?Are you ready, kids
:KIDS !Aye, aye, Captain
.I can't hear you
:[louder ] !Aye, aye, Captain
♪ ...Oh
♪ Who lives in a pineapple ?under the sea ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow .and porous is he ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be ...something you wish ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ Then drop on the deck .and flop like a fish ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ ?Ready !SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants
[laughs heartily ]
Captioning sponsored by THE] [U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION[ plays airy tune
[and NICKELODEON
:ANNOUNCER The new adventures !of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy
,We join Bikini Bottom's noblest boldest...oldest superheroes
as they bravely prepare .for vacation
!But wait
While our heroes relax at Leisure Village
?who will watch the Mermalair
!ManSponge
!And BoyPatrick
:BOTH !Reporting for duty
,Yeah, yeah .follow me
!Up, up and away
!Evil
Now, we want you boys
to keep an eye .on the place
Water the plants ...and make sure
,Oh, my gosh !Patrick
:SPONGEBOB This is the greatest wall
of superhero !secret gadgetry ever
!I get the Cosmic Ray
!I get the Aquaglove
!Hold on there, boys
You cannot play .with this stuff
?What about the Orb of Confusion
[stammering ]
!No, no
Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion
...will give you !confusion
What about the ?Invisible Boatmobile
Especially not the !Invisible Boatmobile
,When we say "Don't touch anything"
"!we mean, "Don't touch anything
?Do you understand
,Loud and clear !trusted boy companion
.Ah, great
Here are .the keys
:BARNACLEBOY .We'll see you in a week
:MERMAIDMAN !Up, up and away
.Come, BoyPatrick
,While our heroes are away !we will keep evil at bay
[karate-like yelling ]
?Huh
...Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma
,What is it ?trusted sidekick
,Ma-ma-ma-ma ...ma-ma-ma-ma-ma
:BOTH ,Ma-ma-ma-ma !ma-ma-ma-ma-ma
:BOTH !Man Ray
[screaming ]
Hey, SpongeBob, how come ?he's not chasing us
:SPONGEBOB .Looks like he's frozen
...Fr-fr-fr, fro-fro-fro
It appears to be some ...sort of prison chamber
.made out of frozen tartar sauce
!This is incredible
Next to the Dirty Bubble
the evil Man Ray is the all-time greatest arch-nemesis
!of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy
I have so many questions .to ask him
[thudding, whirring ]
[chuckling ]
We're not supposed !to touch anything
But you said .you had a question
:SPONGEBOB We could get !in trouble
He said not !to touch anything
And that includes unfreezing !a supervillain
:MAN RAY !I'm free
[laughing maniacally ]
,Uh, actually Mr. uh... Man Ray, sir
.only your head is free
By the supreme authority of wickedness
,I, the evil Man Ray command you to release me
!from this frozen prison at once
,Well, uh ,Mr. evil Man Ray, sir .we can't do that
!?Why... not
!Because you're evil
,You mean, if I was good ?then you'd let me go
?Yeah, sure, why not
,Then, uh... in that case .I am good
?Really
.Yes, really
?Really, really
.Yes, yes, really, really
?Really, really, really
,Yes, yes, already !I'm good, I'm good
Not let me out of here
or you'll suffer !dire consequences
Well, that's .good enough for me
[whirring ]
!You fools
!Prepare to be eradicated
...Ah, ooh
[laughing ]
What's wrong ?with me
:[laughing ] What is this infernal ?contraption
:SPONGEBOB ,Don't play dumb --Man Ray
you know that's the Tickle Belt
Mermaidman used on you !in episode number 17
:ANNOUNCER !As seen in episode 17
.Oh, I love that episode
,Oh, me, too .me, too
:[laughing ] I'll never get out of here !wearing this belt
[laughing ]
I need an evil plan that will .trick them to take it off me
[laughing ]
Time for those acting lessons .to pay off
:[laughing ] Remember that part ...when Mermaidman
[sobbing ]
!Oh, sob, oh, cry
!Oh, woe is me
You don't know what it's like .being evil for so long
