- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[traditional Asian music]
*
- [grunting]
- HELP! HEY, THAT'S MY STUFF!
HE'S GETTING AWAY!
both: HUH?
- HEY, GUYS.
NICE DAY FOR SOME BUTT KICK-AGE, NO?
[shouts]
[both groaning]
- [yells]
YOU SMELL THAT?
- [sniffing]
OH, YEAH.
IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY'S THROWING A DELICIOUS NOSE PARTY.
- IT'S COMING FROM OVER THERE.
- DAD'S NOODLE SHOP. LET'S GO.
- THAT WAS ODD.
- THREE LUNCH SPECIALS, NICE AND HOT.
[all slurping]
- DELICIOUS.
- THIS IS THE BEST SOUP I EVER HAD.
- DAD, THIS NEW SOUP IS AMAZING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING DIFFERENTLY?
- I FORGOT TO CLEAN OUT MY SOUP POT,
SO ALL THE OLD FLAVORS ARE BUBBLING UP
WITH THE NEW ONES.
OH, BOY, I'M GOING TO SAVE A FORTUNE ON DISH SOAP.
- EW. DAD, THAT'S KIND OF GROSS--
BUT DELICIOUS.
THIS SOUP IS YUM-SATIONAL, RIGHT, GUYS?
both: MM-HMM.
[all slurping]
- PO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, EATING WITH ROBBERS?
- [slurping]
BAD.
- UGH. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[both shouting]
YOU GUYS ARE GOING DOWN.
- BACK OFF.
NO ONE MESSES WITH MY PAYING CUSTOMERS.
YOU ARE MY PAYING CUSTOMERS, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- NOT WITH STOLEN GOODS, YOU'RE NOT.
- OKAY, FINE.
I'D PAY ANYTHING TO EAT THIS AMAZING SOUP,
ESPECIALLY WITH WHAT WE'VE BEEN EATING LATELY.
- ABSOLUTELY.
I PROMISE WE'LL NEVER STEAL AGAIN
IF YOU JUST DON'T TAKE OUR SOUP AWAY.
PLEASE.
- GUYS, I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA.
IF THESE GUYS ARE WILLING TO GO STRAIGHT
FOR MY DAD'S IRRESISTIBLE SOUP,
WHAT IF WE GOT OTHER CROOKS TO DO THE SAME?
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- HUH?
- YOU THUGS REALLY PROMISE YOU WON'T STEAL ANYMORE?
both: WE PROMISE.
- PINKY SWEAR? both: PINKY SWEAR.
- DOUBLE PINKY SWEAR?
- OKAY, WE GET THE IDEA.
NOW GET LOST.
I'M TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS.
WHO'S UP FOR SECONDS?
- THEY'RE STEALING EVERYTHING!
- DAD, GONNA NEED TO BORROW SOME OF YOUR SOUP.
- THAT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR INHERITANCE.
- COME BACK HERE, THIEVES!
COME BACK! STOP THEM!
[both sniffing, sighing contentedly]
- IF YOU SWEAR YOU WON'T STEAL ANYMORE,
I DO HAVE LUNCH COUPONS FOR PING'S.
- DEAL!
- WHOA, HEY. WATCH IT.
- [sniffs]
[coins clattering]
- [grunting]
- PO, IS IT TRUE?
- THAT IS STILL A LOT OF STEPS.
- YOU'VE BEEN LETTING CRIMINALS GO FREE
BECAUSE-- AM I GETTING THIS RIGHT?--
BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO EAT YOUR FATHER'S SOUP?
- WELL, THEY ALSO PROMISED NOT TO DO ANY MORE CRIMES.
- AND YOU BELIEVED THEM?
- IT'S REALLY GOOD SOUP.
- PANDA, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
- UM, NO.
MASTER SHIFU, IT'S WORKING.
- I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT.
- PO'S RIGHT. - EXACTLY.
OF ALL THE IDIOTIC-- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- WE JUST CAME FROM CONSTABLE HU'S OFFICE.
CRIME IN THE VALLEY IS DOWN.
- WAY DOWN.
