- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- * OHH...
* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS!
[laughing]
*
[waves crashing]
[tropical music]
*
- [snoring, muttering]
- [squeals]
[ding]
OOH-WAH!
[sizzling]
OH!
- HMM? WHO'S THAT?
[triumphant music]
**
- [warbling cry]
*
AH!
[jet engine roars]
[ding] AH!
[spatula clatters, knuckles cracking]
HMM, SOMETHING'S MISSING.
[humming]
AHA! JUNE 15TH.
[slurps, chomping]
FINE MONTH FOR PICKLES.
- [snoring]
- ORDER'S UP!
ONE PERFECT PATTY ON A PRISTINE PLATE
IN A SQUEAKY-CLEAN KRUSTY KRAB.
MAN, OH, MAN, DO I LOVE MY JOB!
HEY, MR. KRABS. WHAT'S THE GOOD WORD?
- WELL, ACTUALLY, SPONGEBOB,
UH, THERE'S TWO WORDS.
AND THEY'RE NOT VERY GOOD.
YOU'RE FIRED.
[chuckles] WHAT? - FIRED?
- WELL, YOU SEE,
I'VE BEEN DOIN' SOME CALCULATIN'
AND, YOU KNOW, CRUNCHING THE OLD NUMBERS.
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT I'LL SAVE A WHOLE NICKEL
IF I CUT YOUR SALARY.
COMPLETELY.
- [stammers] BUT HOW ABOUT IF I WORK FOR FREE?
- YEAH, I LOOKED INTO THAT.
APPARENTLY, IT'S "ILLEGAL."
AND I'LL LOSE MY "VENDOR'S LICENSE."
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
- UH, 'SCUSE ME.
IS THAT MINE? - I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE.
[sniffs]
TAKE IT.
- YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU LIKE A SON.
BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH A NICKEL.
- BUT--BUT--BUT--BUT--
BUT--BUT--BUT--BUT--
BUT--BUT-- BUT--BUT--
BUT--BUT--BUT--BUT-- BUT--BUT--
- HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?
CAN I GET FIRED TOO?
- I'M AFRAID NOT, SQUIDWARD.
YOU'VE GOT SENIORITY. - OH, YEAH.
- NOPE, IT'S GOTTA BE YOU, SON.
YOU'RE CANNED.
HERE'S YOUR PINK SLIP.
I'M GIVING YOU THE AX.
[zipper zips]
YOU'RE FIRED.
- [gasps]
[sobbing] NO! NOT THAT!
ANYTHING BUT THAT!
- SO, UH, IF YOU COULD JUST HAND OVER YOUR SPATULA.
UM... - [wailing]
- I'LL JUST TAKE THAT.
[grunting]
- HERE, I'LL GET THAT FOR YOU.
[wailing]
- I'LL ALSO NEED THE HAT.
ALLOW ME.
- [wailing]
- GO AHEAD, TAKE A MOMENT TO COLLECT YOURSELF.
LONG AS YOU NEED.
- [sobbing]
- I'M NOT A VERY STRONG SWIMMER.
- OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
IT'S CLOSING TIME.
YOU KNOW, IT JUST WON'T BE
THE SAME AROUND HERE WITHOUT YOU.
YOU'LL HAVE TO VISIT SOMETIME... AS A CUSTOMER.
- [wails]
- BUH-BYE NOW.
SAYONARA.
GOOD RIDDANCE.
MAN, IS IT GONNA BE SWEET WITHOUT THAT PEST AROUND!
[tires screech]
- [whimpering]
- THIS DAY COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER.
WELL, EUGENE,
LET ME COMMEND YOU ON A TERRIFIC BUSINESS DECISION.
BUT NOW THAT SPONGEBOB'S GONE, WHO WILL BE RUNNING THE GRILL?
- SQUIDWARD, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW,
I WAS FIVE TIMES "GOLDEN SPATULA" IN THE NAVY,
SO I'LL BE RUNNIN' THE GRILL.
OOH!
- I CAN SMELL THE GREASE FIRES ALREADY.
- HEY, GARY, I'M HOME.
FOREVER.
[wailing]
- [meowing]
- OH, MR. KRABS FEELS HE DOESN'T NEED ME ANYMORE.
- [meows]
- WHAT'S THAT, GARY?
YOU NEED ME?
OH, THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF A PET.
