- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW,
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- [snoring]
- PO.
PO! - HUH?
OH, SORRY, MASTER SHIFU.
IT'S JUST SO COMFY UP HERE.
[groans]
- ALL RIGHT, BACK TO TRAINING.
[all grunt]
- WHOA!
[all grunting]
MASTER SHIFU, WE SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY
TRAINING OUR--[grunts] OFF.
AND WHY?
- BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL THAT STANDS
BETWEEN THE INNOCENT AND EVIL.
- BUT WE KICK EVIL'S-- [groans].
GOOD ONE.
SERIOUSLY, OUR KUNG FU SKILLS ARE WAY PAST OVERKILL.
- HE'S GOT A POINT.
- [grunts]
NO, WE CAN'T SLACK OFF ON TRAINING.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOME GIANT FIENDISH BEAST
WILL STRIKE AT US WITH ITS HORRIBLE FANGED TENTACLES.
- HAVE ANOTHER BAD DREAM?
[groans] - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- OW.
- TRUE WARRIORS MUST ALWAYS BE AT THEIR PEAK.
- BUT, DUDE!
I MEAN, "MASTER DUDE."
NO ONE WE EVER FIGHT IS EVEN A CHALLENGE ANYMORE.
WE CAN BEAT ALL THE BAD GUYS WITH JUST OUR PINKY FINGERS.
- THAT, PO, IS A WOEFUL EXAGGERATION.
- THERE'S TROUBLE IN THE VILLAGE!
- THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR KUNG FU IN TOP SHAPE.
WHO KNOWS HOW SERIOUS THIS COULD--
- IT'S THE CROC BANDITS!
- AND NEVER MIND.
- PUNY SHOPKEEPER, TREMBLE IN FEAR
AS WE FORCIBLY REDISTRIBUTE YOUR WEALTH IN OUR DIRECTION.
- EH, NO.
- NO? - NO.
CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME BITTER MELONS?
TWO YUAN A DOZEN.
- OOH.
[smacks]
- I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS, GUY.
WE'RE BANDITS AND WE'RE ROBBING YOU.
- I UNDERSTAND HOW IT WOULD WORK
IF YOU WERE REAL BANDITS,
BUT YOU'RE A JOKE.
SO HOW IT ACTUALLY WORKS IS...
BUY SOMETHING OR GET OUT!
- DARN IT!
ARE WE CROCODILES OR ARE WE--
WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS THAT ARE LIKE CROCODILES
BUT SMALLER?
- UH, DWARF CROCODILES? - [smacks lips]
- JUST ATTACK THAT GUY!
- [clears throat]
- GAH...
- OKAY, HERE'S WHERE I PROVE MY POINT.
- [sighs]
- FURIOUS FIVE, PINKIES OUT.
- OH, THIS IS JUST DUMB.
- AND I DON'T HAVE PINKIES.
- ME NEITHER.
- OH, FORGET IT.
BY MYSELF, PINKIES ONLY.
AND GO!
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
- [groans]
- [chuckles] - [groaning]
- [sighs]
- SHOWBOAT.
- [groans]
- EH?
OW!
[punches landing, groaning]
- THIS IS ALL JUST SO SAD.
- HUH? EH?
[groaning]
SO HAVE I MADE MY POINT,
OR DO I HAVE TO BEAT THEM AGAIN WITH JUST ONE PINKY?
- HEY, WAIT.
AREN'T YOU GONNA--
WOW, THEY DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO ARREST US.
- THIS IS ALL JUST SO SAD.
HERE.
HERE'S A FEW YUAN TO TIDE YOU OVER.
- MASTER SHIFU.
HOW AWESOME WAS I IN THERE, HUH?
IF ANYTHING, I MAY HAVE BEEN A BIT TOO AWESOME.
BUT HONESTLY, SOMETIMES I JUST CAN'T CONTROL
HOW AWESOME I BE, SO--
- DO YOU THINK YOU DON'T NEED TO TRAIN SO MUCH?
DO YOU?
[sighs]
FINE.
AS OF NOW, PO IS IN CHARGE OF TRAINING.
