- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
- * OHH...
* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- * SPONGEBOB
* SQUAREPANTS!
[laughing]
*
[waves crashing]
[upbeat ukulele music]
*
[SpongeBob inhaling]
- SPONGEBOB, HOW ABOUT MORE KRABBY PATTIES
AND LESS HEAVY BREATHING?
- [humming words through closed mouth]
[exhales]
- [gulps air]
- WOW!
THAT'S THE LONGEST I'VE HELD MY BREATH!
THREE WHOLE SECONDS!
I'M GONNA TRY FOR FIVE SECONDS NEXT!
[big inhale]
- KEEP THAT UP AND YOU'LL LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS...
TENTACLES CROSSED.
- [through held breath] SILLY SQUIDWARD.
I'M NOT GONNA--
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON AROUND HERE?
- [groggy babbling]
- WELL, I COULD BE ASKIN' YOU THE SAME THING, BOY!
- SORRY, MR. KRABS.
I WAS MERELY EMULATING MY LATEST MEDIA OBSESSION...
[sing-songy] KENNY THE CAT!
- "KENNY THE CAT"?
WHAT IN CLAM'S NAME IS A "THE CAT"?
- HE'S THE GREATEST UNDERSEA ATHLETE
TO ORIGINATE FROM ABOVE THE WET 'N' BRINY!
AND HE'S BEEN SHATTERING RECORDS ALL OVER,
HOLDING HIS BREATH AS HE WALKS THE OCEAN FLOOR.
I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE KENNY THE CAT!
[inhales]
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.
HE WALKS LIKE THAT AND HOLDS HIS BREATH LIKE THAT!
KENNY IS A SENSATIONALITY!
HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED MY RECENT LETTUCE CUSTOMIZATIONS?
- NO.
- AND YOU HAVEN'T PERUSED MY COLLECTION
OF KENNY THE CAT PERIODICALS?
OR NOTICED KENNY ON EVERY TV CHANNEL KNOWN TO FISHKIND?
- UH, NO.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KENNY THE CAT BLIMP,
WHICH HOVERS OVER KENNY THE CAT SPORTS STADIUM?
- NEVER NOTICED IT. - HUH.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YOUR WALLET?
- [gasps] ME WALLET?
WHAT'S HE BEEN DOIN' IN THERE?
- OH, HE'S ON ALL THE NEW $50 BILLS.
- OH, THAT KENNY THE CAT!
WELL, HE'S A SENSATIONALITY!
- YEAH! AND HE'S VISITING BIKINI BOTTOM TOMORROW,
WITH HUNDREDS OF HIS RABIDLY LOYAL FANS!
- HUNDREDS, YOU SAY?
- MAYBE EVEN A THOUSAND!
[cash register dings]
- SAY, KIDDO,
WHY DON'T YOU SEE IF YOU CAN'T GET OL' KENNY
AND HIS THRONG OF FANS
TO VISIT THE OL' KRUSTY KRAB FOR A WHILE?
- I SHALL DO MY KRUSTIEST, SIR!
[humming]
- [gasps] SPONGEBOB!
DON'T YOU WANT YOUR WATER HELMET?
- [chuckles]
NOT NECESSARY, SANDY.
LIKE MY PERSONAL HERO, KENNY THE CAT,
I'M A-OKAY!
[gasps for air]
- WELL, IF YOU AIN'T GONNA USE YOUR HELMET,
I SUGGEST YOU MAKE IT QUICK, SPONGEBOB.
- AH!
HEY, SANDY,
YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE A CAT, AREN'T YOU?
- CAT?
IN WHAT WAY AM I "KIND OF LIKE A CAT"?
- WELL, AREN'T CATS AND SQUIRRELS
BASICALLY THE SAME THING?
- WE ARE BOTH MAMMALS,
BUT THAT IS WHERE THE SIMILARITIES END!
CATS ARE NO-GOOD SCOUNDRELS,
AND I AIN'T NEVER TRUSTED ONE OF 'EM!
- WELL, YOU CAN TRUST KENNY THE!
HE'S THE HEROIC CAT WHO'S BEEN HOLDING HIS BREATH
FOR DAYS AT A TIME!
- I HATE TO PRECIPITATE ON YOUR PARTY, SPONGEBOB,
BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!
NO AIR BREATHER COULD EVER DO THAT!
NOT EVEN ME!
- VERY WELL, SANDRA, IF THAT IS YOUR STANCE,
THEN SO BE IT.
COULD SOMEONE BE JEALOUS
OF KENNY'S DAZZLING LUNG CAPACITY?
both: KENNY THE CAT! KENNY THE CAT!
- YOU DO KNOW THAT KENNY WON'T BE HERE UNTIL 10:00?
- UH-HUH.
