ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
( louder ): AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
* OH...
* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *
* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *
* ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE. *
* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *
* IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH... *
* SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! *
* THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH. *
* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *
* READY? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! *
* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
( laughs heartily )
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ( plays airy tune )
and NICKELODEON]
( sniffs )
AH...
( door opens, Pearl crying... )
Krabs: DON'T CRY, LOVE.
DADDY'S GOING TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT.
CALM DOWN, GIRL!
( crying louder )
AH... ( screams )
MR. KRABS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEARL?
HER SCURVY PROM DATE STOOD HER UP, BOY
AND SHE CAN'T SEEM TO FIND ANOTHER.
THAT'S BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE FISH IN THE SEA
AS LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME AS HE IS... AND THAT'S HIM!
NO, NO, BABY.
NO MORE CRYING.
WE'LL GET YOU A DATE.
WHY, UH... I'LL TAKE YOU.
( starting to cry )
WHAT ABOUT SQUIDWARD?
( starting to cry )
WAIT, WAIT...
HERE, TAKE SPONGEBOB.
AH! THE FRY COOK?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO MY COMPLEXION?
PEOPLE WILL MISTAKE ME FOR A PLANETARIUM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW... BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM, DADDY.
THEY'LL KICK ME OFF THE MOST FREQUENTLY PICTURED IN THE YEARBOOK COMMITTEE.
YEAH, THEY WOULD.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
LISTEN UP! WHICH ONE OF YOU LUCKY LUBBERS WANTS TO TAKE
ME LOVELY DAUGHTER PEARL TO THE PROM?
JUST DON'T BE LATE, SPONGEBOB.
NOW LISTEN, BOY, I'M A-COUNTING ON YOU
TO MAKE THIS A VERY SPECIAL NIGHT
FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.
REMEMBER, YOU'RE DOING IT FOR GOOD OLD MR...
OH, HI, MR. KRABS.
ARE YOU TALKING TO THAT DUMMY I MADE?
IT'S PRETTY REALISTIC, ISN'T IT?
I MADE THIS PART OUT OF...
NEVER MIND THAT, BOY!
YOU'RE TAKING PEARL TO HER PROM.
REALLY? OH, WOW!
DON'T WORRY, MR. KRABS.
I AM A PROM EXPERT.
OH, GARY, I'M A PROM FAILURE.
I COULDN'T EVEN GET A DATE FOR MY OWN JUNIOR PROM.
( meows )
NO, THAT WAS PATRICK WHO BROUGHT HIS MOM.
BESIDES, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPARE
WITH PEARL'S OLD BOYFRIEND
MR. LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME?
( meows )
WHAT IS IT, GARY?
WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
( honking and beeping )
SAY, GARY...
THIS MAGAZINE GIVES ME AN IDEA.
LONG...
TAN...
MMM... HANDSOME.
( boinging )
OKAY, GARY, WAIT TILL PEARL
GETS AN EYEFUL OF THIS!
( boinging )
( doorbell rings )
HELLO?
WHAT DO YOU THINK, PEARL?
CLEANS UP PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T HE?
WELL, AT LEAST NO ONE WILL RECOGNIZE YOU.
NOW, LISTEN, SPONGEBOB.
I JUST WANT TO GET THROUGH THIS
WITH MY SOCIAL STATUS INTACT.
I WANT TO GO TO THE PROM, GET MY PICTURE TAKEN
AND I WANT TO DANCE...
...DRINK PUNCH...
AND DON'T DO THAT OTHER THING
YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING...
UH, PEARL, WE GOT TO GET TO THE LIMO.
A LIMO!
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
I LOVE LIMOUSINES!
GO EASY ON HIM, LASSIE!
I CAN'T AFFORD TO BREAK IN A NEW FRY COOK! HAR-HAR-HAR...
( rock music playing )
( metal scraping harshly... )
Crowd: OW... OW... OW...!
( music continues, general conversation )
THE GYM LOOKS WONDERFUL.
WELL, I GUESS THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD DO IS...
( camera clicks )
YAY, MY FIRST PROM PICTURE!
UH... OUR FIRST PROM PICTURE.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
COME ON, SPONGEBOB.
BE RIGHT THERE!
( boinging )
WILL YOU HURRY UP?
UH... JUST A SECOND!
( boinging )
COMING...
SORRY...
( boinging )
HERE I AM...!
CHEESE...! OH!
THAT WILL BE A KEEPER.
