Devin: Coach has a saying.
"A team is like a tree,
and hard work is the fertilizer that makes it grow."
It may sound corny, but I think he's right.
[clears throat]
Can you not overachieve directly on top of my stuff?
Devin: Although, I would add, every tree has one bad apple.
- Sorry, I-- - Don't care. Just move.
Help me with this.
Ladies, we only have 20 minutes until game time,
and we still need to warm up.
- What's taking so long? - Almost ready, Coach.
Does this "1" look too much like a "7"?
It peeled off again.
Yes, okay, it'll have to work.
We can't have two number 2's on the field.
Do you think the refs will let me play in my dad's belt?
Hey, that's not regulation.
Hey, it's either this around my waist
or my shorts around my ankles.
The elastic's worn out.
These uniforms are the worst.
- Seriously, we need new ones. - I know. I can see.
I was gonna wait till after the game,
but I might as well tell you now.
I've got a way to get us new uniforms.
Permission slips.
- We're going away? - Yes.
The East Lake Division II tournament
is taking place this weekend,
and I pulled some strings to get you registered.
And how will this help with the uniform situation?
The tournament is sponsored by TW Sporting Goods.
The winners get a $1,000 gift card.
That should be enough for new uniforms.
- That's amazing. - That's great.
- Good. - Wait.
Aren't the teams that play in that tournament actually good?
Hey, Emma, what did I say about using winning language?
You're right. The teams that play there
are actually fantastic.
[sighs] Come on, guys.
This is our chance to show them what we've got.
That's right. Now, let's hit the field.
Coming.
Little assistance here.
- Duct tape. - Thank you.
♪ Five, six ♪
♪ Five six, seven, eight ♪
♪♪
Here. Take a sweatshirt.
- Forecast says low 50's at night. - Okay. Sweatshirt.
And a made you some date bars for the bus ride.
Awesome. Thanks.
- And give me your phone. - Why?
Kate told me about this locater app.
Mom, seriously?
I wanna know where you are.
What, you don't trust me?
- I trust you. - It's California I don't trust.
Every time I turn on the news, there's some mudslide
or earthquake or some crazy wildfire.
Mom, La Quinta's only three hours away.
Dev, just humor me.
Good luck downloading anything.
The Wi-Fi's been super slow up here lately.
I'll have Dad check it out while you're gone this weekend.
Thanks. Oh, and for the record,
most daughters would not give their mothers full access like this.
So I should get some major points.
Finish your Spanish homework, and we'll talk.
When I say go, you say fight!
- Go! - Fight!
When I say win, you say tonight!
- Win! - Tonight!
Go, Kicks!
[cheering]
Technically, you want to win today.
- Yeah! But that doesn't rhyme! - [laughing]
- She does that at home? - Why do you think I signed her up for sports?
I appreciate you volunteering to chaperone last minute.
Oh, of course. I'm happy to do it.
Although, I'm not sure Lily feels the same way.
Hey, guys, check this out.
La Quinta has over 10 golf courses, 20 parks,
and is home to Heidi's Swiss Chalet,
a diner that, and I quote,
"Literally transports you to the Swiss Alps."
- That's awesome. - Well, there's nothing
more authentic than a Swiss chalet in the desert
that serves mozzarella sticks.
Rumor has it our hotel is haunted.
Ghosts? Seriously? Maybe that's why Coach got a deal.
- [laughing] - Okay, who's up next? Mirabelle?
- Hard pass. - Come on, it's fun.
That's your idea of fun?
You're a real rebel.
Well, it's better than sitting alone
listening to music the entire ride.
I'm not listening to music,
I'm just blocking all of you out.
Okay, be that way.
You're up, Coach. You're a part of the team.
Come get your braids.
Very funny.
I've never been so happy to be balding.
[chuckles] I'll do it.
Mom, no. Stick the the chaperoning.
All right, we're almost at the field.
Start to get our heads in the game.
Great idea.
Ready? Okay!
Gimme a V, dot the I,
curl the C, T-O-R-Y.
Victory! Victory!
Still stalking Devin?
It's not stalking.
It's parenting.
Look, the dot stopped moving a while ago.
They must be playing.
What are you looking for?
Where are the date bars?
I gave the rest to Devin.
You gave her all of them?
