Are you ready, kids?
KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain.
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
♪ Ooh!
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪Ready?
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
[ hearty laughter]
[ piccolo playing]
[ ocean waves lapping, seagulls crying]
So, I was all ready to drain the fries,
but I cooked the fries slightly too long. So...
SpongeBob...So here's where the bizarre twist comes in.
SpongeBob...They weren't overcooked at all!
SpongeBob! Look!
SPONGEBOB: Wow!
What happened to the Krusty Krab?
MR. KRABS: Good morning!
The Krusty Towers is now open for business.
Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Krabs?
I'm glad you asked, son.
Remember when I went to that fast food convention
and stayed in that fancy hotel?
I had a beautiful room.
The employees were so friendly.
They catered to me every whim,
no matter how demeaning it was,
because they lived by a code.
And that code was engraved in fine gold
above the grand fireplace.
Everything was perfect.
Until I got the bill!
They charged me for everything.
$25.00 for a hamburger.
[ horn toots]
If they could charge that much for a lousy burger,
imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Krabby Patty.
And thus,
the Krusty Towers was born.
Why would anyone stay at a hotel in Bikini Bottom?
It's in the middle of scenic nowhere.
There's nothing to do but get stung by jellyfish.
[ groaning]
See?Eww.
Come inside.
Isn't it beautiful?
Where are all the new hotel employees?
Me first hotel guest.
Watch me reel him in.
Welcome to the Krusty Towers,
where our motto is,
"We shall never deny a guest
even the most ridiculous request."
Oh, that's great.
I'd like a double Krabby Patty
with no onions and extra pickles.
If you want a Krabby Patty,
you have to rent a room, and order room service.
Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch.
Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro.
Okay, Squidward,
you run the front desk.
I'd like a Krabby Patty, please.
This is a hotel now.
If you want a Krabby Patty,
you'll have to get a room, and order room service.
Okay. One Krabby Patty and one room.
With cheese.
Oh, and can I get cheese on the Krabby Patty, too?
Patrick,
you only live 400 yards away.
Why do you want to check into a hotel?
Sometimes I just need to get away from it all.
Wow, this hotel has everything.
Give me that.
Now sign the register.
I didn't know there would be a test.
I didn't study!
Patrick, all you have to do is write your name.
Oh, okay.
Do you mind?
Don't look.
Um...
Done.
Close enough.
Here's your room key.
I'll need some help with my bags.
How can you have bags?
You just found out this is a hotel.
This is a hotel?
D-oh! SpongeBob?
Yes, Squidward.
Take Patrick and his bags to his room.
What about my Krabby Patty?
And bring him a Krabby Patty.
Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags up to his room.
SpongeBob, you go make the Krabby Patty.
Oh, Mr. Krabs.
What's the matter?
Afraid of a little manual labor?
"I'm Squidward, and I have to work for a living."
Boo-hoo-hoo.
Fine.
Let's go, Patrick.
[ groaning]
This elevator is for guests only.
Take the employee elevator.
[ squeaking]
[ bell rings]
[ angry muttering]
[ bell rings]
What's in these bags? Rocks?
Hey, these are rocks!
Why is your suitcase full of rocks?
I don't tell you how to live your life!
Well, here's your room.
Wow.
Enjoy your stay.
Squidward, wait.
Keep up the good work,
and there will be more where that came from.
Your Krabby Patty, sir.
Hey, Squidward, cool rock.
Hold on a second, SpongeBob.
Here you are, my good man.
Thank you, Patrick.
There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend.
[ grumbling]
Squidward!What now?
I don't like crusts on my sandwich.
It's a bun.
It's all crust.
How am I supposed to cut the crust off a bun?
Peel it.
Happy?Yay!
SPONGEBOB: Room service.
Here's the 50 Krabby Patties you ordered.
Could you do one more thing for me?
Why don't you ask SpongeBob?
Good idea, Squidward.
How may I serve you, sir?
I need you to eat these Krabby Patties with me.
Oh, yes, sir.
[ bell rings]
Uh-huh. Hold on.
Squidward! Patrick needs your help.
What?! Why didn't he ask me
before I walked all the way downstairs?
He said he didn't want to bother you.
But he got over it.
Hooray!
Thanks, Squidward.
[ toilet flushes]
Mr. Krabs, this is ridiculous.
Patrick's being completely unreasonable.
He can be as unreasonable as he wants.
The plaque, Squidward! The plaque!
But Mr. Krabs...
Deny no guest!
[ phone rings]
Well, hello, Patrick.
You need Squidward to come up right away?
He'll be right there.
A bubble bath?
Why would I give you a bubble bath?
Well, because Mr. Krabs said you would.
Be sure to make my back extra shiny clean.
That's it!
I've had enough!
Squidward, wait!
The toilet's backed up again!
Hey, hey, you can't take that elevator.