Girl: LOOK, IT'S PEARL!
HI, PEARL!
SPONGEBOB, HERE COME MY FRIENDS!
UH... GO GET ME SOME PUNCH!
PROM EXPERT, AWAY!
( boinging )
Girls: HI, PEARL!
HI, GIRLS.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET BILLY FISHKINS.
MEEP.
AND YOU KNOW BRIAN FLOUNDER
FROM MATH CLASS.
MEEP.
HI, BRIAN.
SO... LIKE, WHERE'S YOUR DATE, PEARL?
WE'RE DYING TO MEET HIM.
HE'S OVER AT THE PUNCH BOWL GETTING ME SOME PUNCH.
OOH, IS HE THE REALLY TALL ONE?
OH, YES.
I MEAN, OH, NO...
AH... EEE...
EEE...
AH... EEE...
AH... EEE... AH...
( boinging )
HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP-HUP...
HUP-HUP-HUP...
WHOA... OH!
OH...!
OH, QUICK, LET'S GO SEE HOW UGLY CINDY'S DRESS IS.
THANK YOU. MEEP.
YEAH, THANKS.
SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HI, PEARL!
COME ON, IT WON'T BITE.
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!
( gasps )
WHAT IS IT?
GET DOWN, THEY'LL SEE US!
IT'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND, OCTAVIUS REX
A.K.A. LONG, TAN AND HANDSOME.
MEEP.
WHOA... BUT I BET HE ISN'T HOLDER
OF THE REGIONAL ROMANTIC DANCE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY.
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
( laughs ) THAT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
LET'S GO!
( rock music playing )
READY?
SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CAN'T YOU SEE EVERYBODY HERE IS DOING THE WHACK?
( whacking )
THE WHACK?
OH, YEAH, I INVENTED THAT ONE.
UH... ( boinging )
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS?
OH...!
( screams )
( screaming, crashing, clattering... )
WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN TAKE ME HOME NOW.
NOW THAT YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING... ( crying )
DON'T CRY... THE PROM EXPERT IS HERE.
I HAVEN'T FAILED YET...
HEY, WE CAN STILL... NO, I BROKE THAT.
I KNOW! WE COULD... NO.
DON'T CRY, DON'T CRY.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T...
( crying )
WOW, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?
POOR LITTLE GUY.
( crying... )
( screaming... )
SPONGE, ARE YOU OKAY?
SpongeBob ( crying ): OH... RUINED EVERYTHING. OH...
DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB-- YOU DIDN'T MESS EVERYTHING UP.
( wailing incoherently ): ...HOT DOG.
( laughs ) ACTUALLY, IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY
WHEN THAT HOT DOG LANDED IN JUDY'S HAIR.
( wailing ): ...GOOD TIME.
BUT I AM HAVING A GOOD TIME.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED OUR DANCE YET.
( mumbling question )
YES, YOU CAN STILL WEAR THE WIG.
LET'S GO!
Singer: ALL RIGHT, YOU INVERTEBRATES.
I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DO THE SPONGE.
* WELL, IF YOU TAKE YOUR LEG AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR *
* AND THEN YOU TAKE THE OTHER ONE AND JAM IT RIGHT UP THERE *
* YOU TWIST YOURSELF AROUND AND GIVE A GREAT BIG LUNGE *
* NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE
* HUH, DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE, OH, DO THE SPONGE *
* BET YOUR BUNS YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE *
* WELL, NOW, FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR LEG *
* AND YOU STICK IT IN THE AIR
* AND THEN YOU TAKE THE OTHER ONE *
OH, OH, OH...! * AND YOU JAM IT RIGHT UP THERE... *
MEEP, MEEP.
GET LOST, PIZZA TOPPING.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING THE SPONGE?
* ...A BIG LUNGE
* NOW YOU'RE DOING, YEAH, NOW YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE *
* ALL RIGHT NOW, YEAH, DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE *
( screaming... ) * OH, DO THE SPONGE
* BEFORE YOU KNOW, YOU'RE TAKING THE PLUNGE *
* I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE, OH, DO THE SPONGE *
( siren wailing... ) * BET YOUR BUNS YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE *
* YEAH, BET YOUR BUNS YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE *
* OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE DOING THE SPONGE *
* OH, I SAID THE SPONGE, SPONGE, YEAH, DO THE SPONGE *
( whooping ) * YEAH, DO THE SPONGE, SPONGE... *
SpongeBob and Pearl: THEY LOVE US!
