(laughter on TV)
(music playing on TV)
WOMAN: (on TV) Oh! What the hell was that?
(indistinct dialog on TV)
(smoke alarm beeping)
♪♪
Mum?
Mum!
- I think the tumble dryer might be on the mend.
- What?
Hello?
(clicking)
Is there anybody here?
(thud)
Wait.
(breathing heavily)
(gasping)
♪♪
(screeching)
♪♪
(static)
- MAN: (sighs) Balls.
- MAN: (on radio) One. One. One.
One.
- (static) - Alt.
- MAN: (on radio) One. One. One. One.
- All right, let's have a look at what we have.
- MAN: (on radio) One. One.
- Huh.
Let's see if this does the trick.
Ah, yes.
(laughs)
Tormilade.
Wonderful.
(electricity powering down)
- (static) - (music playing on radio)
(static)
Hm.
- (static) - (electronic tune playing)
(chair powering down)
Hey, did you steal one of my digestives?
- No.
- You did, I can see you chewing.
You don't have to creep around here, Dad,
just nicking things, it's daft.
- Hm. I like it.
Makes me feel like Raffles, the gentleman thief.
- (scoffs)
- Hey! When are you gonna fix the upstairs/downstairs?
- I'll look at it when I come back from work, all right?
But please, if you're gonna use it,
put on some underpants 'cause it's really unhygienic.
- Oh, stop trying to control me.
- (beep) - (chair powers up)
- Hey. Hey!
Oh, damn you!
♪♪
(coughs)
(static)
(sheep bleating)
(electronic tune playing)
(phone ringing)
Hello, Dave.
- DAVE: Morning, Gus. Are you here yet?
- GUS: Yeah. Just pulling in now.
- DAVE: Bang on time as always.
Would you mind popping into my office?
I have a surprise for you that I think you're going to like.
- GUS: No. - Gus, I need to train up
more people like you,
and who better to train up more Gus Robertses
than Gus Roberts himself?
- (sighs) I work better alone.
- Well, you worked very well with Paul.
How did you like that copy of "The White Sheet?"
Some pretty good articles in that one.
It's only 200 printed. It's very rare.
- Listen, Dave, um, babysittin' some greenhorn
who doesn't know his RG142 coaxial cable
from an eight inch heliax.
No. The last thing I need is
some clueless millennial mouth breather
cluttering up my van.
- Elton, I really should have asked you to wait outside.
- Elton. - Huh?
- If you would.
- ELTON: His wig's a bit obvious, isn't it?
- Who's wig?
- What's a greenhorn?
- Somebody who doesn't know their RG142 coaxial
from an eight inch heliax.
- Oh. Like a noob.
- What is a noob?
- It's like a greenhorn.
- GUS: All right, noob,
we've got five installs before lunch.
Better get a wriggle on. Watch and learn, kid.
Watch and learn.
- ELTON: Sorry about your old partner.
- Yeah, well, he's dead to me.
- Don't touch my shit. - Oh, sorry.
Wouldn't he be dead to everyone?
- No, he's very much alive.
- He went and joined ISIS. - What?
- Infrared Specialist Internet Systems.
- Oh. I thought you meant "ISIS" ISIS.
- Ipswich Server Interwoven Sciences and Instant Supply Information Solutions.
Why would Paul join those clowns?
- I think we got our wires crossed.
- Yep. That is what happens when you put an RG142 cable
into an AVA five port.
- (laughs)
- You can take that smile off your face.
- Sorry. - Kind of mistake could kill a man.
- (grunting)
(humming)
(electronic tune playing)
- All right? - Yep.
- MAN: (on radio) One. One.
- So... is there a Mrs. Roberts?
- Shush. - MAN: (on radio) One. One. One.
- What's this, then, radio one? (laughs)
- It's a number station.
- Cool. What's a number station?
- They're these secret long wave transmissions
that are just repeating over and over and over again.
Since the second world war.
No one knows who sends them, no one knows what they're for.
This particular one is called the Lancashire Poacher.
- Yeah, a bit creepy. Should we listen to five?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - MAN: (on radio) Five.
One. Five.
- Oh. - MAN: (on radio) One. One. One.
Five.
