- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- ♪ OHH...
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS!
[laughing]
♪
[waves crashing]
[upbeat ukulele music]
♪
- BIKINI BOTTOM ACTION NEWS!
TONIGHT'S TOP STORY:
A WEALTHY ENTREPRENEUR WHO WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS
IS SPONSORING THIS YEAR'S SLEIGH RACE.
FIRST PRIZE: $1 MILLION.
ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM HAS ENTERED,
BUT ONLY ONE HOPEFUL WILL WIN.
WE JOIN ROVING REPORTER PERCH PERKINS
LIVE AT THE SCENE.
- THE TENSION'S BUILDING UP AS THE CONTESTANTS LINE UP
TO WIN THE PRIZE.
- GARY AND I ARE GONNA TRY TO WIN THE PRIZE
SO MR. KRABS CAN FIX UP THE KRUSTY KRAB.
RIGHT, GARY?
- [meowing]
- I HEAR YA.
I HOPE I WIN SO I CAN BUY
ALL THE KRABBY PATTIES I WANT.
GOOD THING I BROUGHT OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.
GOOEY WORMS.
- UH, PATRICK, THOSE DON'T MOVE.
- SURE THEY DO. GIDDY-UP!
YA!
SEE?
- [chuckles]
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.
KAREN AND I--
I MEAN, MY WORM AND I ARE GONNA WHIP YOUR TAILFIN!
RIGHT, WORM?
- RUFF, RUFF.
- AND WITH THE PRIZE MONEY,
I'LL TOPPLE YOUR RESTAURANT EMPIRE ONCE AND FOR ALL!
- HA! WHERE FETCHIN' MONEY'S INVOLVED,
NOBODY TOPPLES ME.
- CONTESTANTS, READY YOUR SLEDS.
- EXCUSE ME, SIR.
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO IN THE RACE?
- HELLO OUT THERE, BIKINI BOTTOM.
I'M GLAD I CAN FINALLY TALK
TO MY ADORING FANS ON TELEVISION.
- [snoring]
- BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME, MISS.
- ON YOUR MARK...
- SO LONG, SUCKERS.
- GET SET...
GO!
- COME ON, WORMIES! GIDDY-UP!
HMM.
- ALONE AT LAST!
NOW THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND THE SECRET FORMULA.
[laughs]
[cheering]
- COME ON, BOYS!
GET ME TO THE GREENBACKS!
- I THINK NOT, OLD MAN.
TURBO BOOST, KAREN.
[laughs]
- NO!
I CAN'T LET HIM WIN!
- DON'T WORRY. HE WON'T.
I WILL.
YEE-HAW!
- HI, SPONGEBOB.
- HI, PATRICK.
WHERE'S YOUR SLEIGH?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- HOP IN. WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT.
[brakes squealing]
- [growling]
- COME ON, GARY!
- [giggles]
LOCKED?
[grunts]
GOOD THING I BROUGHT THIS ALONG.
[blade whirring]
[screaming]
OW.
I'M GONNA NEED SOMETHING WITH MORE FIREPOWER.
- WHOO-WEE!
LOOKS LIKE I LOST 'EM.
[electricity crackles]
THE REMOTE SHORTED OUT.
THE ROBOTS ARE STUCK IN HIGH GEAR.
[screams]
- THOSE DIMWITS DON'T STAND A CHANCE
AGAINST MY IMPORTED WORM.
[brakes squeal]
- AHH.
- HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
- OH, I BEG YOUR PUDDING.
IT'S TEA TIME, ISN'T IT?
- I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
TEA TIME.
OF ALL THE RIDICULOUS CONCEPTS.
[screaming]
WHOA! WHOA!
AH!
both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW
- WOW! LOOK AT THAT!
- SQUIDWARD!
BUDDY!
HE DOESN'T LOOK SO HOT.
WE BETTER TAKE HIM WITH US.
- GOOD IDEA.