.Oh, how I wish to be... good
If only some kind heroes would .show me the path to decency
[both gasping ]
We could teach you how to be good
and then we'll !let you go
Ah, that would be !fantastic
:[softly ] I'll fake my way through this
just like I did .in high school
[laughing maniacally ]
,Okay, Man Ray are you ready
for your first day ?at goodness school
.Pat, get your wallet out
Okay, goodness lesson :number one
You see someone drop .their wallet
:[whispering ] .Patrick, drop the wallet
?Now, what would you do
Excuse me, sir
but I do believe you've .dropped your wallet
Doesn't look familiar .to me
?What
.I just saw you drop it-- here
.Nope, it's not mine
.It isyours
I... I'm trying to be a good person
.and return it to you
?Return what to who
?Aren't you... Patrick Star
.Yup
?.And this is your I.D
.Yup.I found this I.D
in this wallet
,and if that's the case .this must be your wallet
.That makes sense to me
.Then take it
.It's not my wallet
!Oh, you dim bulb
Take back your wallet !or I'll rip your arms off
:SPONGEBOB ...Uh-uh, wrong
Good people don't rip
.other people's arms off
:[laughing ] !Oh, oh, stop
Okay, goodness lesson .number two
You see someone struggling .with a heavy package
?What do you do
.Hello, friend
I noticed you were struggling .with that package
Would you like ?some help
!Ow
.Oops
Sorry, can I ?start over
...I noticed you were
!Ow
Oops, got to .start again
.yelling]Oops ]
You butter-fingered !pink thing
,What's in that box ?anyhow
.My wallets
[yelling ]
,Oh, SpongeBob !tickle him
[laughing][ groaning ]
:[laughing ] ,Ah, that tickles !but it's worth it
All right, goodness lesson .number three
...Uh... let's see
.I've got one
I'm thinking of a number .between one and 100
?What is it
?Um... 62
!Wrong
[laughing ]
...Stop, stop
Hey, Patrick
that's not about .being good
!Let go of it, SpongeBob
Pat, we can use it .only when he's bad
!Let go!No, you let go
[straining ]
:[laughing ] ...Frequency rising
...belt out of control
[laughing ]
:[laughing ] ...Tickling my DNA
:[laughing ] !Make it stop
:[laughing ] !Please
,Did you hear that ?Patrick
.He said the "p" word
?Peanuts
".No, "please
Well, that's good enough .for me
I guess he's .reconstituted
.Rehabilitated
.Gesundheit
!It's graduation day, Man Ray
.This is the key to your future
[laughing ]
[laughing slows ]
[panting ]
,Just look at him, Patrick .the picture of goodness
[chuckling evilly ]
We're not supposed .to touch that
.Or that, either
[laughing ]
We are really not supposed .to touch those, sir
[laughing ]
Good people have
...no use for weapons
[hissing, screaming ]
[laughing ]
The only thing I'm good at .is being evil
!So long, suckers
,What's that smell ?SpongeBob
That, Patrick, is .the smell of defeat
Good, I thought it was .my skin
,Forget about your skin !Patrick
Man Ray is still bad and .someone has to stop him
This is a job ...for Mermaidman
!And Barnacleboy
To the Invisible !Boatmobile
!Ignition... on
Wait-- I don't have !a license
Well, this is ?an invisible boat, right
So you need an !invisible license
You're the ,best sidekick ever .Barnacleboy
[screeching, screaming ]
[crash ]
Thank goodness !for invisible seat belts
.Out of my way, fools
You no longer have control of me
and now this town !belongs to Man Ray
,Not so fast .arch villain
We still have .the Orb of Confusion
!Take this
[stammering ]
.Well, that was easy
[laughing maniacally ]
!All right, people
Everybody stand .right where you are
[gasping ]
...I want you to, uh
[laughing ]
[all laughing ]
,No, no, stop giggling ...or I'll have to
[laughing ]
!Stop laughing, you fools
What can I do ?for you, sir
I'll tell you !what you can do
...Give me all of your, uh
:[laughing ] ...Give me, give me all of your
...Give me
[laughing ]
,Ah! The belt is gone .but I still feel its tickle
!The urge to do bad is gone
:[sighing ] I guess I'll just open .a checking account
[stammering ]
[gasps ]
!Man Ray
,No need to be alarmed .SpongeBob
Your teachings have .transformed me
