[Freeman] Captain's log, the Cerritos is beginning a 12-hour warp
en route to a planetary survey in the Kontaran System.
With little to do in this vacant stretch of space,
I've approved some much-needed R & R for the crew.
I can't believe we have the day off.
What should we do? Strategema tournament?
Oh, I can't. Doctor T'Ana invited me to a thing on the holodeck.
I really need to get on her good side.
I can't tell if she likes me or makes that face at everyone.
Oh, okay. Uh, Rutherford?
Hey, uh, sorry. Billups has a new soup recipe he asked me to try out.
And after that, I promised Shaxs I'd throw some pottery with him.
Geez, what is this, commander hangout day? [sighs] Guess it's just me and you.
-[groans] I'm "with the captain" today. -What do you mean?
Oh, she's been bugging me to do some mother-daughter stuff.
I've been putting it off forever.
And now with this long haul, she knows I've got no excuse.
All you guys are spending warp with a bridge buddy?
-It's not a big deal. -Uh, yes, it is!
Socializing with a commander can be a huge factor in getting a promotion.
Well, you got 12 hours. Why don't you rub some elbows and make a new friend?
[groans] I wish I served on a ship that had built-in social structures,
like with Bynars or Klingons.
Um, have you ever been on a Klingon ship? I don't think you'd like it.
[stammers] They've been warping around the quadrant for centuries.
I bet their lower decks are a lot nicer than you'd think.
-[snoring] -[grunts]
[laughter]
Come, Ma'ah. Let us eat before the squirmiest gagh is devoured.
Do not speak of gagh.
Today, I am tasked with scraping out the worm barrels
and replenishing their blood supply.
That is the worst.
I have combat training all day.
Save me a seat at lunch, unless I die an honorable death.
Then someone else can have it.
Today will be a day of great honor for me.
I am filling in at the helm.
Ha! Yes, the honor is palpable.
Have you not noticed that Commander Togg has been undermining the captain?
-If so, then he should be killed! -Exactly.
And stationed at the captain's side,
I will be the logical choice to be the new first officer.
[laughter]
-"Logical"? Are you a Vulcan now? -[grunts]
Maybe you should trim your bangs and join a science vessel.
-[laughter] -Logical!
Could you imagine serving with those bIHnuchs?
"Avoid death and cower."
[laughter]
Would anyone care for a game of chess
when we are finished with our second duty shift?
No, I will be composing an arrangement for the lute,
which should take several hours.
I am available for chess.
-[beeping] -Hmm.
I have detected an anomalous surge of metreon particles in system 7743.8.
[beeping]
System 7743.8 is beyond our scanning range.
It would be, but I have implemented personal algorithms
which increase our long-range sensors.
T'Lyn, your assignment was to monitor tertiary impulse systems.
That is a redundant system. I wanted to--
It is logical to improve our scanning capabilities
instead of observing non-essential systems.
These readings are within acceptable parameters.
Correct. However, this region has never produced this type of anomalous energy.
Does that not seem strange?
Anomalies, by definition, are strange.
Something about this feels off.
[T'Gai] "Feels off"?
You have been spoken to about this before, T'Lyn.
It is illogical to ignore something of statistical significance.
I must inform the captain.
She has lost all control.
Today is a good day to be--
[grunts]
It is you who is dishonorable!
You dare spit lies on my ship?
[both grunting]
Coward! You hide behind the name of--
-I hide behind nothing! -[grunting]
[gasps]
Togg forgot what it means to be Klingon!
I need a loyal first officer,
a soldier of the Empire
-who does not spit in the face of duty. -[d'k tahg clatters]
The job will go to whoever impresses me most today.
[grunts] Remove this. I don't want that stench on my bridge.
I will take care of it, Captain.
[grunting]
[Ma'ah] All right. [grunting continues]
Okay, let's snag a bridge buddy.
Kimarnt, her head cloudy?
Oh, thank you, Ensign--
Boimler. I took a little Tamarian at the Academy.
