- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW,
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP *
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
[somber music]
- [stomach rumbles]
- [sighs]
[stomachs rumbling]
[loud rumbling]
- [groans]
FIVE GRAINS OF RICE?
FIVE?
THAT'S WORSE THAN NONE.
- AS LONG AS THE VILLAGE GOES HUNGRY,
WE WILL GO HUNGRY AS WELL.
- YEAH, BUT WHEN I AGREED TO THAT,
I THOUGHT IT MEANT "HUNGRY" NOT "HUNGRY!"
- SORRY, PO, BUT UNTIL WE CATCH THE FOOD BANDITS
AND END THIS FAMINE,
FIVE GRAINS IS ALL THE RICE YOU--
- [drooling]
- YOU'RE SEEING ME AS A GIANT NOODLE AGAIN,
AREN'T YOU?
- SORRY, VIPER.
IT'S JUST THAT I-I NEED FOOD!
- WE ALL DO.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL COMPLAINING ABOUT.
I AM STUFFED.
WHOO!
WHAT? RICE IN MY TEETH?
- [growls]
- PO!
COME WITH ME.
THIS FAMINE IS REACHING A CRITICAL POINT.
I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER THE VILLAGERS CAN HOLD ON.
- ANY LUCK ON FIGURING OUT
WHO'S STEALING THE FOOD, MASTER SHIFU?
- UNFORTUNATELY NOT.
BUT WE DO HAVE A SHORT-TERM SOLUTION
TO THE VALLEY'S...
- [drooling, sniffing] - TROUBLES.
- YOU'RE SEEING ME AS A GIANT RICE BALL AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?
- AHH...
A DEVILISHLY HANDSOME GIANT RICE BALL.
- A NEWCOMER, MADAME ZHOU,
HAS DONATED A SHIPMENT OF RICE TO THE VILLAGE.
I'M SENDING YOU TO PROTECT THAT RICE.
- BY EATING IT?
'CAUSE THEN IT'LL BE IN OUR STOMACHS
AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO--
I'M OPEN TO OTHER SUGGESTIONS.
- COME ON, PO.
IF YOU KEEP STOPPING TO LICK ROCKS,
WE'RE NEVER GONNA GET THERE.
- IT'S THE NEXT BEST THING TO EATING.
SOME OF THESE ROCKS TASTE PRETTY GOOD.
[satisfied groaning]
AGH!
AND THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE ROCKS.
WHOA!
MADAME ZHOU MUST BE RICHER
THAN LYCHEE NUT PUDDING IN A BROWN SUGAR DEMIGLACE.
- WE GET IT. YOU'RE HUNGRY.
- [knocks]
- OOH! COMPANY'S HERE.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME.
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE NEW FACES.
I DO GET SO LONELY OUT HERE ON MY OWN.
I'M MADAME ZHOU.
- OOF!
- OH, AND YOU'RE THE MIGHTY DRAGON WARRIOR,
SOLE PROTECTOR OF THE VALLEY OF PEACE.
- WELL, I MEAN, I--
HA, NOT REALLY THE SOLE PROTECTOR.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN
AND SEE SOME PORTRAITS OF MY GRANDCHILDREN?
- UH, SOUNDS GREAT, REALLY,
BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET THAT RICE BACK TO THE VILLAGE.
- OH, DON'T GO YET.
HAVE YOU EATEN?
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF PREPARING A SMALL LUNCH.
[laughs]
- [gasps]
UNTIL NOW, I DIDN'T KNOW MY EYES WERE HUNGRY TOO.
- PO, HONOR DEMANDS THAT WE NOT EAT
WHILE THE VILLAGE STARVES.
- HONOR DEMANDS THAT I NOT STARVE
WHILE MY STOMACH EATS.
- THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. I MUST BE DELIRIOUS.
SHOULD PROBABLY EAT SOMETHING.
[groans]
- RATS. - I KNOW, I WAS SO CLOSE!
- NO, PO, RATS!
- [shudders]
- OOH, JADE PALACE WARRIORS.
HOW VERY WHIMSICAL.
[squeaks]
WHY SO SAD?
IS THE CHUNKY PANDA HUNGRY?
- HEY, BUDDY, I'VE LOST ALMOST TWO POUNDS
SINCE THIS FAMINE BEGAN.
THESE ARE MY SKINNY PANTS.
- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN STEALING THE VILLAGE'S FOOD.
- AND YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE GOING TO TRY AND STOP ME.