- I didn't get any. - We can make some more.
Making them isn't the fun part, Mom.
Besides, I've got a jam-packed, Devin-free day
gaming with Dustin all afternoon.
Who's Dustin?
No idea. But he lives in Montreal,
and he's great at slaying dragons.
- [phone chimes] - Oh!
Devin just sent a cute pic of her and her friends at the field.
- [phone chimes] - Oh, and they won!
- Wanna see? - Not even a little bit.
I still can't believe we won!
Us! And we're going to the championships!
- Us! - Winning language, Emma!
This is winning language.
I can't believe we won!
Okay, ladies,
I'm proud of you. You did a great job today.
We win tomorrow, we go home with new uniforms.
Uniforms! Uniforms!
Okay, okay, settle down. We're in a lobby.
Okay, ladies, you all have your keys?
Now, be good.
And again, what time is curfew?
- Nine o'clock. - Nine P.M.
- 302. What did you get? - Me too.
[both chuckle]
I better not hear snoring.
Wait. I thought there were four to a room.
Hey, roomies.
Okay, Dustin, here we go.
Oh, no! Watch your back!
Okay, I got you! I got you!
- No! Go! Attack! Attack! - Hey, Sharon?
You getting a signal in the front?
- Sharon? - Sorry, Dustin.
No, I should have had that. I cannot hear.
- Sharon! - Dad! Can you not?
Sorry, Bails. I just promised Dev
I'd try to bump up the Wi-Fi signal in her room.
- Sharon? - If you wanna talk to me,
don't yell from the other room!
[growls]
Okay, there are archers in that valley.
Let's go to them. Oh, wait! No!
There's that dragon! They have a dragon!
Gah! No, no, no!
Where are you? Where'd you go?
Hey, Bail, heads up. Wi-Fi's out.
When this place was built,
the maid lived in room 1813.
But when she died, she never really left.
That's sad.
The maid is still cleaning, even after she died.
[laughter]
They say, if you stand in front of her mirror,
she'll appear behind you.
- Boo! - [laughter]
Wait.
What if I stand with my back to the mirror?
Where will she appear then?
You may be overthinking this.
- [chuckling] - [knocking on door]
- That must be the maid. - [chuckling]
Don't worry, not a ghost. Just the Coach.
Stay away from room 813.
Yeah, it's haunted.
- [chuckling] - I see.
Well, I just wanted to give you a final curfew reminder.
- Nine P.M. - [groaning]
Oh, I know, I'm a real ogre.
If you have anything you need to do outside of your room,
do it soon.
We have 81 minutes of freedom.
I'm hitting up the vending machines,
if anyone wants in.
I'll come.
I'm in the mood for Funions.
But Jesse's paying.
Oh, okay.
Emma, still wanna check out the pool?
Definitely.
Let me just grab my noodle.
You brought a noodle?
Of course. Devin, wanna join?
No, thanks. I'm gonna hang here.
Rest up for tomorrow.
Okay, have fun.
- Rest up? - Yeah.
I'm tired. We played two games today.
I was there...
and played more minutes than you, not to brag.
Brag? You? No. Never.
Where are you going?
Well, I was thinking about checking out that Swiss restaurant.
Heidi's Swiss Chalet? Seriously?
How many times do you get to see the inside of an authentic Swiss chalet?
But that's off-premises, and we're not supposed to leave the hotel.
Oh, my gosh, we aren't? I had no idea.
It's just across the street, and I'll be back before anyone notices.
- Do you wanna come? - No, I shouldn't.
Of course not.
What was I thinking asking someone like you?
What do you mean, someone like me?
You know. The kind of girl who's away from home,
and all she wants to do is rest up.
No fun.
That does not make me not fun.
Actually, that is the very definition
of not fun.
Be honest. Besides soccer,
have you ever had a good time?
Of course, I have.
Really? Name one time.
I'm not playing this game.
'Cause you can't, Grandma.
Make sure you get plenty of rest
before your big day of doing exactly what you do
every other day of the week.
Fine, I'll go,
but only if we're back in time for curfew.
Scout's honor.
Give me a sec.
Okay, finally off with the cable company.
Internet's fixed. You can go back playing with your friend Dustin.
I can't, actually.
After the stunt you pulled with the Wi-Fi,
Dustin and I are no longer speaking, and the DVR is full.
