[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[RETCHING, SQUIRMING AND SCREAMING]
[WHEEZING AND COUGHING]
Anyways, yeah, that's basically what your soup did to my guts, Dad.
It was a nightmare in there. Trust me.
Well... Those symptoms are familiar.
Really?
Somebody messed with my soup.
You're sure about this?
Positive. I've got a beak for these kind of things.
[EXPLOSION] [STARTLED GASP]
Xing-Sum tongue powder.
A rare herbal blend.
No color, no taste, only the faintest of odors.
MR. PING: Don't forget deadly.
LI: Yes, it can be fatal.
You're saying someone in the village tried to...
Yes...
Poison you.
What are you looking at?
I don't know.
Pandas are not known for their skill at alchemy.
[STRAINING]
This blend, in order to work, had to be mixed by an expert.
LI: Probably someone from...
Tuoluo.
Tuolu-wha?
The Tuoluo Market. The caravan oasis about a day's journey from here.
Sounds like a good place to start looking for answers.
And while you're gone, we'll handle the internal village investigation...
To see if anyone knows anything.
Bust some heads.
Really crack this case wide open.
[SNIFFLING] And find out who's responsible for Cart's untimely murder.
You will be...
[SCREAMING] Avenged!
"Beware the Dragon Master?"
What the heck's that supposed to mean?
I don't know! That's just what it says!
Did the first Dragon Master
really turn on the Four Constellations?
FAN TONG: But why? That's so mean.
According to this... [JING MOANING]
the Dragon Master was driven mad by his Golden Chi...
and his thirst for more power.
The Four Constellations were gonna use this thing called a Spirit Urn...
to capture his evil soul.
[URN BURPS]
We need to ask Master Po and see what he thinks.
He'll know what to do.
JING: Po has Golden Chi.
What if Po turns evil too?
What did you just say?
BAO: What the heck's wrong with Jing?
What? Nothing. Get off my back. I'm fine.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
It works. [GRUNTING]
Truly remarkable. A chi-connection like this hasn't been made in...
Ever, Jade Tusk.
A demon is one thing, but to take control of a mortal child...
it has never been done in ever.
But how, Master?
It appears I received
some of the angry weird one's healing chi...
when she saved me.
Once I'm finished infecting her, she'll contaminate the others...
and they'll turn against their Master Po.
This girl may prove to be the key to everything.
[MAKING KUNG FU SOUNDS]
NU HAI: Master Po! Wait!
You missed our morning lesson! Where were you?
Can't chat right now, guys. Sorry. Got a lot goin' on.
JING: Hold on, jefe, we want answers.
Later. I've got some super important Dragon Master business to take care of.
Great! We can come with you! Do you need help solving a mystery?
I'm really good at problem solving, analytical thinking...
and puzzles, I love puzzles!
What? No! No, you need to stay here.
It's just a boring errand. So, so boring, like...
I mean boring, boring, like eyes rolling in your head...
drool coming out of your lips boring. It's just gonna be boring, okay?
[SCREAMING]
I think he's hiding something from us.
[THUDDING]
PO: Don't worry. I'm good!
[OWL HOOTING] [GASPS]
[PANTING]
[WHISPERING] Guys, the fire's down.
Nu Hai? Bao? Fan Tong!
[FIGHTING NOISES]
I'm coming!
Nu Hai, are you okay?
[MOANING]
You were right, he's a monster!
Sorry, gang!
Master Po?
Official Dragon Master business!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[SCREAMING] No!
NU HAI: Jing! Wake up! Wake up!
No! We need to bury her!
That'll keep her quiet so Master Po doesn't hear!
So Master Po doesn't hear what?
Nu Hai told me to! No, I didn't!
Yeah, you did! Oh, yeah.
NU HAI: Like I told you to bury my friend, right?
Enough! You deliberately disobeyed me!
You're in the middle of the woods without supervision.
You put each other's lives in danger! Am I missing anything?
[SCREAMING]
Did you get the part about burying Jing in a shallow grave?
Yes, I was here for that.
PO: I told you guys
it wasn't safe to leave the village!
Right, we did hear that...
but then we thought it was
a good chance to get some real world Kung Fu training?
Yeah, and isn't it good for kids to spend time in nature...
and some other junk?
Fine. You can come with me.
[ALL CHEERING]
But this is educational! I don't want anybody having fun!
Now get some sleep. You're gonna need it.
[NU HAI WHOOPING]
[GASPS]
Welcome to Tuoluo.