- YES! [scatting]
IN YOUR FACE--
UH, MOST REVERED AND NOBLE MASTER.
BUT YES!
- PANDA, THIS WON'T END WELL.
AND WHEN IT DOESN'T,
I'M GOING TO HOLD YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- [grumbles]
- SOUP, HUH? WHAT'S NEXT?
FIGHTING ARSON WITH BEAN BUNS?
- MOCK ALL YOU WANT... MOCK-STRESS,
BUT CRIME IS DOWN AND PEOPLE ARE BEING FED.
PERSONALLY, I DON'T SEE THE DOWNSIDE.
[clamoring]
HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S UP?
ANYONE SEEN MY DAD?
- [burps]
- THANKS, THAT'S VERY HELPFUL.
[crash] PROBABLY IN THE KITCHEN.
DON'T MIND ME. COMING THROUGH. OH--
- WHOA, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
- UH, TO THE KITCHEN.
- THIS IS THE LINE.
- YEAH, YOU WANT PING'S SPECIAL SOUP, HUH?
YOU GO TO THE BACK.
- OKAY, OKAY. TAKE IT EASY.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
- DIRTY LINE CUTTER.
- NO ONE GETS AWAY WITH CUTSIES ON OUR TURF.
- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
UH, INTERESTING ANSWER.
[all grumbling menacingly]
- [fighting grunts]
WHOA.
[grunting]
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- DAD, GET BACK. THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
THERE'S PLENTY OF SOUP FOR EVERYONE.
- HE STARTED IT, MR. PING.
- YEAH, HE CUT IN LINE.
- SIT DOWN.
NOW EVERYONE TREATS MY SON WITH PROPER RESPECT,
OR NO SOUP FOR YOU.
YOU FOLLOW?
[all mumbling agreements]
- I NEED A CLEAN SPOON.
[whip snap]
ALL CLEAN NOW. [chuckles]
- UH, DAD, WHERE DID ALL THESE GUYS COME FROM?
- THE THUGS YOU SENT OVER
TOLD SOME OTHER THUGS ABOUT MY SOUP,
AND THEY TOLD OTHER THUGS,
AND SO ON AND SO ON.
- BUT THERE'S A LOT OF THEM,
AND THEY SEEM A TAD ON THE UNSAVORY SIDE.
- [grunting]
- OH, STOP.
THEY DO WHATEVER I TELL THEM.
- HEY, THAT'S MY SOUP BOWL. - LIAR.
- NO NOSE, LIPLESS, KNOCK IT OFF.
both: YES, SIR.
- WHOA.
- OH, THEY'RE FINE.
I EVEN LET THEM WATCH MY SHOP
WHEN I'M OUT.
NOW BEHAVE YOURSELVES, BOYS.
MY SON AND I HAVE TO MAKE A FEW SOCIAL CALLS.
- WE ARE DEEPLY HONORED BY YOUR TRUST.
- SO WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?
- OH, CRAZY EYE AND THE CLAW?
THEY'RE TWO OF MY BEST CUSTOMERS.
SO PROTECTIVE.
THEY FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE I GO.
- [growls]
- UH-HUH.
- OOH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR SETTLING THAT PROBLEM WITH MY LANDLORD.
- IT WAS MY PLEASURE.
- WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE LANDLORD?
- [grunts]
- OH, NO, NO, NO. IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
THESE, TOO.
- THANK YOU, APPLE CART DUCK.
I SHALL REMEMBER THIS KINDNESS.
- [grunts] - OW.
- YOU THINK APPLES GROW ON TREES?
MOVE ALONG.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. PING. - SAME TO YOU.
- A THOUSAND BLESSINGS, MR. PING.
- THANK YOU.
- GOOSEFATHER. [kissing]
- UH, DAD?
HAVE YOU NOTICED PEOPLE ARE TREATING YOU DIFFERENTLY?
- NAH.
- BUT YOU'RE GETTING MORE RESPECT THAN ME,
AND I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- WELL, I DO HAVE THE MOST POPULAR
NOODLE SHOP IN TOWN.
