- WA-CHA! HIYAH!
male announcer: AND NOW
DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS.
- [grunts] [gong rings]
* HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA *
[scatting]
* RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP
* NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME *
* HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP *
* AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME *
OOH! AHH! YAH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM *
* AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME *
* KUNG FU PANDA
[scatting]
* HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS *
* WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE
* PROTECT THE VALLEY, SOMETHING, SOMETHING *
* SOMETHING, SOMETHING ALIVE *
OOH! AHH! UH!
* KUNG FU PANDA
* LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS
SWEET!
- SMELL THIS. - [sniffs]
NO.
- SMELL THIS.
- NO.
- SMELL THIS. - NO!
- SMELL THIS. - NO.
- SMELL THIS. THIS.
THIS.
SMELL THIS!
- I TOLD YOU, PO,
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY "SMELL THIS."
- TYPICAL.
I COME UP WITH A SUPER FUN GAME
AND I GET NO APPRECIATION FOR IT.
- IT'S NOT A SUPER FUN GAME
IF THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS "CABBAGE SOUP."
YOU SPILLED ALL OVER YOURSELF AT LUNCH.
- OOH!
A REMOTE VILLAGE!
AWESOME!
SIMPLE FOLK LIVING A SIMPLE LIFE.
AND I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEIR SIMPLE DAY.
- WA-CHA! HA!
BY LETTING THEM TAKE IN THE AWESOMENESS
THAT IS THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
FOLKS LIKE THESE KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE GREATNESS.
OOH, THEY'LL PROBABLY THROW ME A PARADE.
YOU THINK THEY'LL THROW ME A PARADE?
I BET THEY'D THROW ME A PARADE.
- I DON'T KNOW, PO.
HE MAY HAVE BEATEN YOU TO IT.
- WHO?
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
[laughs] - WHAT?
- [laughing]
- "LEARN TO BE A DRAGON WARRIOR.
"TAUGHT BY MASTER CHENG,
THE ONE AND ONLY DRAGON WARRIOR"?
WHAT?
- [laughs] THE RESEMBLANCE IS SCARY.
- THIS ISN'T FUNNY, MONKEY.
THIS CHENG GUY IS STEALING MY FANS AND MY FANFARE.
HE'S BESMIRCHING THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME.
- LIGHTEN UP, PO. COME ON.
WE'VE GOT TO CHECK THIS GUY OUT.
- HE BETTER NOT HAVE GOTTEN A PARADE.
[indistinct chatter]
- CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- WONDER WHAT HE'LL TEACH US TODAY.
- IT'S TIME FOR THE DRAGON WARRIOR CLASS.
- [laughs]
[indistinct chatter]
- OH!
- WOW, THIS CHENG REALLY PACKS 'EM IN.
LET'S GRAB A SEAT IN THE BACK.
- NO WAY. THIS CHARADE ENDS NOW.
GREETINGS, SMALL-TOWN VILLAGERS.
SAY HELLO TO--
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- OH, YEAH!
- YOU LOOK GREAT, MASTER CHENG!
- [chuckles] THANK YOU.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
I AM RATHER MAGNIFICENT, AREN'T I?
- SIT DOWN!
- [strains] [chair creaks]
IS THIS DESK... FOR TINY CHILDREN--
[grunts]
I'LL STAND.
- VERY WELL, CLASS.
WHERE DID WE LEAVE OFF IN OUR LAST LESSON?
- YOU WERE EXPLAINING HOW YOU SAVED
THE VALLEY OF PEACE BY DEFEATING TAI LUNG.
[applause]
- I'LL HAVE TO BUY HIS BOOK.
[giggles]
- AH, YES.
QUITE A VIGOROUS SCRAP, THAT WAS.
BUT REMEMBER, ONE MUST MASTER THE MIND
BEFORE ONE CAN MASTER THE FOOT OR FEET.
all: OH...
- YOU'RE WRITING THAT DOWN? SERIOUSLY?
all: SHH!
- THE DRAGON WARRIOR IS SO AWESOME!
- AND YOU WILL BE, TOO.
YOU SEE, ANYONE CAN BE A DRAGON WARRIOR
IF IT'S IN THEIR HEART.
ANYONE.
- ANYONE?
all: SHH!
- KEEP IT TOGETHER, PO.
I THINK THE WORST IS OVER.
- * HEAR THE LEGEND OF THE KUNG FU SHEEP GUY *
[all scatting theme song]
- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!
- IS THERE A PROBLEM?
- YEAH, BUDDY. YOU.
[all gasp]
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
- BECAUSE THAT GUY IS NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
[all exclaim]
- BUT I AM.
- OH, YEAH? THEN, PROVE IT.
- HE'S GOT A POSTER!
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
- YEAH! - HEY!