Oh. Unzak and Vhila as children?
Uh, right. Um, Karno, in the forest with Mira.
It is hard to lose weight when you can replicate any food you want!
No, no, no. That's not what I meant!
Dang it!
[grunts]
Oh, hey, Boimler. I didn't know you had a passion for pottery.
Uh, Kayshon and I didn't really mesh.
Since you have two bridge buddies, I thought we could share?
Okeydokey!
Take your never-ending bonfire of rage and bury it in the clay.
Get outta here, rage.
That's a neat pot, Lieutenant Shaxs.
Did you learn how to do that back on Bajor?
What did you just say?
I just asked if you learned how to throw pots on Bajor.
No, no, no. No, no.
-Oh, do we not talk about Bajor? -[grunts]
You think I had time for anything other than resisting?
Fighting fascism is a full-time job! [grunts]
-Run! He's not kidding! -[screaming]
-[grunting] -Put it in the clay, Papa Bear.
-Put it in the clay. -[panting]
I'm going to fight. I'm going to get revenge. I'm...
going to make a cute little ashtray for my incense.
It's going to look like a puppy.
Ooh, a puppy.
[laughter]
-[laughing] Yes. Good boy! -[targ growling]
-That is what we will do to enemy petaQs. -[laughter continues]
[male Klingon officer] Yeah. A drink to honor!
-Captain, your targ is most impressive. -[targ grunting]
Like Kor's hound at the Battle of Klach D'Kel Brakt.
Oh, I'm surprised someone your age
-knows of that glorious day. -[laughter]
Oh, it is one of my favorite slaughters.
-We could sing a song about it, if-- -[both grunt]
[laughs] The bloodwine barrel runs low. Fetch us more.
Yes, sir.
[laughs]
Why would you modify already adequate long-range sensors
when that is outside of your duties?
I had a gut feeling that increasing our sensor range may prove illuminating.
And now you want to adjust our current heading by 1.7 degrees
because of this… instinct.
The energy originated in a region
which has never experienced a comparable phenomenon.
To ignore it would be illogical.
-Helm. Adjust course to 577 mark 6. -[control panel beeps]
Do not take my action as an endorsement of your behavior.
You will spend the next two days in meditation.
No, I do not have time for that.
I have another project which is nearing culmination.
T'Lyn, get a hold of yourself. These outbursts will not be tolerated.
Two days.
Work on your self-control through silent meditation.
Captain, I believe that I could modify the--
Beliefs. Feelings. Instincts. You are behaving like a child.
[Boimler whooping]
You were right, Doctor T. This is amazing!
[sighs] Nothing like clawing your way up the side
of a giant, hard piece of earth to feel alive.
-[whooshing] -Boimler! What are you doing up here?
Just wanted to catch up in the old hover boots
and see if you guys needed a climbing partner.
Hi, Doctor T'Ana.
You didn't bring any gear?
Well, I-I-I have the shirt and, you know, the boots.
-[boots sputtering] -[shouting]
[screams]
Good thing safety protocols are on! They-They are on, right?
I don't know. Sure.
[grunting]
[shouts] Ow, ow, ow!
[groans]
Hmm.
Why would you tell an entire shift I get bad cramps?
[grunts] You were on duty!
Your commanding officers have to know
any medical issues that could impact the mission!
Billups doesn't need to know!
He's not good with that stuff. It freaked him out!
If I had to dance around everything that freaks out Billups,
we wouldn't get anything done!
Cool! Then maybe I'll tell him to boost the environmental controls
to help with your hot flashes! [grunts]
[both grunting]
[sighs]
Oh, nothing like that Hawaiian surf.
Crisp air. Tasty waves. This is gonna be great.
Sir.
Ensign.
Oh, you remember those luaus on the beach?
-Yeah! Freaking pigs, dude! -Ah, yes! So good.
-[whoops] -Nothing like the feel of Hawaiian sand
after riding those tropical waves. [chuckles]
Mr. Boimler, are you also from Hawaii?