Besides... I have checks !with little poodles on them
I won't be needing this .anymore
.Farewell, fellow do-gooder
!Bye, Man Ray
--Wow, we did it
just like the real !Mermaidman and Barnacleboy
!We saved the day
?Isn't it incredible, Patrick
?Patrick
[stammering ]
Patrick, you know
that thing's ?turned off, right
,Patrick, yoo-hoo ?Patrick
[applause and cheering ]
:KRABS .Okay, everybody settle down
!Welcome to the Komedy Krab
[yukking ]
Now, please give a warm welcome to our first comic
the indiscernible .Doogie Williams
.Good evening, folks
I'm going to skip the jokes
and get right to the part .where I throw pies at you
[pies smashing ]
[laughs ]
.I hope I do as good as that guy
Man, those people .will laugh at anything
Hey, don't .sweat it, kid
I got 'em all .warmed up for you
:KRABS Put your fins together !for SpongeBob SquarePants
:SANDY ,Go get 'em !SpongeBob
!Whoo-hoo
,Hey, hey, hey ladies and jellyfish
have you ever noticed ?salt shakers
I mean, you fill them up every night at closing
,and, I mean ?where does it all go
?Huh? You know what I mean
[cricket chirping ]
[chirping ]
And tomatoes-- what's the deal ?on those things
[chuckles weakly ]
:SPONGEBOB Because, I mean
you chop them up ...into slices, but
...What are they, vegetables or
?fruit
?And what does that make ketchup
:FISH !Oh, brother
!This guy stinks
!Hey! Hey, funny guy
I got a joke !for you
What smells rotten
and puts people ?to sleep
?Um, noxious gas
!No! Your act
[laughing uproariously ]
Did you ever notice ...how, uh, forks, uh
:FISH !?Forks !Come on
[booing ]
:[thinking ] !Quick, SpongeBob
!Make a witty observation
[booing ]
.P.U
[crowd booing ]
Did you ever notice ?how big squirrels' teeth are
[chuckling ]
.That's true
?Huh
I mean, hey
you could land a plane .on those things
[laughing ]
And what's up ?with that squirrel fur
.I guess fleas need a home, too
!Squirrel fur
!And they smell
Uh, but hey, you'd stink, too
if you spent three months .buried in dirt
[audience laughing ]
[laughing ]
Why does it take more than one squirrel
?to change a light bulb
:FISH !?Why
!Because they're so darn stupid
[guffawing ]
Oh, that's ,a good one ?eh, Sandy
.Uh, y-yeah
That was !fantastic, boy
You really !knocked them out
I think I'll do this joke night again
with youas !the headliner
I never thought I could be !a headliner
.Whatever that is
The headliner's the one
who cleans up .after the show
Well, at least I don't have !to clean up my act
Stick with .the squirrel jokes, boy
!Now get busy
.Mops, mops, mops
?What's up with those things
!I mean, really
.Oh, hey, Sandy
.Howdy, SpongeBob
Did you like ?the show
.Well, a-actually, SpongeBob, no
Those jokes are hurtful .and you know it
.Come on, Sandy
.I was just joking
,I mean everybody knows
you're the smartest one .at Bikini Bottom
.Well, I can't argue with that
We all gotta laugh .at ourselves once in a while
!I do it all the time
[chuckles ]
,You're right .SpongeBob
I was being .a little too sensitive
.No hard feelings
.Okay, deodorant
.Huh, let's see
?Roll-on or stick
I think she .should buy both
[laughs ]
?Huh
:FISH ,Hey, look !guys
It's the !stupid squirrel
--I know
let's try and communicate .with it
:ALL ...Duh
!Hmph
,Hello .little critter
?What's your name
Don't stand too close .to a squirrel, Billy
You'll catch .its stupid
.Okay, Mom
Stupidity isn't a virus
but it sure is spreading .like one
:[CROWD [ chanting !SpongeBob! SpongeBob
♪ La-la-la-la la-la-la
♪ ,Squirrely, squirrely .squirrely, squirrel ♪
.Because they're stupid
,Hey, uh ?SpongeBob
.Oh, hi, Sandy
Um, I need to talk to you
about them .squirrel jokes
We already talked ?about that, remember
[laughing ]
,SpongeBob .this is serious
Since you've been telling them jokes
people have been treating me .different
,SpongeBob .five minutes
:[slowly ] .Hel-lo, Sandy
.Me Patrick
Do you ?un-der-stand
.Squirrels
!?Y-y-you see
That's what I'm .talking about
That's just .Patrick
He's fooling .around
