Madam, what are you wearing?
Please, Mr. Tripathi. Nobody cares about whether I’m hot or sexy.
And in any case, I’m not dressed like this for you.
It isn’t about hot or sexy. What is this?
Is that some sort of tribal headgear?
What did you tell me yesterday? Please madam, keep it professional.
Your client will be here any minute.
How did you get into this room?
I’m the best video conferencing host and moderator. I can get into any room.
Madam, this thing you’re wearing is extremely unprofessional.
This woman will do to my brain what even extra spice chilli crab has failed to do.
My god!
Hello?
Radhika?
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, are you doing well?
Yes, why?
You were talking to yourself, so I thought maybe something is wrong.
I wasn’t talking to myself. Shilpi has come back.
Oh, I see. How does she always manage to get herself an ambulance?
Please ask her to get one for me too. That way I can start delivering food again.
This time, she has come in a police jeep, wearing the police uniform.
Oh, I see. So she must know someone in the police?
No, she bought the khakhi cloth, sat at home and stitched the uniform herself.
Oh! Self-reliant India.
I should take some notes from Shilpi. Very good.
And for lunch, she’s cooked some grilled fish and steamed rice. So nice, right?
Yes, that’s the perfect balanced diet. Protein plus carbohydrates.
I do the same at Chinjabi, chicken from baby corn.
It wasn’t all for me. The grilled fish was for Shilpi, and the rice was for me.
She explained to me that we shouldn’t eat so lavishly. So many people are suffering, right?
Yeah, that’s true. Anyway…
When you have such a nice companion with you, why do you need Sujin?
Look, my Chinese buyer is ready. Say the word, and he’ll fly in.
Mr. Lobo, love is a strange thing.
You know, today when Shilpi was massaging me, to balance out my Chi…
…she told me to ask myself what makes me happy.
And in that moment, that very moment, I realised, it’s Sujin.
Sujin makes me really happy. I even told Shilpi this.
And what did she do?
She… well… her hand slipped towards my neck…and she pressed it… oww!
Then she asked me to leave the room because she was really tired, and then she slammed the door.
She was fine, I think. Why?
I smell something burning in the bedroom. I’ll be right back.
Oh god. Is there a fire? I didn’t see anything.
Finishing this would be best for everyone, Sujin.
As someone who has 12 years’ experience in divorce law, this is my advice to you.
Rajni, I really love Radhika.
And I realised this one day, when I was sitting all alone on a rollercoaster…
…and sucking on an ice lolly. The attendant recognised me.
He asked me why I was all alone, again. He asked if it was my anniversary.
That day, I realized three things.
First, people don’t just know me from the bear ad I did.
People also know me as a lonely husband.
Second, I really do miss Radhika a lot.
And third?
That one ice lolly is too much for one human being.
And you understood all this on your own?
Well, sort of. The thing is, when I was massaging Shreshtha’s glutes today…
…he gave me some love advice. He’s prescient.
He has three children with three separate wives.
Four children, with three wives.
Fourth child… he’s not sure where it came from.
Anyway, he said that in life, loving one woman at one time is most important.
Look, I think Tripathi is going to join this call. Sujin, please try and understand.
Tell me, how does a love marriage end?
Look at me. I am left with a missing policeman. Never forget that.
Yes, but that’s your example. It doesn’t mean I’ll also end up with a missing policeman.
Sorry, I think she’ll take five more minutes. Shilpi came back dressed as a policeman.
And then suddenly, she caught fire. So it’ll take some time. I’ll be back in five.
Caught fire where? I hope she wasn’t in the guest room. My grandmother’s carrom board is there.
It was a gift from Jinnah. Tell her it’s an antique
Sujin, they will prove in front of a judge that you have stolen your wife’s money.
And, you have also placed bets on Corona. Finished.
That’s why I’m telling you, cut a deal, because you have committed fraud.
I have not done fraud. I have done an investment.
You know what fraud is? Once a director called me in to audition for the role of a driver.
I went dressed as a driver. Even got behind the wheel.
The director even said “action!”.
So where is the fraud?
I drove that car all the way to Pune. Then he got off, said cut, and went home.
I later got to know that his driver hadn’t come in that day. It wasn’t an audition.
That is fraud!
Look, they will prove that your intent was to hide this from your wife.
That is the definition of fraud.
Rajni, you very well know that there are many definitions to fraud.
A man can even be named Fraud.
What?
Yeah. In fact, in acting school, I’d even read a book. The author’s name was Fraud.
Sigmund Fraud.
Freud. Sigmund Freud.
Freud?
Fuck.
Humiliating.
I knew it. I knew that our acting teacher, Raza Murad’s pronunciations were all wrong.
That man is a real Freud.