WELL, HERE WE ALL ARE. TRY AND STOP ME.
- [horrified gasp]
NO ONE HURTS FOOD ON MY WATCH!
[groans]
- [gasps]
- [grunting]
- DUMPLING?
- [drooling]
MMM.
- HIYA!
YOU SHOULD LEARN SOME SELF CONTROL.
YOU MIGHT LIVE LONGER.
LEAVE THE RICE TO US OR MY BROTHERS AND I
WILL MAKE THINGS UNPLEASANT FOR YOU.
- LOOK AROUND, RAT BOY,
YOUR BROTHERS HAVE ALREADY GIVEN UP.
- TRUE.
GOOD THING I HAVE SISTERS.
[laughs]
[laughs maniacally]
- UH, LOVELY FAMILY. - [humming]
- [laughs maniacally]
- [groans]
[all grunting]
- YAH! - [screams]
HELP! SOMEONE HELP!
- [grunts]
YOU WIN THIS ONE, PANDA.
BUT WHAT WILL YOU EAT AFTER WE STEAL
THE REST OF THE VALLEY'S FOOD,
YOUR MONKEY FRIEND WITH MUSTARD SAUCE?
[laughs]
MUSTARD SAUCE!
- RELAX, MONKEY. YOU'RE MY BUDDY.
[under breath] MY DELICIOUS, TASTY BUDDY.
- YOU SAVED ME FROM THAT AWFUL RAT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
- YOU REALLY ARE LONELY, AREN'T YOU?
- THEY TOOK THE RICE.
- OH, THIS IS JUST DREADFUL.
I'M SO VERY SORRY.
I'LL SEND TO ANOTHER PROVINCE FOR MORE AT ONCE.
- MANY THANKS, MADAME ZHOU.
- COME ON, WE NEED TO TELL MASTER SHIFU
ABOUT THOSE RATS.
- YOU SHOULD STOP BY FOR A SNACK ANYTIME YOU LIKE.
- REALLY?
[sighs] I WOULD, BUT--
- IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.
- PO, LET'S GO.
- COMING!
- THE RATS YOU FACED ARE CALLED THE LAO SHU.
[all gasp]
- HOW COME EVERYONE BUT ME ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT STUFF MEANS?
- THE LAO SHU ARE A BAND OF RENEGADES
THAT NUMBER IN THE HUNDREDS, PERHAPS THE THOUSANDS.
THEIR LEADER, JU-LONG,
IS AS DEADLY AS HE IS UNBALANCED.
[coins jingling]
MONEY MEANS NOTHING TO HIM.
HE INFLICTS SUFFERING AND CHAOS
JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.
[boom]
- [screaming]
- HE'S USUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT CAUSING BOTH.
THESE VILLAINS ARE UNLIKE ANY YOU HAVE FACED.
GET SOME REST. TOMORROW, WE TRAIN.
- [stomach rumbling]
[groans]
AGH!
THIS IS WRONG, THIS IS WRONG, THIS IS WRONG!
[stomach growls]
THIS IS WRONGISH, THIS IS WRONGISH,
THIS IS WRONGISH.
[stomach growls]
- YOU MADE IT.
- YOU KNOW, FOR AN OLDER LADY, YOU'RE PRETTY SPRY.
- I JUST GET EXCITED TO SEE ANYBODY,
AND THAT INCLUDES YOU.
HA, I FEEL...SPECIAL.
- YOU LIKE?
- [drooling]
- I WAS SO AFRAID YOU WOULDN'T COME,
WHAT WITH THE VILLAGERS STARVING AND ALL.
- [drooling]
AH, THIS WAS A MISTAKE. I SHOULDN'T BE--
- STUFFED FIG?
[dreamy music]
*
- [humming]
YEAH, I CAN STAY FOR A BIT.
[weak groaning]
- MORE RICE WAS STOLEN LAST NIGHT.
FIGHT THROUGH THE HUNGER.
THE LAO SHU WON'T CARE YOU HAVEN'T EATEN.
NEITHER SHOULD...
- [grunting powerfully]
- YOU.
- [laughs maniacally]
- [gulping]
MMM.
[gulping]
[rice grains clink]
- THIS ONE IS A DUMPLING STUFFED INSIDE ANOTHER DUMPLING.
- OOH, A DUH-DUMPLING.
OH, YEAH.
- [sighs]
I'VE LOCATED THE LAST RICE STOREHOUSE
IN THE VALLEY OF PEACE.