(electronic tune playing)
- What have you done? - I haven't done anything.
I swear, I didn't do anything, I swear.
- Ah-- - MAN: (on radio) Five.
- F-- Okay, we, um-- - MAN: (on radio) One.
- We need to go. I need to--
- We need to go. - (engine starts)
MAN: (on radio) One. One. One. Five.
- Thanks.
- That station has never broadcast anything
except the number one.
- And now five. - Five, yes, yes.
It must mean something.
(phone buzzes)
Ah. It's Dave.
He's got a new install. Let's go.
Shukraan, Muhammed.
Let's go.
- (sighs) - ELTON: What? Where are we going?
♪♪
(doorbell rings)
- Miss Connelly? My name is Gus Roberts.
This is my colleague Elton...
- Uh, John.
- Um, we're with Smyle.
I understand you have a problem with your connection.
- Oh, I didn't expect you so soon.
Oh, this is a nice surprise.
- Maybe that's why we're called Smyle.
- Come in, boys. - Thank you.
Oh, wow.
Look at this place.
- Hah! - ELTON: Uh, was this house
named after you, Miss Connelly?
- It was built by my grandfather
who passed it to my father who left it to me
when he passed.
- Oh. - It was his practice when I was a little girl.
- Oh, he was a doctor. - A vet.
Nice. I was a receptionist in a vet's office once.
Whole place smelled like cats' piss.
- Oh... - Was it the TV signal
that was the problem, Miss Connelly?
- Um... it just stopped working.
- Ah. Leave it with us.
- Would you like a cup of tea?
- GUS: Yeah, a cup of tea would be lovely. Thank you.
- I'll bring you some biscuits, just in case.
- Oh, wicked. Thanks, Miss Connelly.
- CONNELLY: Pleasure.
- Oh, she's nice. Are they all this friendly?
- She's lonely.
See it all the time in my game.
Starved of company, next thing you know,
she's round the back of a TV with a pair of scissors.
Hey.
Loneliness can make people do desperate things, my friend.
- Here we go. - Jesus Christ.
Did you find the problem?
- Yeah. We have.
- How'd you think that happened?
- Never mind.
I'll go and fetch you a replacement.
- Okay.
Well, maybe it was mice.
- Yeah, uh... maybe you should get a cat?
- Oh, cats are bastards.
- Oh.
- I like dogs.
I used to have one.
His name was Pepper, but he ran away.
- Oh, uh, I'm sorry. - I put up some posters,
but so far, nobody's called.
- Uh, when did he run away?
- 1965.
- Uh, of course.
- Oh, that's, uh, a picture of Pepper
with Father and I.
- (loud thud) - (gasps)
- What was that? - (chuckles) Oh...
- Righty-ho.
Let me just place this cable,
and... we shall be...
on our way.
- Oh. - There we go.
- Thank you.
- All right, here we are, greenhorn.
- Yep.
Hey, I feel a bit sorry for Miss Connelly.
All alone in that big, scary house.
- What do you mean, scary?
- I don't know, haunted.
- Haunted. Huh.
You ever had a paranormal experience?
- What? No.
Have you?
- Do me a favor. Get your phone out.
Open the Youtube app.
- Yeah. - The channel you're looking for is
the Truth Seeker.
And then cycle through until you see
"Chills at Cordry Rectory."
- Uh, that one. - Oh.
Okay.
Cordry Rectory.
Arguably, the second most haunted rectory in Britain,
behind my beloved boarding room, of course.
- Uh, cycle on a bit.
- GUS: (in video) Many, many years ago-- - Yep.
- GUS: (in video) ...eight children were found dead...
- Bit more. There's two of them.
- Yep.
- Bingo. From there.
- ...my paranormal hearings and what not.
I sat and I watched it slam closed...
over a period of nine hours.
- Not really slammin', is it?
- Are you trying to suggest this wasn't a paranormal event?
- No. Just a really slow one. - (chuckles) Ah...
- GUS: (in video) But it's this door that interested me most.
- Oh, my sister's got a Youtube channel.
- Yeah? - Yeah, she does, like, make-up tutorials.
She's got a few thousand subscribers.
- Good. Bye.
- Oh. Okay.