- IF YOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR,
THEN WHAT DOES PARAGRAPH SEVEN
OF THE SACRED SCROLL OF MEDITATION SAY?
- CLASS, TAKE NOTE.
A TRUE DRAGON WARRIOR DOESN'T NEED
TO PROVE HE'S THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
HE SIMPLY IS.
- SO DEEP.
- WE SHOULD THROW HIM ANOTHER PARADE.
- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THIS IS--LOOK.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR BECAUSE I--
- BANDITS!
[ringing bell]
[villagers screaming]
[all gasping]
- GIVE US ALL YOUR SQUARE COINS!
- EVERYONE, STAY BACK.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
- COME ON, PO. WE GOTTA HELP!
- UH-UH. [laughs]
LET'S SEE HOW MUCH THEY LIKE THEIR DRAGON WARRIOR
AFTER HE GETS HIS LYING FACE THUMPED.
[bandits growl]
HMPH.
- [groans] [bone cracks]
- [grunts]
- STRENGTH OF WILL BEATS STRENGTH OF BODY.
[villagers ooh]
- [shouts]
- ONE KICK IN THE GUT IS WORTH TWO IN THE HEAD.
- HEY, HE'S NOT BAD.
[bandits groaning]
- ALWAYS BRUSH BETWEEN MEALS.
- YEAH.
[all groaning]
[bell rings] - UGH!
- SHOOBYDOOBY!
- "SHOOBYDOOBY"?
[smack] - UGH!
- HMM! [all gasp]
- RUN!
THE DRAGON WARRIOR IS TOO TOUGH FOR US!
all: [chanting] MASTER CHENG! MASTER CHENG!
- SHOOBYDOOBY!
HOW DOES HE DO IT?
all: [chanting] MASTER CHENG!
- ONCE AGAIN, THE DRAGON WARRIOR HAS KEPT OUR TOWN SAFE.
LONG LIVE THE-- - THAT! IS! IT!
[all gasp]
CHENG IS NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR
BECAUSE THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE DRAGON WARRIOR,
AND I AM THAT DRAGON WARRIOR!
[laughter]
- [laughs]
- FINE.
THEN WE'LL SETTLE THIS THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY--
WITH A FIGHT!
all: OOH.
REAL DRAGON WARRIOR VERSUS FAKEY SHEEPY DRAGON WARRIOR.
- DON'T DO THIS, PO.
IT'S BENEATH YOU.
- AND SOON HE WILL BE, TOO.
BENEATH MY FISTS...
THAT'LL BE ON HIS FACE
AND VARIOUS OTHER BODY PARTS.
- YEAH, I GET IT.
- WA-CHA!
[grunts]
OH, YEAH!
THAT'S RIGHT!
HUH! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?
CHA! OR THAT! [grunts]
NOTHING! DIDN'T THINK SO.
OKAY, FOLKS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO START PLANNING MY PARADE, 'CAUSE--
- HIYAH! HIYAH!
- HMM.
- [weak groan]
- PRETTY COWARDLY FOR A DRAGON WARRIOR,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
[laughter]
- COWARD?
[kung fu grunting]
HUH? HUH? HUH?
all: [chanting] CHENG! CHENG! CHENG! CHENG!
- HMM.
NOT BAD, PANDA.
YOU-- [chuckles]
YOU HAVE CLEARLY STUDIED MY TECHNIQUES.
- TIME FOR YOU TO STUDY MY FISTS,
WHICH WILL HIT YOUR FACE AND OTHER VARIOUS OTHER--
- WE GET IT!
- [yelps] - [grunting]
TAKE THAT!
- CHENG! CHENG! CHENG!
all: [chanting] CHENG! CHENG! CHENG! CHENG! CHENG! CHENG!
- [grunting]
CAREFUL, NOW.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
AHH!
- SO, MR. TEACHER GUY, AS THE REAL DRAGON WARRIOR,
I SAY TO YOU...
SHAKABOOEY!
- [screams]
[thud]
- SO...
GUESS YOU CAN START PLANNING MY PARADE NOW.
FIRST OFF, LET'S TALK CONFETTI.
- IS IT TRUE?
ARE YOU NOT THE REAL DRAGON WARRIOR?
[villagers gasp]
HOW--HOW COULD YOU?
WE TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU MADE FOOLS OUT OF US!
- I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO--UGH!
- NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO ON TUESDAYS?
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
[villagers grumbling]
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?
THEY WANTED THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- I THINK THEY WANTED A HERO,
AND YOU JUST TOOK THEIRS AWAY FROM THEM.
- PFFT.
I KNOW SIMPLE FOLK, AND SIMPLE FOLK ARE RESILIENT.
- I DON'T WANT TO LIVE! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE!
YOU HEAR ME?
- [groans]
AH...
UH, HEY, CHENG.
