Wa-cha!
Hi-yah!
MAN (VOICEOVER): And now, DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda:
Legends of Awesomeness.
THEME SONG: Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda!
[SCATTING]
Raised in a noodle shop, never seeking glory or fame,
he climbed the mountain top and earned the Dragon Warrior name.
Ooh, ah, ya!
Kung Fu Panda!
[SCATTING]
Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom,
and master the skills of bodacious and awesome!
Kung Fu Panda!
[SCATTING]
He lives, and he trains, and he fights with the Furious Five.
Protect the Valley something, something, something alive!
Ooh, ah, ya!
Kung Fu Panda!
Legends of Awesomeness.
Sweet.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[KUNG FU SHOUTING]
Ah!
OK, Shifu, I got back that mystical shmageggy
that Hundun stole from us.
I think it's a belt maybe.
[SIGH] Put it with the others. Po, I--
How come we keep so many of these magic thingies
around anyway?
I'm SHIFU: Po, I--
I mean, they keep causing trouble,
and we never really use them for anything.
[SPLASH]
SHIFU: Po!
I need you to track down Crocodile Bandits immediately.
Aw, I just got back, and I haven't eaten since-- OK, I
just ate a little something right before I came in here,
but I just got back!
Why can't one of them go? -Allergies.
-Head cold. -Too sweaty.
-Seniority. -Don't wanna!
You'll go because I said so.
The Crocs have kidnapped Baren Hsieh's child.
You need to find them at once.
Ugh, OK.
But when I'm the boss, everyone's going to get
a break between assignments.
When you're the boss?
[ALL LAUGHING]
What's ha, ha, ha, ha supposed to mean?
Po, we've been through this.
You're not really a leadership kind of guy.
And you are?
Yes.
How do you know you're a leader?
Because you're going to do what I told you to do!
Well, only because I want to.
[SMACK]
You don't want to be the boss.
You'd have to give up being part of the team.
We need you, Po.
Yeah, if we don't put something heavy like you
on one side of the barracks, the whole thing
tips over in high winds, like, wirrrrr, boom!
Right?
[ALL LAUGHING]
They don't think I could the boss of anything.
I could be the bossiest boss ever!
Someday I'll show them.
I'll show them all!
[SQUEAK]
Ugh, OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[THUD]
Darn it, Gahri, we've got to be careful with this thing.
[YELPS]
We don't want the little guy to get hurt.
PO: Wuh-tah!
So it's true.
You abducted Baren Hsieh's kid.
Um, sort of?
What do you mean sort of?
Baren Hsieh?
He's a hawk.
You took his kid.
Come on, little fella.
Whoa, that kid's young.
[YELLING]
[STRUGGLING]
[ALL GASPING]
Ah!
[ALL SIGHING]
[YELLING]
[SMACK]
[YELLING]
Solid impact.
[LAUGHS]
Nice catch.
[GASP]
[THUD]
[SIGH]
[CRACKING]
Hey, there.
How you doing?
[SQUAWKS]
Yeah, no, that's great.
Just fly home.
Don't worry about us.
Ugh, darn it!
[CLANG]
We were this close to ransoming that egg-- kid-- guy.
Now we got nothing.
Come on!
Back to the hideout.
You mean your mum's basement?
FUNG: Which I call the hideout!
Uh, guys?
I think the puffin's really hurt.
Course he is!
Those that defy the will of the Croc Bandits must-- ooh,
wow, he really is hurt.
Ugh.
Put him in a thing.
Ugh, you think he's gonna be mad when he wakes up?
PO: Ugh.
Don't freak out!
OK?
Wait, you're not mad?
-Who's not mad? -You.
You who?
Yoo-hoo to you too, dude.
No, I mean, who's you?
Who's-- who-- who am I?
Wait, you-- you don't remember who you are?
No, sir, I do not.
You're Po, and you're the--
You're Po, and you're one of us!
I'm a crocodile?
A furry black and white crocodile?
Uh, yes?
Let me help you up.
You're the rarest kind.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
And we are all bandits. All of us.
Like, all of us together.
I don't feel that bandit-y.
Oh, trust me.
You, sir, are top bandit.
Top?
Like, I'm the boss?
Ye-- no-- wait, um, uh, hm, uh, you know, sure,
but I'm your trusted adviser.
I mean, you listen to me a lot.
Whoa. FUNG: You know what?
Yeah, you are the boss.
I'm getting mixed messages.
In that case, let's go steal!
Things!
Abaci!
Get your abaci here!
Abaci!
Get your abaci.
So I just take the guy's money and don't give him anything?
Doesn't really sound fair.