- Just close the door.
- Sorry.
Okay, so, bye.
See you tomorrow. Okay.
(engine starts)
♪♪
(switch clicks)
Uhh!
- Hello, Elie.
- Helen, don't do that.
- It's all going wrong.
- How'd you even get it on?
- I can't seem to fix the panels onto the scooter.
CovCo CosCon is next week.
You have no idea how tired this all makes me.
I was so exhausted by lunch time,
I had to lay down and watch "The Hobbit" trilogy.
- Did you finish it this time? - Of course, I didn't.
Didn't even make it past the mines of Moria.
(rattling)
- So, don't you want to know how my day went?
- Oh, my God. It's always about you, isn't it?
Okay, don't tell me. You quit already.
- Ah, actually, I didn't. I made a new friend.
And he's got a Youtube channel.
- Oh, what-- what does he call himself?
What's he c-- What does he call himself?
-Good night. -Elton, what's he call himself?
(electronic tune playing)
- Well...
- MAN: (on radio) One. One. One. Five.
- What is the meaning of this? - (phone rings)
- Just want to see you in those pants.
Okay? Hello.
- Uh, Gus, it's Dave.
I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
- No, no, no, just-- I'm talking to my dad.
What can I do you for?
- Um, sorry, I just--
I need you to do me a favor tomorrow.
Um, it's Miss Connelly again.
- I expect you didn't think you'd see me again so soon.
- Right, and you're saying you still got a problem with
the TV signal, Miss Connelly.
- No, no, no, it's working,
but not the way it's supposed to.
- Huh.
Here we go.
What the hell? Do that again.
- What? - Just step forward.
Look at that.
This looks like it's live.
- Where is that? - I don't know.
(thudding)
- I heard that yesterday. I told you this house was creepy.
- Are you sure you're the only person here in the house?
- It's only ever been me.
Well, since Father died, of course.
- Of course. You don't mind if we have
a little look around upstairs, do you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doin'?
- Don't look. - Oh, sorry, sorry.
- Don't open that door.
- I didn't know. Sorry. I was gettin' the stuff.
- Don't look. - Okay.
- Take this. - You said--
- Just now. Take it. It's fine.
- Oh, wicked.
(chiming)
- Oh. - Is that standard issue, then?
- (chuckles) None of this is standard issue.
Is it, girl?
- What is it?
- This is a electroplasmic spectrometer.
- (electronic whirring) - Oh...
- Reveals the, uh, presence of EM waves
emitted from the spectral plane.
- Okay. - (electronic whirring)
- Don't move.
Huh. It's a ghost detector.
Shut the door.
(gasping) You must think me so rude.
I haven't even offered you a cup of tea,
- a roast or a bowl. - I'll have a bowl.
- I think we're fine for the time being.
Thank you, Mrs. Connelly.
What is this?
- Can we go back down now? - No, no.
Let's wait and see if we can hear the noise, okay?
Let's listen.
(thudding)
- Don't film me.
(rattling)
- I think it's coming from in there.
- Well, that's Father's old study,
where he used to do all his work.
I never go in there. I was never allowed.
- Do you mind if we have a look?
- Well, I-- I suppose.
- Okay.
(thudding)
- Film this.
- Here we go. You ready? - ELTON: No.
- One... - Ooh, a bit dizzy.
- Two... three.
(thudding)
- Gus, have you still got those spare pants in the van?
- Yep. - Thank you.
- That was Pepper's ball. - Excuse me.
Um...
(electronic crackling)
- GUS: How about we have that cup of tea now, Miss Connelly, huh?
- Oh, yes. I'll pop the kettle on.
- You do that.
- Right, it was the ball all along.
Should we just chip off, then?
- No, no. Balls just don't bounce around on their own.
- Hang on, that's weird.
This room should be bigger judging from the exterior.
- How on earth would you know that?
- I worked for an architect one summer.
- 'Course you did.
Hey, film me, I'm gonna do a little PTC.
- Okay. Uh, what's PTC?
- A piece to camera.
- Okay. Okay, uh--
- (exhales) Tell me when you're rolling.
- Rolling. - Okay.
Welcome, viewer, to the Truth Seeker.