SOME DAY, HUH?
- SO, NOT TEACHING YOUR DRAGON WARRIOR CLASS ANYMORE?
- WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?
- NOT LYING IS A CHOICE.
JUST SAYIN'.
- I DIDN'T LIE.
AT LEAST IT DIDN'T START OUT THAT WAY.
I GREW UP IN A BIG FAMILY.
ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS STAND OUT,
BE SPECIAL.
BUT I WASN'T.
MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS BECAME DOCTORS...
LAWYERS...
CARNIVAL WORKERS...
THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE MY MARK
WAS TO STRIKE OUT ON MY OWN.
MY TRAVELS TOOK ME FAR.
I MADE MY WAY TO THIS REMOTE VILLAGE.
THAT'S WHEN FATE STEPPED IN.
- [laughs wickedly]
[thud]
[groans]
[all cheering]
- THE VILLAGERS HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.
THEY THOUGHT I WAS EXTRAORDINARY.
THEY THOUGHT I WAS THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
[sighs] I KNOW.
I SHOULD HAVE CORRECTED THEM, BUT I FELT SPECIAL.
FINALLY!
AND NOW...
[sighs] NOW IT'S ALL OVER.
- WELP, THAT'S THE WAY THE FORTUNE COOKIE CRUMBLES.
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.
- PO!
- LOOK, I FEEL BAD,
BUT THE UNIVERSE CHOSE ME, NOT HIM.
I'M SORRY, CHENG.
I MEAN YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD GUY.
YOU'LL JUST FIND SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS AWESOME TO BE.
LET'S HIT IT, MONKEY.
- YEAH. TAKE CARE, CHENG.
WE'LL GO MAKE SURE THOSE BANDITS ARE GONE.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM.
I PAID THEM TO LOSE TO ME.
THEY'RE ACTUALLY AN OUT-OF-WORK ACTING TROUPE.
- SINCE THE PANDA EXPOSED CHENG AS A FRAUD,
NO MORE PAY DAY.
WE ARE UNEMPLOYED.
- BUT SHI WO, WE HAVE TO WORK,
WE HAVE TO EAT.
AND THERE AREN'T ANY THEATRES OUT HERE,
NOT EVEN DINNER THEATRE.
[all groan]
WHAT? I'M NOT ABOVE IT.
- AYE. - YEAH.
- LET'S PUT OUR THINKING CAPS ON
AND FIGURE OUT HOW WE CAN GET MONEY
WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK.
- GAH!
IT WOULD BE SO BRILLIANT
IF WE COULD JUST GET PEOPLE
TO GIVE US THEIR MONEY AND SUCH.
BUT HOW?
- [growls]
HOLD ON.
INSTEAD OF PLAYING BANDITS,
WE'LL ACTUALLY BE BANDITS.
IT'S SO METHOD.
EVERYONE GET INTO CHARACTER.
TOMORROW MORNING, WE RANSACK THAT VILLAGE
WITH GREAT GUSTO.
LIGHT UP THE SKY, EVERYONE!
all: LIGHT UP THE SKY!
- YOU REALLY THINK CHENG WILL BE OKAY?
- ABSOLUTELY.
I KNOW SIMPLE FOLK, AND SIMPLE FOLK ARE FORGIVING.
all: BOO!
- GET OUT! - GET OUT OF HERE!
- NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE!
- LEAVE OUR TOWN NOW, PHONY!
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE THREW HIM A PARADE!
- BOO! - WAIT! EVERYBODY, STOP!
NOW LISTEN UP--OW!
[growls]
YES, CHENG LIED. [groans]
BUT HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.
AND HIS KUNG FU'S PRETTY GOOD TOO.
I MEAN, NOT AS GOOD AS MINE,
BUT I HAVE THE ADVANTAGE OF TRAINING AT THE JADE--
- [clears throat]
- RIGHT.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS, EVEN IF CHENG
ISN'T THE TOTALLY BODACIOUS DRAGON WARRIOR,
CAN'T YOU FORGIVE HIM ANYWAY?
all: NO!
- BOO! - FORGET HIM!
- WOW.
SIMPLE FOLK CAN HOLD A GRUDGE, HUH?
- BANDITS!
[bandits growling]
- WHAT ARE THEY DOING BACK HERE?
- PROBABLY DIDN'T GET THE WHOLE "THE JIG IS UP" MEMO.
FEAR NOT, SIMPLE CITIZENS!
THE DRAGON WARRIOR WILL DEAL WITH THESE RUFFIANS.
YOU THERE!
DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP!
HEY, GUYS. WAY TO SELL IT.
THE DRAGON WARRIOR DOTH SAY
THAT YOUR KIND AREN'T WELCOME HERE!
THING IS, SHOW'S CLOSING.
DON'T PROTRUDETH ME ANY OF YOUR LIP, FOUL HEATHEN!
