[tapping on window]
- [Jorge] What the...? - [phone dings]
[chuckles]
Okay.
Ah, there's my beautiful cyborg fiancé.
[laughs] Well, this doesn't just happen, Henry.
And what are you doing here?
We said that we would spend our last unmarried night alone.
Well, I came for a kiss, but I guess I'll just go home then.
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
You're already here. I mean, don't be cruel.
[Jorge chuckles]
It's so surreal that we fantasized about this day
for so long, and finally it's here.
Like, today is the day,
and every day we're gonna wake up after this day
and remember that this was this day.
On today.
Are you high?
A little.
- Aw. - [laughs]
[moaning]
Want to do it one last time in sin?
Pretty sure the people who think it's a sin
think every time we do it's a sin, so...
[laughs]
- Yes, definitely. - Well... oh.
- [Lily clears throat] - Ugh.
Sorry, I was thirsty.
Seems to be your M.O. lately.
Really? Would you two just talk it out already?
I'm trying to, Henry, but he's being
- a total... - A total what?
It's your special day,
so I'm gonna be the bigger person
and put my feelings aside.
Hold for applause.
See, Henry, how immature he's acting?
No, I'm getting married today, Lil.
So I'm not investing in this drama.
I need 24 hours, or more, of peace.
That's what I'm saying. I'm saying...
This isn't about you!
And I know that might be hard for you to comprehend,
so maybe just don't talk today.
Let that be my wedding gift.
Well, I already got you the Breville Barista Express
from your registry, which was the most expensive item.
And there you go, ruining the surprise.
- Okay, guys, stop it. - You know what,
I'll just get her the water.
- He's probably gonna spit in it. - Probably.
I can't believe this has been going on for two weeks now.
We've never fought like this. Ever.
I don't know what to do.
Nick already forgave me, and...
- Jorgito just can't. - Hey, Lil,
when we get back from our honeymoon,
I promise to help expedite a reconciliation.
Okay?
- Thank you. - Yeah.
[whispering] It'll be okay.
Here.
Bye.
♪ ♪
Hey-hey, what are you guys doing here?
[Gladys] No time to discuss.
[Chuey] Yeah, Doc, we're already two minutes late.
You're two minutes late.
Sorry, boss.
What's going on?
We're the wedding coordinators.
Assistants. I'm in charge.
Sol's mom Claudia and I did this
for Beatriz's wedding when she married Jorge.
Delgados show up for each other on big days.
And today I pass the baton to Sol, the next generation,
even though we're basically the same age.
- Aren't you forty... - Shh.
- Right. - Don't.
[Chuey] We need to make sure that our boy
has the wedding of his dreams
and that everything goes down on time.
Your family is so special, I...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little less of this,
little more of, "Huh? What? What can I do?"
Okay, first on the docket: los abuelos.
We need to prepare for abuelita and the curse.
Uh, I'm sorry, the curse?
She's convinced there's a ridiculous curse
that strikes every family wedding.
Can't prove her wrong. Some people are just
more sensitive to the spirit world than others.
Well, do we have a solution?
Yeah, she's gonna spray holy water everywhere
and fight the curse.
A real solution, Chuey.
Yes, I've already talked to Beatriz.
She's gonna be her shadow all morning
till we get to the venue, then pass her off to Lisette,
and all of us will just have a dewy holy water glow.
Excellent. Miles, you're on abuelo duty.
- Ah, I'm on it. I love spending time with Luis. - Perfect.
- [mutters] - Here.
What's this for?
[Chuey] Just in case the curse is real.
'Cause it is.
[laughs]
Oh.
[all exclaiming]
[knock on door]
Come in.
Morning, gorgeous.
Oh, a handsome man with coffee?
Is there anything better?
- Oh, I also brought scones. - Oh, my favorite.
- Thank you, baby. - Hey.
[both moan]
So, you seen Jorge this morning?
Not yet.
- You want to talk about it? - Not really.
In fact, I'm stressed and need a distraction.
Well, I can be that distraction.
Sometimes it's better to give than receive.
[ice rattles]
Huh?
[giggles]
- [Nick sighs] - [unzips pants]
[gasps, moans]
That'll wake you up.
[Beatriz sighs]
¿Todo bien?
You need me to steam your dress again?
[sighs]
I can't believe our baby's getting married.
Oh. It feels like just yesterday
we were dropping Jorgito off at kindergarten.
Oh, he was so handsome in his little blazer.
Remember, he asked to borrow my cuff links
so he could accessorize properly?
And they were too big,
so he had to use my earrings.
[both laugh]
And we were so worried
'cause he didn't want to go to school,
but once we got there, he just...
took off and never even looked back.
Some things never change.
We will never stop worrying about them.