OH, I'M SORRY.
HERE I AM WALLOWING IN MY MISERY,
AND IT'S PAST YOUR DINNERTIME.
[sighs]
I USED TO FEED EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM.
NOW I JUST FEED YOU.
OH, THANKS, GARY.
- [meows]
- THAT'S HOW I USED TO HOLD MY SPATULA.
[wails]
- [distant sobbing]
- [sobbing]
- [wailing]
- PATRICK, WHAT'S WRONG?
- OH, HEY, SPONGEBOB.
I HEARD YOU CRYING, AND IT MADE ME SAD.
[stifled crying]
- GEE, I'M SORRY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME INSIDE?
- OKAY!
HI, SPONGEBOB!
WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SO SAD?
- PATRICK, THE MOST HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED TODAY.
I GOT--
F-F-F-F-F-F-F...
- FREE FRENCH FRIES?
- F-F-F-F-F-F-F...
- FRIED FRITTATAS?
- F-F-F-F-F-F-F...
- FROTHY FRAPPE?
- F-F-F-F...
- I CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE FOOD
THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "C," SPONGEBOB.
- IT'S NOT FOOD, PATRICK.
I GOT FIRED.
- HEY, THAT'S GREAT!
BEING UNEMPLOYED IS THE BEST GIG I KNOW!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
MEET ME TOMORROW MORNING,
AND I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE WONDERS OF THE UNEMPLOYED LIFESTYLE.
- SORRY, PATRICK, I CAN'T.
I HAVE TO WOR-- OH.
YEAH, OKAY.
- GREAT.
SEE YOU THEN.
[grunts] - [sighs]
- [humming]
[lock clanking, hinge creaks]
OH!
[dramatic music]
HEY, BUDDY!
ARE YOU READY?
READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY OF GLORIOUS UNEMPLOYMENT?
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT,
"FUN-EMPLOYMENT"!
- YEAH, SURE.
[slurps]
WHATEVER.
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
NOW, THE FIRST STOP ON OUR TOUR OF FUN-EMPLOYMENT
IS A HEALTHY BREAKFAST WITH OUR GOOD FRIEND MR. SQUIDWARD.
HEY, SQUIDWARD!
HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE MORNING?
- [growling]
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU...
KEEP... [grunts]
OFF... [grunts]
MY... [grunts]
PETUNIAS!
- [gobbles]
[gulps]
I'LL JUST SAVE THIS FOR LATER.
NOW YOU TRY.
- UH...
[slurps]
- [laughs] - HEY, SQUIDWARD.
LOOK AT ME. I'M FUN-EMPLOYED!
- [growling]
[grumbling]
- [slurps]
- HEY, YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
NEXT ON OUR ITINERARY,
A BRIEF MID-MORNING SIESTA.
[humming] [grunts]
[snoring]
- [meows]
- [sighs]
[groaning]
[gulps]
- [yawns]
ARE YOU FEELING ANY BETTER YET?
- [slurps] UH-UH.
- COME ON, SADPANTS.
YOU KNOW WHAT ALWAYS PICKS ME UP?
- NOPE.
- FREE LUNCH WITH FRIENDS!
- YIPPEE.
- OKAY, LET'S BEGIN THE EXPERIMENT.
- [gobbling]
HUH?
- MM-HMM.
OKAY, NEXT.
- OH, BOY, LUNCH!
[gobbling]
[gulps]
AHH.
[groaning]
- MORE! MORE!
- VERY INTERESTING. OKAY, NEXT.
SPONGEBOB! I ALMOST DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
YOU LOOK AWFUL! - [groaning]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' WITH THESE HERE FREELOADERS?
- I GOT FIRED.
NOW I'M FUN-EMPLOYED. WHOO-HOO.
- WHOA, THERE. YOU DO NOT WANT TO EAT THAT.
- WHY? WHAT IS IT? - HECK IF I KNOW.
[whispers] THIS HERE'S A PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST TO SEE
HOW MUCH WEIRD GUNK FOLKS WILL EAT...
IF IT'S FREE.
WHO'S FOR SECONDS?
both: ME!
- HERE YA GO, LITTLE BUDDY.
- [gobbling]
- AHH. MMM!
- SPONGEBOB, YOU'RE A MESS.
YOU'RE FALLING APART.
COME ON NOW, SPONGEBOB.
