- Are you ready, kids?
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- * Ohh... *
* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *
all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
*
[waves crashing]
[lively tropical music]
*
- Wow, another Mermaid Man reboot.
It's how I always reimagined the reboot would be remade.
Ooh, cold knees.
- Oh, you say you got cold knees?
Icy joints, Siberian patellas?
What you need is a pair of long pants.
- Long pants?
Well, I don't think I'm ready for long pants.
- Nonsense.
No fella should walk around with shiver shins.
Give yourself a leg up.
Join the trouser troops.
all chanting: Hup, hup, hup!
- Don't be a slacker. Wear slacks.
- Uh, well, I don't--uh...
Okay!
How do I look?
- Excuse me, sir,
I was just talking to a little, baby,
schoolboy a second ago.
About yea high.
Wh--wh--what? It's you!
I didn't recognize you with your mature,
grown-up, long pants.
- You're pulling my leg, Mister.
I don't look like a man.
Do I?
- Hey, man.
- He called me a man!
And my knees are a perfect 72 degrees.
- [clicks tongue]
[all gasping, exclaiming]
[jazzy music]
*
[all exclaiming]
- You can see who wears the pants in here!
- Is that my daddy?
- I wish.
- Uh, excuse me, sir.
That door is for employees only.
Oh, SpongeBob.
Hmm. [sniffing]
There is something different about you today.
You seem more able-bodied.
- Well, must be the long pants.
- [squeals] So they are!
You run the register today.
In the galley with you, Mr. Squidward.
And start cooking.
- But Mr. Krabs, why?
- Well, just look.
SpongeBob's got long pants on,
and you've got...none.
all: Oh!
- Aah! [crashes]
- Oh, I could get used to this job.
Hey, Squidward, what's on sale this week?
- Nothing. There's never a sale.
- Squidward, how much is the senior discount?
- There's no senior discount.
[sizzling]
[grunting, groaning]
Aah! Ooh! Aah!
- Squidward? - What?
- What do I do when the register is $2,000 short?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, all right. That's enough.
I see it was a mistake to put you behind the register.
You're just looking too good for such insipid, menial work.
- [grouchy blubbering]
- You should be the maitre d'.
Greeting customers when they come in.
Charming the pants off of everyone
with your long pants.
- [laughing] Okay.
Hi. How are you?
Looking good.
Mustard with that? All right.
How is that patty treating you, sir?
- Are you an angel?
- No, merely a man.
A man in long pants.
- [loud gobbling]
[slurps, spits]
- Aah! Aah!
- [slobbering]
- [gasps]
[whines]
Aah! Aah!
Oh, my precious long pants!
- What's wrong, slick?
You're not having trouble
with your pants, are you?
- Nothing like that, Mr. Krabs.
I just don't think I'm maitre d' material.
- Yeah, you're right.
You're too good for this place.
[customers belching]
- As much as I'd hate to admit it,
I've outgrown the Krusty Krab.
Time for me to move on.
[heroic music]
- [whistles]
*
- [sighs]
*
- Where is he going?
- A place called manhood.
- Doris, I insist.
- Don't be silly.
- Allow me, ladies.
I should pay.
After all, I am a man.
And I'm wearing... [whistles]
- What an inseam.
- And those pleats were pretty easy on the eyes.
[boat roaring]
- Ah, shrimp!
Oh, dry cleaning in one hour.
- Uh, ticket, please.
- Has it already been an hour?
One more time! [laughing]
[whistles] Ah, yeah.
[brakes squealing]
- Congratulations, you passed your driver's test.
- Wahoo!
- You know, I never took
the driver's test with long pants.
I'll do it!
- There goes a real man.
- Let's try parallel parking.
Now take it slow.
A little faster.
Oh! Oh! Whoa! Ugh!
[metal crashing]
- Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this.
- I was gonna fail you and send you to jail,
but because of those long pants,
and all the blood rushing to my head, you pass.
- I finally got my driver's license.