- [groans]
both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW
♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW
♪ AND WE RA-- - [moans]
- PATRICK, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
- YEAH.
both: SANDY?
- [shivering] TH-TH-TH-TH-THANKS, GUYS.
- NO PROBLEM. RIGHT, GARE?
- [grumbling]
- SNIFF OUT THE MONEY, LITTLE GUYS.
COME ON. MUSH.
[stomachs rumbling]
[growling]
WAIT A MINUTE.
I WAS GONNA FEED YOU, HONEST.
[barking]
all: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW
- HELP! - HI, MR. KRABS.
- I'VE JUST BEEN TURNED INTO LUNCH MEAT
BY ME OWN WORMS.
[snarling]
- AH! HOP IN, SIR.
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
- MUCH APPRECIATED, BOY.
- FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!
- FASTER! FASTER!
- [groans]
[barking]
- FASTER! FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!
- [groans]
[barking]
all: FASTER!
[barking]
- [grunts]
[breathing heavily]
- THIS IS A DEAD END!
[barking]
[screaming]
- [deep roar]
[whimpering]
[meowing]
[cheering] - GOOD JOB, GARY!
WAY TO GO!
[deep rumbling]
- GREAT. NOW WE'RE TRAPPED.
GOOD THINKING, SQUIRREL.
THIS SHOULD KEEP US ALIVE FOR AT LEAST...
[gulps] A FEW HOURS.
OOH.
- [shivering]
IT'S S-S-S-SO C-C-COLD.
- [teeth chattering]
- [purrs]
- [shivering]
[muttering]
- HEY! HOW ABOUT A CAMPFIRE SONG?
- [growling] NO SINGING!
all: SQUIDWARD!
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY GET ME A BLANKET.
[teeth chattering]
- HEY, SQUIDWARD.
WHAT'S WITH THE EXTRA FOOT, BUDDY?
- HUH?
THIS ISN'T MINE.
WHOA!
- [roaring]
[screaming]
[roaring]
- NOT YOU AGAIN.
- HA! SLIMY SNOW VERMIN!
YOU MISSED!
- THAT WEREN'T THE ATTACK.
- HUH?
- HIT THE DECK!
- [spitting]
- [screams]
- [meowing] - GARY!
- [spitting]
- [screams]
OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
- SHE'S RELOADING.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO SCRAM.
- WHAT IS THAT FORMIDABLE CREATURE?
- THAT, ME BOY, IS NONE OTHER
THAN THE ABOMINABLE SNOW MOLLUSK.
- I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A MYTH.
- OH, I ASSURE YOU SHE'S NO MYTH.
SHE'S AS REAL AS SANTY CLAUS.
'TWAS BACK WHEN I WAS A YOUNG SEA CAPTAIN
SAILING THE ARCTIC SEAS
WHEN THE BEHEMOTH AND I FIRST TANGLED.
- [roaring]
- [gasps]
- DON'T TELL ME, MR. KRABS.
YOU PEELED BACK THOSE TENTACLES
WITH YOUR BARE CLAWS.
YOU SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED YOUR VESSEL
FROM CERTAIN DOOM.
- NO, THAT DIDN'T WORK.
SHE GULPED ME AND ME CREW DOWN
IN ONE SWIFT SWALLOW.
- OH, MY.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU BRAVELY ESCAPED
TO TELL THE TALE.
- WEREN'T BRAVERY THAT GOT US OUT.
LET'S JUST SAY WE HAD TO WAIT
FOR NATURE TO TAKE ITS COURSE.
- HMM? OH!
EWW.
- I HATE TO BREAK UP STORY TIME,
BUT I'D LIKE TO NOT GET EATEN TODAY.
- [roaring]
- GARY, STEP ON IT!
WHOA, YEAH, GARY!
YOU ARE REALLY MOTORING NOW.
RIGHT, GUYS?
WE FORGOT SQUIDWARD!