Doesn't it feel like Jorgito getting married
means we're being fired as parents?
Like, "Good job, Mom and Dad. You're done."
But I don't want to be done.
Oh, no. I feel tears coming. [sniffles]
I'm gonna just start bawling at that ceremony, I know it.
I don't want to be that mom.
My mom was that mom.
Okay, all right, first things first.
There will be no crying today.
- Okay. - Secondly,
they can never fire us from being parents. We're tenured.
They will always need us.
Okay? Okay?
You need a hug?
- Mm-hmm. - Aw.
[both laugh]
I know, I know.
- [glasses clink] - [door opens]
¿Qué pasó?
Whoa, slow down there, GQ.
You walking the runway this morning?
What happened? Can't I look put together
for breakfast with my son?
Nah, not this put together.
A new guayabera, new hat.
- Is that my cologne you got on? - I'm just saying,
you never know who you might run into.
Me. I'm the only one you're gonna run into.
Or am I?
Yeah, that smile has me
both excited and afraid.
Well, mijo, if there's an upside to aging,
it's that when a man gets older,
he has a lot more free time to pursue his passion.
And as the world knows, your papi is very light on his feet.
Yeah, the whole world can't stop talking about it.
That's why I started taking dance classes.
Give the people what they want,
and what they want see is this silver fox get down.
- [whoops] - Dance class? Wow.
- That explains the fit. - Yeah, I've gone a few times,
and it's great, and it's good for the ol' ticker.
Plus, there's lots of lovely ladies.
Actually, I was, uh, thinking
you come down with me today,
and I can introduce you to one of them.
You trying to set me up?
No. This one's mine.
What? ¡Papi!
That's great. I'm so happy for you.
Finally getting back out there, taking your own advice.
Yeah, turns out I know what I'm talking about.
- So you'll come? - Say no more.
I'll be there later.
Play your cards right, I'll save you a tango.
Make it a bachata and I'm in.
[sighs]
Dios, por favor, give us the strength
to get through today in one piece,
and make it a beautiful day for Henry and Jorge,
and that nobody dies. Please make sure
that the family is strong,
that I look the best in the wedding photos,
and if there's a band member that's hot
and I get some, that's also fine.
We can sidebar about that later. Amen.
- Amen. - Amen.
Okay, everybody take a breath.
I'm sure it's fine in there.
[laughs]
This is his first Diaz wedding, huh?
- Mm-hmm. - Obviously.
- Well... - Please.
- Okay. - [Gladys] Okay.
- [Jorge] This is a disaster! - [baby crying]
[clamoring, overlapping chatter]
Should we go back outside?
You're in now, baby. There's no getting out.
[clamoring continues]
- [baby crying] - Okay, is someone gonna
- help me or are we gonna talk? - Yes, yes, we're helping.
I'm serious, if I can't find it then the wedding's ruined.
Are we gonna just stand there?
Okay, everyone, let's settle.
- What color... - It's black!
- [blows whistle] - ¡Oye, gente!
Big day, lots going on.
I've been preparing Sol for this day
since the moment they were born. Baby, you got this.
- Take it away. - Thank you, tía.
I need everyone to stop what they're doing and listen up.
Jorge, go upstairs and relax.
Oh, great. I would love to, Sol,
but I can't find the black box,
and if I can't find the black box,
I can't do my special thing I'm supposed to...
On it! Go relax.
Damn. Okay.
[quieter] Was that too much?
No, I love this on you.
Good, because I'm drunk with power, baby!
Today is going to be the best day of your life.
And suddenly, a wave of calm has rushed over me. Carry on.
[sighs]
What's the status of the centerpieces?
Where are the favors with the Jordan almonds?
Who got the boutonnieres? I need answers, people!
It's like watching a baby bird fly.
But seriously, people, come on now!
And now we feel our muscles reawakening
as we take note of our surroundings,
and slowly return to the present.
[slowly inhales]
[sighs]
I'm so much more relaxed, Henry.
Thank you.
That healed some childhood wounds.
Oh. I live to serve.
Dad, would you like kale in your green juice?
Please, son.
On it.
[sighs]
Guys, you are the guests.
I'll get the mats when I'm done with all the green juices.
You are the best, man.
I mean, what groom is calmly making juices
for his wedding party on the morning of his big day?
You're so right. I mean, this day is huge.
Yeah, there will literally never be more attention on you
than when you're walking down that aisle. [laughs]
I mean, if it were me, I would be on the toilet.
Gross. But, yeah. He would be.
[juicer whirs]
Hey, Chuey, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be putting the centerpieces in the car.
Jorge's still freaking out about some random box
- he can't find. - Okay, okay.
Let's think this through, all right?
Where would Jorge hide something?