- TOMORROW MORNING. - UH-HUH, YEAH.
14 HOURS IS CUTTING IT CLOSE, BUT I HAD TO WORK ALL DAY!
- HOPELESS.
- YOU KNOW, I READ IN KENNY FANCY MAGAZINE
THAT HE'S SO USED TO HOLDING HIS BREATH,
THAT WHEN HE'S TOPSIDE, HE FORGETS TO BREATHE!
- WOW! [laughs]
WELL, THAT'D BE LIKE ME FORGETTING TO--
[gasps]
[sighs with relief]
THERE YOU ARE, POCKET TACO!
[munching]
[swallows]
- AHH.
PATRICK, HAVE YOU EVER GAZED
UP INTO THE STARRY NIGHT
AND SEEN KENNY THE CAT'S FACE?
- NO.
- FIND THE GROUPER CONSTELLATION
AND THE DORSAL CONSTELLATION,
THEN SQUINT YOUR EYES
AND LET THE DETAILS FALL INTO PLACE.
- UH...
OH.
I DON'T SEE IT.
KENNY'S REALLY GOTTEN INTO YOUR HEAD LATELY.
- YEAH. KENNY'S AWESOME.
HEY! THAT REMINDS ME!
LET'S PAINT OUR FACES TO LOOK LIKE KENNY!
[humming]
PERFECT!
WE'RE THE BIGGEST KENNY THE CAT FANS EVER!
- THIS, UH, IS GETTING CREEPY.
- HEY, BUDDY, CHECK IT OUT!
- SWEET NEPTUNE!
HEY, SPONGEBOB, I'M GONNA GO NOW.
YOUR OBSESSION WITH KENNY IS GETTING WEIRD.
- BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE
MY NEW KENNY THE CAT TEMPORARY TATTOO!
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
SEE YA, SPONGEBOB!
- WELL, I GUESS IT'S PLAIN TO SEE
WHO THE TRUE KENNY THE CAT FAN IS!
[alarm rings and meows]
10:00! KENNY TIME!
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
NOW IS THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
KENNY THE CAT WILL DO HIS SIGNATURE WALK!
[cheering]
- KENNY!
[marker squeaks] - THANKS, KENNY!
- KENNY, SIR, IT WOULD MEAN A LOT
IF YOU'D SIGN MY OFFICIAL KENNY THE CAT SPATULA.
[marker squeaks] THANKS, KENNY.
YOU'RE SO REAL.
[Kenny's stomach growls]
OH, YOU'RE HUNGRY?
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MOVE THIS AUTOGRAPH SESSION
TO THE KRUSTY KRAB?
[ding]
[babbles]
DID YOU SEE THAT?
KENNY JUST GAVE ME
HIS TRADEMARK A-OKAY HAND SIGN!
SWOON! SWOON!
[excited chatter]
- ONE AT A TIME! ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE!
KENNY THE CAT WILL HAVE TIME
TO MEET EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUSE.
AND I WILL HAVE TIME TO TAKE
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR DOLLARS!
LOOK AT MESELF!
I'M NOT BEING A VERY GOOD HOST!
UH, EXCUSE ME!
YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, KENNY!
I MEAN, "MISTER THE CAT"!
HERE YA GO. CONDIMENTS, ON THE HOUSE!
DON'T TELL ANYBODY!
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB FAMILY.
[chuckles]
- MISTER THE CAT, EVERYTHING OKAY?
- [grunting]
- SAY, MR. KRABS, IT'S GONNA BE A LONG DAY FOR KENNY.
HOW ABOUT WE GIVE HIM A MINUTE TO FRESHEN UP?
- WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA, SPONGEBOB.
A CLEAN CAT IS A MONEYMAKING CAT,
I ALWAYS SAY.
PLEASE AVAIL YOURSELF OF THE LOUNGE FACILITIES.
- WELL, I BEST GET BACK TO MANNING THE GRILL.
- THIS GETS REAL UNCOMFORTABLE AFTER AWHILE.
[inhales]
[gargling]
- SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MISTER THE CAT.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE A BITE TO--
WHOA!
- [inhales]
[exhales]
- [trembling]
- GOOD THING I GOT THIS OXYGEN TANK AND MASK,
OTHERWISE THERE'S NO WAY I'D BE ABLE
TO HOLD MY BREATH THIS LONG.
- [trembling]
HOW COULD YOU, KENNY?
YOU BROKE MY HEART.
HERE I WAS THIS ENTIRE TIME BELIEVING YOUR ACT,
ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT IT WAS NOTHING BUT AN ACT.
- BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
- THERE'S NO ROOM FOR THOUGHTS NOW--
ONLY FOR TEARS. NO!
- SPONGEBOB, WAIT!
WHOA.
[inhales deeply]
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR SUCH A PHONY.