- HERE'S THE FLOUR YOU ORDERED, MR. PING.
THAT'LL BE 12 YUAN.
- OH, SO MUCH?
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT COST HALF THAT.
- HALF? BUT, UH--
OF COURSE. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I TELL YOU WHAT,
I'LL LOWER IT BY FIVE--UH, TEN.
TEN YUAN.
- OH, WHY, THANK YOU.
EVERYONE'S SO COURTEOUS TODAY.
BACK TO THE SHOP, BOYS.
- DAD, I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THE INFLUENCE
THESE THUGS ARE HAVING ON YOU.
- WHAT? OH, DON'T BE SILLY, SON.
YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE THEY'RE TURNING MY SHOP
INTO SOME KIND OF CRIMINAL HANGOUT.
- OW.
- WHAT'S THE PASSWORD?
[laughs]
I'M JUST KIDDING.
YOU'RE WITH THE BOSS, SO YOU'RE WITH US.
COME ON IN.
- DAD, I THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
- PO, PLEASE.
WE'RE TRYING TO FIND ROOM FOR THE VEGETABLE CRATES
THE BOYS BROUGHT IN.
- HEY, BOSS, WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS CRATE OF...
[slyly] BOK CHOY?
- WHAT DOES HE MEAN, "BOK CHOY"?
- OH, DEAR. THAT SPOILS SO EASILY.
PUT IT IN THE ROOT CELLAR.
- YOU GOT IT, BOSS.
- BOK CHOY, DAD? DON'T YOU SEE?
THEY'RE USING YOU AS A--
COVER FOR THEIR CRIMINAL ACTIVITY.
- OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
THERE'S NOTHING CRIMINAL ABOUT BOK CHOY.
EXCEPT THE WAY THE MONGOLIAN PLACE
PREPARES IT DOWN THE STREET.
[shudders, snaps fingers]
[all laughing]
[snaps fingers]
OH, SON, BEFORE I FORGET,
CAN YOU DROP THIS OFF AT THE BANK FOR ME?
- WHERE'D THIS COME FROM?
IT LOOKS REALLY VALUABLE.
- OH, THE BOYS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE SHORT ON CASH,
SO THEY'VE BEEN PAYING ME WITH ODDS AND ENDS.
- DAD! - GO, GO, I'M BUSY.
NICE WORK, FELLAS.
EXTRA SOUP FOR EVERYONE.
- MANY THANKS, MR. PING.
- YOU'RE THE BEST CRIME BOSS EVER.
- RELAX, PO.
HE SAID "CRIME BOSS" IRONICAL-LIKE.
- GOOSEFATHER.
[all grunting]
- [sighs]
MASTER SHIFU, I MAY HAVE A TINY LITTLE PROBLEM.
- YOU CERTAINLY DO. CRANE?
- ACCORDING TO CONSTABLE HU'S LATEST REPORT,
CRIME IN THE VALLEY HAS ACTUALLY TRIPLED
SINCE YOU STARTED FEEDING THE LOCAL THUGS.
- TRIPLED? - TRIPLED.
APPARENTLY, ONCE YOUR THUGS RAN OUT OF MONEY FOR SOUP,
THEY STOLE.
YOUR PLAN HAS FAILED.
- SOMEONE EVEN BROKE INTO THE HALL OF HEROES
AND STOLE THE PRICELESS DUGONG DAGGER.
- [clears throat]
- PO, ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING?
[rip]
- AH, IT'S NOT MY DAD'S FAULT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT.
IT'S YOUR FAULT!
BECAUSE OF YOU, YOUR OWN FATHER
HAS BEEN TRADING IN STOLEN GOODS.
- WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
- WE'RE GOING TO RAID THE NOODLE SHOP,
TAKE DOWN THE THUGS,
AND-- I'M SORRY, PO--
ARREST YOUR FATHER.
- DAD?
WAIT, WAIT, SHIFU.
UH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
- GOOD.
- BUT THEY'RE-- THEY'RE NOT AT THE NOODLE SHOP.
- THEN WHERE ARE THEY?
