?Are you ready, kids
:KIDS !Aye, aye, Captain
.I can't hear you
:[louder ] !Aye, aye, Captain
♪ ...Oh ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple ?under the sea ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow .and porous is he ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be ...something you wish ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ Then drop on the deck .and flop like a fish ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪
♪ ?Ready !SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
[laughs heartily ]
plays airy tune][Captioning sponsored by THE ] U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[and NICKELODEON
:ANNOUNCER ...And now it's time for
hosted by SpongeBob's number .one fan, Patchy the Pirate
!Ahoy, fellow fanatics
.Welcome to Patchy's Pick
.Come on back to the galley
I'm cooking up a real treat .for you today
We're going to see me ".favorite show, "Shanghaied
!Ta-dah
!Boring
If it isn't my less-than-amusing sidekick
.Potty the Parrot
Potty, say hello .to the nice people
I'm being held here !against my will-- help
!Arrgh
!Potty, come back
?Potty
!Potty
?Where'd you go
?Potty, you in there, buddy
!Potty
squawks ] [and laughs
:PATCHY !Get me out of here
[bang ]
[screaming ]
[crash ]
[moans ]
.Well, roll the cartoon
[yawns ]
...Mm, Kelpo
With one of eight" "!essential prizes inside
[clang ]
!Holy Shrimp
!Squidward
The sky had a baby .from my cereal box
!Squidward
!The sky had a baby
--That's a giant anchor !now, go away
,Hey .SpongeBob
.The sky had a baby
.I know
?What should we name it
...How about
Why don't you two ?go climb its anchor rope
I'm sure it goes somewhere .far away
[creaking and clanging ]
.Now look what you've done
.We didn't do it
.Our hands are clean
:PATRICK .Clean
Well, I'm going to get .to the bottom of this thing
:SPONGEBOB ?Isn't that the top
:SPONGEBOB !Squid, wait! Squid
!Ship
You are in your .little fantasy world
:SPONGEBOB .No, look-- a giant ship
.Great, let's go
I can give this anchor-dropper a .piece of my mind
.I don't know, Squidward
That ship has a spooky .green glow around it
Probably because its owner is too lazy to clean
or drop his anchors .in the right place
.Squid, wait
?All right, who owns this crate
Come on out, I want .to file a complaint
[wind howling ]
Doesn't this place ?seem familiar
?I don't know-- why
?Doesn't it just ring a bell
[doorbell ringing ]
.Yes
I know who owns .this boat
I just can't place .the name
Squidward knocking ] [on door
[growling ]
...No, no, it's not
[repeats growling ]
.I am the Flying Dutchman
!That's it
This ship belongs .to the Red Baron
Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman ?in his own lair
Squidward wants .to complain to you
:[stuttering ] ...I... No, I .I don't
What about all that stuff ?about his ship being dirty
:[chuckling uneasily ] .I never said that
Insulting a man's ship be worse .than insulting his mother
Wait-- it washis mother ,you said was dirty .not his ship
[screams ]
.Ow
.You're next
[scream ]
:BOTH .That was a close one
.Welcome back
[both scream ]
That was .a closer one
.Welcome back
[scream ]
Hey, how come when they act up
all they get ?is the welcome wagon
...If you ask me, it's
[screams ]
So are you going ?to try that again
.Probably
[screams ]
?How about now
,No, no .they're not
[sighs ]
[screams ]
.Now listen
[clears throat ]
Whosoever sets foot" on the Flying Dutchman's ship
uninvited or otherwise"
shall become members" ...of his ghostly crew forever
".and, uh... ever
Will we be getting ?business cards
[Silence![ screams
You're part of my crew now
and our job is to sail around and .frighten people
,It'll be grueling .mind-numbing and repetitive
.Just like... daytime television
Now, you listen .here, Mister
If you think I'm going to spend
more than five minutes on this dumpster
.then you're crazy
.I mean, look at this place
.It's disgusting
Whoever told you that hanging oil lamps
next to hardwood paneling ...was a good idea
I suppose you're going ...to show me
.Oh, that's very nice
Oh, is this some kind ?of magic act
[screaming ]
[ghoulish laughter ]
[Squidward screaming ]
Would anyone else like to enter the ?Fly of Despair
No, we know ,our place now .Mr. Dutchman
We'll do .anything you say
,Then for starters .you can swab the deck
:[moaning spookily ] ,Look, Patrick, a real .live ghost mop
.And I got this hat
!Listen
We're going to Bikini Bottom tonight
