[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
FAN TONG: We were so close to finding out
who sent that deer lady with the moldy tooth to poison Master Po.
Yeah, until Butterfingers blasted her chi all over the place.
I already told you ding-dongs...
I don't know why my chi got loose when we were shaking down Toothy Magee!
Bring it, Mama!
PO: Guys, guys, cut Jing some slack![BOTH FIGHTING]
Even the best of us can suffer from a little chi leakage sometimes.
Nobody could have seen that coming.
But it does bring us to today's lesson, The Element of Surprise!
Great topic, Master Po.
Think fast! NU HAI: Just yesterday I was... Ow!
[ALL LAUGH]
What the...
You almost hit my dimple!
Even the best kung fu fighters can get hung up on the rules.
They forget that sometimes in the real world, the rules don't apply.
So in other words, we have to expect the unexpected.
Ow!
[GIGGLING]
That's enough.
[ALL GIGGLING]
[GRUNTS AND GASPS]
Ow!
[GIGGLING]
[GASPS]
You feeling okay, Jing?
I'm fine.
Can we just get home please?
Well, I'm pretty sure I got enlightened yesterday.
You ever wonder if you're just dead inside?
[THUD, METAL CLINKING]
[DOOR BANGS]
Master, thank you for helping me to escape the Pandas' truth serum ploy.
Nifty trick, eh?
Lucky for you my connection to the weird angry panda is so strong.
Huifang! More light!
Coming, Master Jindiao! [THUD]
[GRUNTS]
The mural is most impressive, your excellency.
Now my followers may know the true scope of my thousand-year quest.
And now that I have re-gained the pandas' trust, luring them to me will be easy.
But, Master, you are not yet strong enough to handle their chi.
You are correct. I am not.
And if Po discovers the truth? You cannot defeat him as you are.
Correct again. I cannot.
Then we must wait.
On the contrary, Jade Tusk.
We cannot move fast enough.
Ah.
[GASPS]
Master Po, maybe we should stop here for the night?
PO: Here? No way!
That inn is filled with some of the most violent, disgusting...
and horrible criminals you could ever find!
On the other hand, Jing seems to be in a lot of pain
and I have read good things about their buffet.
[HYPERVENTILATING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[SPLASH, THUD]
PO: How about an order of dumplings,
some noodles, a plate of sweet-buns, and twelve rice balls.
And then whatever the kids want.
I'm sorry, we're all out of those items.
Okay, then just bring us whatever ya got.
Master Po, do you think Jing's going to be okay?
Yeah, she'll be fine! This is a great place to rest.
[THULP]
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
Huh?
Ah, ah.
Get to the Plum Blossom Temple. You will be safe there.
I must get to the Plum Blossom Temple. I will be safe there.
There is no time to waste.
Let nothing stop you.
[SCREAMING]
[PANTING]
SUYIN: Charred crickets in spicy maggot sauce.
Ohh. Looks, ha, ha, scrumptious.
SUYIN: Bone appetit!
[GAGGING]
Not gonna lie, kids.
It's the worst thing I've ever experienced. And I've died once.
Must you slurp so loudly!
[BELCHES]
Sorry, boss. Our mother didn't teach us how to slurp quiet.
How is it a genius like me, got stuck with a couple of dopes like you?
You don't remember? It was that day we met in a cave...
and you said, "Hey, wanna be in my gang?"
Would you keep it down?
[SIGHS]
We are here to raise our stature in the criminal community.
All the important thieves are here.
We just need to do something that will get us noticed.
Whatever you need, boss.
[BIFF] He-ey!
[BIFF] Hey.
Not like that, you wart-laden dum-dums!
It's gotta be someone high profile.
A big fish that we can take on.
[DISH BREAKING]
Or a big panda.
[SIGHS, GRUNTS]
ROOSTER: If it isn't Dragon Master Po himself!
My cohorts and I are members of a new and promising gang.
We don't have a name yet.
