- Are you ready, kids?
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
♪ ♪
[waves crashing]
[mellow music]
♪ ♪
[adventurous music]
- Are you ready for a bedtime story, Gary?
- [meowing, yawns]
- [groans]
[embellished accent] Good evening, Gary,
and welcome to Patstarpiece Theatre.
- Hot, hot, hot!
- Hmm, would you like to hear an exciting story
about brave Sir Patrick and the fire-breathing dragon?
[dragon roaring]
- [meows] - [grunts]
Or perhaps a thrilling tale of Explorer Patrick
on safari in the jungle?
- [roaring] - [screaming]
[breathing heavily]
- [meows]
- Ah!
This is a good one! "Swamp Mates,"
a story of two buffoons in a bog!
[laughter]
[cringes]
Once upon a time,
there was a saucy superhero
with a pugnacious posterior
and they called him, "Bubble Bass."
[alarm blaring, screaming]
- [laughs menacingly]
- Stop, thief!
- Hmm.
Hmm.
- [laughing]
- Excellent job capturing Man Ray last week, Bubble Bass.
- Thank you, Anchor Man.
He was no match for my mighty hiney.
- Hmm.
- [clears throat] I call this meeting
of the Guild of Obsessive Fans, AKA G.O.O.F's,
to order! Fellow heroes,
let us welcome our newest member, Wonder Whale!
- Hmm?
- [clicks tongue]
It would appear Wonder Whale is late!
[beeping] - Heroes!
- It's the chief!
- Wonder Whale isn't late.
She's been kidnapped
by the nefarious ne'er-dowell,
HooDoo GooRoo the VooDoo Villain!
[all gasping]
- [yelps]
- [grunts] Don't worry, Chief.
We'll rescue Wonder Whale--
[banging] - Bubble Bass!
- Mother?
- Ah! Your mother! [whimpers]
- [groans]
- Why don't you go outside and make some real friends?
- Mother, you know direct sunlight gives me gas.
[belches] Besides, I'm busy looking
for my Wonder Whale action figure.
- I knew you'd say something like that,
so your mother has scheduled a play date for you.
- I'm not 23 anymore, Mother.
You'll just have to cancel it. - It's too late!
Your new friend is already here.
Have fun!
- Huh? - Hi ya, buddy!
Ready for our play date?
- I will not associate
with such a dimwitted doofus.
- Aw, you're just saying that.
- [grunts]
[grunts, gasps]
What! - [laughing]
- Put those down.
My poor little things.
Don't worry, Daddy will protect you.
- [chomping]
- [grunts]
You've completely chewed up my limited edition Anchor Man!
[growls]
- Sorry, I'm teething.
So, what do you wanna do for our play date?
- Hmph, I have no time for a cretin like you.
I must find my Wonder Whale action figure!
- Oh! Oh, I'll help you look.
- Stop it, you clod.
Do not touch any of my property.
- That's okay. We can play with my game!
[grunting] Let's play Swamp!
- [squeals] Wait, stop!
What are you doing? [shouts]
No!
[crying]
My precious babies.
- No problem, I'll fix it.
My Wonder Whale!
[panting]
- I got it! [groans]
[dramatic music]
[wailing]
- [grunting]
[shouting]
- [gasps]
Wonder Whale, where are you?
Help! I...require...
assistance.
- I've got you, play date partner.
Uh, whoa.
Whoa-- [nervous grumbling]
- [coughing]
Where am I?
[distant animal shriek]
By the enchanted spatula of Suburban Dad.
We're in a real swamp!
Ew!
Why am I wearing this collar of shame?
- I think it looks good on you.
- [grunting]
Ugh, I despise nature.
- Aw, you just haven't given it a chance.
Smell that swamp air.
[inhales]
[gasping]
[sneezes]
- [gasping] My tongue!
Water, give me water.
Ew!
Where did you get this disgusting liquid?
Whew. Slimy and refreshing.
- This can't be happening.
This place is a nightmare!
I'll never find my Wonder Whale action figure.
- [menacing laughter]
- What is that? - [shudders]
- [laughing menacingly]
- My Wonder Whale!