YOU NEED TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
GET SOME STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE.
WHAT YOU NEED IS A NEW JOB.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, SANDY.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, PATRICK.
UNEMPLOYMENT MAY BE FUN FOR YOU,
BUT I NEED TO GET A JOB.
- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING, YOU LOSER?
YOU COULDN'T KEEP A JOB IF YOU TRIED!
- HEY! YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!
UNH! - [groans]
- DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, SPONGEBOB.
YOU NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
- THANKS, PATRICK.
IT'S TIME TO REJOIN THE WORKFORCE.
GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT, HERE I COME!
[grunting]
YAH!
I'M READY! WHOO-HOO!
[tropical music]
* I'M READY, I'M READY *
* FOR A NEW JOB, FOR A NEW JOB *
* I'M READY FOR A NEW JOB, I'M READY *
*
GREETINGS, PURVEYOR OF ELONGATED SAUSAGE PRODUCTS!
I WOULD LOVE TO WORK AT YOUR ESTABLISHMENT.
- WELL, YOU DO LOOK ENTHUSIASTIC.
HMM. ALL RIGHT, KID.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
SO THIS IS THE KITCHEN.
- HMM.
THIS GRILL IS NOT IN VERY GOOD SHAPE.
- OH, WE DON'T USE THE GRILL.
WE COOK EVERYTHING ON THE ROLLER.
- [screams]
- GOOD LUCK, KID.
[sizzling]
- HMM. THERE'S SOMETHING NOT QUITE RIGHT ABOUT THIS FOOD,
BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS.
AHA!
[gulps, burps]
HEY! WHERE ARE THOSE WEENIES?
[grunts]
- YOUR WEENIES, SIR.
- WHAT IN THE NAME
OF DAVY JONES' GYM SHORTS ARE THESE?
- THEY'RE WEENIE PATTIES.
- WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF NUT?
YOU'VE RUINED MY WEENIES! YOU'RE FIRED!
- AAH! BUT, MR. KRABS, WHY?
- MR. WHO?
- I MEAN, MR. WEINER!
- JUST GO.
- WELL, THAT WAS A SETBACK.
HELLO, PIZZA PIEHOLE!
EXCUSE ME, MR. PIZZA MAN.
YOU NEED A FRY-COOK?
- OH, BOY, DO I! CAN YOU MAKE PIZZA?
- EH...PROBABLY.
- OH, THAT'S AMAZING. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE HIRED.
- COOL.
WELL, IT'S NO KRABBY PATTY, BUT...
PERHAPS I'LL FIND CONTENTMENT.
- HEY, BUDDY, HOW'S THE PIZZA COMING?
- ALMOST DONE!
BUT I DID CHANGE THE RECIPE A BIT.
- [laughs] NO PROBLEM.
[bell dings]
A FEW EXTRA TOPPINGS NEVER HURT ANYONE.
HUH? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
YOU'VE TURNED AN INNOCENT PIZZA INTO...
A PIZZA PATTY!
IT'S AN ABOMINATION!
- YEAH, OF DELICIOUSNESS!
- YOU'RE FIRED!
- BUT WHO'LL MAKE THE KRABBY PATTIES?
- KRABBY PATTIES?
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, THE KRUSTY KRAB?
- LIKE I NEED HIS DUMB JOB, ANYWAY.
I HOPE HIS PEPPERONI FALLS OFF.
HEY, TACO MAN, MAY I HAVE A JOB, POR FAVOR?
- HMM. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH A BURRITO.
[sizzling, clatter]
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
- INTERESTING.
IT'S SOME SORT OF BURRITO PATTY.
HMM.
WHO'D LIKE TO TASTE IT?
- I'LL GIVE IT A GO!
- YOU'RE FIRED!
- [whimpering]
BUT I'VE GIVEN YOU THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE, MR. KRABS!
[cries]
- GET TO STEPPIN'!
- [wailing]
[crashing]
- YOU'RE FIRED! - AAH!
- AND TAKE YOUR NOODLE PATTY WITH YOU!
- OH, I'LL TAKE IT, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE IT TO GO!
HOME.
[sighs]
FOR YEARS I WORKED AT THE KRUSTY KRAB.
NOW I'VE BEEN FIRED FIVE TIMES IN ONE DAY.
WHO ARE YOU GONNA COOK FOR NOW, SPONGEBOB?