LEFT, GARY! LEFT!
- [roaring]
THERE HE IS!
PATRICK, I NEED A GOOEY WORM.
- OH, BE GENTLE. IT'S MY LAST ONE.
- HOLD TIGHT, BUDDY.
- [meowing]
- [growling]
[roaring]
- SPONGEBOB, COME ON!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- [roaring]
MMM. NUM-NUM.
- OOH-WEE!
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE, WASN'T IT, MR. KRABS?
HUH?
OF ALL THE HORNSWAGGLES!
THE BANDIT'S TRYING TO WEIGH US DOWN
WHILE HE MAKES OFF WITH THE PRIZE HISSELF!
- [laughs]
I'D SOONER SWALLOW A JELLYFISH
THAN SHARE ME WINNINGS WITH THAT--
OH!
[electricity crackles] [muffled scream]
- WE CAN'T LET THAT DOUBLE-CROSSER BEAT US
TO THE LOOT.
FULL STEAM AHEAD AND DON'T STOP FOR NOTHING, GARY!
- HEY!
[brakes squealing]
- WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY, PATRICK?
- I SAW SOMETHING SHINY.
- OH, WELL, LET'S JUST DROP EVERYTHING THEN.
- WELL, WAIT, SANDY, I SEE IT TOO.
IT LOOKS LIKE KAREN.
- KAREN?
- I'D SAY SHE'S IN SWIFT NEED OF A REBOOT.
HEE-YA!
- YOU CAN'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.
- HUH?
PLANKTON?
- DON'T TAIL KRABS.
- POOR GUY.
THE ICE IS REALLY GETTIN' TO HIM.
- THEN WE GOT TO BUST HIM OUT QUICK!
I'M GONNA SIT ON HIM.
- PATRICK, NO! HE'S VERY...
[crash] FRAGILE.
- KRABS...STAND.
- A SIMULACRA!
- SANDY, PLEASE! LANGUAGE.
- NAW, SILLY.
I'M SAYING PLANKTON SENT A ROBOTIC DUMMY IN HIS STEAD.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
MY SELFISH HUSBAND REMAINS
IN WARM, SUNNY BIKINI BOTTOM
WHILE I FREEZE MY SOLDER OFF IN THIS BITTER TUNDRA.
IN FACT, THIS WHOLE RACE WAS A PLOT DEVISED BY PLANKTON.
WITH THE ENTIRE TOWN DISTRACTED,
HE'S FREE TO PURSUE THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA UNDETECTED.
- PURSUE? FORMULA?
WE GOT TO FIND MR. KRABS RIGHT NOW.
- AND EXACTLY HOW DO YOU PROPOSE WE FIND HIM?
- I SAW MR. KRABS PASS BY JUST BEFORE MY SYSTEM FAILED,
HEADING SOUTHWEST.
- WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
YOU HEARD THE LADY, GARY.
SOUTHWEST!
MUSH! MUSH!
- [laughs]
OUCH!
SO THIS SAFE IS IMPERVIOUS TO FLAME, EH?
IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I'LL HAVE TO GET
A LITTLE MORE DESTRUCTIVE!
[toy squeaks]
AHEM.
I MEANT DESTRUCTIVE!
- [groans]
- THAT-A-BOY, GARY.
- [screeches]
[screaming]
- [sighs] - [sighs]
- CLIFF!
[screaming]
HOLD ON, SPONGEBOB!
- [gags]
WE MADE IT. HOORAY.
RIGHT, SQUIDWARD?
- [gasps] OH, MY GOSH!
PATRICK, LEAN TO THE OTHER SIDE.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
- WHAT?
- GOTCHA.
- HEY, SANDY, HAVE YOU GIVEN
ANY THOUGHT TO HOW WE'RE GONNA--
OW!
LAND?
- [roaring]
- FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[explosion]
RATS.
