[THEME SONG PLAYING]
SHI LONG: Once upon a time,
there was a little girl.
The Emperor and his wife
were overjoyed, as they were unable to bear children of their own.
[GIGGLING]
They raised her as their daughter.
In the palace of the Forbidden City,
life was perfect.
Until...
A miracle happened.
The girl now had a baby sister.
And much more time to herself.
[SOBBING]
But one day, she met a new friend.
SHI LONG: Is someone there?
DARK SHADOW: Hello.
I'm new here.
Should we be friends?
I'd like that.
[DOOR CLOSES]
XIAO: Shi Long...
Ah, Empress.
We need to speak about what happened at Father's funeral.
Yes. We were blessed
that those panda warriors were there to foil that horrible attack.
How did assassins even get into the Forbidden City?
Thanks be to heaven that Fan Tong was there.
[GASPS] Do you think he saw me ugly-cry during the ceremony?
What?
Well, I just got so swept up in the emotions and it just started flowing out like...
[MOANING AND CRYING]
Exalted One,
I think you handled yourself as well as can be expected
considering the circumstances.
Your people love you.
Right? I mean I am kind of having "a moment" right now, huh?
Listen, can I ask you something?
Why didn't you say anything at father's funeral?
I mean, you were like an adopted daughter to him.
I was literally an adopted daughter to him.
And I thought it would only be appropriate for blood relatives to speak.
We should prepare for our meeting with Po and his students.
[GASPS] You're right! Wait,
should I wear the gold crown or the pink one?
I'd like something to go with my eyes or maybe my dress.
I'm not sure, something royal daughter-ish
that says I'm the Empress and you are my subjects.
[GROANING]
[CHUCKLING]
LI: Can you believe that?
Saved from a water demon by Ping's cooking!
I feel so alive! Wow!
Aw, man, we gotta get you a girlfriend or something.
Well, as long as Cart and I get to meet her first
to make sure she's not weird.
Can we just keep following this tunnel and figure out what's going on?
SUN WUKONG: Be careful what you wish for, my friend!
You might not like what you find.
[MOANING]
Uh, who's there?
[GIGGLING]
Let me handle this.
Who's there?
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SMASHING]
Hey, stop that! Stop breaking my bowls!
[WHOOPS]
Missed me!
Ooh.
You stop that!
[CACKLING]
[GRUNTING]
[CHUCKLING]
How the heck did you do that?
Ancient Chinese secret!
[LAUGHS] Later!
[LAUGHING]
All right, monkey. We want answers.
Sure, sure, sure.
What was the question?
Hold him! Hold him! Grab him by the tail, grab him by the--
Oh, that tickles!
Grab it!
Hold still!
What is wrong with you?
Ping, no!
Cart!
Got you, monkey!
I did not see that coming!
Get it? 'Cause you tied my-- you know what? Never mind.
Talk, monkey.
Well, I'd never argue with someone who's armed and dangerous.
What do you wanna know?
We know there was an attempt on the Empress's life.
We know a clan of assassins was able to infiltrate the Forbidden City.
We know I swooped in like a boss and saved the day. [CHUCKLES] Swag!
[COUGHS] Not true! Lying egomaniac.
Why would someone wanna kill me?
I'm nice, my feet are tiny, I toss coins to poor people.
I mean, I can't believe I have haters!
Those "hatahs" come with the territory when you're famous.
To quote the ancient sage, Lao Tzu: "Mo' money, mo' problems."
Until we have all the facts,
you must stay inside the palace walls, Your Grace.
And we're doubling your security detail.
Great! I'd like to start the investigation
with a quick interview of every citizen
of the Forbidden City.
There are thousands of residents. All are loyal to the Empress.
Well, we won't know how loyal they are
until we talk to them, now will we?
[DOOR CLOSES]
General Fang, may I have a moment, sir?
Love the enthusiasm, and its real leadership to take initiative like this,
but I think the experts have it covered.
But, Master Po--
Sometimes being a leader is knowing when to let the authorities handle it.
[WHISPERING]
[CLEARING THROAT]
Is something amiss, General Fang?
Perhaps we should speak privately?
The Dragon Master and the Four Constellations
are trusted friends of the empire.
Surely they can hear whatever you have to say.
Well, madam, it appears yet another shipment of food and supplies
meant for the areas affected by the drought have been hijacked.
Somebody's jackin' food? Aw, heck no!
There's so much darkness in the world.