- [meows]
- SORRY, GARY, YOU MUST BE STARVING.
DON'T WORRY, GARE-BEAR.
I'LL OPEN UP A CAN OF SNAILPO FOR YOU.
OH, NO.
WE'RE ALL OUT OF SNAILPO.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE OUR OWN.
[tropical music]
*
[whistling]
[boiling]
PERFECT!
ONE HOMEMADE CAN OF SNAILPO!
- [meows]
- WHAT'S THAT, GARY?
IT'S THE BEST FOOD YOU'VE EVER HAD?
- [meows]
- [gobbling]
YEAH, THIS IS DEE-LICIOUS!
DOES IT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS?
- ONLY SATISFACTION.
[sighs]
IF ONLY MY BOSSES LIKED MY COOKING
AS MUCH AS YOU TWO DO.
I MEAN, THREE.
[knock on door]
HELLO.
HMM. THAT'S ODD.
I COULD'VE SWORN I HEARD A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
[muffled yells]
MR. WEENIE?
- CONGRATULATIONS, SPONGEBOB, YOU'VE BEEN PROMOTED.
- BUT YOU JUST FIRED ME.
- THAT'S MUSTARD UNDER THE BUN, MY BOY.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS,
MY CUSTOMERS LOVE YOUR LITTLE SLIDERS.
NOW GET TO WORK!
- I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS ILLEGAL.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?
- PSST!
HEY, KID. YOU NEED HELP OUTTA HERE?
- PIZZA PETE! YES, PLEASE.
THAT WEINER HAS ME CHAINED TO THE GRILL,
AND HE REALLY SEEMS TO BE RELISHING IT.
- I HAVE SOMETHING TO FREE YOU.
- PIZZA SAUCE?
I'M FREE!
- GREAT! NOW YOU CAN GET TO MY GRILL.
- WHAT?
[gasps]
PARMESAN-CRUSTED BREADSTICK!
WHOA!
- HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY FRY-COOK?
- [shouting]
[screams]
- [laughs]
I'LL TAKE ONE FRY-COOK TO GO!
[laughs]
- OH, THANK YOU, SENOR TACO!
OH, NO! NOT YOU TOO!
[screams] all: GET HIM!
[all grunting]
- [grunting]
WHOA!
- LET GO! - HE'S MINE!
- I WAS HERE FIRST! - NO, I WAS!
- STOP! UNHAND THAT SPONGE!
[gobbling]
[growls]
- IT'S A KILLER PATTY!
[groaning]
- HERE, TAKE HIM! JUST DON'T HURT ME.
[whimpering]
[sighs]
[humming]
AAH!
- KRABBY PATTY! YOU SAVED ME!
WELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN.
- UGH! THIS PLACE IS TERRIBLE!
- THE KRUSTY KRAB HAS REALLY GONE DOWNHILL.
- HOW CAN YOU SERVE THIS SLOP?
I'M NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!
- WAIT! COME BACK! THAT WAS ME LAST CUSTOMER.
SPONGEBOB? SQUIDWARD, YOU FOUND HIM!
- [gasps] SQUIDWARD?
- I'M AFRAID SO.
SPONGEBOB...
- YES, SQUIDWARD? - YOU KNOW I HATE YOU, RIGHT?
- YES. YES, I DO.
- WELL, I HATE THE SMELL
OF BURNING KRABBY PATTIES EVEN MORE.
PLEASE COME BACK AND BE THE FRY-COOK AGAIN.
- WELL, IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, MR. KRABS.
- OH, LADDY, I SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU GO.
THE KRUSTY KRAB HAS FALLEN APART WITHOUT YOU.
YOU'RE REHIRED, BOY.
- ALL RIGHT!
NOW MY LIFE HAS PURPOSE AGAIN!
LET'S GET THIS PLACE CLEANED UP.
[warbling cry]
- HMM. NOT EXACTLY MY COLOR.
- THE KRUSTY KRAB IS BACK IN BUSINESS!
[cheering]
[indistinct chatter]
- WELL, SPONGEBOB, IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE BACK TO NORMAL.
AND TO MAKE UP FOR THAT EXTRA NICKEL I WAS LOSING,
I INSTALLED A PAY TOILET.
- OH, DEAR, WHERE IS THAT NICKEL?
[laughter]
HUH? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?