Your one-stop shop for gangsters, shysters, bilkers and villains.
Better watch your wallets.
And don't let the cute ones out of your sight.
I think I know what I'm... Aw, seriously!
Guys? I'm not sure about this.
BAO: It's perfectly safe! The carnie gave us his word!
No, no, no.
That was terrible.
You stink!
Aw, come on Master Po! That was Fan Tong's big moment!
Guys, I'm serious. You can't have arrows and carnies flying at you!
Well, technically we...
I said no fun allowed.
That means no wandering off, no chi.
Just keep your eyes on the prize!
Oh, yeah.
What prize are we talking about exactly, Master P?
The Alchemist's tent. Gotta find out who poisoned me!
[ALL GASP]
Oh, uh...
I guess this would be a good time to tell you that somebody tried to off me...
by putting a Dark Chi-potion in my soup.
Knew it! Likely story.
Great, now I'm afraid of soup.
And apparently the tent where he sells his dark herbs...
is here in Tuoluoluo.
Hey, this one looks promising!
TUOLUO TRAVELER: Get out of here!
[ALL SCREAMING]
PO: Not promising!
[MASSAGING AND CRACKING]
This is why I come here.
Turn over, hon.
Just to get away from it all.
MEI MEI: Ah, Mei Mei likey.
Mei-Mei?
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
Get out of here! What the heck, guys?
I'm gonna lose my cool, lady!
Get out! Don't look at me! I said don't look at me!
Sorry.
What are you guys doing in Tuoluo?
What are you doing here, Mei Mei?
I come once a month to get my eye circles darkened...
a little cheek work, have my lady-stache bleached.
[SHOCKED SCREAM]
It's not weird.
Yeah, it is.
Right, okay.
So do you by any chance know where we can find the Alchemist?
I mean, yeah, but you can't just go into the shop.
You need an intro.
Oh, great! Can you introduce us?
Heck, no. You crazy?
Laoshu is a scoundrel, a swindler, a straight-up gangster.
And I'm not putting my life on the line...
by bringin' in a couple of newbies with no street cred!
Got you. Guess we'll have to find someone else then, right.
Good luck with your... Whatever you're doing.
Hope nobody accidentally finds out about your black market beauty secrets...
a little nippy tuck tuck tuck, know what I mean?
[LAUGHING]
Yeah.
Well played.
Hey, Laoshu.
I wanted to introduce you to some Pandas who I totally don't vouch for at all.
This is, this is Lei, Ying, Lo...
and his Panda friends.
Good luck, gonna go wait outside, see you, bye!
I got this. Master Lei Ying Lo.
Hello, good sir.
[BANGS]
I am woman!
I now see that.
MR. PING: Li! Li! Li! [LI STARTLED GASPING]
Why are we up at such an ungodly hour?
It's time to find out who poisoned my son's soup!
Our son.
Yeah, whatever.
Ugh, boy.
Why did you do it?
[WAILING]
Spread 'em.
I am.
Spill it.
This is fun, can I do the next one?
Go for it.
Come clean, perp!
Who you calling perp? Ow!
She's strong for her age!
MR. PING: Busted.
Squeal, piggy.
Say your prayers.
Confess.
J'accuse!
Talk, dirtbag!
Good cop... Bird cop!
Gotcha!
It's an open and shut case!
Ah, well, that's it...
we trampled on the rights of the entire village, and come up empty.
Yes, and we ruined so many doors!
If only Cart were here to hold me.
He always knew exactly what to say!
[SOBBING]
Listen, Ping. We saw how sad you were after "Cart" blew up.
Oh, don't remind me!
There will never be another!
There, there, Ping. Yet, I was hoping to wait until Po got back, but, well...
We passed the hat around the village and we all love your cooking so much...
and well, we got you a new cart!
[CHINESE SONG PLAYING]
I've never said this before in my entire life...
to anyone ever.
But...
free noodles...
for everyone!
Dessert still full price.
Watch and learn.
As Mei Mei mentioned...
I'm Lei Ying Lo, just a casual customer.
Much pleasure for acquaintance, Master Ying Lo...
but I am very busy woman, and without appointment...
Totally understand, be out of your way in a jiff.
Curious, have you recently sold any Dark Chi herbs...
that could take out a panda with massive muscles, about the same size as mine?
That is sadly none of your business.
I keep my client information very private.
How often do you swallow that key?
You know what? I don't wanna know.
