Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain!
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
♪ Ooh!
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob Squarepants! ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob Squarepants! ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob Squarepants! ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
♪ SpongeBob Squarepants!♪Ready?
♪ SpongeBob Squarepants!
Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON
Good morning, pineapple.
Good morning, Gary.
Good morning, world.
I'm ready!
World?
Talk to me.
Package, sir.
Ah-ha!
I can't believe it's finally here.
There you go.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Mr... Tennis Balls.
That's "Tentacles."
Squidward's last name is "Tentacles"?
Poor guy.
Hey, check out Squidward's new snail.
Fancy.
So that's what came in the mail.
Looks like Gary has a new little playmate.
Dream on, SpongeBob.
I wouldn't let Snellie here play with that mongrel mutt.
She's a purebred.
Wow. A snail made out of bread.
No.
Purebred means she's of the highest pedigree.
See?
She even has her own papers.
So if you'll excuse us
Snellie has to start her training.
Training?
For Bikini Bottom's snail race.
Snellie will be winning this Sunday.
Sunday?
Well, I guess I can't enter Gary in that.
Sunday's laundry day.
No, SpongeBob.
You can't enter Gary because Gary's a mutt.
Boy, you got that right. Gary's no...
Hey! What makes you so sure
Gary couldn't win that race?
Papers.
Hmm, "Property of Squidward Pimples."
That's Tennisball... Uh, Tentacles!
Come on, Snellie.
You know what?
I'm starting to get the idea
that Squidward thinks his snail is better than mine.
No!
Patrick, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah, I should get a snail
and enter it in that race and beat Squidward.
Are youthinking what I'm thinking?
No, no, no!
I'm thinking about entering you in that race
and beating Squidward's snail!
Looks like we're going
to start our training now, ladies.
I call you a lady to humiliate and demean you.
It's a motivational tool we coaches use.
Hmm, I don't know why
but I think I'll kick SpongeBob's butt tomorrow.
Kelp powder for muscle mass
raw eggs 'cause they're cliche
and nails for toughness.
Of course I expect you to eat this.
It's scientifically designed to help you win tomorrow.
Gary?
Wow, pretty good time.
Hey, SpongeBob, check out my new snail.
Patrick, your snail is a rock.
Yeah, thanks. I know.
He's got nerves of steel.
See you at the big race!
Boy, the competition's getting tough.
That's it, Gary.
We are going to start some serious training right now.
All right, Gary, let's start with some sprints.
On your mark, set, go!
Go, Gary, go, come on!
Go, Gary! It's all yours, Gary!
Gary?
Come on, Gary, the big race is tomorrow.
You got to start training if you want to win.
Don't waste your breath, SpongeBob.
That mongrel of yours doesn't have a chance against Snellie.
Excuse me
but you two seem to be forgetting
who the real winner will be... My snail.
Patrick, that's a rock.
Yeah, thanks. I know.
He's got nerves of steel.
Hey, what are you standing on, anyway?
Like I said
don't even bother showing up tomorrow.
My snail's really got Squidward scared, huh, SpongeBob?
Sorry, Patrick.
Gary and I've got some serious work to do.
You can run, but you can't hide, Squarepants!
All right, Gary, no more fooling around.
Time to get serious.
Come on, Gary, move it!
Up, up, up, up! Down, down, down, down!
Faster, faster, faster! Go, go, go!
Come on, push it, Gary, push it!
Move that shell!
Come on, Gary, move it!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Faster!
Let's go! Let's go! Speed it up! Speed it up!
Move it, Gary! Move it, move it, move it!
Stroke, stroke, stroke.
Come on, Gary, we're going to be late
for the big race!
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen
and welcome to our live coverage
of this year's spring classic, the 102nd Running of The Snail.
And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings
of which I'm a huge fan.
Seriously, I'm just a fan.
I was on my way to my seat, the door was open...
Hey, what are you doing?!
Sorry about that, folks.
Let's go down to the field
to join the mayor for the pre-game ceremony.
And now for the lighting of the Torch of Good Sportsmanship.
Please join me
in welcoming snail racing's first-ever champion
Lightning Larry Luciano!
Would you look at that, folks?
Lightning Larry Luciano, a living legend
slowly making his way center stage.
And what a proud moment for this sport.
The crowd is going absolutely nuts...
for Larry.
He's almost there.
Uh, yes, siree.
Any minute now.
He's almost a quarter of the way there.
The torch is lit!
Let the race begin.
Well, SpongeBob, I must admit
I didn't think that mongrel mutt of yours
would even find the starting line.
Congratulations.
Save it for the loser's circle, Squidward.
Gary happens to be in the best shape of his life.
I'll alert the paramedics.
Good one, Squidward.
You guys ready?
Uh! A burglar!
No, Patrick, that's the official.
We're ready to start here, folks.
Okay, Snellie, let's show these
common, garden-variety snails
what superior breeding is all about.
All right, Gary, listen up.
The competition is going to be fierce.
You're the undersnail.