Oh, when he was younger, he used to hide his weed
underneath the bathroom sink, in a box labeled "waxing kit."
Maybe go to the apartment, see if he still does that?
Don't ask me how I know that.
I didn't steal his weed.
- I stole his weed. - Órale. [chuckles]
- Yeah, you did. - [laughs]
Nick, go see if it's there, but make sure
Henry does not see it.
The next time I see you will be at the wedding.
- [claps] - Go.
Copy that. I feel like an FBI agent.
You are so good at this, Sol. You should do this for a living.
Or, you know, stay a doctor and treat cancer patients.
- Nick. - Got it, Dr. Investigator.
Mujer, this isn't a taquito.
Now I can't even have some pan dulce?
That's right, the curse can come from anywhere.
[Chuey] Abuelo, she's right.
Remember Rogelio's wedding in '87?
He took one bite of the huevos rancheros,
he got so violently ill,
he threw up all over that flower girl.
Oye. I was that flower girl.
Oh. Dang, tía.
He just had a nervous stomach.
No, it was the curse, and I know it.
Abuela, it's fine.
Sol, we have to be vigilant.
Something is going to go wrong. It always has.
This is so much more exciting than WASPy weddings,
where people just drink a lot and don't talk to each other.
Also, everyone has sad affairs.
Is that just my family?
Anyway, h-how did this curse get started?
Oh, well, mami is convinced that the curse started
because her bisabuela married for money and not for love.
She lived a very pampered but very miserable life.
And something's gone wrong at every wedding ever since.
[slams book shut]
Y'all, that is not the vibe.
Okay. Well, she did marry for love.
- She loved money. - [others laugh]
Okay, I got her. Mami, let's go
bless the rest of the house with holy water.
I'll bless it all over the place.
- [Beatriz laughs] Okay. - [Sol] Thank you, tía.
[Luis] Mmm. It tastes good to me.
Luis, my man. You ready for some chess?
- Sure. [chuckles] - All right.
Okay, how can I help?
Go check on Jorge.
I don't think I should do that.
He's still upset with me.
- Still? - Yeah, he literally told me
to steer clear of him today.
Weirdly, I feel like
avoiding drama is causing more drama.
Okay, well, we can't have
a groom-zilla situation, so if you want to help,
go grab some nice champagne
- for the limo ride, okay? - On it!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, if you're going to the grocery store,
- will you grab me a Kit Kat? - Okay, okay.
- And a Red Dog. - Ooh, I'll take a Red Dog, too.
- Oh, and-and an Almond Joy. - Almond Joy?
I'm in love with the coco.
Two Almond Joys.
You know what? I-I'm s... Bye.
[Nick] Oh, wow.
This is like if the Headspace app were a real place.
- Hi, Nick. - Hi, Nick.
Not today, boys. What are you doing here?
Uh-oh. Did Jorge get cold feet?
[mocking laughter] Oh, and by the way,
his feet are always cold
because his body temperature runs low.
Aw, look at that. You guys are perfect for each other.
Everything is fine.
Jorge just left something. I'm here to pick it up.
Mind if I pop into your bathroom real quick?
- Yeah, go ahead. - Great.
♪ ♪
Oh, Gladys, you sexy genius.
- Did you get what you need? - Yeah, all good.
Cool.
[Nick chuckles]
Uh, hey, buddy, everything okay?
Okay? Is everything okay?
It's incredible. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so excited and so calm, all at the same time.
Okay, well, it's just that you keep scratching
the back of your neck, and it looks a little red there.
I'm sure it's nothing,
but I guess it does feel a little itchy.
Uh, would you mind taking a look?
Yeah. Yeah, totally.
[exhales sharply]
Oh, my... Mmm.
Is there a rash?
Uh, you know, that depends.
Have you been in a fire lately?
[laughs] No.
Definitely a rash.
What? Wha...
Why? No! [groans]
I mean, I am prone
to anxiety rashes, but only when I'm stressed,
and I'm definitely not stressed.
I'm fine. I have everything under control.
[clears throat]
Oh.
No. No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Nice to see you, too. - Not today.
What do you want from me, universe?
I made my peace.
Yeah, seems like you're real peaceful.
Santi, today's a rough day.
My brother's about to get married in three hours,
and the last thing I need is to run into you.
Right. Uh, so, how about we pretend we didn't
run into each other, yeah?
No. This is obviously supposed to happen,
so let's just get it over with.
- Can I help you find... - Not now!
Sorry.
[Lily sighs]
Okay, stuff was left unsaid,
so I'm gonna say stuff, and we're gonna have closure.
Sure.
The last time I saw you, we kissed.
My brother saw it, and it blew up my life.
Yeah, I was there.
