Are you ready, kids?
(children) Aye, aye, Captain!
I can't hear you.
(children) Aye, aye, Captain!
Oh...
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
(children) SpongeBob SquarePants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he
(children) SpongeBob SquarePants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish
(children) SpongeBob SquarePants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish
- SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
(all) SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
[piccolo melody]
[waves crashing]
[upbeat ukulele music]
*
[rooster crows]
[Squidward hums]
Aah.
Wow, 20 minutes in the bath is probably enough.
Aah, another day...
Another day.
[snoring]
[fog horn]
(SpongeBob) Whoa! Oh, doh, ow, oh, ow, aah!
[shower runs]
Ow, whoa, oof, ow!
Ready for work.
Oh, morning, Squidward! I--
Oh! Not ready for work!
Doh, oof, ow, ow, ooh!
Whatever.
- Thanks for waiting, Squidward. - I wasn't waiting.
[laughs] I was in such a hurry I almost forgot my pants.
- Yes, I saw that. - I guess I was in a panic.
I mean, I can't believe we're running so late for work,
can you? Huh, Squidward? Can you believe it?
Are you panicking too?
Late for work, late for work, we're running late for work,
right?
Right. We're going to be there 15 minutes early.
I know! Only 15 minutes early?
Maybe we should take a shortcut.
[gasps] Squidward, what are you doing?
[grunting]
- Ugh... - SpongeBob, look.
(Squidward) We're walking in a straight line.
I don't follow.
A straight line is the shortest distance between any two points.
Speak English, brainiac. [laughs]
Well, see, you have point A, where you start,
and then there's point, uh, point, uh...
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Mmm, strawberry.
Tick!
Oh no! Now we're only going to be 14 minutes early for work.
Oh, there's got to be a shortcut around here somewhere.
Oh, for the last time. Straight line, point A.
There's no shortcut.
There is always a shortcut.
What moron told you that?
There's always a shortcut.
Ah.
Squidward, I am going to find that shortcut.
Look, the Krusty Krab is right at the end of the block.
Yoo hoo!
[gasps] You're not going to come with me?
No, SpongeBob. I'm just going to struggle through
the rest of this walk alone.
Well, I guess this is where we part ways.
But I can't wait to see your face when you get to work
and I'm already there.
[laughs] That's the face! That's the look!
[SpongeBob laughs]
* First you do a zig, then you take a little zag. *
* That's how you find a shortcut. *
* Crawl underneath a fence, struggle through a bush, *
* and that's how you find a shortcut. *
- Huh? - Straight line.
Point A to point B. You're still not getting it.
Oh, tartar sauce. Maybe I should have zagged when I zigged.
*First you do a zag, crawl underneath a fence *
* Then you take a little zig, that's how you find a shortcut *
[laughs] There, that's better.
[wolf howls]
Oh. [nervous laugh]
Now this is what I call a real great shortcut.
Now all I have to do is remember my wilderness training
so I don't get lost.
The first rule of wilderness training is map out your course
by taking note of local landmarks.
Local landmarks.
Ah-hah!
Right at this large, unusual shell.
Right at this abandoned sofa.
And jog left at the broken fire hydrant.
[laughs]
There it is. The Krusty Krab.
Ooh! [panting]
[crash]
[slow Hawaiian-style music]
*
Aah.
Well, look at this. Lazin' about.
Can I get you anything else? Another pillow maybe?
A cappuccino machine?
No, thanks, I got one.
[whistles]
Perfect. No customers, no SpongeBob.
Oh, for kelp's sake. You're a lost cause.
[choir sings]
[gasps] The Krabby Krust?
Is that the name of a restaurant?
No, it's a typo.
Could you perhaps tell me
how to get to the Krusty Krab from here?
- Never heard of it. - Oh, you should try it.
It's the best place to eat in all of Bikini Bottom.
Here, take these coupons.
Thanks. I'm going to go there right now.
I thought you didn't know where the Krusty Krab was.
Oh, what do I do now?
[sobs]
Remember your landmarks.
Sandy's wilderness tips are always on the money.
Okay, let's see. I came from...
No, I came...
I'm lost!
[screams]
Hey, there's one of my landmarks.
The broken fire hydrant. Hello, hydrant.
I'm going to call you Heidi. Heidi the hydrant.
So many broken fire hydrants. What do I do now, Heidi?
If only I could telephone Squidward, he'd help me out.
Hey, that thing looks kind of like a phone.
Wow, this is weird.
It's like a phone, but you put money in it.
[change jingles]
My last dime.
I hope this works.
[phone rings]
Krusty Krab, may I reluctantly help you?
It's me, Squidward. SpongeBob. I'm calling from a payphone.
You don't say. How's that shortcut of yours?
Not good. I think I made a wrong turn at the abandoned sofa.
All there is around here are broken fire hydrants.
What should I do?
(phone operator) If you'd like to continue this call,
- please insert another dime. - I don't have a dime.
Operator, please, please, can you tell me where I am?
(operator) If you'd like to know where you are, please insert another dime.
Hold on!
[cell phone rings]
Two nickels? I need a dime.
Oh, I'm never going to get to work.
What are you doing?
Looking for a dime in this abandoned sofa.
This is our abandoned sofa, pal.
Whatcha doin' there, drinking soda?
What's it to ya?
Isn't a little early to be hitting
the high-fructose corn syrup?
Hey, listen.
I know this gigantic soda isn't good for me,
but sometimes it gives me the kick I need
to start my busy day as a pedicab driver.
Ooh, you drive a pedicab?
Yes, sir!
You need a ride somewhere?
Yes! To the Krusty Krab and step on it!
Way to go, Scott!
Yeah, he's almost saved enough
to attend a community college next year.
Thanks a lot, Scott. Stay in school.
Krusty Klam? [gasps]
Wait, Scott. Come back!
[gasps] Tartar sauce!
- Tock! - No!
Over the cliff.
Through the toxic runoff.
Make a right at the disease-filled sewer pipe.
Face-first into this fetid muck.
Over the garbage pile.
Fall down this mountain of broken glass.
Over the excruciatingly sharp razor wire.
[sputtering]
Up this massive hill.
[panting]
That's the Krusty Krab.
And I'm still two minutes early.
[grunting]
I made it. Oh, I made it.
Oh, random Krusty Krab patrons, how I've missed you.
Oh, how I've missed your youthful faces.
I missed the bathroom, too. [toilet flushing]
[screaming]
But most of all, I missed you, choking guy.
Patrick? How did you get here?
Same way I always do.
Scott gave me a ride in his pedicab.
[bicycle horn squeaks]
Squidward! Squidward, can you believe I made it?
Oh.
- Congratulations. - What are you doing, boy?
You're scaring away all me customers with your foul stench.
Mr. Krabs!
Oh, no, lad. You're not coming in here looking like that.
[fog horn]
You're going straight home for a nice, long bubble bath.
Aye, aye, sir.
What? He gets to go home and take a bubble bath?
That's my thing.
Yes, it is.
And consequently, you are just neat as a pin.
Now get to work!
I'm as neat as a pin.
I'll show you neat as a pin.
[jabbering]
Where's my bubble bath, Mr. Krabs?
There you go.
Now get to work.
Are you guys open? I have coupons.
Buy one, get one free.
Oh, no. It says, "Buy one for a fee."
Oh. I stand corrected.