[sniffles] OH, WELL.
TIME TO MOVE ON.
I GUESS I DON'T NEED MY KENNY THE CAT
FAN CLUB MEMBERSHIP CARD ANYMORE...
OR THESE KENNY THE CAT POSTERS.
OH, KENNY, HOW COULD YOU?
[crying] YOU WERE MY IDOL.
YOU KNOW, I SHOULD REALLY TALK ABOUT THIS WITH SOMEONE
OR I MIGHT GET DEPRESSED.
- SPONGEBOB, PLEASE, LET ME EXPLAIN.
I'M JUST A CAT WITH A DREAM--
A DREAM TO GIVE THE GIFT OF HOPE.
SEE, ABOVE WATER, I'M A NOBODY--
JUST ANOTHER ANNOYING CAT.
BUT DOWN HERE, I'M SOMEONE SPECIAL,
SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY.
AND IF MAKING THE WORLD A HAPPIER PLACE
MAKES ME A CRIMINAL...
[crying]
THEN LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.
HAVE MERCY!
[whimpering]
- ALL RIGHT, KENNY, ALL RIGHT.
I PROMISE I WON'T TELL ANYONE.
- REALLY? - YES, REALLY.
- ALL RIGHT!
THANKS, BUB.
YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE MOI,
I GOTTA SIGN SOME AUTOGRAPHS.
- AH, THE CAT OF THE HOUR IS BACK.
[cheers and applause]
ALL RIGHT. YOU READY TO SIGN FOR THESE FINE DOLLARS--
I MEAN, UH, SUCKERS--
I MEAN, UH, SOME AUTOGRAPHS.
[cheers and applause]
WELL, ALL RIGHTY THEN.
THAT'S WHAT THE CONSUMING PUBLIC WANTS TO HEAR.
- SIR, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT
YOU'RE THE BIGGEST INSPIRATION
MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS HAVE EVER KNOWN.
YOUR ABILITY TO HOLD YOUR BREATH
HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES FOREVER.
[all grunting]
- "YOU'RE WELCOME. I'VE BEEN HOLDING MY BREATH
"FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS, NO PROBLEM.
YOU CAN TOO, SIGNED KENNY THE BREATH-HOLDING CAT."
- HI, KENNY.
MIND IF I GET YOUR SIGNATURE?
GEE, IT SURE IS NICE TO MEET ANOTHER
AIR-BREATHING, WARM-BLOODED VARMINT DOWN HERE.
- MM-HMM.
- JUST OUT OF SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY,
HOW DO YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR SO LONG?
- UH, WE NEEDN'T BURDEN OURSELVES
WITH SUCH NEEDLESS SCIENTIFIC TECHNICALITIES, SANDY.
- I'M JUST WONDERING, SPONGEBOB.
I MEAN, HE DOES DEFY ALL SCIENTIFIC LOGIC,
CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT ALL AIR-BREATHING MAMMALS
NEED OXYGEN TO THE BRAIN AND LUNGS
TO SURVIVE FOR MORE THAN THREE MINUTES.
- HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD SHOW OUR FINE GUEST
A LITTLE MORE HOSPITALITY, HM?
- WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU, SPONGEBOB?
CAN'T I TALK ABOUT WHAT MUST SURELY BE HAPPENING
FROM A BIOLOGICAL STANDPOINT?
I MEAN, LIKE, THE LACK OF OXYGEN
WILL TIGHTEN THE CAPILLARIES IN THE LUNGS,
CAUSING A DANGEROUS LEVEL OF CARBON MONOXIDE
TO RISE IN THE BLOODSTREAM, WHICH IN TURN
LEADS TO A GHOSTLY BLUE COLOR TO THE SKIN,
FOLLOWED BY EVENTUAL UNCONSCIOUSNESS.
- I CAN'T TAKE IT!
I NEED OXYGEN!
[all gasp]
[inhales deeply]
AHH.
- I KNEW KENNY WAS A FAKE.
[all grumbling]
- LIAR!
- NO! COME BACK.
AH, THANKS A LOT, YOU AIR-BREATHING CHARLATAN.
AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THESE FREE CONDIMENTS TOO.
- GEE, KENNY.
I SURE AM SORRY IF I RUINED YOUR CAREER.
- AW, IT'S OKAY, SPONGEBOB.
MAYBE THE WHOLE SHAMBLE IS A BIG WAKE-UP CALL
TO BE HONEST.
- HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
MOST CATS HATE WATER, RIGHT?
WELL, YOU CAN BE THE CAT THAT LIKES WATER.
THAT WAY, YOU'RE STILL SPECIAL.
- I LIKE IT!
- JUST GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY.
YOU CAN NEVER TRUST A CAT-- OR IS IT A DOG?