It was a huge mistake
because I'm with someone I really care about,
and I'm really happy, and now we can't be friends,
and that's the crappy bed we made,
and now we're lying in it, and that's that.
Did I cover it all?
You did.
Good.
It was good to see you.
I'm glad you're happy.
[sighs]
[exhales slowly]
Okay, your move.
¿Y este para que sirve?
Ah, testing me. I like it.
Uh...
Esa pieza va diagonal.
Gracias, Gabriel.
I'm Miles, Luis.
[clucks tongue]
Of course.
[speaking Spanish] I know that this frightens you,
but you have me.
And Sol. And Marta.
You have all of us.
We love you so much.
I can't...
always remember who you are...
...but I do always remember
that I like you.
That's good enough for me.
Oh, and by the way...
Checkmate.
[laughs]
I don't get it. You know, I have no reason to be anxious.
This is literally the best day of my life.
Don't. No, no scratching.
Buddy, hey, it's okay. It's a big day.
But today's not just about starting your life with Jorge.
It's also about expectations,
of friends, family. It's a lot of pressure.
I guess I just always defer to
wanting to make sure everyone else is doing well, you know?
Yeah.
Like, you know, I'm okay if they're okay.
But today, I've spent so much time
worried about everyone else being okay,
that it didn't occur to me that maybe I'm not okay.
- Oh, God, am I not okay? - No, hey,
you are okay. It's just an emotional day.
Yeah, that's it. Big emotions.
That's right. Hey, you know what?
Today, I'm gonna be your "you."
All right? I'm gonna be the "Henry."
I'm gonna make sure that you're okay. Okay?
God, you're such a good friend, Nick.
- No, come on. - I get why Jorge loves you so much,
'cause now I love you, too.
Buddy, I love you, too.
I... Hmm.
You're looking at my rash, aren't you?
Yeah. I'm gonna get all the Cortizone.
Please do.
[sighs]
One bottle? I was expecting four, minimum.
Okay. What's going on? Whatever it is, you have
a minute and 14 seconds before we get in the limo.
Okay. I just ran in to Santiago.
Not this. Not today.
I know. I keep trying to shut the door on that,
but it feels like the universe keeps pushing us together.
Okay, Lily, I hate to have to ask you this,
but I need you to lean into eldest daughter mode,
and just shove all those feelings down
for the sake of everyone else.
We can talk about this tomorrow.
You're right. Yes. Shoved down.
[Lily] Okay.
Okay, I'm ready.
I don't want her in the limo.
What?
I don't want Lily in the limo.
[Sol] Yeah, you do.
This arrangement was per your wishes.
Yeah, the three of us in the limo,
drinking champagne on the way to your lavish wedding,
just like you've dreamed of since you were 12.
Well, dreams shatter.
Jorge, seriously?
I need a calm space.
I've been an angel.
I bought your favorite champagne,
and I'm carrying your clothes.
Well, that's very nice of you. Thank you.
Sol and I will be enjoying it
on the way to my wedding. See you there.
Jorge, we talked about this day our whole life.
You're really going to let one little fight
get in the way of that?
One little fight. There you go again.
- One little fight. - Yes, get over it!
- It's not a little fight. - Enough! Hey! Hey! Hey! Enough.
Get your booties in the limo. Now!
- I'm about to throw your coat. - You're not even invited.
[overlapping shouting]
[♪ The Kac-ties: "Say You Love Me"]
[sighs]
- [overlapping shouting] - Move.
- ♪ Say you love me ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ I got to know ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ Stop fooling around ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ And acting like ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
- ♪ A child ♪ - ♪ You love me ♪
Yes! Nick, this is crazy.
[indistinct chatter continues]
♪ Shout ♪
♪ But I don't know ♪
♪ How you feel, feel ♪
Ugh.
♪ Inside... ♪
- [door slams] - [music stops]
Oh, I don't know what's going on between you two,
but it ends right now.
No, I know. You're adults.
But you're our kids.
And this is a huge day,
and we are all going to be happy about it
and love each other.
- Well, she started it. - He won't end it.
Oh, my God.
- On my wedding day. - You are always so stubborn.
- How rich. How rich. - You refuse to listen.
- [overlapping shouting] - That is enough.
¡Ya basta!
Kids, couch, now.
[Jorge scoffs]
- Oh, my God. - [Lily huffs]
If you are gonna act like children,
we are gonna treat you like children.
[Jorge scoffs]
[gasps] No.
- [Jorge sighs] - I gave that to Goodwill.
Surprise. I bought it back.
Oh, yeah, it's the Get-Along sweater,
and you two are putting it on now.
Dad.
- Mamá, por favor, no... - Please, just...
Oh, no, no, no, no! We are dead serious.
[both] But my hair...