But I'm leaning towards the Rooster Brothers!
Or the Sunshine Boys!
Would you dum-dums shut it!
We'd like to challenge you to a fight.
[ALL GASP]
All righty.
What's the matter, Po? Chicken?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
What's that supposed to mean?
Shut it!
Oh, I'd really love to! Except I'm not the Dragon Master.
Wait, what? You're not Dragon Master Po?
He gets that all the time!
I'm just an average panda.
With very average panda friends, as you can see.
You know, some more average than others.
Oh, well,
Don't I... don't I feel like a fool? Yet another humiliation.
Let's go!
Phew, that was close.
And weird.
JING: I'm ready to go.
You feeling better, Jing?
I'm a hundred percent. We must get to Plum Blossom Temple.
Cop a squat, kid. We haven't finished our...
[SLURPING]
Food. Ohh, that's not going to sit well.
We should go now, Master Po.
"Master Po?"
ROOSTER: You lying pandas!
How dare you toy with my trustful nature?
I didn't wanna do this, but you leave me no choice!
[WHISTLING] Uh?
[THUD, SLAP, BIFF]
Oh, it burns almost as bad as it tastes!Hey!
You can't do that to Master Po!
Yeah, you want to fight him...
you're going to have to get through us above-average pandas first!
That works for me!
Come at me, wart face!
[COUGHS]
PO: My eyes are melting!
That is not regulation kung fu! [THUD]
Come on, at least fight clean. [GIGGLING]
Ow! What's happening? Are you kicking their butts? Need me to step in?
No, sir, we have everything under contro...
They are delayed by idiot thugs. My patience is wearing thin.
[PECK, PECK] [STARTLED]
[THUD, THUD]
BINGWEN: My inn. You've ruined it! [ARGH]
Seriously, dude, if anything, we improved it.
Get out of here, you mangy pandas!
Jing! No!
Ahh. [SIGHS]
Looks like it's check-out time for us anyway. [GIGGLES]
Why don't we take Jing's advice and head for the Plum Blossom Temple?
Thank you for your hospitality.
We'll be sure to leave you a wonderful review!
Wasn't that Dragon Master Po and his students?
Bet they'd bring a nice ransom. Let's get 'em!
Me and my gang picked a fight with him first!
We want a piece of him too!
We have some guests headed our way.
Prepare rooms for their arrival.
Will they be with us long, Your Excellency?
Not long at all.
[PANTING]
How's she doing, Fan Tong?
JING: I'm fine.
And quit talking about me like I'm not here!
It's okay, Master Po.
Jing's anger is helping distract me from how freaked out I am right now.
We're almost there. I can see the lights of the temple just ahead.
Bao's right, I see it too!
Everything's going to be okie-dokie.
Or will it, Master Po?
Ahem!
Prepare to get your butts kicked by me and my soon-to-be relevant gang!
What are you gonna throw at me this time?
A pickled radish? Some sweet sticky buns?
I would've preferred the sweet sticky buns.
[THUD, BAM, BIFF, SLAP]
Yeah! Is that all you got?
I guess not.
All right, bring it on, baby!
Flying powder puffs?
It's an adorable nightmare!
Po! Children! Come quickly!
Grand Abbot Jindiao!
Thank you, Grand Abbot. We're so grateful for your help.
Super rad digs, by the way.
I saw those terrible bandits attacking you. Is no place safe anymore?
Are you unharmed?
We're okay.
But Jing's not doing so hot.
I'm fine. I'm just not feeling myself.
I know how you feel. Really, I do.
Take our esteemed guest to the infirmary where she can be treated for exhaustion.
And show the children to the sleeping quarters.
Hey, Grand Abbot, you're a wise and, no offense, old sage.
I was thinking we could grab a late night snack and chat about stuff.
Like, do you know anything about an Original Dragon Master?
There will ben plenty of time for that, Po. Now you must rest.
But I'd really love to bend your tiny ear holes about...
