?Are you ready, kids
:KIDS !Aye, aye, Captain
.I can't hear you
:KIDS !Aye, aye, Captain
♪ !Ooh
♪ Who lives in a pineapple ?under the sea ♪
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
♪ Spongebob !Squarepants♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants♪
♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
♪ ?Spongebob Squarepants!♪ready
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants
[hearty laughter ]
[flute playing ]
Captioning sponsored by THE] U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[and NICKELODEON
:SQUIDWARD Ah, the Krusty Krab
Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery
where it'll be closing time ...right... about
!now
.8:00
[kissing noise ]
!So long, suckers
I've got a hot date with a little lady
.and her name is clarinet
[knocking ]
?What
?Are you open
.Read the sign
I'll have a Krabby patty deluxe
and a double .chili kelp fries
.No, you won't
.I can't hang out here all night .I've got a life
Well, fine, if you .don't want my money
:MR. KRABS ?Money
You mean, if we stayed open later
you'd give us ?your money
.Sure
,Mr. Squidward .welcome to the night shift
From now on, The Krusty Krab .is open 24 hours a day
?What
!Wow
Now we never have .to stop working
...Mr. Krabs
See you in .the morning, boys
I can't hang out here .all night, Igot a life
...Mr. Krabs
,Isn't this great ?Squidward
Just you and me together for ?hours and hours and hours
And then the ?sun'll come up
And it'll be tomorrow, and .we'll still be working
:[gasping ] It'll be just like !a sleep-over
Only we'll be sweaty !and covered with grease
,Are you ready to rock !?Squidward
.No
Good, 'cause we've !got customers
Here; please hit me .as hard as you can
.Psst. Squidward
...I'm working in the kitchen
:[giggles ] .At night
.Don't hold back
?Hey, Squidward, guess what
...I'm chopping lettuce .at night
Look at me, I'm swabbing ...the bathroom
.at night
!Ow! I burned my hand
.At night
Night, night, night night
night, night, night, night
,night, night night, night
!n-n-n-ight
!Night
!?Will you, please
Here, give me a moment's peace .and take out the trash
.All right
.Taking out the trash
...Taking out the trash, at n
[brakes squeal ]
[scary music ]
?You mean, outside
That's where .the dumpster is, yes
,I don't know, Squidward .it's kind of dark out there
But I thought you .likedthe night shift
.You're right
!For the The Krusty Krab
[screaming ]
[screaming continues ]
[gasping ]
.snaps fingers]Piece of cake ]
?So, you're not afraid
.Pfft! Nah
...Well, I am, especially after
[gulp ]
.Well, you know
?What? What do I know
?You don't remember .It was all over the news
.Tell me. Tell me
.No, no, I probably shouldn't
It would ruin .the night shift for you
?What happened ?What happened? What
You mean you've never ...heard the story of the
?"Hash-Slinging Slasher"
?The Slash-Bringing Hasher
.The Hash-Slinging Slasher
...The Sash-Wringing
...the Trash-Singing ...Mash-Flinging
...The Flash-Springing ...Wringing
the-the Crash
....Dinging... uh
.Yes, the Hash-Slinging Slasher
...But
Most people just [call him the Ha... [ gasps
Because that's all they have time to say
...before he
!Gets them
[gasps ]
!Tell me the story
,Years ago at this very restaurant
the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook
...just... like
.you
.Only clumsier
And then one night
when he was cuttingthe patties
.it happened
He forgot the .secret sauce?No
He didn't wash .his hands?No
Irregular !portions?No
He cut off .his own hand by mistake
?You mean like this
?Or like this? Or this
?Or this
?But what about this ?Or this? Or this
...Or this?! Or
.Except he wasn't a sponge
?So
!So it didn't grow back
[screaming ]
And he replaced his hand .with a rusty spatula
And then !he got hit by a bus
And at his funeral
!they fired him
...So now, every ?what day is it
.Tuesday
Tuesday night, his ghost... returns to The Krusty Krab
.to wreak his horrible vengeance
.gasps]But tonight's Tuesday night ]
.Then he'll be coming
?How will we know
There are three signs that signal the approach