- THEY'RE AT THE OLD MILL.
I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT THERE'S A SHIPMENT
OF STOLEN "BOK CHOY" COMING IN.
HONEST, I SWEAR.
- RIGHT. LET'S GO.
- GOOD THING I DIDN'T PINKY SWEAR.
DAD, WE GOTTA GET EVERYONE OUT OF HERE NOW.
- BEFORE THE LUNCH RUSH?
YOU'RE MAD. MAD, I SAY.
- NO, DAD. THEY HAVE TO GO.
THIS ALL HAS TO STOP BEFORE YOU GET IN REAL TROUBLE.
THESE THUGS HAVE BEEN PLAYING YOU.
- WHAT? IS THIS TRUE?
all: UH...
- CAN WE TAKE THE SOUP TO GO?
HEY!
- HE'S HERE. HE'S FOUND US.
RUN!
[all shouting]
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHO'S FOUND YOU?
- OUR OLD BOSS.
WE DUMPED HIM TO COME WORK FOR YOUR DAD AND HIS SOUP.
BUT HE TRACKED US DOWN,
AND NOW HE'S VERY ANGRY.
- YOUR OLD BOSS? WHO?
[all grunting]
- [shouts]
- OH, OH--
[bowl shatters]
[ominous music]
*
[bowl shatters]
*
- HA!
- TONG FO.
[clatter]
- PARTY'S OVER, FELLAS.
THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE CRIME BOSS
IN THIS VALLEY.
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT--
IT'S ME.
- YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE COMING HERE, TONG FO.
- DRAGON WARRIOR.
I HEARD YOU'D BEEN RECRUITED BY THIS NEW CRIME BOSS.
IMPRESSIVE.
BUT I GOT NO BEEF WITH YOU.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS PING?
- I AM.
ARE YOU GOING TO ORDER SOMETHING,
OR JUST STAND THERE?
- [winces]
[tense music]
*
- I LIKE YOUR SPUNK, YOUR MOXIE, YOUR CHUTZPAH.
- GESUNDHEIT.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, MR. FO.
MY BOYS WILL PROTECT ME.
[all grumbling]
- IS THAT RIGHT, BOYS?
- ACTUALLY, UH, WE ARE WITH HIM NOW.
- [intense] IS THAT RIGHT, BOYS?
- SORRY, MR. PING.
- IT'S THOSE EYES.
THEY'RE SO-- [whines]
[snaps fingers]
- SIT DOWN, PING.
NO NEED FOR THINGS TO GET UGLY, YET.
- DON'T WORRY, DAD. I'LL STALL HIM.
- [scoffs]
I GOT THIS, SON.
OKAY, I'LL SIT.
NOT SCARED OF YOU.
'CAUSE I'M TOUGH, SEE? YEAH.
- [shudders]
- WHAT'S YOUR SECRET, PING?
HOW'D YOU GET THE DRAGON WARRIOR
TO WORK FOR YOU?
AND HOW'D YOU GET MY MEN TO SWITCH SIDES?
- I DON'T KNOW.
THEY JUST LIKE MY SPECIAL SOUP, I GUESS.
- AH, YES.
THIS SOUP I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT.
LOVE TO TRY SOME.
- YOU THERE, TWO SOUPS.
AND MAKE IT QUICK, LACKEY PERSON.
[snaps fingers]
- [grunts]
- THE MILL'S EMPTY. - PO LIED.
- UNLESS THE THUGS ARE HIDING.
[shouting, crashing and clatter]
- TWO SOUPS, BOSS. DON'T HIT ME.
- [sniffs]
NICE BODY.
LOVELY BOUQUET.
[slurping]
OH.
[all gasping]
YOU. YOU.
- WHAT? TOO HOT?
NOT ENOUGH SALT?
- AH....
COME HERE, YOU. MWAH!
THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING SOUP I EVER TASTED.
NO WONDER MY BOYS JOINED YOU.
WHO COULD BLAME THEM?
PING, LET'S YOU AND ME MAKE A DEAL.