- NO WAY. - YAY.
- GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
- WE ARE NOT GOING TO SERIOUSLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS, ARE WE?
- COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.
- [giggles]
- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.
- WELL, WE JUST MADE MORE IN PITY MONEY
THAN WE MADE IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS OF BANDITRY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
THAT MEANS WE ARE OFFICIALLY BEGGARS.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMEONE WE CAN ROB.
[footsteps]
MAH-JONGG.
HA HA!
ALL RIGHT, OLD GUY,
HAND OVER YOUR MONEY AND YOU WON'T GET HURT.
- OR YOU COULD HAND OVER YOUR MONEY
AND YOU WON'T GET HURT.
[laughter]
- ARE YOU, LIKE, TRICK OR TREATING, GUY?
YOU'RE SMALLER THAN MY HEAD.
[laughter] - [mocking gibberish]
- THEN I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR, HM?
[laughter]
[groaning]
[crocs groan in pain]
- [groans]
- THANK YOU.
WE'LL CONSIDER THIS PAYMENT FOR YOUR TRAINING.
- TRAINING?
- DO YOU ENJOY BEING BEATEN BY PO AND THE FURIOUS FIVE
AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN,
AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN?
- NO, SIR. IT STINKS, SIR.
- THEN YOUR TRAINING BEGINS NOW.
- [groans]
- THAT WAS LESSON ONE.
I AM MASTER JIA,
AND YOU ARE GOING TO HATE TRAINING WITH ME.
- YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE TRAINING WITH ME.
TA-DA!
- I AM NOT DOING THIS.
- SHIFU SAID I'M IN CHARGE,
* SO YOU GOTTA DO WHAT I SAY *
[swing creaking]
[all groaning]
[laughter]
[all groaning]
- YES!
[snoring]
- OOH-WAH!
[all grunting]
ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO TRY OUT
OUR NEW KUNG FU SKILLS.
NOW I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS GETTING COCKY, ALL RIGHT?
WE'LL ROB SOMEONE EASY.
- [whimpers]
- OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.
- YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
- I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
I AM A PROBLEM.
YOUR PROBLEM, THAT YOU HAVE.
- I HEARD OF YOU GUYS.
THEY SAY YOU'RE TOTAL WIMPS.
- THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY?
- [gasps]
- [grunts]
[groaning, sword clatters]
- CROC BANDITS, TAKE CARE OF THESE LOWLIFES.
[all grunting]
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- [whimpering]
- GO HOME TO YOUR MAMA
AND TELL HER YOUR KUNG FU IS SUBPAR.
- AHH! [whimpers] - [laughs]
OKAY, GUY, HAND OVER ALL YOUR--
- THANKS FOR SAVING ME FROM THOSE BANDITS.
HERE'S YOUR REWARD.
[cheers and applause]
- THAT WAS AWESOME!
- OH.
YOU KNOW, I COULD GET USED TO THIS.
[cheers and applause]
- THEY SAVED US! OH, YES!
- ALL RIGHT, ONE SIDE, MAKE WAY.
YOU GUYS AGAIN?
FINE, MY PINKIES COULD USE A WORKOUT.
- BUT THE CROCS WEREN'T--
- DON'T TROUBLE YOURSELF, SIR. WE'LL HANDLE THIS.
AHH!
[all gasp]
WHAT THE HEY?
YAH.
OW.
OW!
[grunting]
WHOA, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN TRAINING.
- LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVEN'T.
- WE'VE BEEN TRAINING.
- HOW IS A PIE-EATING CONTEST TRAINING?
- BECAUSE IT-- BE--RAH--
WE CHALLENGE YOU TO A PIE-EATING...CONTEST.
NO?
[all grunting]
- AAH!
WAH!
- [grunts]
- OOH!
- HI-YAH.
OW!
- KIYAH!
OOH!
- STOP.
THESE CROCS ARE HEROES,
AND YOU COME ALONG AND START BEATING ON THEM?
- SH-YEAH, BEATIN' ON OUR FISTS WITH THEIR FACES.