.of the Hash-Slinging Slasher
First, the lights ...will flicker on and off
...Next
Dude, can I have ?some ketchup
.Oh. Here you go
...Next
the phone will ring, and .there will be nobody there
,And finally the Hash-Slinging Slasher
arrives in the ghost of the bus !that ran him over
Then, he exits the bus and crosses the street
without looking both ways
.because he's already dead
Then, he taps on the window
.with his grizzly spatula hand
...No!He opens the door
[imitates squeaking ]
He slowly
...approaches the
:[echoing ] !counter
?And you know what he does next
?What
?You really want to know
?What
?Are you sureyou want to know
!?What, what, what does he do
!He gets you
[screams ]
[laughs ]
[screaming continues ]
[laughs ]
...He get
...Whoo, hoo
:[laughing ] ...Oh, my
[screaming continues ]
...Spongebob, I
[screams ]
...Spongebob, I was
[screams ]
...I was just
[screams ]
...I was just
[screaming continues ]
!Spongebob, I was joking
?What
,It's not true .none of it's true
?It's not
.Of course not
Nobody has a spatula .for a hand
.It was all a joke
.Oh
[laughs ]
[laughing continues ]
[owls hooting ]
[electrical buzzing ]
[water dripping ]
[scratching ]
[water dripping ]
[scratching ]
[water dripping ]
[scratching ]
[water dripping ]
[suction sound ]
,Isn't this great [Squidward?[ screams
There's never time to wash .the ceiling during the day
:[growling ] .Open 24 hours a day
.What a stupid idea
Who wants a crabby patty ?at 3:00 in the morning
[alarm rings ]
!.Oh, boy, 3:00 a.m
[munching ]
.Just look at this place
.It's like a ghost town in here
[flickering ]
.Veryfunny, Spongebob
?What
And the lights will flicker" " ...on and off
.Just like the story, I get it
Hey, Squidward
how are you doing that ?without moving the switch
.I'm not doing it
It must be the stupid .faulty wiring in here
This place isn't built to run .24 hours a day
[phone rings ]
?What, what? Hello
?Hello
.Nice try, Squidward
?Nice try, what
The phone will ring and" "!there will be no one there
.Oh, you crack me up
.Spongebob, I'm not doing this
.Oh, calm down, calm down
?All right, what was it
There was... the lights
.and the phone
[phone rings ]
And the walls !will ooze green slime
.Oh, wait
.They always do that
?But what was that third thing
[brakes squeak ]
[door squeaking ]
I didn't know the .buses ran this late
.They don't
Well, they're dropping .someone off
[screams ]
...The Sash-Wringing
...the-the Flash-Singing
...the Fash... P-pinging
!The Hash-Slinging Slasher
:[crying ] ...Oh
;At last, you understand .we're doomed
.No, that's not it
I am just so touched
that you would go to the trouble
to dress up as a ghostly fry cook
and stand on the other side of the street
.just to entertain me
:[sobbing ] !You must really like me
Spongebob
there are two problems .with your theory
.One: I hate you
:And two
How can that be me, when I'm !?standing right here
[tapping ]
[screaming ]
:BOTH !The Hash-Slinging Slasher
[babbling hysterically ]
Aah!He's going !to flip me
!Get away, get away
Spongebob, no matter
what I've said
I've always sort !of liked you
Squidward, I used your clarinet to !unclog my toilet
?Huh
!Get away, get away
You're not !welcome here
?Can I have a job application
.I brought my own spatula
I called earlier, but I hung up .'cause I was nervous
Do you have ?references
Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus
then who was ?flickering the lights
!Nosferatu
[buzzing ]
[humming ]
♪ Stitch one, pearl two
♪ Da da de doo
♪ Da day de da
♪ De doh
?What's that smell
?The register
...Forty-nine, oh
!?eight
!That's a penny short
[cries ]
.Oh, no
.Not a penny
.Help! Somebody, help us
It's just a .penny, sir
It doesn't .matter
?Doesn't matter
It's money that makes .the world go round, boy
It's money
.that keeps your pants square
It's money that keeps Squidward .in frilly soap
[sniffing ]
!Lilac
It's money that paid .for all them renovations we did
Oh, nothing
in all the seven seas could .matter more
...Not even that
?Hmm
.scrumptious, curvy cutie...