DON'T FEEL BAD.
GOOD RUN, MOSTLY POSITIVE REVIEWS,
BUT IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NO PROBLEM, EVERYBODY.
THE DRAGON WARRIOR HAS--
- I SAY THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
- HUH?
[gong rings]
[smack]
- UGH...
[bandits growling]
- UGH.
WHAT?
[strains]
AW, MAN.
THIS HAPPENS TO ME ENTIRELY TOO OFTEN.
- I HEARD THAT.
- [growls] [villagers whimper]
- THIS VILLAGE BELONGS TO US NOW.
- PLEASE, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
THESE ARE GOOD PEOPLE WHO--
AAH! [groans]
- SHOULD I TIE HIM UP, TOO?
- WHY BOTHER?
HE'S NOTHING SPECIAL.
- [sighs]
- CHENG...
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, PO,
FOR AS THE LOTUS BLOSSOM OPENS, ONE MUST--
I HATE MYSELF.
- WAY TO GO, PO.
THANKS TO YOUR BIG EGO, A HERO'S BEEN CRUSHED,
EVERYONE'S UPSET,
AND BANDITS HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF THE WHOLE TOWN.
- SO...
NO PARADE?
- THAT'S IT, SHI WO.
WE'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT!
- EXCELLENT.
AND NOW, SINCE WE HAVE A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE...
- BUT CAN'T YOU SEE?
IT IS YOU THAT I LOVE.
- * HOW DOES A BAKER'S SON
* KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE? *
* HE ONLY KNOWS ABOUT FLOUR AND YEAST *
* AND NOT THE STARS ABOVE
- [strains]
MUSICAL THEATRE--
[groans] MUST BREAK FREE.
- SHUSH!
- UGH, THIS IS CRAZY.
ARE YOU ALL REALLY GONNA LET THEM STEAL YOUR STUFF?
THEY'RE JUST ACTORS!
[bandits gasp] - HUH?
[bandits growling]
- UH, WELL-ARMED ACTORS?
- GREAT. NOW SEE WHAT YOU DID?
- CRITICS.
NEW THIRD ACT, GUYS. [cracks knuckles]
INSTEAD OF JUST ROBBING THIS VILLAGE,
WE'RE GONNA BURN IT TO THE GROUND!
all: LIGHT UP THE SKY!
- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS. TORCH IT!
- [whimpers]
NO!
[weakly] YOU CAN'T.
[villagers gasp]
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
YOU'RE NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- ANYONE CAN BE A DRAGON WARRIOR
IF IT'S IN THEIR HEART.
UGH!
[bandits laughing]
[villagers murmuring]
- LOOK AT HIM, AFTER HOW WE TREATED HIM.
- THERE'S NO WAY HE CAN TAKE THEM BY HIMSELF.
- I AM THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- HUH?
- I AM THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- I AM! - I AM--
- I AM THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - I AM THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
- HUH?
- LET'S GET' EM!
- YEAH!
- UGH!
all: SHOOBYDOOBY!
[bell rings]
SHOOBYDOOBY!
- HURRY, PO.
THE VILLAGERS NEED A REAL DRAGON WARRIOR!
- LET'S DO THIS THING!
- [shouting]
[kung fu grunting]
UGH!
- SHAKABOOEY!
- [grunts]
HUH?
- SHOOBYDOOBY!
[axe clangs]
[groans]
- HA! HOO! HEE! HUH!
[all groaning]
- TIME FOR THE BIG FINISH.
JUST ME VERSUS THE DRAGON WARRIOR.
- WITH PLEASURE!
NOW EVERYONE WILL BE ABLE TO APPRECIATE
THE AWESOMENESS OF THE DRAGON WARRIOR!
IT'S UP TO YOU, CHENG!
YOU'RE THE "DRAGON WARRIOR."
KICK HIS SCENERY-CHEWING BUTT.
- HMM?
- [laughs]
- YOU WERE RIGHT, CHENG!
ANYONE CAN BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR...
- [laughs]
- IF IT'S IN THEIR HEART.
[axe clangs] - [whimpers]
- I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
- THIS WILL BE YOUR FINAL CURTAIN.
[all gasping]
- HUH?
- YEAH!
- [grunts]
[landing blows]
- UGH!
[kung fu grunts]
[loud thud]
[villagers cheering]
- AND...SCENE.
- WAY TO GO, CHENG! [laughs]
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, DRAGON WARRIOR-STYLE.
- NOT TAKING THE GLORY FOR YOURSELF, PO?
YOU FEELING OKAY?
- FEELING FINE, MONK.
I TOLD YOU. I JUST WANTED A PARADE.
all: [chanting] MASTER CHENG! MASTER CHENG!
MASTER CHENG!
- SMELL THIS.