You're an employee.
Not anymore.
I quit.
Quit?
You can't quit.
Welcome to the Krusty Towers.
Squidward?!
One room, please, on the top floor.
What do you think you're doing?
I need a vacation.
I'm overworked.
And what better place to relax than Krusty Towers,
where we shall never deny a guest
even the most ridiculous request.
I don't have to rent you a room.
I got cash.
D-oh... Here's your room key.
SpongeBob, carry my things to my room.
Aye, aye, guest sir.
[ crashes]
And you can carry me to my room.
And why in tarnation would I do that?
You've got four legs that aren't broken.
The plaque.
Too bad we couldn't take the elevator,
but it is for guests only, and you are an employee.
Your room, sir.
And I'd like to order room service.
I'd like a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenail clippings
and nose hairs.
[ squeals]
You've got to be kidding me!
And I want it here in five seconds.
Yes, sir.
Here you are, sir.
Well, you got your stinky sandwich.
Now eat it.
Oh, I'm not going to eat this.
You are.
What?!
You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that.
Psst, that's not really a Krabby Patty
with cheese, toenails and nose hair.
[ chuckles]: Now I get you, boy.
All right, Squidward.
[ laughter]
SpongeBob!Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
We were all out of cheese.
Hooray!
[ phone ringing]
What is it, Squidward?
Send up a dozen cookies just like mother used to make.
Here's your homemade cookies.
These don't taste anything like mom used to make.
Well, how did your mother make 'em?
How should I know?
Ask my mother.
[ doorbell rings]
Hello.
[ gasps]
SpongeBob!
No good, Mr. Krabs.
Allow me, boys.
Great.
Now that me laundry is in the trunk...
There's room for you to sit up front.
Let's go bake some cookies, boys.
Hooray!
Well?
I'm impressed.
These are just like mother used to make.
I just wish mom was a better cook.
So you're all taken care of.
Just one teensy, tiny problem.
This room is hideous.
Redesign it.
Neptune the 14th would be nice.
What?
"We shall never deny a guest
even the most ridiculous request."
[ screaming]
Perfect!
This room is exactly the same as when we started!
Nothing like getting back to the basics.
Let's get out of here, SpongeBob.
Oh, before you leave,
I want to go swimming.
The pool is out back.
[ laughing]: Are you crazy?
I'm not going outside to swim.
Come on in.
The water's fine.
Anything else stupid
and unreasonable that you want?
Nope, that's it.
You don't need me to chew your food for you,
or make you a back scratcher out of my own spine?
Or maybe extinguish the sun
so the light don't get in your eyes?
No, I'm good.
Me, too.
Wow!
An indoor pool.
This place is fancy!
Cannonball!
[ laughing]
[ loud crash]
MR. KRABS: Oh!
That hotel was a bad idea from the start.
That was a hotel?
Your bill, sir.
$15,000?
You're not going to have a heart attack, are you?
Not at these prices.
Forget hotels.
This hospital racket is where the money is.
This is a hospital?
Pack your bags, boys.
You're going to medical school.
Hooray! Hooray!
Oh, boy.
Good morning, Mrs. Puff. I'm Mr. Fitz.
I represent the Voting Teachers Accreditation Bureau.
As you know, your teaching certificate is up for renewal.
However, we've noticed there have been
an unusually large amount of failings from this classroom.
That's impossible.
In all my years of teaching,
only one student has failed my class.
Yes, but he's failed 1,258,056 times.
SPONGEBOB: Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai!
You don't understand.
SpongeBob is... unteachable.
We cannotblame the students for the incompetence of the teacher.
SPONGEBOB: Honk, honk! Beep-beep!
I'm ready to drive!
[ horn honks]
Are you ready for my driving test today, Mrs. Puff?
Okay, Mrs. Puff, if SpongeBob fails this test,
you will be replaced.
Okay, SpongeBob, let's demonstrate for Mr. Fitz
everything I've taught you in boating school.
[ chuckles]: Now,
what's the first thing we do before we start boating?
Oh! Seatbelt-a-rooni. One second.
[ grunting]
Then what do you do?
Start the engine?Yes.
[ engine starts]
What do I do now?Drive the boat.
Did I pass this time, Mrs. Puff?
No, SpongeBob.
You failed.
I failed?
It is not you that's failed, SpongeBob.
It's Mrs. Puff that's failed you.
You are relieved of your teaching duties.
I won't be teaching SpongeBob anymore?
[ laughing]
[ laughing loudly]
No more... SpongeBob?
I thought this day would never come.
[ continues laughing]
Whoo-hoo!
Good-bye, SpongeBob!
Have a nice life.
Free at last!
SPONGEBOB: I got Mrs. Puff fired.
[ booming footsteps]
Hello, worthless students.
I'm your new instructor.
No one's ever failed my class
that's lived through it.
