- Oh.
Oh yeah.
Those are ankle weights.
People used to run in them. Builds up your knee muscles.
- Aha. Oh, this looks fun! - Oh, it is!
- This looks fun. - Oh, it isn't.
- Are these the same hilarious Kids in the Hall
from the early 90s?
- No, these are the rage-filled Kids in the Hall
from the mid-90s.
What's it about? - No one knows!
Some say this movie was dry heaved into existence
because of a dark deal with the devil.
Others say it was laundering coke money.
Either way, the reviews were mixed at best.
- Sounds good! How much?
- One dollar. Earth money.
- I'm sorry, did you say Earth money?
- Yes, maybe.
What I meant was your money.
Let's get "Problem Child 2".
- No, let's get "Brain Candy".
Oh.
- What just happened?
- With this dollar, Kids in the Hall "Brain Candy"
has now broken even, and broken the curse!
- Agh!
- What?! No!
The curse is broken!
Hey! No texting!
- So, we all agree that gender parity is a good thing,
but how do we men make money off of it?
- Uh...
- You can't. That's the point.
- Really.
I thought this was a think tank.
Oh, Don?
Don, I think you're really gonna wanna see this.
"Brain Candy" has made its money back.
- Oh. I knew it would.
You know, I thought it would take a week.
Wound up taking 30 years.
- Well, you're never wrong, Don.
- Yeah, well, time is elastic.
Frank Zappa taught us that. - Ah.
- Well, ladies,
thank you for getting the conversation started.
You'll each get a Roritor fanny pack on your way out.
- Ooh. - They're back, you know.
So, walk with me, Marv. - Of course, Don.
- With me, Marv. - Of course, Don.
It's never easy to finance a film.
In the case of "Brain Candy" it was a co-pro
between the Canadian government and the devil.
- Ah, well done, Don.
- Well, the curse has lifted and the Kids are back.
- Yeah, well who's financing this, then? The devil again?
- Well, sort of. Amazon. - Oh.
- Well. - Ew.
- I've opened a can of worms, haven't I?
- Well, Don, only time will tell.
- No, I'm telling you, I've opened a can of worms.
I'm on a high protein diet. Where's my worm wrangler?
- Oh.
Uh, what about the Kids?
- Oh, we've got our best man on that right now.
Ah! Ah!
Oh, my God!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
- Oh my God! - Oh, oh, my heart!
- Who... who are you people?
- It's me, Mark!
Scott, is that you?
- Oh, my God, if you have to ask, it can't be good.
- Am I still the cute one? Um...
- Sort of. - Oh.
- Guys, I knew we should've
cryogenically frozen our bodies.
- Yeah. - Or even just our faces.
- Or even just your hair! - What?!
- You asked for it.
an Average Weekend"]
- Woo-hoo!
- Remember, stay down and count to 2,000!
Actually, you know what?
I've been working out. 1,500 would do.
I'm getting pretty fast. Go! - Right!
- Whew! Speed up!
- Hey! They called the cops!
- No way they counted to 1,500! - Ah!
- What, you want me to take a run at 'em?
- No, wait, I have a better idea.
They'll be looking for two guys with clothes on.
What they won't be looking for is a couple naked guys.
- Brilliant!
- That seems to be the car, all right.
- Mm-hmm. - Did any of the uh,
people describe the perps as being naked?
- Negatory. They were definitely fully clothed.
- Well, these gentlemen here seem to be uh, naked.
- You know, just to be safe, let's make sure.
You there, in the car, come out with your hands
on your own heads!
- Heh.
- Easy!
- Oh, check this out.
- Huh, you know, Partner, I think you might be right.
These might be the wrong guys.
- Well, let's make even more sure.
Gentlemen, I'm gonna need you to turn around.
Okay, now I'm gonna need you to jump up and down a little bit.
- Yep, their stem and berries are certainly bouncin'.
These guys are naked.
Wrong guys.
Gentlemen, I apologize.
Hope we didn't waste your time.
Just that we got a report of fully-clothed robbers
getting into a car exactly like that.
- Exactly. - No problem, Officer,
you're just doing your job.
How did we lose the bad guys?
- I shouldn't have stopped for a haircut.
Just doing your job.
You are one cool customer. - Hey, stop getting dressed.
- Huh? - You'll blow our cover!
- Ah.
- We're gonna have to stay naked 'til the heat's off.
- Yeah.
- Say, let's dump the clothes. - All right.
All units, be on the lookout for two suspicious
piles of clothing that may have been involved
in an armed robbery.
Partner, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
- Yep. Better call it in.
- Dispatch, this is Car 49.