It's not fair.
That's what stealing is.
Break a leg, buddy.
Abaci!
Get your abaci here!
Oh, hey, Po. -Ah-ha!
You recognise Po, leader of the fearsome Crocodile Bandits!
Uh.
[LAUGHS]
VENDOR: Crocodile Bandits?
[THUD]
[YELLING]
[SMASH]
Wow!
I rock at this.
BYSTANDERS: What's happening?
Po is robbing that guy!
That's not the Po I know.
I can't believe it.
[BYSTANDERS CHATTERING]
That was awesome!
You're the best, buddy.
You really think so?
Totally.
Let's try that a couple more times
to make sure you have the hang of it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[PUNCH] MAN: Hey!
Excuse me.
[YELLING]
[COINS CLINKING]
I love stealing.
[CROWD YELLING]
What is going on here?
[CROWD YELLING]
MAN IN CROWD: Wait 'til I get my hands on him.
Po did all this?
There must be some explanation.
He was with the Croc Bandits.
They were calling him their boss!
[SIGH] Spread out and find him at once.
Try not to hurt him.
Try hard?
Or just sort of try? [SIGH]
OK.
You're fantastic, boss!
You may be the greatest bandit ever.
Oh, stop.
And you're the best trusted-est adviser-est ever.
Uh, first bump! Boom!
Making it rain.
[LAUGHS]
Why does this place smell familiar?
Uh, because it's so successful?
Awesome.
Let's rob it!
We gotta keep him away from stuff that
might bring back his memory.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss.
Hold on a second.
About Mr. Ping's Noodle Shop, we got
this agreement with him, right?
If we don't rob him, he gives us free noodles.
So I don't know.
Want to give up the noodles or--
TIGRESS: Po!
Ugh.
Come with us, Po.
Wait a sec.
I feel like I know these guys.
Of course you do.
They're, like, your sworn and mortal enemies.
That's it!
[YELLING]
Hi-yah!
Po!
We're here to help you!
You can help by kissing my fist with your mouth parts.
Wuh-tah! -Ah!
FUNG: Let's get out of here.
Next time, I won't go so easy on you.
Guys, this is amazing.
We just have to make sure Po doesn't get his memory back,
and we'll be the greatest bandits in history.
But uh-- don't-- don't you feel bad that we're kind
of taking advantage of him?
Darn it, Gahri!
We're supposed to do bad stuff.
That's why we're called bad-nits.
Anyway, don't feel bad about it.
I don't feel bad about it at all.
PO: Mmm, Fung, your mum makes the best honey cakes!
You didn't leave us any?
Nah, mm, so guys, I've decided we're
going to head back to the village
and rob that noodle shop.
But we can't rob Mr. Ping. He's your fr--
Favourite cook!
Remember?
I told you we have the arrangement?
I'm the boss, and I say that there's a new arrangement
where we rob that shop.
But--
[THUD]
End of story.
That's a good story.
Got a couple notes.
SHIFU: So Po has lost his memory, and he thinks he's a--
-A Crocodile Bandit. -[SIGH]
For the good of the Valley of Peace, we have to stop him.
Find Po.
Hit him hard.
Hit him fast.
Bring him down.
Dreams do come true.
[CHOPPING]
[SPLASH]
All noodles half price for the next 15 minutes!
Uh-- uh, with special seasoning.
BYSTANDERS: Oh!
Oh, my gosh.
What's going on here?
[ALL GASPING]
OK, party people, prepare to be robbed most bodaciously!
Very funny, Po.
Come into the kitchen and help me with my special noodles.
The secret ingredient is floor.
Hand over your money.
Don't make me get all Kung Fu-y on you.
What?
[GASPS]
There's no time for chit-chat, boss.
Um, let's just, you know, stay focused on the task at hand.
[COINS CLINKING]
Have you lost your mind, Po?
You seem familiar.
Of course I'm familiar.
I'm your father!
[GASPS]
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, right.
How can you possibly be my dad when you're a goose?
-Well-- -And I'm a crocodile.
It's crazy, right?
Am I right?
Hang on.
Oh, I got this guy, boss.
Why don't you grab some loot?
Yeah, OK.
Hey, look what I found, a whole lot of cool stuff.
Look!
Hey, those are Po's action figures.
Hey, what you got there?
Um, you know, knick-knacks, tchotchkes, doodads,
bric-a-brac, floogoos.
I'm just--
[SNORTS]
[GLASS BREAKING]
OK, time to go.
How about the loot?
Oh, we've got plenty.
Let's go, go go!
There he is!
Don't let him get away!