- [scatting cheerfully] - NO DOUBT JU-LONG WILL--
PANDA!
- [scatting]
- STAKE OUT THAT STOREHOUSE
AND CATCH THE LAO SHU IN THE ACT.
MEET UP AT 7:00.
- UH, 7:00? TONIGHT? REALLY?
- DO YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE?
- [scoffs] NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I JUST WANNA BE PROMPT.
"PROMPT PO," THAT'S-- THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME.
- NO ONE CALLS YOU THAT.
- MAYBE THEY SHOULD. - UGH.
- IT SEEMS YOU'RE GETTING BETTER AT DEALING WITH YOUR HUNGER.
- UH, YEAH.
I TOOK IT TO A WHOLE NEW, YOU KNOW, BRAIN LEVEL.
IT'S LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY ANYMORE.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU, PANDA.
YOU'VE FINALLY MASTERED YOUR IMPULSES
INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM MASTER YOU.
WELL DONE.
- [nervous chuckle]
[sighs]
MADAME ZHOU!
SORRY I'M EARLY, BUT--
- [groans] - YOU OKAY?
- I AM NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE.
I PREPARED SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU.
- UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN'T STAY.
WE'RE STAKING OUT THE STOREHOUSE
TO KEEP JU-LONG FROM STEALING THE RICE.
AND IT'S NOT JUST THAT.
I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE COMING HERE AT ALL,
WHICH IS-- WHAT IS THAT?
- I CALL IT "CAVALCADE OF DUMPLINGS."
- [squeals]
- [whispering] 8:00, AND NO SIGN OF JU-LONG.
- OR PROMPT PO.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'D LET THE VILLAGERS DOWN LIKE THIS.
- HE'LL BE HERE.
HE'S PROBABLY DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
- FORGET ABOUT PO. JUST STAY ALERT.
WE CAN'T LET JU-LONG GET THE DROP ON US.
- OOPSY DAISY!
TOO LATE.
BUT HEY, AT LEAST WE GOT TO SPEND
SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
[laughs maniacally]
[all groaning]
- GUYS, WHAT HAPPENED?
- WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?
- ME?
OH, I MUST HAVE GOTTEN MY STOREHOUSES MIXED UP,
AND I--
[slurping]
OKAY, I WENT TO MADAME ZHOU'S,
BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
SHE'S ALL ALONE OUT THERE,
AND I WENT TO KEEP HER COMPANY.
- OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF YOUR HEART?
- YES?
- AND NOT TO STUFF YOUR FACE WITH FOOD?
- UH, DID I EAT?
I'M NOT SURE IF FOOD ACTUALLY TOUCHED MY--
- PLUM SAUCE ON YOUR ELBOW,
BEAN PASTE ON YOUR CHIN,
A DUMPLING BETWEEN YOUR TOES.
- DUDE, SERIOUSLY, YOU EAT LIKE A BEAR.
- SO YOU ATE WHILE THE VALLEY STARVES
AND YOUR FRIENDS WERE ATTACKED.
- DID YOU AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY
TO BRING BACK SOME FOOD WITH YOU?
- YES!
FOOT DUMPLING?
- DUDE.
- MONKEY! GUYS!
MASTER!
- EVERY TIME YOU GO MISSING,
THE LAO SHU RAID OUR RICE STORES.
- BUT MASTER SHIFU, I--
- BECAUSE OF YOUR SELFISHNESS,
LAST NIGHT, JU-LONG STOLE THE LAST OF THE FOOD.
HUNGER IS THE NEW MASTER OF THE VALLEY OF PEACE.
- MMM. [chewing]
- YOU'RE STILL A PRISONER OF YOUR IMPULSES, PO.
UNTIL YOU KNOW AND ACCEPT YOUR WEAKNESSES,
SELFISHNESS WILL REMAIN YOUR MASTER.
- [swallows]
MADAME ZHOU?
IT'S PO.
HUH.
MADAME ZHOU, ARE YOU HERE?
WE HAVE TO TAKE YOUR DUMPLINGS AND FIGS
AND EVERYTHING TO THE VILLAGE.
IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO-- [crunch]
RICE?
[knocks]
I'M COMING IN!
THE DOOR WAS OPEN.
HUH, THE TRAIL JUST STOPS.
[mechanical crank]
[machinery rumbling]
[gasps]
THE RICE!
JU-LONG'S BEEN HERE.
