Hey, Tiffany, you have a second?
- For you, I got 20. - Great.
Um... okay, uh...
You know Terry busted the dishwasher,
and bills are piling up.
I'm gonna have to get a job, really, any job.
So I need you to help me out more with...
or really at all, with the kids.
No problem.
Not to toot my own horn, but toot-toot,
I did a pretty good job of raising my own kids.
Don't worry about this moldy old tent
messing up your kitchen.
It's going in the living room.
I supposed I could step it up a bit.
Thank you.
And there... there is one more thing.
- Um... - Uh-huh?
I really need you to stop having all of your...
your gentlemen callers come by.
Beth, God,
you... you have the wrong idea about me.
- I am not that kind of woman. -
Well, there's no judgment.
I just can't have the boys seeing you bring home
every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Okay...
we got to hit the road, Tiff.
For the record, his name is Joe.
Uh, what are you doing, Uncle Terry?
I was, uh...
I was starting to feel like a guest on the sofa,
but I want to be more permanent around here, so, uh...
I'm creating my own personal living space.
I guess that makes sense, kind of.
Hey, what's with the lemons?
You know, if you want to learn about juggling,
your Uncle Terry's the man.
I spent two weeks at Cirque du Soleil camp...
till I got into a fight with a loud-mouthed mime.
No one puts me in an invisible box.
No, actually, I was thinking
of opening up my own lemonade stand,
and giving the money to Mom.
That's a great idea.
You know, your father and I did that when we were kids.
You... you... you should use the, uh, the... the... the...
that crazy lemon squeezer he invented for us.
I think I saw it down in the basement,
last time I accidentally locked myself in the basement.
You know what? I'll go get it.
You just keep airing this tent out.
Yeah, and don't worry about the spiders.
Those little eight-legged bloodsuckers
are more scared of you than you are of them,
especially the babies.
Spiders?
As a spelling bee runner-up,
it hurts to write "olde" with an E.
Also, I'm pretty sure that "timey" isn't a word.
Liam told me to write that because we're building a brand,
and nostalgia is very now,
whatever that means.
Check out my dad's Squeezerator.
You put lemons in like this,
and...
press the red button.
- - Ta-da.
- That's amazing... -
And it's definitely gonna give me nightmares.
You guys have a serious problem.
Those new neighbor kids opened their own lemonade stand
around the corner.
They've got free Krazy Straws and a shade-brella.
Isn't there room
for more than one lemonade stand in the neighborhood?
Of course not. Haven't you read "Outliers"?
Or any Gladwell at all?
Oh, boys, you are so lucky that I'm here.
I'm going to give you the benefit
of my prodigious business acumen.
I have no idea what that means.
That means when life gives you Liam,
you make Liam-ade.
I think we'll be okay on our own.
That's what Bernard J. Whittle said.
Who's Bernard J. Wittle?
Exactly.
- Here you go. - Enjoy.
Tell your friends!
And tell them I had nothing to do with the spelling.
Hey, look, it's Bobby and Tyra,
those neighbor kids Liam was talking about.
Hey, guys!
How's it going with the lemonade... stand?
- No! - No! Please stop!
- Ah! -
Those jerks.
Why is this water sticky?
It's Mountain Dew!
I'm not allowed to drink this stuff.
My mom says it gives me the sugar shakes.
Okay...
getting the Astrovan clean.
You know, needs to be semi-presentable
if I'm gonna be driving rideshare customers around.
So, listen, guys, Tiffany's gonna be watching you
a little more now that I have a job,
so I need you to mind her.
Got it, Mom.
Malcolm Gladwell and I warned you.
- - Business is war.
But you can't just fold after one minor market disruption.
You're right.
I need to get even.
An excellent counterstrategy.
Leave it up to my brains and Dash's brawn.
I have brains, too.
I just like to use them for breaking stuff.
Whoa, whoa, guys,
I never said I wanted to break anything.
Don't be so sure.
Free love is great, but revenge is sweet, too.
No, no. No one's getting revenge on anyone.
What kind of advice is that?
The same kind my mom's mom gave me.