I'VE ALWAYS RULED MY CRIMINAL EMPIRE THROUGH FEAR.
BUT NOW I SEE THAT IT CAN BE RULED
THROUGH THIS SPECTACULAR SOUP.
WITH MY CUNNING AND YOUR COOKING,
WE CAN GATHER AN ARMY THAT WILL SWEEP ACROSS CHINA.
WE'LL RULE WITH AN IRON BOOT AND A STAINLESS STEEL LADLE.
[pigs sobbing]
THE PERFECT MARRIAGE OF CRIME, EVIL, AND SOUP.
- WOULD I RETAIN FULL DISTRIBUTION RIGHTS?
- WE SPLIT EVERYTHING 50-50.
- 90-10. - 60-40.
- 80-20. - 62-38.
- 90-10. - 65-35.
- 40-80. - 50-90.
- 67-3.
- 120-82.
both: 50-50. DONE.
- YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
- RELAX. YOU TOLD ME TO STALL.
- PROBLEM, DRAGON WARRIOR?
- OH, NO. NO PROBLEM, NO.
HE JUST WANTS TO BE FED.
HE'S SO FAT AND LAZY.
- NOT TO MENTION SLOW.
THINK FAST, TUBBY. [grunts]
- [shouts, groans]
- SEE? TOO SLOW, YOU SCHMOE.
- [laughs] GOOD ONE, PARTNER.
USELESS PANDA.
- [grunts] OW, DAD.
- "DAD"?
YOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S FATHER?
- UH--UH--WELL, I-- UH, YES?
- THEN THAT EXPLAINS
WHY YOU HELD BACK ON THAT KICK.
COME ON, PUT A LITTLE GOOSE BEHIND IT.
- OW.
- OOH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT DID FEEL BETTER.
- I LIKE YOUR STYLE, PING.
YOU'RE GOING PLACES, BUDDY.
STICK WITH ME, AND YOU WON'T BE STUCK
IN THIS CRUMMY, DINGY NOODLE SHOP ANYMORE.
- HUH? THIS WHAT?
- THIS DUMP, THIS DIVE, THIS--
- NO ONE TALKS THAT WAY ABOUT MY NOODLE SHOP.
THE DEAL'S OFF.
- TOO BAD.
I HAD HIGH HOPES FOR YOU, PING,
AND YOUR SOUP.
END THEM.
- SO HE CAN INSULT ME, BUT NOT THE SHOP?
- OH, GROW UP.
- WAH!
- [whistles]
YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOING TO HURT YOU
MUCH MORE THAN IT'S GOING TO HURT ME.
[shouts]
- WAS IT GOING TO FEEL SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
- [laughs nervously]
[all grunting]
[ding]
DAD, RUN.
- BUT PO-- - RUN!
- GOOD ADVICE, DRAGON WARRIOR.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE.
- YEAH, BUT THEN I COULDN'T DO THIS.
[shouts]
- [grunting]
- [roars]
- ENOUGH!
DROP THOSE WEAPONS, OR THE SOUP GETS IT.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- YOU THINK I'M BLUFFING?
ONCE I OFF THIS POT,
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE MY SPECIAL SOUP AGAIN, EVER.
- BUT DAD--
- IT HAS TO BE DONE, SON,
NO MATTER THE HUGE LOSS OF POTENTIAL PROFIT.
- DON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY, NOW.
- OOH, I'M CRAZY, ALL RIGHT.
CRAZY AS A-- A CRAZY GUY.
[blade scraping pot]
AND, PO, AS FAR AS YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GO--
- YEAH?
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
THAT WAS AN A-1 DIVERSION.
[all grunting]
- I'M SO DEPRESSED,
YET ALL I WANT RIGHT NOW
IS ANOTHER TASTE OF THAT CRAZY DELICIOUS SOUP.
[spoon clanging]
- [slurping]
IT'S LIKE HEAVEN IN SOUP FORM.
- SO GOOD.
- NEEDS SALT. - HMPH.
NOBODY CRITICIZES THE GOOSEFATHER'S SOUP.
IT'S GO TIME, BABY.
[both grunting]