- No, my hair. - No, my hair.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. You know the drill.
Arms up.
Shit.
Just put your arm up.
♪ ♪
Hey, you all right?
Yeah, yeah.
[Laz] Ready to get your groove on?
Look, if you start twerking, I'm out of here.
I like to think I'm very classy about my twerking.
[both laugh]
So, where's she at?
All right, just chill.
You know, you're killing my mojo.
No shit.
Hola, guapo.
Hola, preciosa.
Dang.
[giggles]
Oh, my God, you must be Santi.
I am so happy to finally meet you.
I'm even happier to meet you.
I'm so glad he has someone to dance with again.
And he's got moves, too. Eh, eh, eh. [laughs]
Although this is the one place we don't get to dance together.
Wait, what do you mean?
Oh, you didn't tell him?
Uh-oh. Okay.
Everyone, take your positions.
Class is about to begin.
Oh, hot for teacher, huh?
Ah, sí, señor.
[chuckles]
This is ridiculous.
Ridiculous fights have ridiculous ends.
We're gonna be right outside.
You try to take that sweater off on your own,
and it will mess up your hair.
Oh, yeah.
Are you happy now?
This is supposed to be the best day of my life,
and yet, here I am,
trapped in this fucking ugly sweater
with the messiest bitch in the Northwest.
[cries]
Oh, we're crying now?
I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?
What do you need from me?
'Cause I can't take you being mad at me anymore.
What I can't take is you lying to my face
- every time we talk about it. - I am not lying!
I'm in love with Nick.
Really?
Yes.
I really see a future with him.
And I messed up at Thanksgiving.
Santiago told me he loves me more than he hated marriage,
and I got sucked up in that feeling for a moment.
But I found my way out.
And it made it clear: I want Nick.
So that was what I walked in to?
Shit.
- That's a lot. - It is.
Because the one person
I wanted to talk to, the one who's always
been by my side, wouldn't talk to me.
In fact, he was being really mean.
For weeks.
I feel really bad about that now.
I don't want you to feel bad.
I just want you to see how hard this was.
I don't want to be the messiest bitch in the world.
I didn't say "the messiest bitch in the world,"
I just said the Northwest.
[both chuckle]
[sighs]
One thing is for sure.
Without you, I'm a mess.
And I don't want to be anymore.
I'm sorry that I was so hard on you,
and, like, I was just afraid
that you'd run back to Santiago,
and then, not only would you lose Nick, but I would too,
because I'd always choose you, Lily.
Really?
Of course.
[laughs]
Okay, I'm only going to say this once.
I've seen tremendous growth in you.
Not only are you saving for your own home,
starting your own business
and owning up to your mistakes, but...
I've never seen Nick so happy.
So, looks like someone has finally
got their shit together after all.
- Jorgito... - Lil,
you're always my number one.
Even when I hate your guts.
[Lily] Mmm.
It's just, it's so...
- I know, it's just... - Hold on. There we go.
- Back. There. - Right there.
- There we go. - Okay. Mmm.
We love each other again! Let us out!
Can I get married now, please?
[gasps] It worked!
They still need us.
If one hair is out of place, I will revolt.
- [laughs] Okay. - I'm serious, Dad.
- Lil, I have to go first. - Yes, you go first.
Dad, lift it up and around.
[Beatriz] Watch your earring, watch your earring.
[Lily] Okay, okay. Oh, yeah. Perfect.
[Jorge] Oh, my God. Geez.
- Just in time. - We have nine minutes
- to refresh makeup. Go. - Okay. Great.
- All right, let's go. - Let's go.
- [Jorge Sr. laughs] - [Beatriz] Yes!
[indistinct chatter]
You look great.
- You're done. - Okay.
Oh, Nick. Hi. Did you get it?
Did people in 17th-century England
wear wedding rings on their thumbs?
- Uh, yeah. Yeah, I got it. - Can I have it, please?
- Sure. - Thank you so much.
- Was it where I said? - Yeah.
- God, I'm good. - Mm-hmm.
[Jorge] Okay.
[exhales sharply]
Okay. I'm ready.
Good, 'cause the edible just hit.
All right, everyone, let's get this party started.
[cheering]
[♪ Mariachi Los Camperos: "Somos Novios"]
♪ ♪
I love the way this feels.
[sighs] It doesn't scare you?
With you?
Hell no.
♪ ♪
[mouths]
- Love you, Mom. - I love you.
- I love you.
♪ ♪
[quiet sob]
Dad?
Dad, just keep it together, okay?
[cries]
[Jorge] Uh-huh.
- [Jorge Sr. sniffles] - [Jorge] You got it.
[Jorge Sr. cries louder]
Okay.
♪ ♪
Welcome, everyone. Today, we are here
to celebrate the wedding of Henry Cruz and Jorge Diaz.