Of course, she was the enforcer on her roller derby team.
Hey. What are you doing?
Just laying out my bienvenue.
That's French for "welcome mat."
No, what are you doing to my house?
Uh, increasing its value.
I just added an extra bedroom
and a quarter bath.
Oh. Um, okay...
Terry, this is...
this is a terrible idea.
You sound... you sound just like Patty.
It's like that time, the... the one time I went to him
with my own idea for an awesome invention,
and he... he didn't get it either.
When was this?
It was a few years ago.
He said my idea was stupid,
and so I said, "No, you're stupid."
And that's kind of ridiculous,
'cause he was the smartest guy I knew.
We got into this whole fight, and I... I... I stormed out.
Really? He never told me that.
That was the last thing I ever said to my brother.
- Um, I... - Oh, Terry...
Oh...
I... I...
I thought there'd be time to fix it, you know.
I thought...
I thought I could make it right. I should've called him.
I... I...
There wasn't any time.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
I mean, there's never enough time, you know.
I still have so many things
I want to talk to Patrick about, too, but...
- - Oh, my waffles are ready.
- -
Hi, Sam. Come on in.
Wyatt, Sam's here.
Oh, hey, Sam. What's up?
I'm quitting the lemonade business.
Consider this my two-minute notice.
What
Bobby and Tyra hired that big seventh grader,
who's already shaving,
and they crammed me in a locker after school.
Those guys are such jerks.
I'm sorry, Wyatt,
but I need to stay alive long enough
to find out how the "Star Wars" movies end.
Uncle Terry?
Our armies are ready for victory,
but we shall reconvene tomorrow.
That is all for now.
And, Achilles, tend to that heel.
Hey, champ. How's it going?
Not good.
These kids are really messing with me, Dad.
I'm so mad, I don't know what I feel like doing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, now, slow your roll there, buddy.
Let's take a cue from our friend, Achilles.
He also got mad, and you know what happened to him.
He became a hero?
Well, yeah, he did,
but he also died in battle
after launching an all-out attack on Troy.
Now, look, the Greeks won,
but only because they got a little sneaky.
- My point is... - Ah! I will destroy you
with my laser sword!
Wait a minute, that's a bug zapper.
- No, it's a... -
- Dang, it is a bug zapper. - Told you.
See, this is a laser sword.
- Run! -
Hold on a sec. This I got to see.
No, Wyatt, Wyatt, we got to talk about what's going on with you!
Are you sure you don't want a waffle?
Tiffany, seriously?
I thought you were making lunches
and helping the kids with their homework.
For your information, I have excellent reasons for that.
Which are?
- Oh, you want to hear them? - Mm-hmm.
Okay...
Homework is just a mind-control tool
used by the dominant paradigm to subjugate its citizenry.
Uh-huh. And lunch?
- Give me a second on that one. - Oh, you are unbelievable.
All I asked
was that you help out a little with the kids,
and this is what I get?
Who do you think I'm beading these necklaces for?
In case they ever get a cat.
I need your help.
I want to get even with those idiot neighbor kids.
I've been expecting you, grasshopper.
- Who-hopper? - Don't worry about it.
Come sit at my feet, while I devise a clever plan.
- What do you have there, Dash? - Nothing. Butt out.
Whatever. It's revenge time. Listen up.
Word on the street is the neighbors have muscled up,
so we're gonna have to get super sneaky.
Sneaky. Sneaky like the Greeks.
- I like it. - You lost me.
And I was already a little lost to begin with.
You know how they used a Trojan Horse to win the war.
Maybe we could do something like that.
I've read all about it in Dad's chapter on the Trojan War.
Well played, Wyatt. You get a cookie.
We have cookies?
Trojan Horse it is.
We'll put you inside that empty patio-furniture box
in the basement and leave it at the neighbor's gate.
They'll bring it into the yard, you'll slip out a trapdoor,
sabotage their lemonade supply, and...
And replace their sugar with salt.
That will ruin everything.
I like it. Dash, you in?
Hey, you had me at "cookies."
Can you drive quickly?
I have a job interview, and I want to get there early.
