- VERY EXCITING, FOLKS.
WE'RE MINUTES AWAY FROM OPENING THE SLUICE GATE.
WATER FOR EVERYONE!
[cheers and applause]
[tense music]
*
- NO SIGN OF FU-XI.
- PERHAPS PO AND VIPER HAVE ALREADY CAUGHT UP TO HIM.
- WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T?
- YOU'RE NOT A "TEA CUP'S HALF FULL" KIND OF GUY,
ARE YOU?
- OH, THEY'RE SO PROUD
OF THIS THING THEY'VE BUILT.
BUT ONE DRINK FROM THEIR NEW WATER SUPPLY
AND THE ENTIRE VALLEY WILL BELONG TO THE SERPENTS!
- POISON THE WATER SUPPLY?
AND YOU'RE GONNA LET HIM?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
AAH! [grunts]
[clank]
- HERE IT IS--
MY FEAR TOXIN.
[lid clanks]
NOW TO ADD THE MU TONG ROOT.
- NO!
- YAH!
- [screams, groans]
- WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!
FINISH HIM! - HUH?
- I WARNED YOU, PO.
- VIPER, THIS ISN'T YOU!
- YOU'VE HAD THIS COMING FOR A LONG TIME NOW.
- YAH!
- HUH?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- SORRY, FU-XI.
YOUR REIGN OF TERROR ENDS NOW.
- VIPER! HA! I KNEW IT!
YOU'RE NOT ALL EVIL AND NASTY.
- SHIFU SENT ME TO UNCOVER FU-XI'S PLAN.
I HAD TO FIND THE HIDDEN VENOM BEFORE I COULD MAKE MY MOVE.
- BUT YOU BIT HIM.
I SAW YOU.
- PARALYZING SHOULDER PINCH.
I'D NEVER BITE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.
- TRAITOR!
- PO!
- GYAH!
[creaking]
[grunting fiercely]
[both grunt]
- [screams]
HA!
[gasps] OH.
- I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU BETRAYED ME!
- OH, DARN.
[tree trunk creaks, cracks]
[all screaming]
[both grunting]
- AHH!
WAH!
- DON'T LET THE VENOM SPILL IN THE WATER!
[both grunting]
- [roars] - OOH!
[grunting]
- [chuckles]
- [chomps] - AAH!
[grunts] - AAH!
- [grunts] - WAAH!
WOAH.
[yells]
HEY!
- NYAH!
- PO! - [screams]
[gasps] - THE VENOM!
[burbling]
- [screams]
- PO!
[grunts] AAH!
- [grunts savagely] [tail whips]
[evil laugh]
- CUPS READY, FOLKS.
WHEN THE WATER COMES THROUGH,
LET'S TAKE A BIG DRINK TO CELEBRATE.
[all cheering]
- [grunts]
- NO! CAN'T LET THE WATER REACH THE VILLAGE!
[both grunting]
- [grunting] [log creaking]
- YOU'RE MINE.
- OH! COME ON! COME ON! [log crackling]
[grunts]
[both screaming]
[water rushes]
- LET THE WATER FLOW!
[all cheering]
[disappointed groans]
- FU-XI MUST HAVE WRECKED THE AQUEDUCT.
- I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.
- [groans]
WHAT HAPPENED?
MY HEAD WENT ALL LOOPY. [laughs]
VIPER!
VIPER?
VIPER!
[gasps]
VIPER!
[grunts]
VIPER, SPEAK TO ME.
PLEASE.
- [weakly] I-I'M SORRY I HAD TO TRICK YOU, PO.
IT WAS THE ONLY WAY.
- BUT YOU SAVED EVERYONE.
DON'T KNOW ABOUT FU-XI, THOUGH.
OH!
- I WOULD HAVE SHARED MY KINGDOM WITH YOU.
- HURTING OTHERS
DOESN'T FIX THE HURT THAT'S BEEN DONE TO YOU.
FORGET YOUR HATE.
BE THE HERO YOU ONCE WERE.
- HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE THE TWO-LEGGERS OVER ME?
ESPECIALLY THAT...PANDA.
HE HATES ALL SNAKES.
- WHA-HA!
NOT REALLY. JUST YOU.
VIPER! - YAH!
- HUH?
- YAH! - [screaming]
OOH!
[babbles]
[body hits ground]
[light music]
*
- NICE WORK, MASTER VIPER.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KEEP ME IN THE DARK.
IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD HAVE SAID THE WRONG THING
AND BLOWN IT AND-- YEAH, I GUESS I SEE YOUR POINT.
- LOOK! IT'S VIPER!
- SHE SAVED EVERYONE FROM THAT TERRIBLE COBRA!
[all cheering]
- I LOVE YOU, VIPER.
- OH, I LOVE YOU TOO.
- I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH A JERK, VIPER.
BUT I HOPE NOW YOU REALIZE
JUST HOW MUCH EVERYONE CARES FOR YOU.
- I DO.
I JUST FEEL BADLY FOR FU-XI.
HE WAS A GREAT AND NOBLE SOUL ONCE.
- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT SNAKES.
[silence]
UH...THEY'RE FANTASTIC.
AM I RIGHT? GIVE IT UP.
[screams]
I HAD THAT COMING.
[groans]