Both: YAY, WE'RE POPULAR!
( crowd grumbling... )
GO WRECK SOMEONE ELSE'S PROM, WILL YOU?
GEE WHIZ, PEARL.
I'M SORRY TONIGHT DIDN'T TURN OUT LIKE YOU PLANNED.
OH, DON'T WORRY, SPONGEBOB.
I KNEW IT WOULD BE A TOTAL DISASTER ALL ALONG.
BUT AS FAR AS DISASTERS GO
THAT WAS REALLY FUN.
Mr. Krabs: AHA!
KEEP AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS FLOWER!
( gasps )
YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON IT.
OH, DADDY!
WELL, GOODNIGHT, SHORT, YELLOW AND SPONGY.
SPONGEBOB?
GOOD JOB, LADDIE.
OH, THERE YOU ARE, DUMMY.
YOU SURE COME IN HANDY.
( laughing... )
SpongeBob: HEY, SQUIDWARD.
OKAY, I'LL BITE.
WHAT IS IT, SPONGEBOB?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY?
( SpongeBob laughs )
NO, SILLY.
THAT'S ON THE 15TH.
TODAY'S THE BEGINNING OF THE JUDGING
FOR EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
SPONGEBOB, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT AWARD IS A SCAM?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
MR. KRABS GIVES YOU THAT AWARD
SO YOU'LL WORK HARDER FOR NO EXTRA MONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE, SQUIDWARD.
HE GIVES IT TO ME BECAUSE I WORK HARDER.
YOU COULD WIN IT, TOO, IF YOU TRIED HARDER.
OH, FOR WHAT?
TO GET MY FACE ON THE WALL OF SHAME?
SQUIDWARD, YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG.
HAVING PRIDE IN YOUR WORK IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WHY, IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.
THATTABOY, SPONGEBOB.
THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE, THOUGH.
THERE'S NO CLEAR-CUT WINNER.
WATCH OUT, SPONGEBOB--
SQUIDWARD APPEARS TO BE ON THE VERGE OF A BREAKOUT.
THERE MIGHT BE A NEW FACE ON THE WALL THIS MONTH.
HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT, SPONGEBOB.
I MIGHT SNEAK UP ON YOU.
( laughing ) ( laughing )
NO!
( sobbing )
HOW COULD I HAVE LET THE QUALITY OF MY WORK SLIP SO MUCH?
( laughing )
( grunting )
( screams )
( grunting )
Squidward: NEED SOME HELP?
( screams )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MAKING KRABBY PATTIES?
YOU'RE LOSING IT.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT AWARD IS A LOAD OF...
GARBAGE.
PLEASE, DON'T TELL MR. KRABS ABOUT THIS.
IT'LL HURT MY CHANCES OF WINNING THE AWARD.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU, THAT AWARD IS A BUNCH OF...
BALONEY.
THAT IS NOT TRUE, SQUIDWARD.
LIKE THIS HAT, THE AWARD IS A SYMBOL OF...
IT'S A SYMBOL THAT YOU'RE A CHUMP.
( screams ) NO, SQUIDWARD. OH!
AND THIS IS A SYMBOL OF WHAT I THINK
OF THE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD!
( clang ) OW!
AN EXPERIENCED EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
ALWAYS KEEPS A BRICK OF LEAD IN HIS HAT.
I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME
THAT AWARD IS NOTHING BUT A JOKE.
WHAT IF SQUIDWARD'S RIGHT?
WHAT IF THE AWARD IS A PHONY?
DOES THIS MEAN MY WHOLE BODY OF WORK IS MEANINGLESS?
STOW THAT KIND OF TALK, SAILOR.
THIS IS WAR NOW, PRIVATE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK.
THIS IS NO TIME TO GO LILY-LIVERED ON US.
BUT, SIR...
THERE'S NO ROOM FOR "BUTS" IN WAR, SOLDIER.
HE WANTS YOU TO CRACK.
HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU, GET INSIDE YOUR MIND.
YOU MUST STOP AT NOTHING-- AND I MEAN NOTHING-- TO DEFEAT HIM.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR, PRIVATE?
CRYSTAL, SIR.
GOOD. NOW MOVE OUT!
I WON'T LET SQUIDWARD WIN.
HE CAN'T GO TO WORK IF HE DOESN'T WAKE UP.
TARGET SIGHTED.