- YOU CALL YOURSELVES MASTERS. - YEAH!
[crowd jeering]
- UH, WELL, A HONEST MISTAKE. [chuckles]
RIGHT, SO WE'LL JUST BE HEADING OUT THEN.
- I THINK THAT WOULD BE BEST, GUY.
- HERE.
[laughter and cheering]
- SO HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING A HERO, FUNG?
- I LIKE IT A LOT, GAH-RI.
I LIKE IT A LOT.
[groaning]
- SO THINGS WENT WEIRD WITH, YOU KNOW, BANDIT-ING.
BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY KINDA COOL.
[groans]
IT'S LIKE WE WERE THE GOOD GUYS.
- PERHAPS YOU HAVE AT LAST
DISCOVERED YOUR TRUE DESTINY.
- NAH, BUT WE FINALLY FOUND OUT
WHAT WE'RE REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
- THE POINT IS: MAYBE THERE'S MORE
THAN ONE WAY TO DEFEAT THE FURIOUS FIVE.
- LIKE, BEAT THEM--LIKE, BE BETTER GOOD GUYS THAN THEM?
OH! OH, THAT WOULD BE SO BOSS.
- TAKE THIS.
THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE THE ONE THEY CALL "SHIFU,"
PRESENT IT TO HIM.
[groaning]
- HELP! HELP!
- [groans]
- HUH?
- [growls, slurps]
[bowl shatters]
[belches]
[thud, groans]
- HM...
[cheers and applause]
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
THOSE GUYS GET EVERYWHERE BEFORE US.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY'RE, LIKE, GOOD AND JUNK.
I MEAN, THEY'RE GOOD GUYS,
AND THEY'RE ALSO, LIKE, GOOD AT KUNG FU.
- IS THAT SO?
TELL ME, HOW IS YOUR TRAINING GOING?
- UH, MONKEY ATE SIX PIES?
- UH-HUH.
OBVIOUSLY, THE CROCS HAVE BEEN TRAINING.
THERE'S ONLY ONE MASTER WHO COULD TEACH THEM
SO MUCH SO QUICKLY: MASTER JIA.
HE IS ONE OF THE GREAT KUNG FU MASTERS OF CHINA.
BUT GREATER EVEN THAN HIS FIGHTING SKILL
IS HIS BELIEF IN THE POWER OF TRAINING.
HE TRAVELS THE LAND, ACCEPTING ONLY THOSE PUPILS
WHO ARE WILLING TO COMMIT THEMSELVES FULLY
TO HIS TRAINING REGIMEN.
[bowl shatters]
THE REWARD FOR THEIR HARD WORK:
THOSE WHO TRAIN WITH MASTER JIA
ARE VIRTUALLY UNBEATABLE.
[screaming and groaning]
- SO YOU THINK THE CROCS
HAVE BEEN TRAINING WITH THIS MASTER JIA?
- I WOULD STAKE MY REPUTATION ON IT.
- AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT THE WAY TO BE BETTER THAN THE CROCS
IS TO TRAIN REALLY, REALLY HARD?
- EXACTLY.
- I--YEA--NAHHH.
- [sighs]
- NOODLES, SOUP, DUMPLINGS.
- WE'RE HERE FOR THE MONEY, OLD MAN.
- OH, REALLY?
YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME AND ALL MY...
LOYAL CUSTOMERS?
- NOT SO FAST.
- FUNG? - OH, HEY, LUMPY.
- SO IS IT TRUE YOU'RE, LIKE, A GOOD GUY NOW?
- YEAH. [chuckles]
IT'S A FUNNY OLD WORLD. RIGHT?
[bird chirps]
OH, OKAY. SO NOW'S, LIKE, WHEN WE FIGHT.
- [sighs] UH...
[groaning]
[pants nervously]
- NOT SO FAST.
- AGAIN? [both pant nervously]
- [screams]
[both scream]
[both pant nervously]
- IT'S YOU GUYS!
- I WAS FULL-ON GONNA SAY THE EXACT SAME THING.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- UM, SAVING YOUR DAD'S NOODLE SHOP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - THAT TOO!