[all shivering]
- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, I KNOW IT'S COLD,
BUT LET'S JUST PUSH FORWARD AND KEEP A LOOKOUT
FOR FROZEN CRAB.
- I CAN'T FEEL MY LOOKING HOLES!
- THE ONLY THING I CAN FEEL IS MY EMPTY STOMACH.
[stomach growls]
- YOU SAID IT, SPONGEBOB.
I ALREADY GNAWED THROUGH ALL MY PROVISIONS.
I'M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I COULD EAT
JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.
MMM.
SPONGE-KEBAB.
OOH!
HEY, PATRICK, YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THEM GOOEY WORMS ON YOU?
- I WISH I DID.
I LOST MY LAST ONE TO THAT MONSTER
AND NOW I'M SO HUNGRY.
WELL, AT LEAST I STILL HAVE THESE JELLYBEANS
TO HOLD ME OVER.
HEY!
IS THIS TAXI EVEN MOVING?
- [shivering]
- COME ON, GARY!
- [gasps] GARY!
OH, YOU POOR FELLA.
WE PUSHED YOU TOO HARD, DIDN'T WE?
SORRY, BUDDY.
I WON'T MAKE YOU TOW ANOTHER INCH.
- GREAT. NOW WE'RE STUCK.
- NO, WE'RE NOT.
AH--
HELLO. WHAT'S THIS?
[gasps]
LOOK!
ONE OF MR. KRABS' SAILOR TATTOOS.
IT MUST HAVE FROZEN OFF OF HIS BRITTLE BODY.
- WE MUST BE HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
- [laughs]
[electronic beeping]
SECRET FORMULA, YOU ARE MINE!
PERHAPS I MISJUDGED THE SCALE ON THAT ONE.
OH!
THAT DOES IT!
LISTEN UP, SAFE.
I WILL SPILL YOUR CONTENTS
EVEN IF I HAVE TO TEAR YOU APART...
[grunts] BIT BY BIT!
EH!
MOLECULE BY MOLECULE!
ATOM BY ATOM!
UH-OH.
[grunts]
OH, CERTAINLY THE SAFE COULDN'T SURVIVE
NUCLEAR DETONATION.
COME TO PAPA!
[laughs]
- [grunting]
- [snoring]
OH! HEY!
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.
- MR. KRABS!
- HE AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.
WE BETTER GET HIM IN THE SLEIGH, SPONGEBOB.
SPONGEBOB!
HE DONE FROZE UP TOO.
[gasps]
- AH! WHAT?
YOU'RE BURNING THE SLEIGH?
ARE YOU AWARE THAT THAT WAS OUR ONLY MODE OF TRANSPORTATION?
- AND ARE YOU AWARE THAT I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE?
- [groans]
THE RACE! THE MILLION CLAMS!
[gasps] I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN ICE.
MUTINOUS THIEVES TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF ME WINNINGS.
- OH, COOL DOWN.
THERE ARE NO WINNINGS.
YOU'VE BEEN DUPED. - DUPED?
YOU DON'T MEAN BY--
- NOW YOU'RE PUTTING IT TOGETHER.
- [gasps] ME FORMULA!
WE GOT TO GET BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM!
- WE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING BACK
IF WE HAD A SLEIGH.
- WE'RE DOOMED. [sobbing]
- NO, WE'RE NOT, MR. KRABS.
YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS.
- NO OFFENSE, BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA CATCH PLANKTON
MOVING AT A SNAIL'S PACE.
- JUST LEAVE THAT TO THE SCIENTIST OF THE GROUP.
- OH, GEEZ!
WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?
[laughs]
- SHE'S ALL FIRED UP.
- GARY, MR. KRABS, ANY HAZARDS ON THE HORIZON?
- LOOKING CLEAR SO FAR!
- SQUIDWARD, KEEP THOSE CIRCUITS WARM.
PATRICK, HANG ON!
HOORAY! WE MADE IT!