for a little haunting spree
so I want this ship .to look good and scary
You mean you want it .to look good... and scary
Well, I think ...we could probably
No, no, he means he wants it to look .so good that it's scary
Or maybe that by looking so scary
you forget that .it doesn't look good
.I don't get it
:SPONGEBOB ...Look, it's easy
Never mind !what it means
I just want it !to look scary
!That's it
You know, mold growing on the ceilings
.bugs in the sink
So you don't want it ?to look good
!Get moving
:[BOTH [ rapidly ♪ A sailor's life is ...a wonderful life ♪
[ship's bell ringing ]
.What a night be this
Crew, howl with me so that we might set the seven seas
!ablaze with fear
[howls ]
[bleats ]
[yodels ]
[howls ]
[bleats ]
[yodels ]
Patrick yodeling ] [and moaning
Patrick continues ] [yodeling
[yodeling stops ]
.Eh, that'll do
.Okay, square one
Since pink one's working the navigation
it's up to you to find .our first victim
.Here, use this spyglass
--Now, hurry up .we're burning moonlight
.Let's see who we can find
Captain, there's a guy .we can scare
[heavy metal music blaring ]
[blows ]
,I had four biscuits .and I ate one
.Then I only had three
Ah... it does me heart good
to see children out .after dark
Pink one, take us .behind those rocks
!Moving behind the rocks
[ship creaking ]
[grinding and crashing ]
!Keep going
.You're good, you're good
.You're good
.And... stop
.We'll buff out those scratches
[sighs ]
,All right .never mind it
Just jump out .when I give the signal
[Boo![ screams
Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory
.of my ghostly ghost pirates
?Was that the signal
.Okay, sorry, sorry
!Just do it again
With the haunting memory !of my ghostly ghost pirates
[moaning hauntingly ]
:[moaning ] ?How does he do that
[moaning ]
.Get back on the ship
:[BOTH [ moaning .It's still a mystery
Those guys .are dorks
.Yes, but they're my dorks
:SPONGEBOB ,You're good .you're good
.You're good
[thunder crashing ]
[cackling ]
[bubbling ]
?Huh
[makes gurgling sound ]
:SPONGEBOB ,You're good .you're good
.You're good
[panting ]
[growls ]
[crash and muffled moaning ]
:SPONGEBOB ,You're good .you're good
.You're good
[chattering ]
[cackling ]
[growling ]
[upbeat music playing ]
Why did the Dutchman ask us to wait in ?our bunk room
Maybe he's going .to give us a reward
?Like movie passes
Or an oversized !coffee mug
[giggling happily ]
.I've been thinking
!Stop bouncing
[giggling stops ]
"This whole "crew for eternity .thing isn't working out
,It's not really you .so much as it is me
?You're setting us free
,Well, actually .I'm just going to eat you
.See you at dinner
[both scream ]
.Wait
.I have an idea
?Really? What is it
.Let's leave
But the door .is locked
And the only way out ...is through the
!perfume department
elevator bells dinging ] [and people talking
.Let's do it
[gulps ]
[breathing heavily ]
[hisses ]
[gasping ]
[hisses ]
[coughing and gasping ]
!Blah
[coughing ]
[wheezing ]
[breathing heavily ]
I always hate going .in there
.Yeah
!Wait, listen
:DUTCHMAN ...Dear Diary
I've told them .I'm going to eat them tomorrow
I made up some of that brown sauce
my cousin showed me .just for the occasion
It's a good thing .I found my dining sock again
Remember the last time ?I lost me dining sock
.I couldn't eat for a whole week
Sure, sometimes I wonder .how I survive
If anything should ...ever happen
!Ahh
[breathing frightfully ]
!Give me back my sock
Everyone knows !I can't eat without it
!Never
!Okay, then
,Uh, oh !give it to me
!No
You're stretching !the elastic
It would seem we have reached .an impasse
.Pink one is right
--Tell you what
you give me back the sock and .I'll give you... three wishes
.Make it five
.Four
.Three
.Take it or leave it
.Okay, uh, three
.You get three wishes
,Wow! Three wishes .Pat
!?Isn't that great
Wishes...I wish .we had known that earlier
[ticks ]
Okay, you got .two wishes left
Well, we still .have two more
!How exciting
I wish Squidward were here .to see this
!Ahh
.Boy, I'm glad all that's over
!Squidward, you're back
.Guess what
The Dutchman gave us !three wishes
Patrick used the first one
...and I guess I .just used the second one
Well, then the last one you owe me
because you got me back !into this mess
Wait, I think !it belongs to me
[all shouting furiously ]
!That's enough
Using my mystic otherworldly powers
I shall decide .who gets the last wish
,Eenie-meenie-minie-mo .catch a sailor by the toe
.If he hollers, let him go