Po, you get back here at once, young man.
You're grounded. You are grounded!
Po?
Look like we got about 30 yuan and some noodles.
[SLURPING]
These taste funny.
This is pathetic.
We need a big heist, something really spectacular.
If I'm the leader, I'm going to lead us to greatness, right?
Um.
I got it!
What's that-- uh-- that big fancy place
on top of that-- that mountain?
You mean the Jade Palace?
Yeah!
We're going to rob the Jade Palace.
[ALL GASPING] Meanwhile
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Let's, uh, dial this back a little.
You know?
I don't think we want to--
Darn it, guys!
[CLANG]
You're going to do what I told you do!
And I say we're going to rob that palace's brains out.
And if anyone gets in our way, we crush them!
Crush, crush, squishy, squishy, crush.
[PANTING]
Ugh, stairs.
(SINGING) Hear the legend of the Crocodile Bandits!
[SCATTING]
Sing!
[ALL MUMBLING]
Would you guys at least try?
We're a team.
No, Mr. Bossy Boots, we're a team.
You're the boss.
Fine.
I am the Bandit King!
That's what I'm thinking of calling myself now.
What do you think?
I want to going to go home.
No way!
We're going straight to the top.
Once the Bandit King destroys these Jade Palace guys,
who's gonna stop us?
Uh, what do you mean when you said destroy?
Huh! Wa-cha!
Destroy.
[YELPS]
Hi-yah!
OK, archenemies, we are here to croc your world!
Oh, my gosh.
Croc your world?
That's so great!
I can't believe we haven't been saying that for years.
Croc your world.
Gonna croc your world.
Please don't ruin it like you ruin everything.
Yoo-hoo!
The Bandit King wants to do some punchy punch!
Where is everybody?
SHIFU: They're all out looking for you.
I just gotta fight one funny-looking old guy
with a pointy nose and a moustache
that looks like yesterday's noodles?
This is gonna be easy.
If you believe that, you really have forgotten everything.
Uh, should I be worried about--
[SMACK]
[THUD]
[PANTING]
Huah!
You got this, buddy!
Croc his world. Croc his world!
[KUNG FU NOISES]
Kyah!
[GLASS BREAKING]
Po, I know you don't remember me, but you have to try!
[GROWLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
I don't want to hurt you.
Then this is your lucky day.
[THUD]
[PUNCHING NOISES]
Wa-tah!
[GASPS]
FUNG: Stop it, guy!
I lied, OK?
You're not a Bandit.
You're the Dragon Warrior, and we're, like, enemies and junk.
And that's how it's supposed to be,
and this is all just wrong, wrong, wrong.
[SIGHS]
I should have known.
You want to be the boss!
You're trying to trick me into thinking I'm good.
MONKEY: Hold it right there!
Ah, thank gosh you guys are here!
TIGRESS: Whoa, unexpected.
Crocs, attack!
[SHUFFLING]
[SIGHS] Fine.
Then I order myself to kid these guys' butts!
[KUNG FU NOISES]
You think you can stop me?
No one can stop me!
[GRUNTING]
[MOANING]
It's over, old man.
There's only one boss around here, and it's me.
Look in that box.
Dolls?
Not dolls.
Action figures.
I am the Dragon Warrior.
Oh, my gosh.
Shifu, what happened to you?
Well, you just beat the heck out of me.
Yeah, right.
Wait, you don't remember anything
about how we were friends, and then you went all nuts,
and I kind of saved the day? -[GASPS]
I do remember.
That your mum makes awesome honey cakes!
Right.
I give up.
So get up and take us to prison. You know what?
Just forget it.
We'll take ourselves.
Oh, Fung-y, you're just gonna give up?
Can't you see we're not cut out to be bandits?
I mean, we've been doing this for years
and our hideout is still my mum's basement.
Ugh, you know what?
It's time we go straight.
[ALL GASPING]
Right after we do our time in prison.
Eh, why not?
I got a nice garden going there.
Hey, hey, I don't know why, but I feel I should thank you.
Don't mention it.
Yeah, maybe-- maybe we can do something when you get out,
you know, something that doesn't involve punching each other.
Yeah, yeah, we've been punching hard, so yeah.
Sounds good.
That sounds real good, guy.
Po, I guess I was wrong.
You do have what it takes to be a leader-- an evil,
misguided, destructive leader. -[LAUGHS]
Thanks, but why would I want to be a leader?
It's better to be a part of a team with all my friends.
Right, guys?
You just beat us up. [SMACK]
[LAUGHS]
Well, looks like everything's back to what
passes for normal around here.
[MUSIC PLAYING]