Yeah, well, just make sure you don't delete anything of your sister's.
Seriously? This is all her stuff.
There isn't one thing I can delete?
It's always about Devin.
- That's not true. - Bailey, have you heard from Devin?
She's not answering any of my texts.
Are you guys kidding me right now?
I thought we could have
one Saturday that wasn't completely about her.
- Bailey! - She's not even here,
and yet the whole world revolves around her.
You with the phone, Dad with the Wi-Fi.
Even the TV's off-limits.
[sighs]
You're right. That's not fair to you.
I'm sorry, honey.
Hey, how about this?
From here on out, this is a Devin-free zone.
- Really? - For starters,
how about we order Thai food for dinner?
Yes, we never get Thai.
And since there's no allergies in the house tonight,
what do you say to extra shrimp?
Definitely.
And "Revenge Seekers II: Return of the Thrashers" on demand.
- Who's in? - Sounds like a plan.
- Let's do it. - Yes!
♪♪ [accordion plays]
Wow, this place is poppin'.
You really nailed the whole fun thing.
Oh, come on.
You're telling me it wasn't worth it for these awesome hats?
For real, though,
when you go inside an authentic Swiss chalet,
you expect more than this.
That is the last time I listen to Emma
when it comes to internationally themed restaurants.
Next time, check out this thing called Yelp.
They usually have pictures and stuff.
Man, it must be so nice being right all the time.
Shut up.
Always right, does all of her research,
perfect Devin with her perfect life
served on a perfect silver platter.
Okay, you don't have to be sarcastic.
I'm not. Seriously.
Just-- Everything just comes so easy for you.
Me? You're the one who skips every other practice
and is still the best player on the team.
Or at least you think you're the best player.
- [chuckles] - I have to work my butt off.
And even then, I couldn't have made club.
Big deal. Everyone knows it's just politics.
And if I'm so perfect, why am I failing Spanish?
It makes no sense.
Okay, well, that is weird, because Spanish is easy.
See? It's like you were someone born with the ability to never have to try.
It's really not fair. I--
Oh, whatever. This got serious.
Want some mozzarella sticks?
No. What were you gonna say?
Nothing.
No. I wanna know. What was it?
Nothing.
Oh, come on, just say it.
I was going to say
I wish things came as easily for me.
Oh, so you're jealous.
I didn't say that exactly.
But you are.
Maybe the teeniest little bit.
Oh, I'm sorry. What was that?
I didn't quite hear you there.
[spits]
[gasps] Oh, yeah?
[speaks Spanish]
I will look that up when I get pack.
[spitting]
Hmm. No Devin?
I thought she as going to bed.
- And no Mirabelle. - That's weird.
But still, do you think they're together?
Mirabelle and Devin hanging out on purpose?
Now I'm worried.
[knocking on door]
Coach: Ten minutes to curfew check.
Quick. Hoist me up. I can scale through the air vent
and check out the surroundings from a birds-eye view.
Or we can just text Devin.
Good idea. Let's do that first.
[phone beeps]
[phone chimes]
See? We were transported all the way to Switzerland,
and we're back just before curfew.
And I actually had fun.
Yep. You proved me wrong. You are wild.
Especially how you ordered that second lemonade.
That lemonade was good.
We could check out the haunted hotel room.
You're kidding. It's almost curfew.
Yeah, but how many times do you get to be inside an authentic haunted room?
I feel like I should be worried about you,
but I'll roll with it.
Now, this is what I call fun.
Isn't it wonderful living a life free of she who must not be named?
Well, I wouldn't go that far. But it is nice to spend time with you.
Kind of nice to spend Saturday at home instead of at a soccer--
Don't say the S word.
But yes, agreed.
Have you considered sending her to boarding school?
- Don't push it. - [chuckles]
Come on, you love your sister.
Please, Mom, I just ate.
- [sighs] - Admit it.
You do love her, and you know it.
I love her absence.
[bell dings]
This way.
- Are you afraid? - Are you serious?
Wait. How are we supposed to get in?
Who are you?
Boo! [laughs]
Very funny. Hit the light.
Wow. How riveting.
All right, lady, if you're here, show yourself.
Maybe Zoe got the wrong room.
We're really 0-2 tonight on must-see attractions.
