[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
JADE TUSK: Shi Long's Guards were closing in fast.
And there were too many to take on myself.
I'm no use to Xiao captured...
so I had no other choice but to escape.
PO: And Xiao refused to leave?
That just doesn't make sense.
JADE TUSK: She believes Shi Long has the power
[NU HAI EXCLAIMING] Huh? to destroy the entire kingdom.
We have to save Xiao!
We're no use to Xiao captured, either.
There's an underground water system down this way.
If we follow it, I bet it'll lead us outside.
ROOSTER: No way! Nu-uh! Not happening!
I am not following you anymore!
My fearless gang and I are out!
-We are? -We are?
What? Don't you want to help save the Empress?
Save China? Maybe even the world?
ROOSTER: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I believe I have done more than my fair share of saving.
I have risked fluff and feather
getting you all out of some pretty sticky situations.
But did I even get a thank you note? No!
You are the one who got us into those sticky situations!
Cart died because of you! He had his whole life ahead of him.
See? Under appreciated! Well, no longer!
I do not need that kind of negativity in my life.
From now on, I only look out for numero uno!
And these two, I guess.
Aw, gee, thanks, boss.
Sayonara...
ROOSTER: Ingrates!
Should we try to stop them?
No. Wait. Don't go.
Didn't work.
MALE CHOW GUARD: This is the last place to check.
-[ALL GASPING] -Run!
Have I told you how proud I am of you?
Oh, Daddy.
Stop, please. I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve any of it.
I'm not ready to be Empress.
Dear daughter,
you are stronger than you realize.
But what if, now hear me out...
What if you stay Emperor for a little while longer?
Just until I've had more training.
Two, maybe three hundred more years?
Or better yet, Shi Long would make--
No, dear.
China needs a ruler that is not cruel and unyielding.
But one who is kind and receptive.
That is you.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
EMPEROR KANG: It's time to wake up now.
Wait, what?
[XIAO PANTING]
[EXCLAIMS] Fan Tong?
Huh? [SIGHS]
First, my dead father visits me, then my, my dead best friend?
Who next, cruel world? My mother?
My childhood imaginary friend, Weird Eric?
Oh, weird Eric.
Oh, you were taken too soon! [CRYING]
FAN TONG: The guards are gaining on us!
[GRUNTING]
GRANDMA: Outta my friggin' way.
Jade Tusk, I just want to say...
Will you get going?
[NU HAI EXCLAIMING] Hiyah!
Come on.
Get ready to fetch some fist, doggies.
BAO: Fan Tong, let's go!
Ha, ha. So long, emotional support dorks.
Bye! Good luck!
Mama!
[ALL SCREAMING]
NU HAI: There's a light at the end of the tunnel!
Nice optimism, Nu Hai.
Oh, an actual light.
That can't be good.
[ALL SCREAMING]
How you doin', Po?
Huh?
Oh, not again. Again.
Oh, it's that turtle guy!
You have a lot of explaining to do, Mister!
NU HAI: No way!
The Master Oogway?
I get to meet the Master Oogway?
[CHUCKLES] That so makes up for being dead.
Yeah, who needs life
when there's a musty old turtle to hang out with.
If this is the Spirit Realm, where's my husband?
He owes me money.
FAN TONG: Master Oogway?
Sorry, I don't mean to overstep,
but have you always had a monkey tail?
Not judging, just asking.
Huh?
SUN WUKONG: Ha, ha, you got me!
[SCREAMING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
What are you doing in the Spirit Realm?
Yeah, well, funny story We're not actually in the Spirit Realm.
This is just a regular beach!
Better question. What have you guys been doing to get yourselves
on the bad side of the government?
We were framed!
For most of that stuff.
Okay, your turn.
Yeah, what are you doing here?
-Seriously. -Yeah!
All right, all right. [SLURPING]
Enough with the third degree.
Full disclosure.
[SLURPING]
Aw, come on!
It's no coinkydink we keep bumping into each other.
Now, I know some of you are familiar with the White Bone Demon...
Ugh, not this again.
What does a mythical evil spirit have to do with this?
"Mythical?" [SCOFFS]
She's no more mythical than I am.
And she and I have a bit of a history.
ANNOUNCER: Sun Wukong versus the White Bone Demon.
Round one. Fight!
SON WUKONG: She made the mistake of trying to steal my soul.
I defeated her with my epic fighting skills.
And also the help of my magical crown.