From-- From Hawaii?
-Oh, uh-uh-- -He has to be.
Only people who grew up on the islands like us could describe it like that.
You're all from Hawaii?
Um, aloha! Yep! Small galaxy, huh?
I can't believe there's another Hawaiian onboard!
We're hitting the beach this afternoon.
Holodeck 3. You should join us!
To clean up or…
[laughs] No! To hang out! Unless you don't miss the islands.
No, I mean, yeah. I mean, I am homesick for Hawaii.
I grew up in Hawaii, and, man, do I miss Hawaii.
Wait. Didn't you say you're from a vineyard?
-Uh-- -Pineapple or coffee?
Both?
Whoa! Now that's tropical!
[indistinct chatter]
-[laughter] -[belches]
Next time fetch your own wine.
[grunts]
[laughter]
-[snoring] -[grunting]
I demand assistance. Could someone just--
[grunting]
Captain. Ah, yes, I thank you. I cannot move this overweight--
When you're done fooling around, walk my targ.
He ate that traitor's leg and will need to be shuffled around until it passes,
or he will have gas.
Yes, sir.
[groans]
[sighs]
[PADD trills]
You are working, instead of meditating.
I am nearly finished.
I will meditate as soon as the project is complete.
You know your rebellions will only lead to punitive spiritualism.
I am not rebellious.
I simply am enjoying the project
and hoped to finish it today so I can continue with other work.
Perhaps if you did not spend all of your time following rules,
you too would appreciate that there is more for us to learn and achieve.
Are you attempting to insult me?
I merely wish for you to join me
in broadening your definition of how to synthesize data.
That sounds like an insult to me.
Perhaps you could look to me as your confidant.
In Klingon culture, they designate those who stand with one another as cha'DIch--
We are not Klingon.
Nor are we Borg drones.
We do not have to blindly follow orders.
"Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end."
The High Command would be most interested to learn of your relaxed attitude.
How would they find out? Would you report me?
If it is for your own good. You are clearly unstable.
You are not yourself, T'Lyn. Everyone has noticed.
Then I hope they notice how unconcerned I am about their assessment.
Why didn't you just tell them you're not from Hawaii?
I tried! Sort of.
It all just happened fast, suddenly I was just part of the ohana.
Isn't that what you wanted?
Yeah, but what if Ransom finds out I lied?
He could demote me to work at a penal colony
where I'd have to mate with the enemy to form a new civilization--
[Freeman through combadge] Ensign Mariner, report to my quarters for hanging out.
[sighs] This is the longest warp of my life!
[groans]
[sighs] I don't know, Boimler. I think you should just come clean.
Yeah. I mean, what's really more important,
having a commander friend or being true to yourself?
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Aloha!
Hey, hey! Aloha!
[Hawaiian music playing]
[opera music playing]
[computer beeping]
Captain, the leg has been passed.
-It was an honorable movement. -[glass breaks]
The Empire used to choke the quadrant with fear, power!
But now? We've lost our way.
The Empire still strikes terror.
Klingon blood runs as reddish-pink as ever.
Klingons joining Starfleet, studying at Bajoran academies.
No hunger for victory. No respect for tradition.
It is troubling to see a proud caste of warriors lose their lurDech.
Well put.
You are a true Klingon.
You may be smaller and weaker and slower and smaller than my other officers,
but you have a warrior's spirit.
One day, you could be captain of your own ship.
Uh, that would be my greatest honor, sir.
Uh, besides dying in battle. That would be my greatest, greatest honor.
[Klingon] Captain, we're being hailed.
Put it in my quarters. Private channel.
Pakled!
Oh, hi. Are you ready to give us presents?
We will discuss our transaction in person.
I'm beaming over with my new second-in-command.
Thank you, Captain.
[scoffs] Pakleds have no honor. Are we commandeering their ship?
[laughs] Even cowards and fools have their uses.
I do not understand.
Pakleds have an insatiable hunger for power.