Shi Long, why is this the first I'm hearing about hijackings that affect my people?
Perhaps, and feel free to say no if I am out of line,
perhaps Master Po and the Four Constellations could accompany the next shipment.
Absolutely! Maybe we'll even figure out who's stealin' grub.
Nip it in the bud. Snip-snip.
SHI LONG: Your kindness will not be soon forgotten.
And my Imperial Guard will lead the investigation into the funeral attack
while you're away.
All-righty! Coolie-cool-cool!
Let's get goin'.
GENERAL FANG: As soon as we get them on the boat, we sail halfway across--
[CHUCKLING]
This is the most baller thing I've ever seen.
Thank you. This airship is my own prototype.
Someday I shall have an unstoppable fleet of these to defend the empire.
[GASPING]
You okay, buddy?
I had no idea what a dirigible was when I agreed to this!
I thought it was a wagon or something.
I'm afraid of heights! And boats!
There's nothing to be afraid of. You are the bravest boy I've ever met.
Really? He's afraid of his own shadow!
Yes, but he's not afraid to admit he's afraid of his own shadow.
And that's, like, so brave.
Man, girls are so weird.
Speaking of weird, do you think there's anything strange about Shi Long?
Like, didn't she seem super calm during the assassination attempt?
Oh, you mean the assassination that wouldn't have happened
if I hadn't saved the assassin?
Thanks for reminding me.
It was still the right thing to do.
It's not your fault someone you helped turned out to be a jerk.
Come on, let's go.
[GIGGLING]
[GRUNTING]
Release!
[EXCLAIMING]
Oh, I hope they have a successful trip.
I'm sure they will.
I'll admit, I don't always make a good first impression.
But maybe, we can untie me and start all over? How's that sound?
Not until you spill it about what you're doing down here, ape!
Surely you don't think I have some sort of master plan.
That's not my style. I just make it up as I go. Wow, what's that?
It looks like some sort of large stone passageway.
Is that what it is, monkey?
Answer the question!
Dang it! We lost our monkey.
Well, what do we do now?
We got nowhere to go but forward.
The Dragon Master took the bait.
He and the Four Constellations are no longer a threat to us.
DARK SHADOW: Good. I grow stronger by the minute
as I bask in the chi of the Wellspring.
Soon, I will be powerful enough to cross over.
And we'll rule this land together.
[WHIMPERING] Oh, man. We're really high up.
Aw, I bet you could really mess somebody up
if you spit on them from this height.
[SPITS]
[LAUGHS] Nice!
[SIGHS]
I could get used to this.
Uh, you all right?
Doesn't it seem a little weird for the Empress to use an experimental airship
prototype and super-powered kung fu masters just to protect grain?
Well, yeah, maybe a little.
But clearly the Empress thinks it's important to get food to her citizens.
And do you get, like, a vibe from the Shi Long lady?
Not like a "Oh, my gosh, she's evil!" But just like a vibe?
Well, I mean, she's a bit off, I guess.
But let's worry about that later, okay? And keep our eyes peeled for hijackers.
Head on swivel.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SLURPING]
What? You can relax and also have your head on swivel.
Will a snack cart be coming around soon, or is it more of a big
catered fancy meal situation, 'cause, either-or is great for me.
There's something weird going on, on this ship.
I wanna look around.
Works for me. Might even get my mind off almost killin' the Empress.
Probably won't, but it might.
What in the name of all that is holy are we looking at?
Uh, statues? Duh.
He's like this at home, too.
I know what statues-- I know what statues are. But why?
Oh, right. I forgot you're from the middle of nowhere.
See, in civilized, normal places emperors are buried with fake armies
so they don't get scared in the afterlife.
What happened to this poor, unlucky statue?
Hmm. Equations. science, science, science.
Boring. [SQUAWKS]
Who cares? Double yawn.
Looks like somebody built a laboratory inside a mountain.
Well, that's not just any mountain. That's a volcano.
Would you look at all that magma!
What's up with this one?
Let me see!
[EXCLAIMS]
[SIGHS]
[CRASHING]
[SHOUTING]
We gotta haul butt! If anyone catches you,
act like you're senile and maybe they'll--
[GROWLS]
[GROWLING]
Oh, is one of you my grandson?
Please help me find where your Pop-Pop is buried.
[GROWLS]
No? Not buying that? Okay, then let's talk bribery, shall we?