You join me here in a place I've come to know as
Connelly's Nook
to solve the mystery posed by this very ball.
- Just zoom in.
Zoomed.
- Join me.
(hollow thudding)
- D-- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
Right. Great shot. Should we head to the edit suite?
- No, no. Film this.
(knocking)
(hollow thudding)
- Watch.
♪♪
- Shawshank.
- What did you say?
- ELTON: Shawshank. - Oh. Can I use that?
- It's really good. - ELTON: Yeah.
- It's a big hole. - Sure. Yeah, sure, yeah.
- Here we go. (clears throat)
Now. Here we go.
Shawshank.
- That was it.
- It's attached here. - Careful.
- Ahh.
Whaddaya know?
Wow. You were right.
- A tiny door. - Yeah, that we shouldn't go in.
- Don't be such a noob. Come on, let's go.
- Oh, my God. - What is it?
(static)
- ELTON: This looks like what was on the TV downstairs.
- Is that Pepper? - It's a badger, you pranny.
If this guy is just a vet,
then I am just a broadband installation engineer.
- What'd you mean? What else are you?
- (chuckles)
You-- Just--
Look at this.
- Gus, I don't like this.
- What have we got here?
Hey. Pepper.
- Are you sh--
Are you sure we should be playing that?
Haven't you seen "The Ring"?
- Ring?
- MAN: (on tape) Friday, the 17th of December, 1965.
I'm closer than I've ever been to discovering the secrets
of soul separation and transfer.
- CONNELLY: Tea's up. - (gasping)
- What's this room?
- MAN: (on tape) Alas, I've run out of test subjects.
- That's Father's voice.
(dog barks)
- FATHER: Quiet, Pepper. Go and play.
Hm...
Pepper. (whistles)
- Come. - (barking)
- FATHER: Good boy. There's a good boy.
- ELTON: Is he still alive?
- FATHER: Now, don't struggle.
Your sacrifice shan't be for naught.
- Oh... - FATHER: Now, where's my ax?
- My beautiful Pepper.
- GIRL: (on tape) Papa, is Pepper there with you?
- FATHER: No, Jennifer, he's not in here.
He must be, uh, somewhere else.
(echoing) Somewhere else.
- GUS: Miss Connelly?
Miss Connelly, are you still with us?
- El, cut there. - Huh?
- Cut it.
- Oh.
- CONNELLY: Thank you again.
- GUS: No, thank you, Miss Connelly.
If you got a problem with your smart connection or anything else,
give us a ring, yeah? Bye-bye.
- So where do you think Pepper went?
- I guess he just moved on.
- Moved where? Where does your soul go to?
- Well, that's one of the ultimate questions, isn't it?
- So you don't know. - No.
- FATHER'S VOICE: Pepper. (whistles) Come.
(barks)
(barking)
- FATHER'S VOICE: Good boy.
(barking)
(electronic tune playing)
- GUS: You know what? I think Dave made
a very wise choice putting us together.
You, sir, are gonna be my new lucky charm.
- I'm leaving Smyle.
- What? - I'm not cut out for this, Gus.
- What? Look, I understand you might be feeling a bit discombobulated.
Believe me, I feel a bit discombobulated, too,
but I think you should stay.
I just don't like the idea of going around a load of spooky houses.
- It's not all like this.
- MAN: (on radio) Five. Nine. Seven.
- One. Five. Nine. Seven. - What?
- Look out!
(tires screeching)
(panting)
- What was that? - MAN: (on radio) One. Five.
- Did we hit anything? - MAN: (on radio) Nine. Seven.
- Anything? - No.
Must have been a trick of the light.
- What, that we both saw at the same time the number station changed?
- MAN: (on radio) Nine. - No way.
- MAN: (on radio) Seven.
- This means something.
- Should we go? - Yeah.
(electronic tune playing)
- I told you I wasn't cut out for this.
- I've never felt more alive.
Well, don't get used to it.
Life on the road with Smyle is usually a lot more mundane.
- Good. Can we just put it behind us?
I've had enough scares for one lifetime.
- Come on, you big blouse. I'll drop you home.
- Put your foot down. - When you drive, which will be never,
you can choose the speed.
♪♪