I can think of no person more deserving
of my nephew Jorge's love than Henry,
who won me over immediately with his kindness, charm
- and biceps. - [crowd laughs]
And I can think of no person
more deserving of Henry's love than Jorge,
who, like me, brings laughter, joy and timeless class
to every place he goes.
We love you so much, Jorgito,
and I know I speak for everyone when I say
we are so happy to celebrate you and your love today.
And now the vows. Henry?
[breathes shakily] Okay.
[clears throat]
Jorge, because I know you,
I'm not gonna sing or do magic.
[crowd laughs]
Instead, I'm gonna say what I know you need to hear most.
Your suit is incredible,
and you have the best skin of anyone here.
- [laughing] - [Jorge] Thank you. I know.
And also that meeting you
was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Human beings have been on Earth for 300,000 years
so how lucky am I that I got to be here
at the same moment as you?
And now I get to share my life with you.
[laughs]
My best friend.
A hundred years ago, we would've had to marry women
and just stare longingly at each other from afar.
Who am I kidding?
A hundred years ago, you would have been in Mexico
and I would have been in the Philippines.
No matter how you feel about destiny,
you and I being here in this moment
feels destined.
My dearest Jorge,
I will never take you for granted.
I promise to show you every day
how much I love you.
I promise my shoulder will always be yours to cry on,
my ear will always be here to listen,
and my hand will always be yours to hold.
- [cries loudly] - Oh. Shh, shh.
Dad, really?
I love you, Jorge Diaz.
[laughs]
[Gladys] Jorge...
Oh, yes. First of all,
A-plus, babe. Really good job.
- [crowd laughs] - Loved it. Really good.
- [exhales sharply] - [Jorge] Um...
Henry, because I know you so well,
I know exactly what you need in this moment.
So...
Sorry, I just, uh...
Uh... I can't find my vows.
Nick, do you... do you have an extra copy of my vows?
- Uh... - No.
That's a "No." Okay, wow.
I am so mortified.
I can't find my vows on my wedding day.
If there was ever a necessary time for magic,
now is the time for magic. But you know what?
Maybe now is the time for magic.
Henry, can you look in your jacket pocket for me?
No.
How did you...
[squeals happily]
[laughing]
- I need those. Thank you. - Oh, my gosh.
- What? - [Jorge clears throat]
I have a confession to make to everyone.
I never thought I'd find someone that was marriage material.
So imagine my surprise
when this earnest, handsome and sweet man
walked into my life and burst open my jaded heart.
No one was more surprised than me
when you walked into my life, Henry.
This sweet soul loves me and cherishes me
and lets me be me,
with all the sarcasm and the a lot-ness.
I mean, look at the material.
[chuckling]
And look at this wedding.
Not everyone gets this.
So, thank you.
[sniffs]
Henry, I promise that our life will never be boring.
I promise that I will always be your biggest cheerleader.
And I promise that I'll try every single day
to try to make you smile.
You have exceeded anything and everything
that I could have ever possibly imagined for myself,
and you've made me a better person for it.
I mean, like, if you told me I was going to be doing
magic at my wedding, I really wouldn't have believed you.
- Like, this is insane. - [crowd laughs]
Like, you know what I mean?
But love makes you do unbelievable things.
It sets your heart on fire.
[gasps] Wha...
[squeals happily]
- [Henry] That's amazing! - He didn't help, either.
I love you, Henry Cruz.
I love you.
[Gladys] Then by the power vested in me by a place
I found on the Internet that also confirmed I'm a witch...
- That tracks. - [crowd laughs]
...I now pronounce you husband and husband.
Boys, make-out city.
- [crowd cheers, applauds] - Whoo! Yeah!
Family and friends, I present, for the very first time,
Mr. and Mr. Cruz-Diaz.
[cheering, applause]
[♪ Terry Devine-King and Steve Devine: "True Love"]
- ♪ True love ♪ - ♪ That's what I feel for you ♪
- ♪ True love ♪ - ♪ I need you so bad ♪
♪ True love... ♪
So, I have heard
so many wonderful things about you, Santi.
Yeah?
Although, this dapper gentleman
has been a little tight-lipped about your love life.
Is it too soon for me to pry?
Uh, no, there's just not much to talk about.
Trying to figure some things out.
¡Ay Dios mío!
Okay, no, here's the deal.
There is this young lady Lily.
They've been on and off, and to be clear,
I've never seen this boy happier then when he's with her.
- Papi, what're you doing? - It's okay.
Let's get a woman's perspective.
She wanted to get married,
- he didn't. - Hmm.
Suddenly, he has a change of heart,
but it's too late 'cause she's with somebody else.