.I see her, Mr. Krabs
.A crabby patty with cheese
.The classic
.Not the sandwich, boy
The curvy cutie .holdingthe sandwich
:SPONGEBOB !Hey
That's my driving .teacher, Mrs. Puff
?Mrs.Puff
.Aw, she's married
.Oh, no, Mr. Krabs
.She's single
Then what happened ?to Mr. Puff
She doesn't like .to talk about it
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to have a lass like that .on me claw
!Hey, I know
Why don't I take you over and ?introduce you
,No, no, no .I'm-I'm too old, boy
.Too hard-shelled for love
,Besides .I ain't properly dressed
...Aw
.come on, Mr. Krabs
[You look great.[ fly buzzing
You wait here while .I go break the ice
!Spongebob, no, wait
!I'm too nervous
!Ooh
.Hi, Mrs. Puff
:[screaming ] !Ahh
.Hit the brakes, Spongebob
!Watch the tree
[screaming ]
.Wait, Mrs. Puff
.We're not driving
.Oh, I'm sorry, Spongebob
I didn't expect .to see you here
,I work here .Mrs. Puff
Want to meet ?my boss
...Well, I'm not
.Don't move
:[groaning ] !Oh
Mrs. Puff, I'd like ...to introduce you to Mr
Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you
.to my boss, Mr. Krabs
.Uh... hello
[quivering ]
,Psst! Mr. Krabs .say hello
[muttering ]
.No, no, Mr. Krabs
.Just say hello
[strangled groan ]
Hmm, perhaps another time ...would be
:[shouting ] !No
Wait. He's trying to tell .you something
...Mr. Krabs
[speaking gibberish ]
.I don't understand
[speaking gibberish ]
!Oh
.I think Mr Krabs is saying
...that he'd like to
.hit you with a rake
!Goodness
!No
[speaking gibberish ]
Try to guess .your weight
!Well
[speaking gibberish ]
.No, wait
...He wants to take you
[speaking gibberish ]
!on a date
!Uh
?Is that true, Mr. Krabs
Do you want to take me ?on a date
.Aye
?What do you say
?What do I say
[laughs ]
I say, you have a way .with words, Mr. Krabs
.I still got it
[laughs ]
:SPONGEBOB Ready for your ?date, Mr. Krabs
I'm always ready when .it comes to dating, lad
:SPONGEBOB ?Breath spray
.Check
?Lucky hanky
.Check
?Giant rusty anchor
?Uh, anchor. Anchor
I can't find me giant !rusty anchor
!Ahh
.Relax, Mr. Krabs
.Just a little joke
.Good luck with you-know-who
?Who's that
.Mrs. Puff
.Oh, yeah
.Well, wish me luck, lad
:MRS. PUFF !Oh, Mr. Krabs
This dinner has been !so wonderful
The coral was cooked .to perfection
[laughs ]
I don't think .I could eat another bite
Oh, I doubt that, my .little shrimp boat
[giggles ]
.You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs
I mean
.foot rubs between courses
.Caricatures
.Imported music
[playing lounge music ]
,Nothing's too good for you .my prickly peach
,Oh, what I'm trying to tell you ...Mr. Krabs is
Uh, sir, your fancy pantsy .limousine is here
!Wonderful
Puffily-poo, your !chariot awaits
...Well
[whistles ]
[screaming ] !Ahh
,You'll never have to walk again .my little lobster bib
:[sighs ] .Aye
.Your bill, sir
!?What
!One hundred dollars
Well, this can't .possibly be correct
.Oh, my mistake, sir
.Thank you for pointing that out
.Thisis your bill
[screaming ]
[crying ]
,I don't understand .Mr. Krabs
How can you spend ?100,000 in one night$
Oh, Spongebob
I couldn't help but spend !every cent I had on her
!I couldn't control myself
?What are you going to do
.I don't know, boy
.I've got another date tomorrow
I'm caught in the middle --of me two great loves
sweet Mrs. Puff .and the rest of me money
[crying ]
I wish there was some way .I could help
.Perhaps there is, boy
I'm putting youin charge .of me money
.I don't get it, Mr. Krabs
You come with me on the date
and don't let me spend .any money
Now remember, we keep it cheap .by going to the park
And no matter how much I ask you
you don't give me .anyof me money
.Now give me a dollar
.Nope
!Good boy
.You'll do fine
?Who is it
It's me, my !beautiful bell buoy
[giggling ]
.Just a minute
!Flowers
!Flowers, boy
!Go get flowers
...But you said
Spongebob, you can't call
on a classy lady .like Mrs. Puff empty-handed