You think?
[chuckles] Weirdo.
Now they're officially late.
And my text to Mirabelle still hasn't gone through.
That's it. I'm getting my binoculars.
You brought binoculars?
What? You brought a noodle.
- What time is it? - I don't know. My phone just died.
But chill out, we'll be there in, like, two seconds.
- Uh, what's that? - No biggie, it just feels like a--
- Earthquake! - Okay. The warning?
We're prepared for this. I'll get the kit.
Okay, we have to take cover. Let's go. Come on.
Let's go, let's go. Come on, come on.
Tiny quake. Nothing to worry about.
I know. It's my first one, though.
Why aren't we moving?
Am I crazy? We're not moving.
The doors won't open.
We're stuck.
Everybody okay?
Just a small quake, nothing to worry about.
See? I told you there was an earthquake.
Well, I didn't feel it because I was jumping on the bed.
- I mean, I wasn't. - [chuckles]
It's okay, Coach and Mom, we're good.
Okay. We're just getting a final headcount for curfew.
Oh, also, here, you forget your retainer.
- Good night. - Good night, ladies.
What's the tape for?
Make sure no one breaks curfew.
As hard as it is to imagine, I was young once.
What do you think? Like, uh, 3.9? 4.1?
Twitter's saying 4.4.
Huh. Really?
Coach: Curfew check.
- Everybody good in there? - We're fine.
The earthquake didn't even wake up Devin.
- And Mirabelle? - She's in the shower.
Bath, actually.
All right, girls, get to bed. Big game in the morning.
- We will. - All four of us.
Good night, girls.
Checked the whole house.
A couple things fell, but that's it.
We survived an earthquake.
Sodium acid pyrophosphate.
Luckily, we didn't have a major disaster.
I would not want to eat this stuff.
- Thank goodness everything's okay. - Yeah.
Um, hello. What about your daughter?
Oh my gosh, you're right.
But you don't think the quake hit that far, do you?
I guess it depends on the epicenter.
Why don't we just call?
You know what, it's fine. I'll do it.
[dialing]
Come on, Devin. Answer me.
- Oh, no. What if something happened? - It's gonna be fine.
If she's okay, I promise I'll stop complaining about all her soccer games.
And I'll let her sit in the front seat at all the away games.
And I'll replace the peppermint shampoo I used.
Come on, Devin. I love you. Please pick up.
Relax, Bailey. Everyone's safe.
"To all parents, post earthquake, no worries.
Everyone's all good."
[sighs]
I wasn't worried at all.
Mm-hmm.
You still want Devin to go to boarding school?
No.
But if you tell her I said any of this,
we're done.
Seriously, this is over.
- [bell ringing] - Isn't there a panic button or something?
Yes, the red one. You pushed it, like, a hundred times.
- No one's coming. - Come on, do something.
Like what? Scale the elevator shaft like a Bond movie?
Well, no, but you could try calling someone.
I can't. I left my phone in the room.
Why don't you call someone?
I told you, my phone is dead.
Just like we will be in a minute if these doors don't open.
This is it. We're gonna die in here.
- Help! Help! - Okay.
You need to relax.
Don't tell me to relax.
That is the worst possible thing you could tell me to do.
I cannot relax, okay.
I'm, like, claustrophobic over here.
- [panting] - Okay, sorry.
- You're just usually so cool. - Well, it's a little hard
when you're moments from death in a very small space.
All right, look at me.
[snaps fingers]
Deep breath in through your nose.
[inhales]
Now through your mouth.
[exhales]
Now do it a few more times.
Count your in-breaths and your out-breaths.
Try to make them longer each time.
[inhales]
You got this. We're gonna be fine.
My mom taught me that when I was little,
'cause I was scared of the dark.
Seriously? The boogey man?
Well, someone's feeling better.
[elevator whirring]
- We're moving. - Yes!
Tell anyone I did that, and I'll tell them that you're jealous of me.
- I never said that. - Yes, you did.
[bell dings]
And thanks.
Devin: Sometimes you realize what you thought was a bad apple
was just a little bruised.
On the inside, it's a good as any other.
Maybe a bit too sarcastic, but still good.
- We made it. - And the coast is clear.
I'm just relieved we got away with it.
Now, let's get inside before anyone sees us.
[lock chirps]