Have a good night's sleep, Po.
It's the last you'll ever have.
PIKA MONK 1: Grand Abbot Jindiao,
we were able to capture some of the bandits.
Shall we deliver them to the authorities?
That won't be necessary.
I'll bring them to my prayer room and speak privately with them there.
You ain't getting nothing out of me!
I'll find a way to connect with you. Believe me.
Is it just me, or is anyone else troubled by his tone?
[GASPS] Shh!
It's just me!
Nu Hai? I hate when you interrupt my beauty sleep like that.
Someone was creeping around our beds. Wake Fan Tong.
No need! I can't sleep when there's creepy whispering happening.
I saw which way the shadow went. Let's go!
[GRUMBLING]
Come on! Can't you wait until morning?
[TUMMY GROWLING]
All right, all right. I'll find you a snack,
but after that we are going back to sleep, capeesh?
[LONGER GRUMBLE]
[ALL GRUNT]
[ALL WHEEZING AND PANTING]
[STARTLED GASPING]
[GASPS]
It's that creepy green tooth lady!
This is weird. Come on!
Can anyone direct me to the cafeteria?
I get why they'd hide it with all those rodents running around.
I guess, technically they're vermin, but this seems like overkill.
[SCREAMS, THUD]
[MOANS]
[BANG] Ow!
Okay, so not the cafeteria.
Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
Whoa!
"For 1000 years, I have suffered..."
I have suffered in obscurity, hiding my true form.
Sustaining myself with the chi of lesser beings.
[SCREAMS]
The Four Constellations tried to stop me once...
by trapping my soul in a Spirit Urn.
They failed. And the Spirit Urn was lost to time.
And when I have captured the chi of all four constellations...
and claimed the Wellspring as my own...
I shall regain my true dragon form.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
"So sayeth I, the One True Dragon Master."
"Jindiao?"
Kids! We gotta wake up, we gotta go!
JING: Master Po. [STARTLED] What?
Oh, Jing. You're gonna give me a... Where are the others?
How should I know? I've been out of commission, remember?
Ohh, this isn't good.
Stop right there! Don't make us hurt you.
We're taking you to Master Po.
Yeah, you're going to have a lot of explaining to do.
Like why is your tooth green?
I admit I've been entertained by your antics.
I will almost miss them.
Guards!
ROOSTER: This is just a setback.
As soon as we get out of these shackles, you better watch out!
I do so enjoy your irrational optimism.
It helps to sweeten the flavor of your measly mortal chi.
It's barely worth the energy it takes to harvest it.
Oh, what the heck. Let's do it!
Run!
Thanks. But if anyone asks, can you just say we kicked your butt?
Jeez, just go! I'm going!
As for you, Jindiao...
No!
I won't let you hurt her!
Hurt her? I wouldn't dream of it.
She's my greatest ally!
Ahh, ohh.
Jing! What are you...
Incredible, isn't she?
Jing, I won't fight. I don't want to hurt you!
Ahh, ah.
JINDIAO: Apologies for the lack of seating.
My guests generally don't spend much time here.
[SCREAMS]
Mind you, don't fall out the moon-door. It's a bit of a drop.
Have you any last words?
I'd love to add them to my murals.
Jing. You can fight him.
PO:I know you're in there, Jing!
Master Po and Jing are down here!
I got this.
Hey, Fangzilla! Think fast!
Get back here!
Come on!
Get off me!
Fight him, Jing. You can do it.
No. Ahh.
I'm doing it! I'm beating him, Master Po! And if...
If you believe that, then you're an even bigger fool than I thought!
Neat trick, isn't it? And I'm just getting started.
But enough about me.
Let's talk about you giving me your chi.
I will never let you take my chi.
Oh, don't worry, Po. I'm not yet strong enough to take your chi.
But she is.
You should have fought back harder.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Ahh, ah.
[All GASP]
Good-bye, so-called Dragon Master.
Master Po!
[SCREAMING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]