- WELL, WE ALREADY SAVED IT, SO TOUGH TURKEY.
- YOU CAN'T-- LOOK, LOOK.
WE'RE THE HEROES AROUND HERE.
- ARE NOT. - ARE TOO.
- ARE NOT. - ARE TOO!
- HEY, WHILE YOU HEROES WERE ARGUING,
THOSE GUYS ROBBED ME.
- YOU LET THEM GET AWAY.
- WE TOTALLY HAD IT HANDLED BEFORE YOU GOT HERE, PAL.
- IT'S TRUE, SON. YOU DID RUIN EVERYTHING.
- THANKS, DAD. THANKS FOR THAT.
- LOOK AT THEM.
THE FURIOUS FIVE ARE OLD AND PLAYED OUT.
- YOU SAY THAT AFTER ALL WE'VE DONE FOR THIS VILLAGE?
- YOU NAMED A WELL AFTER ME.
[droplet drips]
- LOOK, YOU GUYS WERE GREAT,
BUT MAYBE IT'S TIME TO MAKE WAY FOR SOMEONE
WHO CAN STILL DO THE JOB.
- RIDICULOUS.
MAYBE THE FURIOUS FIVE AREN'T QUITE AT THEIR PEAK,
BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO-- - OH, THERE YOU ARE.
LIKE, I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE THIS TO YOU.
- OH, NO. - WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S A LETTER FROM THE EMPEROR HIMSELF.
HE SENT JIA TO TRAIN YOUR REPLACEMENTS.
- WAIT, WHAT?
- THE CROCS ARE THE NEW FURIOUS FIVE.
MY FRIENDS, WE HAVE BEEN FIRED.
- [gasps] NO!
- WHOO-HOO!
OH, I'M SORRY. THAT WAS INSENSITIVE.
[whispering] WHOO-HOO.
- WE'RE FIRED?
- SO WE CAN, LIKE, MOVE INTO THE JADE PALACE?
- THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
- THE JADE PALACE IS OUR HOME.
- NOT ANYMORE. NOW IT'S THE CROCS' HOME.
- BUT THEY CAN'T--
- THIS IS THE EMPEROR'S OFFICIAL SEAL.
TO DISOBEY WOULD BE TREASON.
- ON THE PLUS SIDE, WE'VE TOTALLY BEEN LIVING
IN THE BAMBOO FOREST, SO AT LEAST
IT'S A STEP UP FOR SOMEONE, RIGHT?
[laughs] RIGHT?
OKAY, WE'LL HAVE YOUR STUFF BOXED UP AND SENT TO YOU.
CIAO! MWAH.
- WHOO-HOO!
- IT HAS BEEN AN HONOR TO WORK WITH YOU,
BUT NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
GOOD-BYE.
- THIS IS... - ALL MY FAULT.
- ALL YOUR-- WELL, NOW IT'S NO FUN.
- I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT.
BUT MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO FIX IT.
- OF COURSE IT'S TOO LATE.
THAT SCROLL SAYS THE CROCS ARE THE NEW FURIOUS FIVE!
- HOLD ON.
HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON,
HOLD ON, HOLD ON!
- HOLDING.
- IT SAYS MASTER JIA IS COMMANDED
TO TRAIN THE REPLACEMENTS FOR THE FURIOUS FIVE.
HE TRAINED THE CROCS, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
HE CAN'T TRAIN THE REPLACEMENTS FOR THEM TOO!
MASTER JIA? HELLO?
OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!
JIA, JIA, JIA, JIA, JIA!
[groans]
THAT'S IT, I GIVE UP. WE'RE NEVER GONNA...
WHAT?
AAH!
WOW, YOU'RE REALLY SMALL.
MASTER JIA, I PRESUME?
- YES.
AND YOU MUST BE THE ONE THEY CALL "PO."
- YAH! - WAH!
[groans]
- LESSON ONE: NEVER DROP YOUR GUARD.
- SO YOU'LL TRAIN US?