- [gasps] Oh, no. - Yes.
So she got married to somebody else?
No. Well, she's not married, they're just together.
Oh,'perate, there's no ring on the finger?
Oh, no, baby, she's single.
What-what-what... What's that mean?
- Are you saying you're single? - That's right.
As a matter of fact, that waiter right over there
- is kind of cute. - I'm not even gonna look
at that waiter over there.
You know I'm all yours. [laughs]
Has he told you how we met yet?
No.
- Can I tell him? - Go ahead.
Okay. I was on my way back from work,
and I was this close to not stopping at Whole Foods.
Yeah, that parking lot is terrible.
Oh, it's the worst.
So, I'm gonna go to the salad bar,
but I thought, "I need an orange."
Yeah, this woman loves her citrus.
[Liz chuckles] And so, I'm going for the oranges...
- The blood oranges. - [Liz] Yes.
Right? The dramatic ones.
And the orange falls from my hand and rolls away...
...and this papi chulo grabs it
and looks at me...
And there was this familiarity,
- almost like... - Like an old friend
you didn't realize you missed.
Aw.
[Laz] Yeah, and that was it.
- [Liz] Yeah. - It felt like fate.
You really believe in that, that external forces
are pulling us toward one another?
Oh. Okay, I see what's happening here.
You got that big ol' brain that I gave you
overthinking and trying to find the logic in all this.
Mijo, not everything can be explained.
Especially when it comes to, uh, matters of the heart.
- Mm-hmm. - Now, do I think
that there are greater forces at play
beyond what our measly brain can understand?
Yes.
Yeah, I do.
[Liz] But my man's a romantic.
But he's right.
When life taps you on the shoulder,
you better pay attention.
I'm sure glad I did.
Me, too.
- Check. Check, please. - [Liz laughs]
- Where that sexy waiter at, huh? - [Liz laughs]
All the single people to the dance floor.
It's time for
- the boutonnière toss! - [crowd cheering]
Get in here, Lily.
All right, ready?
- [exhales] - Here it goes.
- [Nick whooping] - [crowd cheering]
[laughing]
[Henry] Okay, my turn, my turn, my turn.
- Okay, you ready? All right, let's do this. - [crowd] Yeah!
One, two...
three!
- [Lily] Oh! - [crowd] Oh!
Lil, you okay?
Um, just need... I need some ice or something.
Directly in the eye socket.
- [sighs] - [turns on radio]
[♪ Nina Simone: "My Baby Just Cares For Me"]
♪ My baby don't care for shows ♪
Seriously? Our song? Really?
♪ My baby don't care for clothes ♪
Great. Now she has me talking to the sky, too.
♪ My baby just cares for me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ My baby don't care for ♪
♪ Cars and races ♪
♪ My baby don't care for ♪
♪ High-tone places ♪
♪ Liz Taylor is not his style ♪
♪ And even Lana Turner's smile ♪
Okay, I get it. I get it.
I'm listening.
♪ Is something he can't see ♪
- [crashing] - Oh!
Come on.
- Seriously? - [music stops]
- Come on. Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm good. You?
- Yeah, I'm fine. - Good.
Then what the fuck, man?
Me? You realize
you're the one who rear-ended me, right?
You realize you backed up into me, right?
[sighs] Look, it's not great, but it's fixable.
And even though it's your fault, my guy on Burnside, Cy,
he's the best. He can take care of you.
Oh, yeah, Cy's my guy. You know Cy?
Explains why your '53 Corsair is in such good condition.
Okay, got a hell of an eye, Mustang.
All the better to see while I'm driving.
You know, unlike some people.
- It needs a wash. - [scoffs]
We should exchange numbers.
For insurance purposes or, uh, driving lessons?
You know, my neck's starting to hurt a little bit.
Just wanted a contact to send my medical bills.
- Here you go. - Oh, got it.
It still hurts?
[sighs] I got nailed right in the cornea.
Well, I sent your cousin out to get a first aid kit.
I'm fine, the universe is just messing with me today.
What? I thought you and Jorgito worked things out.
We did. Different problem,
and I don't think you have a sweater for this one.
You have a problem?
I'm here for you.
Mom, why do you seem excited about it?
Sorry.
I'm here for you. What's going on?
I'm in my head.
I love Nick, and everything with him feels so right.
But every time I try to enjoy it,
the universe throws Santiago and I back together,
and it shakes me.
It's like I'm being tested by fate.
Lily, it's so much easier to blame the universe
rather than own your own decisions.
So, you don't think it's a sign from the universe
that on the day of my brother's wedding, I run into my ex?
Okay, this is where I get to tell you
that signs are kind of bullshit.
- What? - Well, I mean, yeah,
they're nice when they're there, and you feel validated,
and you get to pretend that you're in a fairy tale,
and it's fun for a second.