Everybody's already counting you out.
Now get out there and win
so we can rub Squidward's big, fat nose in it.
This is what you've been training for, Rocky.
This is why we're here.
On your mark, get set
slither!
And they're off!
Number six, Snellie, rockets out of the starting blocks
leaving the other two competitors in the dust!
What?
Go, Snellie, you got it, baby!
What are you doing, Gary?! The race has started!
You let Snellie take the lead!
Let's go, Gary! Start moving!
You're blowing everything we trained for!
Blowing it!
It's okay, Rocky. You go when you feel like it.
Gary, are you listening to me?!
Get the anchors out of your pants right now!
Don't give me that look!
I said now, mister! Get going, Gary!
Go, go, go, go!
And there goes number seven out of the starting gate.
Hang on, folks.
He doesn't look so good.
Not good enough, Gary! Not good enough! Faster!
I do not like the look of this.
Come on, Gary, it's a race! A race!
Have you heard of 'em?!
That coach is pushing that snail too hard.
Faster, Gary! Faster, faster, faster, faster!
Huh?
Oh! Looks like number seven has a blowout.
Oop, make that two, folks.
Uh, Gary?
Plus a blown head gasket!
Oh, and the poor creature's still going for it.
Um, Gary, you can stop now.
And he's losing control!
You can take a breath now if you want to, Gary!
He's spinning out of control!
He's heading straight for the wall!
No!
Hold on, Gary, I'm coming!
Whoa-oa.
One of the coaches seems to have raced onto the track.
That is an automatic disqualification.
Looks like number six has this race all wrapped up,
ladies and gentlemen.
Come on, Snellie, it's all you, baby!
Oh, Gary, I'm sorry.
Why didn't you just say I was pushing it too hard?
You did?
Oh, Gary, why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?!
You did?
Oh, Gary! Oh, Gary!
What?!
Gary?
Oh...
Aw...
My, oh, my.
Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this.
It seems Snellie, the leader, just went back to comfort Gary.
Looks like you and I are in-laws, eh, Squidward?
But that's impossible.
If Snellie didn't win, then...
And the winner is Rocky!
I can't believe it.
My purebred... Which cost me $1,700...
Lost to a rock.
Don't worry, Squidward.
I know how much you wanted to win
so I had the trophy engraved to you.
Gosh, Patrick, thanks.
"The 1st Place Snail Racing Cup
Presented to Squidward Tortellini?"
Will I ever win?
That's for yesterday, Squarepants!
You've got it tuned to KOLD...
K-OLD, the all oldies station.
Here's a little something
you may remember from the good old days.
♪ You're old
♪ You're old ♪
♪ Grumbling like a geezer
♪ Yourself a-cracklin' like an old has-been ♪
♪ Look at yourself, old man, you've got multiple chins ♪
♪ 'Cause you're old...
Good morning, Daddy.
I made you breakfast.
Thank you, sweet pea.
I see you got creative with the bran today.
Open up. It's time for the pill.
Oh, Barnacles.
I hate the pill.
Ooh...
Pearl... do you think I'm... old?
Well, of course I do!
But that's okay.
Daddies are supposed to be old.
But I'm still cool, right?
Your old man is cool?
See, no one says "cool" anymore.
That's such an old-person thing.
Now we say "coral," as in
"That nose job is so coral."
"Coral," eh?
Ew. When you say it, it sounds so uncoral.
What if I said it with a different inflection?
Co-ral.
Don't you have to go to work or something, Dad?
Whoo! You're right.
Have a coral day, honey.
Jenny, it's Pearl.
Coral is definitely out.
Ha! Old?!
What was I thinking?
I ain't old. Huh?
Don't worry, Pops.
We're almost across the street.
Hey, get away from me.
I don't need no snot-nosed little...
sorry you had to see that.
Come on. Move it!
Could you be any slower?
And you've had your blinker on
for the last five blocks.
Hey, Mister, could you
throw the ball back over here?
Hey, how's about I join you kids?
Uh... that's okay.
You can keep it.
Why do old people always have to ruin the fun?
Hey! No cutting!
You got to wait your turn like everybody else.
No... no! I ain't old like you!
I ain't old!
What's his problem?
Next.
Mommy, my Krabby patty tastes funny.
Well, no wonder.
It's all old and dried out...
like that man right there.
Now, put that thing where it belongs...
In the garbage.
♪ La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪
Well, little patty, we're two of a kind.
We've both lost our luster.
Hmm. So that's what I taste like.
Good morning, Krusty Crew.
Hi, Patrick! You all ready for the big night out tonight?
Yeah, it's gonna rock!
Are you ready to go crazy?!
I'm already hearing voices!
Are you ready to...
SpongeBob! Patrick! Do you mind?
Let's continue this conversation in private, Patrick.
I think some people are eavesdropping!
Well, how rude of some people!
Mmm. Those youngsters are going out
for a big night on the town.
Whoo! I've been looking forward to this night all week.
Party!
What do you think we should do first?
What shouldn't we do first?