Listen Sujin, this is not the point.
This bet that you’ve placed right now, you won’t be able to win it before the case is closed.
Then, you’ll have to live in Shreshtha’s house forever.
You’re also saying the same things Shreshtha was saying.
He was wondering why I wanted to go back home.
He asked me to stay, and said he’ll even pay me a salary.
But I don’t want to live with Shreshtha. I want to go back to my house, to my wife.
If all I want to do is peel garlic all day, why will I do it for Shreshtha? I’ll do it for my wife.
I’m warning you, Sujin. You’ll come back to me in a month’s time.
Through this divorce, at least you’ll get something when you sell your grandmother.
I mean, when you sell the flat.
We’ll bounce back, Rajni. The money will come.
I’ve just auditioned for a deodorant ad on the internet.
They were so impressed with my audition.
They said they could smell me through the laptop.
Look, you’re taking a big chance by banking on money coming in, in the future.
All of this is a very big gamble.
Yeah, that’s true.
What are you wearing?
One second… Tripathi… I think you’ve joined.
Hello, hello.
Welcome. So, let’s decide the settlement today.
What’s the matter? Why aren’t you saying anything?
What can I even say, madam?
Whatever is coming out of my mouth and whatever is reaching you are two different things.
I say one thing, you hear something else. I don’t even know what to say.
Yeah, something is up with my Wi-Fi too.
Radhika is here.
Guys! You will not believe what just happened!
Shilpi set fire to my bedroom, and she’s left a note, and left.
I thought she set herself on fire. Bedroom? I hope she didn’t go to the guest room.
That’s where we keep my grandmother’s carrom board, Mocha.
Your carrom board is just fine.
She got upset because I said that Sujin makes me happy while she was massaging me.
And then, she set fire to the bedroom.
By the way, baby, the bedroom is slightly burned now.
You people are mad.
People burn candles while massaging. You burned a bedroom while massaging.
That’s not important! What’s important is that…
Did you guys know that Shilpi is actually a lesbian?
I mean, it’s great. But she loves me.
Who would have guessed that?
Radhika, literally everyone guessed that. Even dead people guessed that.
People who are not born guessed that.
I’d even bet on this with Shreshtha.
I had no idea. I mean, I didn’t see it coming at all.
Right from the beginning, madam. Everybody knew this.
And Mr. Lobo, today’s massage. That was supposed to be foreplay.
I mean, that came out of nowhere!
Radhika, massage is always foreplay. Remember that.
I’ve learned it the hard way.
I thought she was giving me a massage, like how friends give each other massages, you know, to relax.
People nowadays are just so hard to read!
Madam, it was easy to read. Chetan Bhagat is hard to read.
And, and… you guys are so not ready for this.
Do you know what her bigger plan was?
After the massage, she was going to go down on one knee, and -
And propose.
Will you marry me?
Yeah!
How do all of you know?
Which oil was she using? I hope she didn’t use my cocoa butter oil.
I won that as an award, Mocha. Most feminine man of 2016.
Sujin, to hell with your oil.
Main question is, Radhika, what would your answer have been to the proposal?
What exactly are your intentions?
Will you say yes?
No, obviously.
Radhika?
Radhika, say yes! Yes!
Did you know, divorce increases immunity.
Divorcees never die early. Say yes!
Yes! You and Shilpi will also make a great couple.
I think she’s stuck. Radhika?
Shush.
What do you mean by shush?
Shh! Can’t you see elders are talking. Don’t speak in between.
Answer, please. Uh, yes to Shilpi?
Listen, both of you -
Shh! Quiet! Don’t argue! Silence!
Her laptop has frozen!
Just observe her face.
She’s only being quiet because she doesn’t want to publicly humiliate you.
No, her laptop has frozen. Look!
She’s trying to say something with her face. She’s saying, “Yes, I want to be with Shilpi”.
No. Look at her eyes. She’s trying to say no.
Look at her lips. Look how they’re stuck midway as if saying yes.
Like this - yes!
Yes! She’s saying, yes, I want to be with Shilpi… uh… Sujin.
Freudian slip!
No, she’s saying no to you. She’s saying yes to Shilpi.
Yes!
What are you saying yes to?
To no! I’m saying yes to her, and no to you.
I am saying no to your no!
What is your final answer, Sujin?
Divorce, yes?
Yes, yes! He’s saying yes!
Did he say yes?
Of course, you can clearly see he’s saying “yes”.
Like this.
This is a clear “yes”.
Yes.
Are you just agreeing with me because you love me?
Tripathi, you bastard. Don’t just play statue-statue with me.
Tripathi, I can see it. I know you’re not frozen.
Look! Look!
There!
Huh!
Tripathi!