And plunged her demon spirit deep into the earth's core.
ANNOUNCER: Sun Wukong wins!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Wait a minute, you're saying
the White Bone Demon story Rooster told us was real?
Of course it was real! Now quit interrupting!
ANNOUNCER: Round two!
SUN WUKONG: Years later, I stumbled upon the mythical Red Jade Mine.
But before I could even touch one tiny nugget,
all the jade was stolen, along with my crown.
The gods blamed me for taking the jade.
I had to find worthy warriors to help me get it back.
Yada yada yada, and here we are.
But, the White Bone Demon can't be working alone.
She doesn't have a body, so she can't exactly steal, see?
Now, who could it be? Hmm?
Who could it be?
It's gotta be Shi Long!
Geesh! Finally!
Excuse me?
I heard pandas were slow but...
Why didn't you stop her?
The White Bone Demon has my crown!
It's the whole reason I was strong enough to defeat her in the first place!
Well, you could have given us a little heads up!
Would you have helped me if I had?
-Yeah! -I guess.
No!
Well, too late now.
So what do we know?
We know Shi Long has a large Terra Cotta Army.
Which is being powered by Red Jade.
Power an army?
Red Jade can't do that on its own.
It's a powerful conductor, but it needs a source to conduct.
Oh, what about the Wellspring?
The legendary Wellspring?
The source of all light and life in the Universe?
I'd say that'd do it.
Then it's a good thing the Wellspring is safe and sound in Panda Village...
What?
You didn't tell him?
Uh, Son. The Wellspring.
It, uh, was stolen.
-Right out from under our panda noses! -What?
Seriously? You had one job!
If the lizard lady has the chi infused Red Jade
that's enough to power an army
and create a pathway from the Realm of the Dead
straight into the Physical Realm!
So, we have to stop Shi Long before she can even start.
As long as the White Bone Demon stays out of our realm
we should be fine.
ROOSTER: My instincts are never wrong.
Just a few more small steps.
You said that an hour ago!
So then there will be even fewer small steps, now won't there?
[CLUCKS]
[WHIMPERING]
[ALL WHIMPERING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
NU HAI: No, no. [GROANS]
Hey, Nu Hai?
It's no use, Master Po. I'm out of good ideas.
Maybe it was just a fluke that those other plans worked out anyway.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe...
You know who you remind me of?
You?
[CHUCKLES] No, Tigress.
I do?
Yeah. She would stress out coming up with plans, too.
But they always worked.
Eventually, she learned to stop stressing.
Me, I'm more of a act before I think kinda guy.
A fly-by-the-seat-of-my- burlap-pants type.
A pantser, if you will.
That's why Tigress and I made such a good team.
Just like you and me.
Wow, Master Po, that means a lot.
I mean, Tigress is my idol.
Oh. Um. Ouch.
Okay, well, good feedback.
Ooh, I got an idea!
Yeah, I'm sure Tigress would be proud.
If she were here. Which she isn't.
I am, though.
But she's the one who taught you Kung Fu...
Oh, wait, that was me.
Good morning, Xiao.
We must begin the preparations. It's quite the big day, you know.
Don't worry, all the usual pomp and circumstance
will proceed with only a few minor adjustments.
There is one very important thing, though.
Right before your furry little tail can grace the royal throne,
you must address your people and tell them you are unfit to rule.
[GRUNTS]
Good girl.
Now, I've taken the liberty of preparing a speech for you to memorize.
Just a little something to let the people know I'll be taking over.
You are gonna look so cute when you abdicate.
NU HAI: Okay, everybody, listen up!
I'm pretty wired on fermented coconut juice, so bear with me if I talk too fast.
I stayed up all night preparing these classic cons for our mission.
I'd say we're looking at a Hero,
a Humiliation, two Sichuan Twelves, two Blue Flowers
and not to mention the biggest Pekingese Surprise ever.
Hmm.
Well, Jade Tusk clearly knows what each of these plans entails.
And, of course, clearly I do too, no question.
But just for the sake of these noobs,
just to be safe, I mean, why don't you walk us...
I mean, them through it?
NU HAI: Jing and I will sneak into the Empress' Ceremonial Procession
on its way to the enthronement
and convince Xiao not to abdicate.
No, no, no. All wrong.
You must glide, glide!
NU HAI: When Xiao gets to the Palace
a disguised Bao and Fan Tong will already be in the crowd.