We have eyes on two piles of clothing
that might've been used in that robbery.
- Don't do anything stupid, mother fucker!
- Yeah. Come on, now, just everybody stay calm.
Everybody gets to go home to their wives.
Except me, 'cause my wife left me 'cause you know,
apparently I'm emotionally unavailable.
- To me, you aren't.
You're a good guy.
- Thank you, Officer. - Thank you, Officer.
- Whew. - Ah!
They're gone.
Perps on foot.
I'm pursuing with the best little partner a guy ever had!
To the car! - Clear!
Clear! - Down!
- Clear! - Down!
Clear! Clear! - Clear!
- Kathie? - Cathy?
- Oh, my God!
- It's you! - Oh, Cathy!
- It's been so long! - Too long.
Oh, my Lord, you look so good!
- Thank you! - You've lost weight!
- Yes!
- And gained back exactly the same amount.
- Well, thank you for noticing.
- So, what's new with you?
- Well, um, I married an ice road trucker.
- Oh, good!
- But he fell through the ice.
- Aw, well, you know what they say,
all the good ones are either married or...
frozen at the bottom of a lake.
- Oh, well...
Back to work!
- Ahem.
- Good morning! - Oh, hi Amberlyiao.
- Did you just see this email? - No, Amberlyiao, we did not.
- I just don't get it. - Maybe we can help.
Hello, we at A.T. & Love
are embracing this bold new world.
So, we're getting rid of all the fax machines.
What?!
- Now, I know that goodbyes can be triggering
for some of you, so I'm just gonna, you know,
just sorta sit here and stare for a while.
- I can't believe it. - No more faxes.
- What's a fax machine?
- Well, a fax machine is truly a modern wonder.
- Yeah.
- Imagine writing a letter to a friend,
popping in a cab,
and taking it to him instantaneously.
- So, like an email?
- No, it's completely different.
- Not at all.
Cath, why are they doing this? - I know,
faxing is so much a part of our life!
- I know! Hey, remember all the fun we used to have
at the Fax and Firkin? - Oh, God, yeah.
Ooh, mm!
Kathie, look to your left, but be cool.
- Wow!
- I think I'm gonna give him my number.
- Oh! Oh, Cathy, you're such a runaround.
- I think he thinks it's gonna be a threesome. Play along.
- Cath, I'm really gonna miss faxing.
- Me too.
But you know what, Kath,
we get to write the very last fax.
- Write this down.
- Oh, cursive!
- To whom it may concern.
- Great start.
- This is the last fax.
Let it be known
that for 30 years
we sat here diligently,
turning numbers into dreams,
spreadsheets into visions of a brighter future,
and the occasional courier into a man.
- I like sleeping with couriers because they come fast.
- Oh, Kathie!
- I'm just so full of beans today.
- Gossip was our white wine. - Yes.
- And white wine was also our white wine.
- So, let this last fax
bear witness...
to who we were...
a couple of Cathys
who made A.T. & Love
a pretty nice place to work.
Please don't clap.
I find it acoustically aggressive.
- Oh.
- Cath, I couldn't get all of that good stuff down,
so I just, just did that doodle.
- Oh! Well, that'll do.
- Thanks! - Let's send it!
- To the end of an era.
- Cath, why do I feel like this is a bad idea?
- I don't know.
- Huh.
Hmm, well,
the Earth has unplugged its last fax machine.
- What's protecting them now?
- Nothing. - We must destroy Earth!
We must destroy Earth! - That's a funny voice.
- Yeah, I've been working on it.
- Destroy Earth! Destroy the Earth!
All right. Munitions, destroy the Earth!
Destroy the Earth!
Friends of Kids in the Hall,
Number 511, Donavan.
- I do not live with my mother, okay? She lives with me.
She gets the lower part of the house
and I get that sweet attic, upstairs.
Ma!! - Yeah?
- Bring me to the dispensary, please!
- I'm not your fucking chauffeur!
- She needs to get out more.
Friends of Kids in the Hall,
Number 511, Donavan.
- Well, did we enjoy our entrée, Madam?
- Oh, yes. The Kangaroo filet was superb. So fresh!
- Well, that's because it's locally sourced.
- Locally sourced kangaroo?
- Security at the Toronto Zoo is surprisingly lax.
- Oh?
- Well, I hope you left some room for dessert.
- Oh, yes I did, and I know exactly what I want.
- Excellent.
- I would like a piece of that wild blueberry pie
I've heard so much about.
- Pie? I'm sorry, but we don't serve pie.
- Well, yes you do. I saw it on social media.
- Well, I don't know what you saw on social media,
but this restaurant doesn't serve pie.