I can use that.
With the weapons and information I've armed them with,
they've thrown the entire quadrant into discord.
You are helping them?
With the Federation destabilized,
the Empire can claim the region as our own!
Our greatest day is yet to come!
Klingons do not allow someone else to fight our battles.
[laughs] Which is exactly why
the Federation has no idea who is manipulating them.
"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war."
I think it was the chef, in the bio lab,
with a sniper rifle that can shoot through walls.
You always pick the chef.
Yeah, 'cause we have replicators. Why is there a chef? That's just shady.
[man] Captain, we've picked up an anomalous energy reading nearby.
Should we drop out of warp and investigate?
-Yes, please! -Yes!
All right! Let's get back to work.
Ooh, I cannot believe I'm saying that.
-Mariner. -[groaning] What?
I know-- I don't care who the fake killer was.
I had a good time today.
I know. I did too.
Welcome to the Pakled spaceship, Pakled.
I am Rebner.
Ah. Yes, Rebner, we've met several times.
We need another boomer.
What? No, one Varuvian bomb is enough.
We already used it.
You used it? On what? Why?
We wanted to test it on a big asteroid, but then it stopped working.
It was a bomb! You can only use it once!
[groans] This is Dorg.
Transport another explosive onto the Pakled vessel.
-[Klingon officer] Yes, Captain. -Captain, a Varuvian explosion
would emit metreon particles.
Other ships may come to investigate.
[Pakled security through comms] Red alarm. Red alarm.
Damn it! Block their communications. We have to take out that ship.
What the-- The Pakleds again?
And now they're threatening Klingons?
Hail the Bird of Prey.
No response, Captain.
Klingon ship, this is the Federation starship Cerritos.
We've dealt with Pakleds before. Are you in need of aid?
Captain, both vessels are powering weapons!
What? Shields up! Red alert!
[Freeman grunts]
-[shouts] -Dude! My mai tai.
Hawaiianers, we're under attack!
[all panting]
[grunts] Target their weapons!
-Shields holding at 80%! -[Barnes] Whoa!
[Boimler] Whoa!
Return fire, full spread!
Deck 6 is taking heavy damage. Sealing the area.
Damn it! We have to get to the bridge.
I don't wanna die in a Hawaiian shirt!
I'm not from Hawaii,
a-and if I don't make it through this, I don't wanna die a liar!
Sir, I'm from Modesto, California.
I just wanted to find a bridge buddy. I'm sorry.
I'm… not from Hawaii either.
I never felt like I belonged until I met the rest of you.
Neither am I. None of us are.
We just wanted to be friends with you, sir.
Wait, you guys didn't have to pretend to be something you aren't.
I like you for you.
Really? Thanks, Commander.
-Also, I'm not from Hawaii. -Wait, what now?
I made it up when I was an ensign and my commanding officer was from Honolulu.
I'm actually from the moon.
Wait, bro, Earth's moon? That's where I'm from! Luna Bay!
Tycho City!
My sister went to Tycho City Prep!
I'm from the third moon of Benzar!
B-9-3? That's a great moon. My cousin lives there!
We're all moon buddies?
You know, some people say Modesto is like the moon of, uh, San Francisco,
so I guess I'm from a moon too.
Modesto is not a moon.
If you were from a moon, you'd know how deeply insulting that is.
What? You guys pretended to be from Hawaii.
That's, like, the most culturally insensitive--
[all grunt]
Let the Pakleds take the final shot. They're about to start a war!
This feels wrong.
There is no honor in letting others fight our battles.
-[grunts] -Do not talk to me of honor!
I have been crushing petaQs beneath my boot since before you were born.
Other Klingons have tried to sabotage peace before. They failed.
I will not!
They will write songs of me this day!
[Pakled security though comms] Red alarm. Red alarm. Red alarm.
[Pakled humming]
I am hungry.
You should eat.
You are smart.
[Pakled security] Red alarm.
Evasive maneuvers.
Shields at 17%. Captain, we can't last much longer!