I'm just asking you as a friend
please lay off them ?squirrel jokes, okay
Tell some of them .other jokes you got
:[nervously ] ?Other jokes
!Bah
I got a million .of them
.Thanks, SpongeBob
I knew .you'd understand
:[chanting ] !SpongeBob! SpongeBob !SpongeBob! SpongeBob
:KRABS Put your fins together !for SpongeBob SquarePants
[cheering ]
.Uh, hi
[chuckles nervously ]
Uh, did you hear about ?the goldfish who went bankrupt
.Now he's a bronze fish
[rimshot ]
What?What did ?he say
.I guess you heard that one
:SANDY I haven't !heard it
,Good one .SpongeBob
.Thank you, you're too kind
?Hey, what about this water
.I mean, the stuff's everywhere
Tell the one about the squirrel and !the light bulbs
Uh... hey, what about ?this thing
?Huh? Huh
Get on with !the squirrel jokes
:[CROWD [ chanting !Squirrel jokes! Squirrel jokes !Squirrel jokes! Squirrel jokes
!Squirrel jokes
?What do I do? What do I do
SpongeBob, you've got :a choice to make
?Your friends or your career
:CROWD !Squirrel jokes! Squirrel jokes
[all gasp ]
!Howdy, y'all
:[in Southern accent ] How come it takes more than one squirrel
?to screw in a light bulb
:ALL !Because they're so darn stupid
[laughs ]
!My people
,Seriously, folks I want to give
a special thanks .to my friend Sandy
?Sandy, don't you see
.The crowd loves these jokes
?Am I right
?Don't you see, Sandy
We're laughing with .you, not at you
Do you understand ?now, Sandy
?Huh? Do you
I understand exactly .what's going on, SpongeBob
.Great
I knew sooner or later .you'd get it
.What a great sport
Let's give a big hand !to Sandy
,But clap slow, because remember !she's a squirrel
[crowd cheers ]
.Thank you
You've been a wonderful audience .and, uh, good night
Ah... another spectacular .performance, SpongeBob
?Oh, what's this, a fan letter
.You did it, SpongeBob
You get to keep your career .and your friends
I'm glad that Sandy can finally .see the genius of my comedy
.Good morning, Sandy
:[in Southern accent ] !Well, how-dee
Sandy, are you ?feeling all right
I'm just being .my au-naturally squirrely self
Well, come .on in
Y'all must be tired
from telling them .funny jokes all the time
Why don't you take ?a load off
Uh, Sandy, I think something's .wrong with this seat
Naw, I just done put glue on it .so you wouldn't fall off
[gasps ]
Are them flowers ?for me
You even done .got me a vase
...But Sandy, that ...that's not a
[guffaws ]
?Ain't that purdy
...Sandy, I need wa
.Oh, that's right
.You's a sea critter
Now, what was that thing ?sea critters need
...Um... uh, let's see ...sea critters need, uh
...Wa
!Oh, wait .Don't tell me
.I know this one
...Wa
?Wa...llet ?Watch? Waffles
:[hoarsely ] !Sandy
!Water
Well, why didn't you ?just say so
.Here you go
Yup, us squirrels .sure is stupid
:[gurgling ] !Sandy
.Squirrels is dumb
:[gurgling ] !Sandy
!Okay, Sandy, I get it
?What's that
?You want more
.Okey-dokey
.More water for the sea critter
:[gurgling ] !Okay, Sandy, okay
!I get it
.No more squirrel jokes
:[CROWD [ chanting !SpongeBob! SpongeBob
.Thank you, thank you very much
On my way over here I ran into a squirrel
and I said, "Hey
why don't you go get" a couple squirrel friends
and we'll go change "?a light bulb
[cheering wildly ]
But seriously, folks, the only thing dumber than a squirrel
!is a sponge
,I mean, we're so dumb !we don't even have a vertebrae
[laughs ]
!Look at me
.I got no bones
[chuckling ]
.That's true
:SPONGEBOB .Crabs? Oh, brother
They're so cheap they can't even !pay attention
!It's true !I am cheap
Now let me tell you .about those fish
.Boy, are they smelly
!Whoo-hoo
How could a creature
who spends so much time ?in the water smell so bad
.I mean, really
:[flatly ] ?Soap, soap, what is soap
crowd continues cheering ] [and laughing
:SPONGEBOB And don't even get me started !on starfish
Captioning sponsored by THE] U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[and NICKELODEON
Captioned by] The Caption Center [WGBH Educational Foundation