But do you know what is better than magic?
Reality.
I get to brush my teeth next to
the man that I love every single day,
and that is better than any fairy tale. I promise.
How did you know papi was the one?
Easy. I decided.
Of all the men on this Earth,
I decided to love your papi,
and he decided to love me back.
And we doubled down on that choice
every day after.
You keep looking for outside validation
when it's an inside job.
Running into Santiago doesn't have to mean
anything other than you were both
in the same place at the same time.
You are in charge, baby.
So be a boss bitch and ask yourself,
"What do I want?"
Thank you, mami. I love you.
I love you, too.
♪ ♪
[exhales]
Ooh, okay. So, this is all they had at CVS.
I got you some ointment, I got you an ice pack,
and... I thought that
this eyepatch would look great with your dress.
- [both laugh] - Sorry it took a second,
I got into a little fender bender.
- Oh, are you okay? - Oh, I'm great.
The guy I hit was super hot, so I got his number.
Oh, look at you. Back in town for five minutes
and already got some guy's number.
That's my prima.
- [laughs] - Come on. Let's go.
- Hey! - Hey.
- [whooping] - [laughs softly]
Saw you and Lily talking. That looked intense.
Oh, baby. Oh, my gosh.
They need us now more than ever.
When they have kids? They're gonna be a mess.
[♪ Britney Spears: "Sometimes"]
♪ You tell me you're in love with me ♪
♪ Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me ♪
♪ It's not that I don't want to stay ♪
♪ But every time you come too close, I move away ♪
♪ I wanna believe in everything that you say ♪
♪ 'Cause it sounds so good ♪
♪ But if you really want me ♪
♪ Move slow ♪
♪ There's things about me you just have to know ♪
♪ Sometimes I run ♪
♪ Sometimes I hide ♪
♪ Sometimes I'm scared of you ♪
- ♪ But all I really want is to hold you tight ♪ - [crowd cheering]
♪ Treat you right ♪
- ♪ Be with you day and night ♪ - We love you! Mwah!
♪ Baby, all I need is time... ♪
¡Un momento!
I have one thing
I need to do before you leave.
Of course, doña Marta. What is it?
- Oh. - Oh.
There, you are now safe.
Have a great honeymoon.
- Thank you. - Of course.
Now I can finally relax. Ay.
- [Lily] Can you hold my thing? - Yeah, of course.
Was it everything you dreamed of?
Even better. [laughs]
- Let me get this. - [Lily] I love you guys.
- Love you, Lil. - I love you. Have fun.
- Okay, bye. - Bye!
- Bye. - Bye. Have fun.
- [crowd cheering, applauding] - We love you.
Congratulations, you two.
You see, Marta? I told you there was no curse.
Luis, there was no curse because I kept it at bay.
You're welcome, familia.
[laughs]
[Marta] Somebody get me a drink!
- [crowd laughs] - Bye, guys.
- [engine starts] - [whooping]
- We love you! - [cheering, applauding]
Bye!
[cheering continues]
[Beatriz] Gladys, what are you doing?
What kind of tía would I be if I didn't
steal the centerpieces? They're going fast.
Good night, everybody. Good night.
[quiet chatter]
- Good night, guys. - See you.
- [Miles] Good night. - Night night.
- [Lily] Thank you, thank you. - See you.
- You look beautiful. - Oh. Oh, thank you.
All right, we'll see you later.
- Great night. - It was so great, right?
Hey.
You good?
Yes.
You ready?
I'm ready.
To start looking for houses with you.
Wow. You sure?
I have never been more sure in my life.
And you know what?
What?
Nick...
I think...
I'm your best friend?
[Lily laughs]
Yes.
And I want to marry you.
Oh.
[Lily gasps]
Uh, I mean, I didn't mean right now,
- but I just... - Oh, yeah. You know, thank God,
- 'cause I don't have a ring. - Yeah. Oh.
I have to ask your parents. You have to meet my parents.
Right, right, right, right.
- But, it's just... - [laughs]
[♪ The Flamingos: "I Only Have Eyes For You"]
♪ ♪
♪ My love must be a kind of blind love ♪
♪ I can't see anyone but you ♪
♪ Sha-bop, sha-bop ♪
♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪
♪ Are the stars out tonight? ♪
♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪
♪ I don't know if it's cloudy or bright ♪
♪ I only have eyes ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ Dear ♪
♪ Sha-bop, sha-bop ♪
♪ The moon may be high ♪
♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪
♪ But I can't see a thing ♪
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ I only have eyes ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I don't know if ♪
♪ We're in a garden ♪
♪ Or on the crowded ♪
♪ Avenue ♪♪
[kids] GloNation! Yay!