No problem. You need, I speed.
- - What the...
Oh... oh, no, I'm so sorry.
That's my son's pudding cup.
This can't be happening, not today!
Oh, wait, don't go! Um... I need this job,
and I really can't afford another zero-star rating,
so I promise you, I can fix this.
Also...
there's a half a grilled cheese stuck to your briefcase.
- -
Remember, stay quiet. You're furniture.
I got it, Dash. Go.
Hey. Here we go.
No one will ever know.
So, would you recommend me to your friends?
- You were fine. -
- Kind of messy, though. - Sure, sure.
Look what somebody was throwing out...
or at least left close enough to the curb
so that it could be considered public property?
Hey. Nice calves. You a runner?
So, who's bringing who home around here?
Oh, no, he's my client.
No, I... I mean, I picked him up.
No, I... that's not... that's not what I meant.
That's not what I meant. No...
You people are nuts!
- Hey, that's my kimono! - Yep, he's a runner.
Okay, well, great, you guys,
because there goes our new dishwasher, so...
Wait, please, I can make this right!
Beth hired a dishwasher?
I thought we were tight on money.
Tiffany, check it out.
Oh, yeah.
Best seat in the house.
Okay!
Coast is clear.
We'll do it later, Mom!
No, you'll put it away now.
I'll be right there!
Oh, my God, Wyatt's stuck in the box.
Why is Wyatt in a box?
Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that.
Come on!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you boys headed?
- Outside. - Upstairs.
And where's Wyatt?
- Outside. - Upstairs.
Okay.
- It's locked. - It's okay. We did our best.
Every war has collateral damage. Ours is Wyatt.
We should get out of here before his loss in vain.
Why do you boys bother lying to me?
I've been lying to the man since the man was a little boy.
Where's Wyatt?
He's trapped in a box in this backyard.
That's a new one. Stand aside.
Tiffany, one, the man, zero.
Nice moves.
I'm impressed.
I am no longer impressed.
What are you guys doing here?
I don't like your tone, young lady.
That's no way to talk to... guests.
And I especially don't like
that you attacked Wyatt's lemonade stand.
What are you talking about?
He attacked us first.
Yeah, he bombed us with Super Soakers for no reason.
That's what started it all.
Is this true?
It was a preemptive strike.
No, we just did it to them before they could do it to us.
Okay, sounds like there's plenty of blame here to go around.
Oh, wh... what? Take cover!
Ow! Ow!
Well, don't just sit there. Fight back!
- Ow! Ow! - Ow! Ow!
- Oh! -
Hi, Wyatt.
Welcome to the inside of the Trojan Horse.
I thought it would be a lot... horsier.
You should've been here before I Febrezed the place.
- - Hey...
how long do you think the Trojan War lasted?
Well, this lemonade fight
has been going on for a couple of days,
so... a week?
Try ten years.
Imagine that.
That's crazy.
This fighting stuff is so confusing.
A minute ago, I wanted to crush those neighbor kids.
Then I found out that everything was Dash and Liam's fault.
Everyone thinks they have a good reason
for starting the war,
but there's really no such thing.
And there's way better stuff to do
than spending time inside a sweaty old horse.
I just wanted to help Mom out.
I never wanted all this fighting.
I just wish I could stop it.
You can.
We all can.
The key is to figure out how.
I'll give you a hint.
It usually starts with an apology.
Can I look through the eyehole?
That's not the eyehole.
The, uh, eyehole's on the other end of the horse.
- So what is... -
Oh.
Never mind.
So how do we get out?
Well, there's the trapdoor behind you or, uh...
door number two.
I vote the trapdoor.
You chose wisely.
Ow! Ow!
Stop! Stop!
This war has to end now.
Fighting only leads to more fighting, and for what?
To win a few yards of lemonade turf?
Bobby, Tyra,
I'm sorry for getting mad and sneaking in here,
and I'm especially sorry
that my dumb brothers attacked your lemonade stand.
Technically, I didn't do anything.
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry for messing with you.
In hindsight, I should've offered a buyout
before going right to hostile takeover.