We're young...
we've got wheels...
the world is our oyster!
SpongeBob, you got something on your shoulder.
Hey, boys. Hanging out?
Yes.
I couldn't help
overhearing your big plans, and I was wondering
if you had room for one more crazy dude tonight, huh?
Of course. Did you want to come with us, Mr. Krabs?
Oh... hadn't even crossed me mind.
But sure! I'll go!
I don't know, SpongeBob.
He might cramp our style.
Style!
Let's see if he knows
the secret cool-guy handshake.
Uh... yeah!
'Course I know it.
Uh...
I'm waiting... old man.
Uh... how do you do?
Fine, and you? All right, you're in.
But I'm not happy about it.
You passed the test, Mr. Krabs!
Great! Why don't you boys show up at my house at 8:00.
I just want to warn you, Mr. Krabs
we're always fashionably late.
Hey, there, Mr. Krabs.
Are you ready to party!
Oh, I'm ready to party!
Are you ready to party?
I'm ready to party!
Are you ready to party, SpongeBob?
I'm ready to party!
Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
I'm ready to par-tay!
Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob!
I'm ready to par-tay!
Are you ready to par-tay, Patrick?
I'm ready to party!
Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
I'm ready to party!
Are you ready to...
Stop it! Just stop it.
You're embarrassing me, Dad.
So... what kind of hot rod will we be cruisin' in tonight?
Only the most powerful chick-magnet in town...
the underwater heartbreaker.
It's more like a chick repellent.
And there's only two seats.
Calm your waters, Mr. Krabs.
I modified this little baby myself.
Are you sure this is what the kids are driving these days?
Only the cool kids.
Hey. You guys must be lost.
Doofus Drive is around the corner.
We're not lost.
I've got my compass.
So long, dorks! Ha-ha!
Good-bye, pals.
We used to beat people up for saying things like that!
Everything's all topsy-turvy now.
Here we are...
The Wash.
They sure are giving these clubs some crazy names.
I have to tell you boys...
I'm a little nervous.
I haven't been, you know, "on the scene"
for quite a while now.
Just follow our lead, Mr. Krabs.
And above all... keep it cool.
Cool... Gotcha.
Hello, gang. SpongeBob's back.
Let's party!
Any port in a stor...
Wait a minute.
This is a Laundromat.
Oh, yeah! Whoo!
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, yeah, yeah!
The colors!
Whoa, yeah!
You guys want another rinse cycle? I'm buying.
You know, I love staring at delicates
as much as the next guy, but...
it's just that, I thought we'd see more of the nightlife.
Something that will give me
that wild and crazy, hot-blooded feeling...
if you know what I mean.
Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Krabs.
This is only stop numero uno on our night of debauchery!
Debauchery!
Debauchery? I never thought
of picking up trash under the highway as hot-blooded.
But if it's what the kids are into...
So are you feeling
that wild and crazy feeling, Mr. Krabs?
Not yet.
Don't worry, you will.
Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
I'm feeling a warm spot.
Sorry.
Are you feeling it now
Mr. Krabs?
Are you feeling it?
I'm feeling it, SpongeBob.
Patrick, that's not a ride.
Get off of me.
Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
Art thou feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
You feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
Shh!
How about now? Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs?
Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs?
So, you want to know if I can feelit?
Yeah! Yeah!
Do you really want to know if I can feelit?
Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!
Because I can feelit.
You want to know what I'm feeling?
Yes! Yes!
I'm feeling like a total barnacle-head!
You think this is cool?!
How about this!
And this! Am I with it now?
You guys wouldn't know a good time
if it bit you in the aft end!
I'm going home.
You guys ain't cool.
You're lame!
Uh... lame?!
Lame!
You're nerds! Geeks
Creeps! And babies!
Not babies! Not babies!
I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me
knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night!
So good night to ya!
I guess you're going to miss the panty raid.
The what?
I said... I guess you're going
to miss the panty raid.
Panty raid? You're talking about girls, right?
Girl girls?
Yeah.
And you're talking about raiding their dressers
for their underpants, right?
Oh, yeah.
Well, count me in!
If this works, I'll take back what I said
about you two being lame.
Not lame!
Now, this is more like it!
Give us some credit, old man.
We're panty professionals!
We score here all the time.
Frilly things!
We hit the jackpot!
Oh, yeah, Mr. Krabs!
Woo-hoo!
You finally came through for me, boys!
I feel young again.
Eugene?
Mother?
What are you doing with my bloomers?
Well... I, uh...
Why didn't you tell me this was my mother's house?
Why didn't you ask?
Uh... ooh.
But it was all SpongeBob and Patrick's idea!
Go to your room, mister.
You're grounded for the rest of the night.
Yes, Mommy.
Don't worry, pops.
We're almost to your room.
Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
Ah, that's all right, lad.
I certainly feel younger.
Good night, Mr. Krabs.
Good night, SpongeBob.
Eugene, lights out!
Yes, Mommy.
Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON
cess Group at WGBHaccess.wgbh.org