- IF I DO, THIS WILL BE THE MOST INTENSE, ARDUOUS,
AND PAINFUL TRAINING YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.
- BOO-YA! - OH.
I, UH--I DIDN'T REALIZE.
THAT SOUNDS KIND OF, UH...
[sighs] WE'RE IN.
[snores]
OW! AH! OH!
OOH! OW! OOH!
[groaning]
[crunch] OH.
- [panting]
- [pants and groans]
[groans]
[all groan]
- [screams] - YAH!
- HAH!
OW...
- AW, THIS IS THE LIFE, HUH?
FOOD, SHELTER, LOTS OF ANCIENT WEAPONS,
CUSTOM TILE AND JUNK.
- THERE'S TROUBLE IN THE VILLAGE!
- [groans] WHAT IS IT NOW?
- BANDITS ARE ROBBING YING THE GROCER.
- AH.
HM, HM, HM.
WELL, ACCORDING TO MY RECORDS,
YING FAILED TO MAKE HIS PROTECTION PAYMENT THIS WEEK,
SO THE DUDE IS UP A XIAOXI WITHOUT A DUANJIANG.
- THE OLD FURIOUS FIVE NEVER CHARGED PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH, FAULTY BUSINESS MODEL.
[all grunting]
- YOU HAVE TRAINED WELL, MY PUPILS.
- EVEN ME? - YES, PO.
ALTHOUGH PERHAPS WITH A LITTLE MORE CRYING THAN THE OTHERS.
- DAD SAYS THAT'S MY SPECIAL GIFT.
- COME WITH ME.
- WHERE ARE WE GOING, MASTER JIA?
- IF YOU WANT THE JADE PALACE BACK,
YOU'LL HAVE TO PROVE YOU'RE MORE WORTHY OF IT
THAN THE CROCS ARE.
- THEY'RE BACK. THEY'RE BACK!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- THE CROCS CHARGE MONEY TO PROTECT US!
- THEY TAKE OUR GOODS WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT.
- THEY EAT RAW ONIONS.
- SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU MISS US?
- YES, WE DO. [overlapping agreements]
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE SPURIOUS FIVE.
THAT MEANS "FAKE." - FUNG.
THEY ARE HERE TO CHALLENGE YOU FOR THE JADE PALACE.
- SO BE IT.
[all shout]
[grunting and shouting]
I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN TRAINING.
- THANKS.
[grunting] HA!
- [groans]
- AND I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU GUYS HAVEN'T.
- WELL, WE'VE BEEN BUSY WITH ALL THE GRAFT
AND CORRUPTION, AND THE LIKE.
- [grunts]
[both grunting]
- AH...
- YOU HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR TRAINING, FUNG.
TRUE WARRIORS MUST ALWAYS BE AT THEIR PEAK.
- BUT IT'S SO--[groans] HARD.
- [grunting]
- AAH!
- [grunting] TRAINING MAY BE HARD,
BUT IT'S NOT AS HARD AS THIS!
WA-YAH!
- [groans]
- SEE, GUYS, I USED TO THINK TRAINING
WAS SOMETHING YOU DID UNTIL YOUR KUNG FU WAS GOOD ENOUGH.
NOW, I SEE THAT KUNG FU IS TRAINING.
IT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO LIVE EVERY DAY.
- WELL SAID, PANDA. WELL SAID.
- THANK YOU VERY-- WAIT, WHAT?
- SHIFU? - REALLY?
- NO WAY. - SHOULD'VE SEEN THAT COMING.
- [gasps] - I FEEL USED, GUY.
- PO, I HAD TO GO TO SOME EXTREMES,
BUT I THINK I MAY HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN YOU
TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUE IMPORTANCE OF TRAINING.
- YOU SURE HAVE, MASTER SHIFU. [chuckles]
- GOOD, SO-- - THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD
WE JUST DID A WHOLE BUNCH OF IT
SO WE CAN TAKE A BREAK FOR A WHILE.
WHOO! WHO WANTS A NAP?
- ME! - I'LL TAKE TWO!
- [sighs]
- [frustrated sigh]