- OKAY.
THEN WHERE'S ME RESTAURANT?
- PERHAPS OVER THERE.
- [gasps]
AND WHERE'S ME FORMULA?
- PERHAPS OVER THERE.
- THE CHUM BUCKET...
"NOW SERVING KRABBY PATTIES"?
- WE'RE TOO LATE!
- WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, BOY-O.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
YOU CAN'T CUT IN LINE!
WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A KRABBY PATTY
FOR THREE STINKIN' DAYS!
- THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
- KEEP YOUR PANTS ON OUT THERE!
I'LL GET YOUR KRABBY PATTIES JUST AS SOON
AS I GET THIS BOTTLE OPEN!
- NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AND/OR DO ABOUT IT.
- KRABS!
WHY AREN'T YOU FROZEN UNDER THE BARREN TUNDRA?
- I GUESS I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS
THE BIG UNVEILING OF MY SANDWICH!
- WELL, IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF I COULD HAVE DISLODGED THIS STUPID CORK.
- OH, THAT'S EASY.
all: PATRICK!
- [chuckles] I GOT IT NOW, KRABSY!
- THAT MAY BE TRUE, PLANKTON,
BUT YOU GOT SEVEN ANGRY CUSTOMERS
FLANKING YOU ON ALL SIDES.
- UH, WELL, I'M SURE MY LOVING WIFE
IS NOT A PARTY TO THIS ANGRY MOB.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME HERE, KAREN.
- "YOU GOT TO HELP ME."
MY MONITOR NEARLY FROZE UP FOR GOOD
ON YOUR LITTLE RACE TO OBLIVION.
- BABES, DON'T BLOW AN OP AMP OVER THIS.
COME ON.
YOWZAH!
OW, THAT HURT ON SO MANY LEVELS.
OKAY, I GIVE UP.
YOU WIN AGAIN, KRABS.
- AND HAND OVER ME FORMULA.
- OKAY, EUGENE.
I'LL JUST SIGN THE SURRENDER TREATY FIRST.
OOH, HERE I GO.
[laughs]
OUTSMARTED YOU AGAIN, EH, FOOLS?
[laughs]
- YOU GET BACK HERE, PLANKTON!
- HERE WE GO AGAIN.
GIVE UP NOW AND I'LL LET YOU KEEP
ONE OF YOUR ANTENNAE!
- I'D BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU TRY!
OOH! YOU'RE SO CLOSE.
SO LONG, SUCKERS!
- HUH? [all gasp]
- [laughs]
- WE'RE TRAPPED.
- THAT'S RIGHT, KRABS.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING OF BUSTING OUT,
MIND THE GIANT VAT OF FRY GREASE BENEATH YOU.
- HE'S GONNA TURN US INTO FRIED SNACKS.
- GOT ANY DIPPING SAUCE?
- A LITTLE TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE,
EH, KRABCAKES?
- [roaring]
NUM-NUM!
- NUM-NUM?
- NUM-NUM!
[screaming]
NUM-NUM!
- NO, WAIT, BIG SCARY MONSTER!
DON'T EAT PATRICK. EAT ME.
I'M PACKED WITH NUTRIENTS.
- NO! EAT ME!
- DON'T EAT ME!
EAT SQUIDWARD!
- WAIT. WHAT?
- [shudders]
- NUM-NUM!
MMM.
- SHE LOVES YOUR JELLYBEANS, PATRICK.
- I'D BETTER GO WHILE THE GOING'S GOOD.
- JELLYBEAN!
- I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THOSE KRABBY PATTIES NOW.
[grunts]
[screams]
- HEY, MR. KRABS, WHAT HAPPENS TO PLANKTON?
- HE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR NATURE
TO TAKE ITS COURSE.
[laughs]
- [belches]
- WELL, I SUPPOSE DEAR OLD DAD WAS RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE MINORED IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION.
[toilet flushing]
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