That crook stole my precious possession!
Get him!
- Are we playing tag? I love tag!
[light mellow music]
♪ ♪
- [groans] - Tag, you're it!
[laughing] - [menacing laughter]
- [gasps] After him!
[both panting]
- [laughing]
[both panting]
Whoa-oh-oh! [grunts] - Where'd he go?
- Perhaps he's in that dilapidated dwelling.
- I doubt it.
Maybe he's in that shack?
[banjo music]
[machine hisses]
- Huh. It's just some uncouth natives.
- Hello!
[both grunt]
- I caught these two a peepin' through the window.
- They're thieves! Trying to steal
our illegal hot sauce.
- Illegal?
- Our swamp sauce is so spicy
it can blow your head clean off.
- I assure you we are not interested
in your disgusting hot sauce.
- Then what's he doing?
- [gulping]
[muffled shouting]
[whistle blaring]
- [yelps]
- Huh. You call that spicy?
[belches]
- Back off, you backwater bumpkins!
[dramatic bluegrass music]
Run! - [shrieks]
♪ ♪
- After 'em, boys!
[both growling]
- [panting]
- [gasps]
- You ain't a-gettin' away that easy!
- Yee-ha.
- [panting, yelps]
- Ha, too slow, you cold-blooded clowns.
[muttering mockingly]
Yipe!
[panting]
Those Crocs are catching up with us!
- [groans] That hot sauce
has already caught up with me.
[belches]
- [gasps] That's it!
- [belching]
- What?
[rudder slowing, stops]
- [sighs] So play date partner,
what are we supposed to do now. Hmm?
- [gurgling]
[laughing]
- [menacing laughter]
[sinister music]
- Give me back my Wonder Whale!
- Huh?
- Huh? Hey, wait for me, buddy!
- [laughing] - Come back here.
[panting]
You'll swing for this, you ruffian!
- I am afraid you are the ones who will swing.
[laughing]
You ignoramuses fell right into my trap!
- Technically, I'm a doofus.
- HooDoo Guru the Voodoo Villain!
He's real!
- That's right, Bubble Bass,
and your precious Wonder Whale is all mine!
- I dread to think what horrific ritual
you will use it for.
- Huh? Ritual, shmitual!
I just needed it to complete my collection!
- Stealing from a fellow collector?
That's despicable!
I will thrash you, sir!
[grunting]
Can't break out. [bell dings]
- You're probably weak from hunger.
Here, try some of this spaghetti.
- [slurping]
Mmm! Glorious caloric intake!
Wherever did you find it?
- We're sitting on it!
[slurping]
[both shriek, grunt]
- Ouch. - [gasps]
Ha ha! Evil never triumphs
against a truly obsessive fan!
- Yeah! Evil never triumphs
over a oscillating fan!
- [groans] Hm?
Not so fast, Bubble Bass.
I've got one more trick up my sleeve.
Or should I say, up my glove!
[screaming] [laughs menacingly]
- A Patrick Star action figure?
Ha! No collector would
touch such trash.
- Plus, it's a choking hazard.
- [grunts]
- What's going on?
- That fiend, HooDoo, is using his magic
Voodoo doll powers.
- [laughing]
[grunts]
- [choking] - Sorry.
- I'll take that. [laughs]
[laughing]
[both shouting]
- Stop! I'm allergic
to centrifugal force!
- [laughing]
Uh-oh.
- Ha! I'll return this to its rightful owner.
Me. - Well done, pal.
- Eww.
both: Huh?
- Hey, Luther, Cletus,
I found them fellers what blowed up our still!
- Oh, hi!
- [gargled] Run.
[dramatic bluegrass music]
- [whimpering] [all growling]
♪ ♪
- No, our only escape!
If only I had something large and buoyant.
- I don't know what that means, but--
Hop on, friend!
- Friend?
- Sure, you're my play date, right, buddy?
- [stammering] Buddy?
[dramatic classical music]
♪ ♪
- [screams]
- It's over, Bubble Bass! Give up!
- You will never win, Voodoo,
because we have the power of reluctant friendship!