My mother told me to pick the very best one
!and you are it
!Our fate, SpongeBob
We're about !to get eaten
What can you wish for
to make it so ?we don't get eaten
,Don't worry .Squidward
I've got it .all figured out
He won't be able to eat us
because I wish that the Dutchman
!was a vegetarian
:ALL !Hooray
!We're home
,You did it .SpongeBob
!We're safe
But why have we ?been turned into fruits
Hey, I get .a wish, too
.Fruit prevents scurvy
!Ahh
Hey, get back here !with that
!I'll get you
[group yelling ]
!Ahoy, children-- I'm back
I hope all you boys and girls enjoyed the show
because it's time for you .to walk the plank
[high-pitched beeping ]
.Oh, sorry, kids
,What I meant to say was ".It's time for fan mail"
[whistling ]
:ALL !Hooray
And now the moment !you've all been waiting for
So get ready to blow milk out your nose
because we're going !to open a letter
,The envelope please .Potty
,Thank you, my fine .feathered assistant
:[squawks ] .You're not welcome
[sniffing ]
,Hey, Potty ?you smell something
Ah! Potty, that fuse !in your head
I told you we're !not doing that stunt
!I didn't get the memo
[bang ]
[coughing ]
Well, that's it .for Patchy's Pick
!Hooray
[chiming ]
Gary, looks like it's .that time of week again
!Bath time
Come on, let's go get .the water started
You're going to have .to get in that tub, Gary
Now, Gary, we can do this .the hard way or the easy way
.Or the medium way
-Or the semi-medium .easy-hard way
Or the sort of hard
,with a touch of awkward-easy .difficult-challenging way
So that's how you want ?to play it, huh
Gary, check out .this new toy
!Fetch
?Huh
--New Boomerang Pet Ball" ".Really works
[grunts ]
!Aye
Gary, there's a bomb strapped !to my chest
It's going to explode in three seconds
!unless you take a bath
:[calmly ] .Please
[bang ]
I am now going to assault your mind
.with subliminal messages
[giggling ]
Sorry you had .to see that
Hello, fancy ...French restaurant
I've got a naughty snail here
.who won't take a bath
!?What
Could you say ?that again
!Slow down
It's like you're speaking .some other language
,Hey, Gar ?how about some leapfrog
!Whee-hee
.Okay, your turn
[shell shatters ]
,Hey, Gar ?how about some leapfrog
I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella
to take a bath !in this house
[humming ]
[breathing heavily ]
That didn't ?work either, huh
!Gary! Gary! Gary
!Look what I found
It's an old pirate treasure map revealing the location
of buried pirate treasure
.in this very house
Come on, boy, let's !go get that treasure
!Whoo
.Okay, Gary
.Now, 40 paces to the left
,One, two, three four, five, six
,seven, eight ...nine, ten
.24, 25, 26, 27... 40...
The treasure .must be in here
!Wow, Gary, look
!A pirate treasure chest
.Meow
,Why, no, Gary .this isn't the bathtub
!It's treasure
.Look-- doubloons
.Don't drop them
!Look at this brooch
.Meow
I don't know what a snail !wants with a brooch
Now, why don't you !?just get in the tub
!Get in the tub
!In the tub
Now, Gary, are you going to get in this tub
or am I going ...to have to
...Gary, uh... could you, uh
!Gary, no
!Gary
[splash ]
.All right, Gary
You have duped and/or !frustrated me for the last time
So if I can't get you to come to the bath
I'll just have to bring the bath .to you
[gurgling ]
:SPONGEBOB ...Psst... Gary
.Bath delivery
.Come back, Gary
I have something .to share with you
.This is more like it
.Meow
?What are you waiting for, Gary
.Meow, meow, meow
?Oh, stuck in a tree
.Meow, meow, meow
It's time .to clean up your act, Gary
[inhales ]
:[over record ] ...Meow, meow, meow
!Oh, no
I bathed Gary too hard .and removed his skin
:[GARY [ happily .Meow, meow, meow, meow
!Gary
Bring that ladder back !this instant
.I am not amused, mister
You're going to take a bath and !you're going to get clean now
.Meow
.I am sothe boss of you
.Meow
It's a free country
,but you live in my house .under my rules
.Meow
.Don't use that tone with me
,You will do what I say !when I say
?What are you doing
.I am talking to you, Mister
!Do not go near that mud puddle
!?Gary, do you hear me
I am giving you three seconds
to get a away .from that mud puddle
,One, two ...two and a half
.Don't make me say three
!Gary
!Gary! Gary
!Gary
.I'm a dirty boy
.Meow
Yeah, yeah, Gary, I'm .getting behind my ears
Captioning sponsored by THE] U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[and NICKELODEON
Captioned by] The Caption Center [WGBH Educational Foundation