*
[all yelling]
- [growling] - Why couldn't I see it before?
- [roars]
- [laughing maliciously]
The way to get the Krabby Patty formula was so obvious.
Spend an inordinate amount of time
training several dozen sea bears to take over your restaurant
and force you to give it up.
Nothing can turn them from their central purpose!
- Yoo-hoo.
Who wants their tummies tickled?
- No! My weapons! Ouch!
- Sea bears aren't weapons, Plankton.
They're furry buckets of love.
[laughs] See?
And what do sea bears love more than tummy tickles?
Jellyfish honey.
Come and get it.
- No, come back!
- Why do you keep doing this, Plankton?
When you mess with me business, you mess with me money!
- Money's not everything, you know?
- Course it is!
Money makes the world go round
and makes me heart go pound.
- Well, if you love money so much,
why don't you marry it?
- If I could, I would.
- Would you now? [laughing maliciously]
- You still here? - Aah!
This gives me an idea. Ow!
- [sighs]
Another lonely evening...
dumping trash...alone.
- [crying] - Huh?
- [crying]
- Um...
Hello? Miss? - [crying]
Ooh, careful now. Careful.
Your ink will run.
- My, you're such a gentleman.
- [chuckles nervously] Yeah, well.
So, uh, what's a nice denomination like you doing...
on a bench like this?
- My date was supposed to bring me to the bank,
but he stood me up.
- What?
Hey, if I met the scallywag that stood you up,
I'd knock him down.
Ooh!
- My knight in shinning exoskeleton.
- Name's Krabs, Eugene Krabs.
And yours?
- Cashina. You're very sweet.
- You know something?
You look like a million bucks when you smile.
- [giggles]
- Cashina, would you make this old crab's day
and allow me to take you to a place
where you can buy me dinner?
- I'd love to.
Scam you out of your secret formula, that is.
[laughing maliciously]
[giggles]
[both chuckling]
[grunting]
- Whoa!
- [grunting]
- Allow me.
- This food is so delicious.
Oop, you don't suppose it has a secret formula.
I don't suppose you know anything about secrets...
or formulas.
- Ooh, I do have a very special recipe.
- Yes? - For delicious kisses.
- Ugh.
- Cashina, would you mind if I kissed you?
- Oh, Eugene. This is all moving so fast.
Just as I planned. [laughs]
- Be gentle.
- Purse lips.
[electricity zapping]
- Wow! What a woman.
- [groans] Well, I finally did it.
I kissed a crab.
- [laughing happily]
Ooh, Cashina.
- Daddy, I want to-- Ew!
Are you kissing a locket with a woman's picture in it?
- Oh, no! No! I was, uh--
I was polishing this jewelry with me mouth hole.
You see? Like this... [smooching]
- Gross!
- Pearl, me little beluga,
I never thought I'd say this,
but I may have found you a new mom.
- No way!
I have seen stepmoms in movies, Dad.
She'll make me sweep up the cinders,
and then she won't let me go to the ball,
and then I'll never meet my Prince Charming.
[crying]
- You know, we're gonna have to have another talk
about fantasy and reality.
- Okay, then what's she like?
- Well, she's everything I've ever wanted in a woman.
- Blech! - Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
Nothing will ever come between us.
[doorbell rings] Oh, she's here! Out of me way!
Hello, me little money stack.
I want you to meet me daughter, Pearl.
- Pearl, I love your rouge.
How chic! - It's actually a rash.
- Uh... teen talk, teen talk.
Uh, girls like shoes.
Well, Pearl. I love your shoes.
- I'm not wearing shoes.
Those are barnacles.
- Oh, uh, I have some cream for that.
- Stop trying to mom at me, lady!
I don't need you.
- Well, Pearl, since I'm seeing your father,
I hope we can learn to understand each other.
- You'll never understand me!
In fact, I'm going to make it a point
to never be understandable again.
Blarb snobble goober blab!
- Eh, let me talk to her. - No.
I think I should do this alone.
- Oh, I haven't been this nervous
since me first boatswain's ball.
- And I was all, "You call this a mugging?"
And then I suplexed him until he gave me my purse back.
[both laughing]
- Hey, you two, how about inviting me
into your inside joke, eh?
- Oh, you wouldn't get it, Dad.
It's a girl thing.
- Cashina, you know I love you,
and now me daughter loves you too.
Will you marry me, Cashina?
[romantic music]
*
- Yes! Yes, yes!
Perfect!
When we're married,
he'll have to tell me the secret formula.
[laughs maliciously] Yeah!
- SpongeBob, you're gonna be me wedding planner.
- I'm so honored, Mr. Krabs.
- Great! Here's your budget.
- Mr. Krabs, I am gonna stretch this dollar
until it begs for mercy.
No disrespect to your new bride.
[upbeat music]
*
Would you like our house red or our house yellow?
[laughing]
Ta-da!
[wedding march]
- [clears throat]
And now the couple will exchange their vows.
- Eugene, you have everything I ever wanted in a man:
an exoskeleton, freakishly long eye stalks,
and the secret Krabby Patty formula.
all: Aw!
- Cashina, you came into my life
when I thought I'd live the rest of it alone.
You showed me once and for all
that while money can't buy you love,
it can give you love.
all: Aw!
- You may now kiss the bride.
[both smooching]
[all cheering]
- Oh, no! What about the bouquet?
- Uh, one bouquet coming up, Mrs. Krabs!
all: Huh?
- Huh?
- Catch!
[all yelling]
- [muffled] Hooray! I win!
[burps]
[all crying]
- It's a shame Plankton couldn't be here.
- [groaning]
Who knew Eugene was so light on his crab legs?
[retches]
[both giggling]
- Okay.
- [giggles]
Eugene,
I don't want there to be any secrets between us.
- What? Oh!
I'll tell you everything,
no matter how embarrassing.
I wet me bed till I was 40.
Me armpits sweat smells like tartar sauce when I'm afraid.
- Not those kinds of secrets.
- Ooh, okay.
Whatever you want, me sweet, just ask.
- I want you to tell me...
the secret Krabby Patty formula.
- The what?
- The secret formula
is locked away in your heart.
Unlock your heart for me, Eugene.
Let me in.
- Oh. Okay.
Anything for you, baby.
I'm gonna whisper it to you,
just in case there's any prying ears out there.
- Oh, boy. Here it comes!
- All right, my sweet. Here it is.
I'm getting a little emotional here.
You know, I never told anyone
the secret Krabby Patty formula before.
So...here goes.
[electricity zapping]
- Come on, Krabs. Let it all out.
Uh! - Plankton?
- No, no! I'm not Plankton. I'm Cashina.
[laughs] Your blushing bride.
I'm, uh, uh-- am I blushing?
- You...
monster!
[grunting]
Argh!
- Y-y-you're not gonna crush me?
- Oh, I've been alone for so long.
And for the first time in forever,
I felt for someone.
Well, something.
Well, I mean, a pile of cash with lips.
It was all too good to be true.
Cashina may have not been real,
but me feelings were.
Weren't they? - Get ahold of yourself, Krabs.
- Plankton, are you saying it was all just a scheme to you?
You felt nothing? - You're crazy!
I'm out of here!
And one day, that formula will be mine!
Mark it!
- [weeping]
[sobbing]
- Oh, hey, buddy.
I want you to know,
even though your wife just ran out on you,
you still have to tip me.