Captain, we are being fired upon by Klingons and Pakleds.
Curious. Shields to maximum power.
The Pakleds appear to have Klingon weaponry.
Primary shields are failing.
Captain, the project I have been working on is a regenerative shield amplifier.
I believe it may help.
This has not been tested.
If it damages the coupling, we would be left unprotected.
It is logical to use it now, considering there are no alternatives.
My instinct tells me it will work.
Implement the program.
[laughs] Yes, yes!
The destruction of two enemy ships will bring me much glory!
These are not our enemies.
Does the High Council know of your actions?
The High Council lacks foresight.
They will change their minds when the battle begins.
Shields are increasing.
This is highly improbable, Captain. They are now at 120%.
Disable the Pakled ship.
Target the Federation ship!
Belay that order!
What?
This is not our fight. This lunacy must end!
-Ha! You dare challenge me? -Stop the attack!
-[targ grunts] -Finish them!
-No! -[both grunting]
[growling]
-[choking] -[laughing]
-[grunts] -[screams]
-Stupid targ! -[targ squeals]
[both grunting]
Ah!
[laughs]
[grunts]
[grunts, laughs]
-[groans] -[thud]
[Ma'ah sighs]
[Klingon] What are your orders, Captain?
Set a course for the homeworld.
The council can decide what to do with this biHnuch.
[targ grunts, snorts]
Captain, the Klingon ship is retreating.
Well, then let's give the Pakleds a taste of their own mushfroot!
Yes, sir!
[screaming]
By the Prophets! [speaks Bajoran]
Hail the Vulcans.
Thanks for the hand, Captain.
For a minute there we were in a little over our--
Do you require assistance?
I think we're okay over here.
-We were just-- -Excellent.
Then with the threat neutralized, no further communication is necessary.
Well, isn't he a ton of fun?
Assess the damage. Let's begin repairs.
Klingons helping Pakleds?
I guess now we know how they got all those weapons.
Strange how they broke off and retreated, though.
Klingons typically want to die in battle. Honestly, I get it.
It's almost like they decided it wasn't their fight.
Captain?
We need to brief Starfleet Command.
They're gonna have a lot to discuss with the Klingon High Council.
We are fortunate that your shield program worked.
If you had not been "following your instinct,"
it is unlikely we would have survived that encounter.
I concur.
However, your inability to control your emotions is a liability.
I am removing you from duty.
Captain, I believe you are making an error.
Your perceived victory today will only serve as fuel for further impulsivity.
There is no place for that on this starship.
I will gather my personal items and prepare to return to Vulcan.
-You will not be returning to Vulcan. -Curious.
I am recommending you for reassignment to a Starfleet vessel.
Your hotheaded ways may make you better suited to serve with humans.
Captain, I ask that you reconsider.
I do not believe this punishment is warranted.
And that is exactly the type of outburst which lead to my decision.
It is final.
[T'Lyn] Live long and prosper, sir.
[Boimler] They're all from moons!
Look at them, probably talking about tides and werewolves.
I was so close! [groan]
I know you really wanted to have a bridge buddy.
But guess what? You don't need them! You got us!
Next time we have a long-haul warp, I vote we all do something together. Cool?
-Cool! -You know it!
You're right. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.
[stammers] Excuse me? Ensign Boimler, sir?
Huh? Yeah, uh, yeah, that's me.
Well, I've been having trouble keeping up with my duty schedule.
Commander Ransom said that you're the most organized person on the ship.
-He did? -Yeah!
He says you're great and I should pick your brain. If that's okay?
I mean, yes! Of course! [babbles] Glad to help. Sure.
Oh, thank you, sir!
-I really admire your work. -[Boimler] Let's talk duties.
Every ship in the fleet depends on officers like us to keep them running.
The bridge crew is maybe the ones you hear about.
But trust me, the real action begins on the lower decks.
[machinery whirring]
-[click] -[trilling]
Pew pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew pew!
Chirp.