We ain't talking .about this... or this
We're talking .about this
.Almost ready
Hurry, boy, get !the flowers
.Mrs. Puff
You're as beautiful .as ever
[laughs ]
.That's funny
I thought I heard .Spongebob's voice
.Uh... you did
.He'll be right back
He's our personal assistant .for the day
.Oh
.Excuse me
I have to call .my insurance agent
.My beautiful Puff
[sighing ]
:SPONGEBOB ...Mrs. Krabs
I got the flowers .you wanted
What's that?I got the flowers .for Mrs. Puff
.We had an agreement, boy
You ain't supposed to spend .any of me money
...But you said
:MRS. PUFF ♪ !Here I come
.For you, Mrs. Puff
.Oh, flowers
!Oh, how thoughtful
.And here's a box of chocolates
Spongebob, where's ?the chocolates
Mr. Krabs, the budget ...doesn't allow for
:[whispering ] Spongebob, you can't go to Mrs. Puff's house
.without chocolates
!Hurry, hurry
I bought the biggest box .they had
.Buy, buy, buy
.Spend, spend, spend
Is that all you ?can think about
!Oh, Eugene
Here's those chocolates .I bought for you
,What are we doing today ?Mrs. Puff
?Dinner? Dancing
?A trip to the moon
...Psst! Mr. Krabs
we're just going for a walk ?in the park, remember
Actually, a walk in the park .sounds perfect
.It's a beautiful day
I'll just need ...to get a sun hat and
Mrs. Puff needs a .sun hat, Spongebob
...Oh, I think she
The sun is beating .down on poor Mrs .Puff's head
,As your financial advisor ...I suggest
There's not time .for suggestions
!Go buy a hat
!But...Today
.Don't worry, Mrs. Puff
.I'll shade you
!Spongebob, hurry
.One shady hat
.Good job, that
Oh, well... thank you
but you didn't need .to buy one
.I have a hat in the closet
Didn't need !to buy one
?You hear that, boy
We didn't need .to buy a hat
Aren't you supposed ?to be saving me money
I'm trying, Mr. Krabs
but you keep telling me .to buy things for Mrs. Puff
.It's all really confusing
.Spongebob, I'm sorry
.This is my fault
I'm not thinking .clearly
,I'm making a sailor's promise .boy
From this moment on
I won't ask you to buy anything .for Mrs. Puff
Spongebob, Mrs. Puff needs !a new fur coat
[breathing heavily ]
!You're spending all me money
.Puffy needs a new pair of shoes
[breathing heavily ]
!You're breaking me, boy
!She needs fine jewelry
[panting ]
!Not that fine
!Spongebob
:[repeating ] ...Spongebob! Spongebob
[gasping ]
Spongebob, I'm glad .I caught you
I want you to ...buy Mrs. Puff
!Wait
!Don'ttell me
You want me to run down to the store
and buy Mrs. Puff something .she doesn't need
Then you want me to run back here
,so you can say .Aye, Spongebob"
".You're spending all me money
And then I'll say
,But Mr. Krabs" "!I'm only doing what you said
Then you'll say
We're not talking" .about this or this
"!We're talking about this
[gasping ]
But lad, this .time's different
Mrs. Puff .needsthis
?Are we going to the park soon
?Please, lad
.I'm begging you
I'm a lonely old crustacean
.who's found love
Don't let me .lose her
[crying ]
.Mr. Krabs, don't
.Don't cry, Mr. Krabs
.Come on
?Okay, I'm going to get it, see
.Cheer up, Mr. Krabs
Here's that washing machine .you wanted
?Cheer up
...How can I cheer up
when you're spending all !?me hard-earned cash
!See? You just did it again
Lad, I can't help it
if you're loose with .other people's money
Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer
?to go along with that
Well, Mr. Krabs
do you want to know ?what I think
Spongebob screaming ] [in gibberish
.Mr. Krabs
[speaking gibberish ]
.Oh
.Mr. Krabs' wallet
[muttering ]
I didn't know Spongebob had such .a colorful vocabulary
Actually, there's something I'd like to .say, too, Mr. Krabs
I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable
accepting all .these gifts
.I'd rather go dutch
.If you don't mind
.Okay
,You're a very sweet man .Mr. Krabs
!Oh
Captioning sponsored by THE] U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON
Captioned by The Caption Center [WGBH Educational Foundation