- Yes, it was a pie! A tiny, little pie!
- Oh!
I think you're referring
to the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage?
- That's it. - There you go. I'm sorry,
it didn't register because you called it a pie
when actually it's a tart.
- Tart, pie. Pie, tart. What's the difference?
- Right away, Madam.
Rory? - Hmm?
- I'm afraid there's a bit of a situation.
- Tory, slow down.
You know your Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage?
- Of course, I do. It's my signature dessert.
- Well, a customer of mine just called it a pie.
- Did anybody else hear? - I don't think so.
- Tory, Rory, what's all the commotion?
- Uh, Tory, go on, Dory is family.
- Well, a customer of mine just ordered
the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage
and then called it a pie.
What does she think this is, fucking Golden Griddle?
- Dory, Tory, Rory, are you talking about the woman
who called the Tarte des Bleubleuets Sauvage, a pie?
- How did you hear?
- Well, all the busboys are talking about it.
Ramon is so upset he's thinking of moving back
to Nica-rr-agua.
- But isn't he from North Bay?
- Yes! That's how upset he is.
- I think we're going to have to shut the place down.
- Yes. - Wait, no, there's got
to be another option.
- Well, we could stone her
with artisanal cheeses.
- It's worked before. - Mm-hmm.
- I'll get the cheeses and-- - Wait, wait.
- What?
- What if I just take her the dessert
and see if I can't stop this runaway train?
- Uh... - Ooh.
- It's worth a shot.
- Let's plate this dessert. - Yes.
Tartes des Bleubleuets Sauvage.
- What a darling little pie!
- Madam, it's not a pie, it's a "tarte".
- Well, whatever it is, it's as cute as a button
and I'm gonna take a picture of it.
Now I'm gonna post it on social media
and all my friends will see what a delicious little pie
I had for dessert.
- Uh, wh--, why don't I take a picture
of the two of you, together? - Great idea!
That's definitely tweet worthy.
- Yes, I...yes, um...
Say, "Cave aged cheese."
- "Cave aged cheese."
Where are you going with my phone?
- I had to take her phone. - What?
- She took a picture of the tart, called it a pie,
and then, said she was gonna put it on social media.
Oh no.
We're going to have to burn the place to the ground.
Should I evacuate the customers?
- No, there's no time, just lock the doors.
- Okay. - Wait!
There's no reason all of you should die. I'm new here.
Gimme that phone and I'll set fire to myself.
- No. You're the baby. You're only 59.
He's right. Let me do it.
After all, it was my table.
- Okay.
Wait, would you let me cook you?
- Chef, I'd be honored!
- You're a hero.
- No, I'm just a waiter with heroic tendencies.
That smells delicious.
- All right, ladies!
Put your hands together and make some noise!
- Wooo!
- You ready to meet the fellas?
Oh, my God, it is so, so sexy.
And there's a real sense of danger. Mostly for them,
because they could really get hurt.
Here he comes, ladies!
Lookin' for love and his reading glasses.
Uh, I've been doing this
since they closed the Oshawa plant.
Auto workers and strippers are in the same union
so, you know, I got to keep my benefits.
Oh, my God, he still has a landline! That's so hot!
He's a father figure and has a father figure.
I used to dance under the name of Jack the Stripper,
which I thought was very clever.
Other people seemed to think it was creepy.
So, now I dance under the name Lord Greystroke,
for reasons that will become immediately apparent.
Things get wild in the VIP Room.
- This is for the TV. - Okay.
- Is this the cable? - Let's find out.
- Don't touch the remote! - Sorry.
- I got arthritis and my wife's now part of the act.
- Keeps the marriage spicy.
- Just let me do it!
Aw!
- You're hurting me. - Ugh!
This guy will ride you like a lawnmower.
- It's more like that.
I could easily take any of these guys home with me.
The fantasy is very achievable.
- Whoa.
- Sometimes I do let them take me home.
You know, I can't drive at night.
'Cause I'm night-blind.
His balls hang so low!
- Give those fellas a hand!
- Wooooooo!
We don't make as much as the young guys.
It's mostly loonies and toonies.
- Ow! Ow! - But it adds up.
And it hurts.
- Agh!
- So, we're 97 minutes into a 22-minute episode.
Nice pacing there, Marv.
What's the big idea for hit characters this season?
- Well, Don...
it's us.
- Me?
- Yes, Don, you. - Oh.
- Yeah, apparently, you're very relatable
to the youth culture.
Well then, stand back, Marv. - Oh, uh...
Average Weekend"]
- Don, what are you doing? - I'm slaying.
Spin me, Marv.
Other way, Marv.
- Enough yet, Don? - Keep going.