And I'm sorry I Super-Soaked you guys.
It was super stupid.
I guess we overreacted, too.
We're also sorry.
So... friends?
Nice work, Wyatt.
Now, let's high-tail it home before your mom busts us.
Joe got us tickets to AC/DC,
and I can't afford to be grounded.
Oh, hi, Beth.
They say Blake Shelton has three nipples,
and their sources are usually pretty...
I know what happened.
It's probably just a birth defect.
I got suspicious when I saw you washing clothes
and I hadn't begged you to do it,
so I asked the kids, and they just... boof...
folded like the laundry you didn't.
Ratted out by my own homies.
That hurts.
I'm sorry, Beth. I...
I know I let you down.
Cooking and homework, it just isn't my...
Thank you.
What?
A lot of grandmas...
Right, sorry...
Uh, a lot of...
mothers who have children
who have children,
you know, they bake cookies
for those children of their children...
But you, you risked a lemon attack for them,
and that means a lot to me.
Oh, they mean a lot to me.
They're extremely lovable,
even that little sneak Liam.
He's the one who flipped on me, right?
Okay...
you want to help me fold the laundry?
No...
but I will.
Oh...
- You gonged? - Uh, yeah.
I found this weird note
in the Great Battles section of Dad's book.
It's for you.
It says, "Tell Uncle Terry to look behind the family crest
and tell him I'm sorry."
What's the family crest?
The McKenna blazon is three lions on a fess sable.
What?
Over here. Come here.
Have I not shown you this before?
Okay, that...
is our family crest,
and behind it is...
...nothing.
Wait.
Oh, my God.
The Lazy Lacer.
What's a Lazy Lacer?
This was the brilliant idea I told your dad about...
...the one he said was stupid, but he, uh...
he made it. He...
he built it using my design.
I mean, this... This is it.
And he said that he was sorry.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, too.
I'm sorry he's not here right now,
so I can give him a big ol' bear hug.
I am, too.
How about we hug each other, huh? Come on.
- So what's this thing do? - I'm glad you asked.
Okay...
you know how everybody wastes
so much time every day tying their own shoes?
No, not really.
Well, the Lazy Lacer will do it for ya.
Simply take your foot,
put it on the Lazy Lacer pedestal,
and let the Lazy Lacer do its magic.
Push the button and be ready to be amazed.
It's nice and slow. Interesting.
Human kind will never have to tie its own laces again.
Ka-ching!
Come on, let's go show everyone how it works.
In a few minutes.
It's still working on the first loop.
Almost there.
Yeah, I really thought it'd go a little faster.
What are you butt-faces looking at?
- Something you want to tell us? - Yes.
Get away from my bed.
I'm talking about that.
I've never seen that before in my life.
We saw you hide it in the closet.
And the bag says "Dash's bag" on it.
Fine.
So it's a sunflower. Big deal.
I read about them in Dad's book,
and I decided to grow one on my own.
But why were you hiding it from us?
I figured you guys would laugh at me.
So go ahead and laugh.
No. Actually, I think it's really cool.
- You do? - I do, too.
Sunflower oil is a growth industry.
You're ground-flooring a massive investment opportunity.
- You guys want to check it out? - Nope.
Sure.
- Hey, Wyatt
Tell anyone about this,
and I'm gonna shave off your eyebrows while you sleep.
Here you go, ma'am.
Enjoy.
I'd be careful if I was you.
They're coming, and they're super angry.
- Who's coming
Bobby and Tyra.
Apparently their customers
didn't appreciate lemonade made with salt.
- Who knew? - See ya!
Oh, no, I forgot to tell them I swapped their sugar with salt.
Tell my brain to tell my legs to run!
No, no, please...
- -
See
See what you have done
We look
Upon the sea, my wayward son
You got caught with two hands in the sugar bowl
And your pocket's full of plums
Are you gonna stand there and look me in the eye?
Are you gonna run?
So I pause to reflect upon
What I might've done
I think I'd cut and run
Ooh
I'd run
Oh, but tell me
Didn't we have fun?
Just think of all the bad ideas
hat might've never seen the sun