HUH?
( Squidward gargling )
HUH?
( muttering )
( giggles )
( screaming )
SPONGEBOB!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU CAN'T WIN THAT AWARD IF YOU DON'T GET UP FOR WORK.
HUH?
HA-HA.
( grunting... )
STOP IT, SPONGEBOB.
IF I REALLY WANTED THAT AWARD
I COULD WIN IT WITH MY TENTACLES TIED.
THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
YOU'RE A LUNATIC, SPONGEBOB!
MAYBE SO, BUT I DID WIN EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH 26 MONTHS IN A ROW.
ARE Y... ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME?
I'VE BEEN BETTER THAN YOU FOR 26 MONTHS-- AND IT'LL BE 27 TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S IT, SQUARE-FOR-BRAINS, THAT'S IT!
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
HOW EASY IT IS TO WIN THAT AWARD.
I'M GOING TO BE THE NEW EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
I WILL PROVE TO YOU I AM FAR MORE COMPETENT THAN YOU.
WELL, I'M GOING IN EARLY TO WAX THE FLOORS.
I'LL HAVE DONE IT BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TO GET THERE BEFORE ME.
I DON'T NEED THE SLEEP... LOSER.
WELL, ME NEITHER... 26-TIME LOSER.
LOOK AT HIM, WATCHING ME.
I'M WATCHING YOU, SPONGEBOB.
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING BEFORE ME.
HEY, SQUIDWARD, GETTING SLEEPY, HUH?
NO. HOW ABOUT YOU?
NOPE.
( playing lullaby...)
NIGHTY-NIGHT.
( snoring )
( chuckling )
( screams )
SPONGEBOB!
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
I'M GOING TO WRING YOU DRY WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, SQUIDWARD.
I'LL STOP BY AFTER WORK.
SPONGEBOB...!
SPONGEBOB!
NOW TO GET SOME REST.
DON'T WANT TO LOOK TIRED FOR MY EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH PHOTO.
( snoring... )
( grunting... )
( hammering )
SQUIDWARD!
THAT OUGHT TO HOLD HIM.
( sawing )
( laughs )
( chuckling )
HUH?
OH...
SPONGEBOB!
WHY, YOU LITTLE...
OH...
( laughing )
HMM... A KRABBY PATTY.
( sniffing )
OW!
( stifled ): SQUIDWARD!
SO LONG, SPONGE LOSER.
( yells )
( laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( SpongeBob laughs )
( Squidward laughs )
( both grunting and straining... )
SPONGEBOB... TRUCE.
TRUCE.
SPONGEBOB, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
IF WE KEEP THIS UP, NEITHER OF US WILL WIN THE AWARD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD SAVE OUR ENERGY FOR WORK
WHERE WE REALLY NEED IT.
OKAY, LET'S HAVE A GOOD, CLEAN FIGHT.
AND MAY THE BETTER MAN WIN.
( thinking ): HE'S NOTHING BUT A LYING, BONELESS, INK-SQUIRTING, BIG-NOSED PHONY.
LOOK AT THAT BUCK-TOOTHED, CORN-FED SMILE.
YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM.
AS SOON AS HE STOPS SHAKING MY HAND...
I'M GOING TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
( both laugh nervously )
( gasping and panting )
* MONEY, MONEY, GOING TO MAKE SOME MONEY... *
( squishing and squirting )
( gasping and panting )
AH, IT WARMS ME WALLET TO SEE ME EMPLOYEES COMING IN SO EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
BOYS, YOU'RE EARLY.
( gasping and panting )
WAIT...!
( crashing and clattering )
LOOK, MR. KRABS, CLEAN FLOORS!
CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS!
CLEAN DISHES, MR. KRABS!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S MORE EFFICIENT
TO CLEAN DISHES THIS WAY, MR. KRABS.
NO!
FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY INTO THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS!
TWO SPATULAS TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS!
FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER.
THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS.
I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT, SPONGE HOG!
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS!
WHA... HELP!
HELP!
HEY, FREE KRABBY PATTIES!
HEY, LOOK AT THAT, KRABBY PATTIES!
Krabs: WAIT, YOU'VE GOT TO PAY FOR THOSE.
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
BOYS, THE KRABBY PATTIES!
SO, WHO'S THE WINNER OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH? ME, ME, ME...!
WAIT! BOYS, THE KRABBY PATTIES!
BOYS, WAIT...!
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]