[nautical music]
*
[rope creaking]
[suspenseful music]
- Oh, look at that cloud, Gary.
It looks just like a giraffe eating ice cream.
- [meows] - You're right, Gary.
All this cloud-watching...
[stomach grumbles] is making me hungry too.
Ooh! Look at that big one, Gary.
And getting bigger and bigger
and bigger and--ow!
[dramatic music]
- [meow]
[sniffing]
- Hey, Gary. That was a pretty heavy cloud.
- [meows] - You're right, Gary.
It's not a cloud at all. [grunts]
Let's see what's inside.
[grunting]
Ooh, fortune cookies!
Vague prophecies baked into delicious bite-sized snacks.
These cookies can see the future, Gary,
which means they knew we were hungry even before we did.
Let's eat! Mmm!
[both eating noisily]
[reading]
[gasps] Did you hear that, Gary?
The fortune is true!
Let's look at your future.
"Happy trails will follow you always."
[gasps] Your fortune came true too!
Cookies with fortunes that actually come true?
We have to share these with everybody!
- No, SpongeBob, we are not handing out
anything free with every purchase.
Even the smiles here cost a nickel.
- Aw! Why not, Mr. Krabs? - [laughs]
Because, SpongeBob, fortune cookie fortunes
are always lame and they never come true.
- Oh, but that is where you're wrong, Squidward.
These fortune cookies are different.
Try one.
- No. - Oo-oop!
- Eh.
[chewing]
[sighs] "You will be rewarded
for your particular talents." Right.
- Excuse me, Mr. Squidward Tentacles?
You have just won
"The Most Miserable Cashier In Bikini Bottom" contest.
Here's your cash prize. Ha ha!
[tooooot]
- Holy harpoons! The fortune did come true!
- Me cash register, me money.
- And that's why my depression is award-winning.
- Don't you see, Mr. Krabs?
The fortunes in those cookies are real!
Can't we share them with everyone?
- [gasps, coughs]
You know, you're right, SpongeBob.
We must share these magical macaroons
with all the folks in Bikini Bottom.
You just leave it to me.
- Oh, great!
- [sighs] Great.
- This is how you hook 'em.
Now remember, the first one is free!
[inhales, blows]
[crowd talks excitedly]
- [chewing]
"Something wonderful is about to happen to you".
[overlapping yipping]
[laughs] I love puppies!
Thanks, fortune cookie!
- Oh. "Eat your hat,
and you will fall in love."
Ha ha. [chewing]
[gasps]
- [chewing] Hmm?
- [sighs]
- [gulps] Ah!
[both laughing]
both: Thanks, fortune cookie.
- "You will soon injure your legs"?
My legs!
I was looking for an excuse to get out of jury duty!
[plays riff] Thanks, fortune cookie!
- Those fortune cookies are a hit!
Whoa!
[all talking at once]
- Fortune cookies at the Krusty Krab, eh?
Well, Eugene, I have a prediction too:
you are in for an epic fail supreme with extra cheese.
[laughs] - Sheldon!
Where are you?
- [screams]
[groans]
Barnacles, woman, would it kill you
to leave me alone for five minutes?
- Sorry, your lordship,
but the garbage isn't going to take itself out.
- Ugh! [grunts]
Riddle me this, computer wife:
What's hollow, full of lies,
and leaves a bad taste in your mouth?
- Our marriage?
- No! Fortune cookies!
And Krabs is raking it in right now
because all of his fortunes are actually coming true.
So... - So, you've got an evil plan
to get the Krabby Patty secret formula
and soon it will be yours, all yours.
[as Plankton] Wah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
- Wow, I can't tell if you're sarcastic or psychic.
- [groans]
- [chuckling]
Ooh, this'll be a good one.
"You...stink."
[laughs]
[continues laughing]
[suspenseful music]
*
Enjoy your new fortune cookies, Krabs!
- * La la la-la-la-la-la-la *
Time for a refill!
[crowd all talking excitedly]
- What is my future?
- My tentacles are gonna fall off
if I don't get a break soon, Mr. Krabs!
- Look out, Mr. Squidward.
I'll teach you how to run a cash register.
[cracks knuckles]
[nautical music speeds up]
Huh? More cookies, SpongeBob!
- Fortunes flying in, Mr. Krabs!
- Let the wave of misfortune begin!
- "You will get stomach cramps from the Krusty Krab"?
- "An octopus with a big nose just spit in your food"?
[melodramatic accent chords]
*
- "A yellow sponge will serve you salmonella"?
- "You will live forever if you eat at the Chum Bucket"?
- Let's eat at the Chum Bucket!
[all cheering]
- [whimpering]
[crowd talking excitedly]
- What did we ever do to those fortune cookies
to make them lie about us like that?
- Well, the fortunes in those cookies
were always right before.
Here, Mr. Krabs--maybe this next one'll change your luck.
- [grumbling]
Hmm. "Unless you give a tiny copepod
"the Krabby Patty secret formula,
you will die"?
- Hello! Did someone say "copepod"?
[both screaming in panic]
Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene.
I'll come back later! Ciao!
- J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?
- If the cookie says it's true, then it's true!
Horribly, terribly, truthfully true!
[weeping loudly]
- "You will die."
[voice echoing] Die...die...die...
- [crying]
- Oh, I'll miss you, Daddy! [sobs]
But I really can't wait to spend
all your hard-earned money on shoes!
- Me money!
- Mr. Krabs, no! [wailing loudly]
- [grunts] - [wailing]
[distantly] Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs, it's time.
- Aah-ha-ha! - It's time to give up
the secret formula to Plankton.
Because your life is worth more
than some scrap of paper in a bottle!
- You're right, me boy-o.
I got to face me fortune.
- Don't crowd, there's more chumbalaya
where that came from, unfortunately.
- [grunts]
[all chewing]
all: Ugh!
- It's worth it to live forever.
- This scheme is working perfectly.
And here comes gullible Krabs now
to hand-deliver the secret formula.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
[laughs]
- Oh, this crowd is impossible!
- Leave it to me, Mr. Krabs!
I'll make sure Plankton gets his so you won't get yours.
Hot stuff comin' through!
[grunts]
[grunting noisily]
[whimpering]
- Don't worry, secret formula! I'm coming, baby!
[grunting]
- Yow! Ow!
- [struggling]
- [gasping excitedly]
- [grunting]
Me wants that ba-ba!
- Aah!
- Here, Plankton. Mr. Krabs wants you to have this.
- Heh, heh! Finally!
[straining]
No!
*
Whoa--[grunts]
Aah, aah!
[screams]
I have had enough!
Get out of my restaurant, you mindless sheep!
I wrote those fortunes!
[all gasp] They were fakes!
Don't you get it? Now all of you, out!
[growls]
- Let's go back to the Krusty Krab!
all: Yeah! - Yeah, back to the Krusty Krab!
all: Yeah!
- Hmm hmm. - [sighs]
- I guess I didn't really think that through.
- I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Flankton!
- Oh, yeah?
What are you gonna do about it, Eugene?
- Nothing, Sheldon.
Here, have a fortune cookie.
- [grunts] Huh.
"You will go on a long voyage
where you will get everything you deserve."
Hey!
[grunts]
Uhh! Hey! Oof!
Mommy! - [chomp]
[ukulele music]
*