MADAME ZHOU! MADAME--OOF!
- OOH!
- OH, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU'RE IN DANGER.
JU-LONG HID THE STOLEN RICE HERE.
- WELL, OF COURSE HE DID.
HE DID STEAL IT FOR ME, AFTER ALL.
STUFFED FIG?
- [drooling]
HOW'S THAT NOW?
- NOW I CAN SELL THE RICE FOR A TIDY PROFIT.
HOW ABOUT SOME PUDDING?
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I JUST SAW JU-LONG ATTACKING YOU.
- OH, THAT WAS HIS IDEA.
SOMETHING ABOUT DIVERTING SUSPICION OFF OF ME.
LET ME SEE ABOUT THAT PUDDING.
- ENOUGH WITH THE PUDDING.
JUST SO I'M CLEAR, YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS.
- UH-HUH.
- AND YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING ME
SO I'D COME AND SPEND MY TIME WITH YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- AND YOU'RE WILLING TO LET INNOCENT VILLAGERS STARVE
JUST SO YOU CAN MAKE SOME MONEY?
- EXACTLY.
WE'RE NOT THAT DIFFERENT, PO.
I LOVE MONEY AND YOU LOVE FOOD.
HERE, HAVE ANOTHER DUMPLING.
- MADAME ZHOU, YOU ARE NOT NICE.
- OH, NOT EVEN A LITTLE.
I'M SURPRISED IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
- BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
COME ON, I HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO JAIL.
- OH, PO, I'M AFRAID THAT'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM.
- COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE.
- I AM OUT.
- OH, REALLY? HOW'S THE VIEW?
- [groans]
- AFTER YOU GET RID OF HIM, WE'LL HAVE ALMOND CAKE.
BYE, PO.
- STILL THINKING ABOUT FOOD AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
AND THEY CALL ME CRAZY.
BOYS!
[humming]
- [groaning]
- WHAT A GREAT FIGHT.
AND THESE SEATS, WOW!
I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THE BIG FINALE.
- BIG FINALE?
- [groans] - [laughs]
- [grunting]
- STICK AND MOVE. HA HA!
- OW!
AHH!
[groaning]
- WOW.
- OW.
[grunting]
[straining]
[rice shifting]
- IMPRESSIVE!
YOU DESERVE A PRESENT.
HOW ABOUT A PANDA SKIN RUG?
HA HA!
- WAH!
[groans]
- A WISE MAN ONCE SAID, "AAH, RATS!"
[laughs]
[echoing clang]
- THANKS FOR YOUR HELP JU-LONG,
BUT YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED.
OH, AND TRY NOT TO DIE ALL OVER THE RICE.
LOWERS THE VALUE.
TA!
[lock clicks]
- [grunts]
- [laughs]
- WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?
SHE JUST DOUBLE-CROSSED YOU.
- NO, I DOUBLE-CROSSED HER.
SHE'S NOT GONNA MAKE A DIME ON THIS RICE
BECAUSE I RIGGED IT ALL TO EXPLODE.
[laughs maniacally]
- [laughs]
NO WAY.
SHE'LL NEVER SEE THAT COMING.
OH, MAN!
WHEN'S IT GONNA BLOW UP?
- ANY TIME NOW.
[laughs]
[both laugh]
both: UH...
[both screaming]
- ONE...
TWO...
AND NOW!
[crackling]
[explosion]
- YOU BOYS ARE RESILIENT.
HEY, DID YOU KNOW I WAS ONCE KNOWN
AS MASTER OF THE IRON WHIP?
HIYA!
[grunting]
- AH, WHOA.
- OH!
DUMPLING?
- SORRY, LADY.
FOOD ISN'T MY MASTER ANYMORE.
I AM.
- OH, DARN.
- WOW, YOU HAVE SUCH BLUE EYES.
[all eating noisily]
- HEY, GUYS.
LOOK, I KNOW I MESSED UP.
I LET YOU AND THE VALLEY DOWN
ALL FOR SOME STUFFED FIGS AND DUMPLINGS,
WHICH, IN MY DEFENSE, WERE DELICIOUS.
NOT THAT THAT MATTERS.
ANYWAY, I'M SORRY.
GUESS I'M GONNA GO.
- PANDA, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US?
- REALLY? AWESOME!
[sniffs, gags]
FOOT DUMPLINGS?
- MADE THEM MYSELF.
[laughter]
- MMM. [all groan in disgust]