We hear you sell disguises.
Yeah, and not just to the ugly people.
NU HAI: Once Xiao is officially Empress,
Master Po will find a way to create a diversion.
Darkness.
Who am I?
Well, she's definitely a diversion.
NU HAI: Mr. Ping, Li, and Grandma will sneak Xiao out of the palace.
We need some intel.
And we also need your cart.
NU HAI: Meanwhile, Jade Tusk and her Monks will destroy the Terra Cotta Warriors.
Then we'll all meet back up at the Plum Blossom Temple
and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
It's perfect!
[GRUNTING]
Psst, Nu Hai, look.
The fan dancers weren't supposed to be armed!
You're right. Well, we tried planning.
Now let's try pantsing.
Follow my lead.
[GRUNTS]
Huh?
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMPERING]
Excuse me, pardon me, sorry.
Xiao, it's Nu Hai.
Xiao?
Huh?
Oh, boy!
Aw, man, we gotta get closer!
Excuse me, pardon me!
Sorry.
Why are you donning masks of known and wanted criminals?
We're the entertainment for the Empress.
Yeah, we're here to show how dumb the Four Constellations are.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] I'm Nu Hai.
I'm totally jealous of my hot brother Bao and his 'it' factor.
Yeah! And I'm Jing!
I'm in an existential bad mood all the time because of an emotional darkness
stemming from a bad childhood nap!
[LAUGHS] It's funny 'cause it's true.
You can go.
There's the Empress!
No, there's the Empress!
If she's up there, that means Nu Hai and Jing couldn't get to her.
Huh?
When did you get so brave?
[GASPS]
Fan Tong!
You're alive!
I mean, sure Fan Tong's alive and all, but more importantly,
Bao is alive and ready to...
-[SOBBING] -Are you crying?
No.
Emotions?
Ah, this is all you, FT.
I'm so glad to see you.
But you have to leave, it's not safe.
We know you're going to give up the throne to Shi Long.
What? How did you...
You don't understand.
There are bigger things to worry about.
No, you don't understand.
An Empress is supposed to protect her people.
And giving Shi Long the throne is the only way to do that.
But, Xiao...
Not now, Bao!
I'm not trying to get between you guys this time, I swear.
Guards coming this way. We gotta move now.
Don't do it, Xiao. Don't abdicate!
It's time, Empress.
I'm sorry.
[HUMMING NERVOUSLY]
Just your regular caterer doing cater-y things.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
It worked! I knew we could do it!
[MR. PING YELLING]
[ALL GROWLING]
You spoke too soon, nitwit.
I realize that now, and I deeply regret how soon I spoke.
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[GROWLING]
[BOTH EXCLAIM]
[GASPS]
Huh?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Empress, over here! Empress!
Where's Master Po with that diversion?
I don't know, we just gotta trust he'll come through.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLS]
We did it. We beat 'em!
I knew we could do it!
-[DOOR SLAMS OPEN] -[GUARDS GRUNTING]
Seriously? Again?
Oh, boy.
Thank you so much for being here to celebrate this most auspicious day.
It means the world to me.
[ALL CHEERING]
As many of you know, the royal advisor Shi Long
has been more than just an advisor.
She's been my best friend. And my sister.
While I use my time to write emotional song lyrics
and pursue a degree in art history,
I can only hope she will rule China with the same love and care
she's shown me all these years.
Effective immediately,
I abdicate...
-What's that? -[GASPS]
How y'all doing tonight?
[EXCLAIMS]
[GROANING]
[THUDDING]
Not what I expected, but it works.
PO: Stop!
We can't let this go on.
Shi Long was gonna make the Empress give up her throne
for some nefarious purpose I'm not all that sure about exactly.
But I'm pretty sure there's an evil army that's being powered by chi.
So that's definitely not good.
Master Po is right!
-[ALL GASPING] -What did she say?
These are quite harsh accusations, Master Po,
especially coming from the likes of you.
You're right.
But, wait, what do you mean, "the likes of you?"
You and your students have been ravaging this country.
All that power has gone to your heads.
Citizens!
Before you stand the real enemies.
They have been using their powers to create the drought
and then hijacking the dirigibles
of provisions we've been sending across China.
It's true, I have been raising an army.
To protect all of you
from them.
Guards, release the protectors!
[TRUMPETS BLOWING]
[WHIMPERING]
[YELLING]
[SCREAMING]
Take these traitors into custody.