But it sounds like you're keeping your clients safe...
in the safe.
You know, the old, yeah, the old safe-eroono.
I am bored of your antics. I leave for lunch now.
I could do lunch! We can talk 'bigness!'
I'll be your safe client.
This'll be great!
You can put me on your mailing list...
oh, but you know I've got two addresses...
Hey, guys, I think he wants us to break into the safe!
Nice work, Fan Tong.
I had this one business where I was in charge...
of selling all the Furious Five action figures...
but it didn't work out because I was buying my own stuff...
and, you know, this is not much of a lunch spot, Laoshu.
This place is kind of, it's kind of dead?
I have no interest in your business, Master Po!
How did you know it was me?
I had a hat on and everything!
I cannot afford for any Pandas or their little friends...
to be fishing around the Silk Road for information about me...
or my customers. You understand, don't you?
Not really.
Boys!
Master Po, these are some of my boys.
I have many boys. Boys!
Teeny-tiny heads up.
You probably don't want anything to do with these boys!
Ow!
Wow. What is that, cast iron?
Keep your voices down so we don't get caught by the guards.
Truth serum.
This could come in handy.
Why?
Why what?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna use that on Master Po!
Hey, you said it, bubba.
But now that you mention it, it's not such a bad idea!
Maybe we should find something useful, that could help us get into this safe!
Can we please stop fighting?
This is boring!
I'm gonna prove to you that Master Po is being honest.
By opening that chest and finding out who Laoshu sold the Dark Chi herbs to.
Well, I think it's going to prove that he's guilty!
Why would he have us break into a safe if he's guilty?
JING: How would I know? He's the master criminal, not me!
NU HAI:He's not a criminal! Take that back!
Out of my way, teacher's pet!
Teacher's pet? Well, you're a traitor!
Oh, it's on, bubba!
FAN TONG: Guys, come on! Stop fighting!
Hey, guys, one of these might work!
[BUBBLING AND FIZZING]
Problem! Big big problem!
I tried to warn you!
I'm the Dragon Master! I'm going easy here!
That came from my tent.
I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for...
That's some serious Trunk-fu, lady.
Finish him off please, boys.
Hold on, lady! You're not getting...
[MOANING] Away.
That was awesome! Did we open the safe?
NU HAI: Oh, come on!
[RUMBLING] [GASPS]
[TRUMPETING]
[FAN TONG SHRIEKING LIKE A GIRL]
Guys! Angry Elephant! Coming this way!
You mess with Elephant business, you get the trunk.
[PO SCREAMING]
You should pick on someone your own size!
Or at least slightly bigger than them.
Or maybe a little bigger than that or, may...
You get it... Let's just fight!
Hang on, kids, I got this!
Does that look like someone who's about to betray us?
Is she...
Nope! She's not! Okay, she's not!
Can't you stay down, lady?
This is nothing but irritation.
Spill it, Laoshu. Who did you sell the dark herbs to?
All it takes is just one little word.
It starts with a "S," and ends with a "kadoosh."
No! Wait! I cannot give you a name.
But I can tell you how to find them.
I have prepared a shipment of deadly herbs to be delivered outside of town.
But you must swear to secrecy.
The Kung Fu masters I am in business with, their evil knows no limits.
You have my word, Laoshu.
On path to Tuoluo, there is old tree shaped like witch's finger.
Got you!
Let's give this dude a little taste of the Four Constellations.
Love the teamwork, kids, but she's already getting away!
Master Po! Master Po!
She's getting away!
Time for your big moment, Fan Tong!
[BAO SCREAMING]
Yeah!
In your face, snaggletooth!
[MOANS]
It's simple. You tell us who you work for...
and we let you go.
Maybe. Still haven't decided.
I will never betray my master's trust.
What's that? Couldn't hear you.
Could you say it again, louder and with your mouth open way wider?
I said I'll nev...
[GLUGGING]
Jing, what are you doing?
It's just truth serum! She wasn't gonna talk.
Oh, okay, cool. Jing terrifies me.
Now tell us, who is your master?
I work for the dragon master.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Relax, guys!
This lady has attacked us a bunch of times! She doesn't work for me.
JADE TUSK: He speaks the truth.
I am loyal to the one true Dragon Master.
Who is she talking about?
I have to do everything myself...
Who is the one true Dragon Master?
The one true Dragon Master is...
What was that?
[GASPS]
NU HAI: Jing? Are you okay?
I'm not sure. I didn't have control of my chi.
Then who did?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]