[all gasp]
- Yeah, that's right.
Run away from our righteous acquaintance!
- Uh, they might be running from that.
- [screams]
[both scream]
♪ ♪
- [gasps]
- What happened?
- Oh, you were dead for like ten minutes.
- Oh, it was all just a hallucination?
Then my Wonder Whale action figure
is still missing.
- Well, you may have lost your toy,
but you've gained an indoor pool!
Congratulations!
- [gasps] My precious Wonder Whale!
- Bubble Bass!
What did you do to my basement?
- Perhaps the swamp wasn't so bad after all.
[downtrodden music]
- Best play date ever!
- [laughs] Whoo-hoo!
This completes my collection. [laughing]
- [mechanical laughter]
- Ta-da!
I did it, I did it, I did it!
I--whoa-- [crashing]
- [meows] - I learned a magic trick!
Sorry, Gary, but I've been trying to learn
this trick since I was a SpongeBoy!
[gasps] - [meows]
- I gotta show Patrick!
[laughs]
Patrick, come out, I gotta show you something!
Patrick!
He's not home.
Oh! Squidward!
- [gasps] - Squidward!
Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward...
- If he thinks I'm out, he'll go away.
- Squidward, Squidward! - [grunting]
- Squidward!
I'm so glad you're home.
Got a magic trick to show ya.
- I...hate magic.
- How could anyone hate magic? It's...
magical.
- [sighs] Okay.
Show me the trick.
- [laughs]
- [groans] - Pick a card!
Oh.
[grunts]
[gulps]
[humming] - Watch closely, Squidward.
The hand is quicker than the eye!
- Can't watch, no eyes. Sorry.
- Oh, I wanna show my trick to somebody.
[crying]
- [chuckles, yelps]
Ow.
- You're the best driving student I've ever had, Rodger.
Kudos! - [laughs]
- Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff? Mrs. Puff!
- Rodger, we have to move now.
Punch it!
[chuckles] I think we lost him.
- Mrs. Puff, you gotta see my magic trick!
[both shouting]
Pick a card, any card!
- Hold on, SpongeBob.
I have a trick to show you, first.
- [shouts]
- Sorry, Rodger.
We'll pick this up next week.
- Wait, Mrs. Puff, you didn't see my trick.
- Okay, show me the trick already.
- Pick a card, any--
[screams] - [sighs]
- [yelling]
Sandy!
Sandy, I gotta show you this!
Pick a card, any card! [shouting]
Sandy?
Where's your head?
- Oh, sorry, SpongeBob, didn't mean to spook ya.
My head's in another dimension
observing.
Hmm.
- Oh, okay. I'll come back later
when you have a head.
- It should be back by Thursday.
Friday at the latest.
- [panting]
- Who is it?
- Pick a card, any card! - [yelps]
[accordion music plays]
Magic, eh, boy-o?
Is this by any chance a trick where you produce
money coins from behind people's ears?
Wink, wink, hmm?
- No.
- Then what's the point? Hm!
- Ah!
Hi, Fred.
I got a magic trick that's gonna dazzle you.
- Ooh, are you gonna saw my leg in half,
or make it disappear, or pull a rabbit out of it?
- Uh, no, this isn't going to involve your leg.
- Oh, gotta go, SpongeBob. I'm washing my thighs tonight.
My leg!
- [crying]
Why won't anyone watch my trick?
[echoing] Trick, trick, trick.
Hmm...
Ooh.
Hey, that gives me an idea!
There.
Good evening, folks. I am the great Sponge-dini.
Now watch closely.
The hand is quicker than the eye.
Uh-huh, ha, pick a card, any card.
[inhales]
[dazzling orchestra music]
♪ ♪
Hm?
Ta-da!
Aw, I still wish Patrick was here to see it.
- I saw it, SpongeBob!
It was astonish-able!
[shouts]
- Oh, Patrick, you showed up just in time.
What was your favorite part?
- Uh...
my favorite part was...
Ta-da!
I missed everything before that.
- Oh, then you haven't seen anything yet!
[both yelling]
[both laughing]
♪ ♪