I can assure you, these next four weeks
will be the worst years of your miserable lives.
Your spines will break.
Your teeth will ache.
Your eyes will be bloodshot.
[ students whimpering]
You will drive out of this school in style,
or you will be carted out
in your granny's handbasket.
Everyone will follow the rules of the class.
First rule: no talking.
Does that mean...
Second rule: no eating in my class.
Would anyone care for a bon-bon?
Uh, I'll eat one.
[ students gasp]
Pick your favorite.
How's it taste?
It's a delightful taste sensation.
No eating in my classroom!
Now, if anyone else is man enough
to stay in this class...
Looks like you're the man... Sponge.
I am?
Do you want to learn how to drive or what?Yes, sir!
I'm ready to drive!
What do you think you're doing?
Ready for my test, sir.You're not ready
to drive yet-- until you learn thatfirst.
This is the most grueling driving course ever devised.
You will learn every turn, bump and crack on it.
You'll start out crawling it.
Crawl?
Hup two, hup two, hup two, hup two!
Left turn!
Crack! Bump! Nickel!
Hey, a nickel!
Keep your eyes on the road, cadet![ gasps]
SPONGEBOB: Pebble!
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa!
Ow...!
Wow...!
[ screaming]
Wow...!
[ screaming]
Wow...!
Aah...!
[ sighs]: Whew!
I'm ashamed of you, cadet.
Tripped up by a wee pebble.
What are you supposed to be learning in my class?
How to drive, sir?
Affirmative. But before you learn to drive,
you must learn to crawl.
And then you learn to walk,
and then you learn to run.
But before you learn to walk, you must learn to crawl!
I want you to crawl!
Sir, yes, sir!
Now, get out there!
[ shoes screech]
Hut! Hut!
[ shoes screech]
Every good boater needs to know his vehicle inside and out.
Here. Go take that boat apart.
I'm impressed, son.
Put it back together again!
[ chuckles]: Oh, that'll be easy.
Are you sure?
Um, yeah.
You just put the jing-a-mahoos on the poo-hickey and, uh...
I might need a couple of minutes.
[ snoring]It's ready, Sarge!
Jumping jellyfish!
[ bell dings]
Watch for pedestrians. Check mirrors.
Observe that speed limit.
Watch for pedestri... ans!
Whoa!
Aah! Whoa!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Wow! Oh! Oh!
So, um, how'd I do?
How'd you do?
Why don't you ask the shattered remains
of this pedestrian
how you did?!
Now I know this course forward, backward and sideways.
Am I ready to get behind the wheel?
Not quite.
Now do it blindfolded.
[ horn honks, loud crash]
1,003, 1,004, 1,005...
Oh, pebble number 143.
Ha! You will not trip me up again, pebble number 143.
1,006, 1,007, 1,008...
Old lady with a ham sandwich.
1,009,
1,010, 1,011, 1,012, one th...
Congratulations.
You're ready to get behind the wheel.
Really? I'm ready!
I'm ready! I'm...
[ crash]
Let's see what I taught you, laddie.
Yes, sir!
Left turn at pebble number 143.
SPONGEBOB: Kid with a ball. Nice boy.
Nice driving.
Now parallel park up ahead.
Very good.
Now, boy, the time has come to show Mr. Fitz
what you learned. Yes, sir!
Step one: seat belts!
Excellent work, cadet.
What's next?
Step two would be: ignite engine.
Step three.
Step three would be:
engage blindfold!
What? You can't drive a boat with a blindfold on.
That's illegal.
But I can't do it without a blindfold.
Drive, boy! Drive!
[ explosion]
Mayday! Mayday!
You're off course!
[ crashing, banging]
[ rumbling]
[ screaming]
Oh...
I feel so serene now that I'm away
from that homicidal maniac, SpongeBob.
[ horn honks]
The brake, son!
Aye, aye, sir.
Here you go, sir-- all I had to do
was unscrew two little bolts.
I'm going to stop this thing!
Tell my wife I love her!
Come get some!
Man down! Man down!
[ loud banging]Uh, sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
Hey, SpongeBob.Sorry, Patrick, I can't stop to talk right now.
I can't see! I can't see!
My pants!
Hey! I can't see.
[ screams]
Did I pass?
Well, if there was a "destroy the city"
part of the test, you wouldhave.
The nerve of some people!
Sorry, SpongeBob, you failed again.
Even our finest instructor could not teach you.
Mrs. Puff, you're hired again.
Hey, Mrs. Puff.
Sorry I'm "unteachable."
It's okay.
Mr. Fitz gave me my teaching certificate back.
[ sniffles]: And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion.
So it's as if you never failed.
I got you a "welcome back" gift, Mrs. Puff.
I found all the pieces and glued them back together.
I promise it won't take me a million tries thistime.
[ sobbing]
Captioning sponsored by MTV NETWORKS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 2 F1