[GROWLS]
[GRANDMA SINGING] ♪ Stuck in the Forbidden City ♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪ And brother it ain't pretty ♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪ In a cell with two morons And I'm feelin' really sheepish ♪
What was that thing in the blueprints? The metal thing with the tail?
Wowie, that looked big.
Would you mind shutting down all that racket?
[VOCALIZING]
There. You happy now?
Not the singing, you chucklehead!
The guy talking!
There's a sadness, and a pathetic-ness in that guy's voice
that's like nails on a chalkboard.
Wow, you are right.
He is right.
Hey! That's my baby daddy you're talking about, chicken!
I'll sock you right in the wattle!
Ooh, I'm gonna beat the duck sauce outta you, you fop-doodle!
[ARGUING]
Wow. Birds really do hate each other.
I always thought that was a stereotype.
I'm telling you, if you pick on him once--
[SCREECHING]
Madam, this is a huge misunderstanding.
See, our, our son is the Dragon Master.
Yeah, that Dragon Master. Po.
Master Po?
I'm sure he can clear all this up.
Why were you trespassing in the Royal Catacombs?
There was this idiot monkey. He led us in there, then he abandoned us!
Have to do a bit better than that, auntie.
Are you my grandson? Please help.
These two men have kidnapped me.
I'm on a fixed income.
[COUGHING]
Okay, let's talk bribery.
We're past talking.
After sundown, tie them to boulders and drop them in the bay.
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY] Enjoy your briny grave, you mollycoddle!
SHI LONG: Them as well.
I ain't never seen the ocean before!
I can't wait to test how long I can hold my breath.
You've gotta let me speak to Po! Please!
Po's not here anymore. But you'll see him again at the bottom of the bay.
[WEEPING]
What?
What are you saying?
Just... I'm standing right here, why don't you just tell me?
Fine! We need to sneak in there.
Why didn't you just say that in the first place?
[EXCLAIMING]
[MOANING]
Now let's find some clues.
What do ya know. It's grain.
That's what it says it is. Here, help get this open.
I was thinking we'd find a crowbar,
but that works too. "A" for effort.
Huh?
See, Nu Hai. It's just a bunch of-- Oh.
Is it forbidden rice?
[SNIFFS] It's not rice.
It actually smells like fireworks.
Gunpowder.
Yes! I knew something was weird about this.
[HUMMING] Yes!
Aren't you worried why there's a bunch of gunpowder
in crates that are supposed to be grain?
Oh, yeah. That's probably bad.
[CREAKING NOISE] Right?
Master Po, I was right and I don't even have time
to rub it in your face that you were wrong.
The ship's full of explosives.
What? You mean things that explode?
[VOMITS]
Are the explosives down where that dude is headed with dynamite?
PO: Hey!
[SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMING]
Over the side!
[BARKING] Throw it over the side!
[SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
[CREAKING]
Who gave the order to set us up?
I'll never talk!
Just kiddin', I hate this job. All I know is we were supposed to rendezvous
with a contact at a tavern in Gongmen City to get our next instructions.
[SHOUTING]
What is this crud?
[SCREAMING]
Mama!
Let me explain, one final time.
We are looking for our little boy--
[EXPLOSION]
What's up with the fireworks? It's a little early for New Year's.
That would be the Dragon Master and some dumb kids
meetin' the same fate you're about to.
Say "hi" for us.
[GROWLING]
Dragon Master?
[SHOUTING]
Watch it!
[PANTING]
That wasn't too much, was it?
I just can't believe Po's...
[SOBBING]
We all lost somebody. But we don't have time to cry about it now.
You're right.
Our next stop is this volcano island.
And we're gonna get some answers.
And then we're gonna get some revenge.
So, that was close.
Oh, I'm never getting on an experimental flying ship prototype ever again.
Yeah, you guys are pretty lucky I was here to save you.
Actually, I gotta give this one to Nu Hai.
Thanks for staying on task and warning us what was going on.
Sorry I didn't believe you earlier.
All good, Master P. Pound it out.
And today, you actually taught me.
A true leader knows when to ignore authority and listen to your gut.
Thanks for that.
Now, if whoever set up that exploding blimp attack was from the government,
somebody important is trying to get rid of us.
We won't be safe until we get to the bottom of this.
Great, the government wants us dead. What's the plan?
Gongmen City. That's where we're headed.
We find the contact and get to the bottom of this.
[ALL SHOUTING]
We've got some paddling to do, kids.
I'll supervise.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]