- Oh, oh! Lock your doors.
Bar your windows. It's the end of the world!
- Help wanted?
Now this seems like a long pants establishment.
Today's special is a most amusing Indian Ocean
sea grass, handpicked by indigenous prawns,
pre-chewed by local manatees
and then smothered in a rich, red algae.
[all muttering]
- Extraordinary.
And may I add, those are very
impressive britches you're wearing.
- Britches?
Oh, these old things.
- What is your name?
- SpongeBob-- - [clears throat]
- SpongeRobert.
- Well, SpongeRobert, how would you like to join us?
We're going to a party.
- Boy, would I? I love parties!
[smug laughter]
[elegant music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
*
- What are you looking for, SpongeRobert?
- I'm looking for the party.
- This is the party.
*
- Well, where's the party hats?
Where's the cake and the clown?
You can't have a party without a clown.
- Oh, SpongeRobert.
If it weren't for your pants,
I'd take you for the type of immature ignoramus
that would frequent the Krusty Krab.
- [chuckles nervously] Yeah.
[dolphin chattering]
Hey, what's that?
The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie
is opening tonight!
Wow! I totally forgot.
Hey, guys, I've got an idea.
Let's all go to the Mermaid Man movie.
- [laughs]
You're incorrigible, but the cinema is a delightful idea.
There's a foreign film at the art house
I've been meaning to see.
It's called, "The Table."
[high-pitched whistling]
[glass shattering]
[cat meowing]
- I don't get it.
We've been staring at this table for three hours.
That table could use a cleaning.
- Shh!
Some people are trying to enjoy lé cinema.
- Oh, hey, Squidward.
Hey, do you understand what this movie's about?
- Nobody does. It's art.
Now sit down!
- Hey, Squidward? - What?
- Are you remembering to flip the patties clockwise?
It's very important because the heat--
- Please, sit down!
- I'm sorry, sir.
You're being too loud.
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
- Uh, wait, Squidward!
I'll walk you out!
- [grumbling]
- Squidward!
- Hey, SpongeBob!
Y'all going to see the Mermaid Man movie with us?
- SpongeRobert, yoo-hoo.
Are you coming?
We're going to drink some more coffee
and watch the nightly news.
- Wow, that sounds pretty grown up, SpongeRobert.
- My pants say yes, yes, yes,
but my heart says no.
I wanna see the Mermaid Man movie.
- [laughs] Now you really sound like
one of those nitwits that frequents the Krusty Krab.
- Not only am I one of those nitwits,
I actually work there!
[angelic chorus]
- Ugh! A peasant in long pants.
- Social-climbing sponge.
- Poser!
- Let's leave this bottom-feeder.
- Attaboy!
I got you a ticket just in case.
- [gasps] Really?
[exciting music]
- I'm sorry, you can't come in.
This movie is too silly
for a cultivated gentleman of your pant length.
House rules.
- What?
"Rated for those in knee-highs only"?
Oh, I hate these pants!
[grunting]
[grunts]
Get off!
[horn blaring, tires screeching]
Aah! Oh!
[crashes]
Ah, now I know I'm an adult,
because I've been ripped off by these defective pants.
[sobbing]
- What's going on?
How pathetic.
A man in long pants crying.
- [sighing, sniffling]
Mr. Krabs, why aren't you watching the movie?
- How can I watch the movie
with all this blubbering going on out here?
- Oh, Mr. Krabs, I'm not ready for long pants.
I want my short pants back,
but I can't because these are stuck on me.
- Oh, for Pete's sake.
Sorry about the legs, boy.
- [laughs] It's okay.
I'm a sponge, remember?
- [laughs] Well, good!
Then I want you back on the grill tomorrow morning.
And if it makes you feel any more manly,
you can do your grilling outdoors.
- Sounds great!
And I'll be driving to work.
- Wait a minute!
Oh, no, you don't.
Not with those short pants.
[grunting]
- I don't know what that was all about,
but I'm glad it's over.