Previously on Harlem...
I actually applied for a grant in both our names.
25 grand to put together a presentation
on the role of Black mothers in society.
Vogue is here, and this is the moment of my dreams.
It's not our fault your interview got canceled.
Canceled?
You son of a bitch!
Can I give you a hug, Tye?
The problem isn't meeting women.
It's how to act after we meet.
I look terrible!
Don't talk about my girlfriend like that.
Girlfriend?
I just feel like I need to take
a break from my life for a few days.
- Puerto Rico! - Puerto Rico!
You saw her yesterday?
And she didn't tell you.
So she's keeping secrets, and you're hacking her phone.
Happily ever after is off to a great start.
Camille, what did you do?
You're a you're a bad-bad idea
I'ma lie
in my prime
in my mind
Cam?
Yep.
Girl, It's 1:30. Where you been?
real acquainted
Uh, Quinn text she was in trouble.
It was all hands on deck.
All right, come on. Let's go to bed.
Yeah, I'm gonna...
I'm just gonna take a quick shower,
because it was, like, it was so hot.
You know, some New York nights are just so uncomfortable.
All right, well, I'll meet you over there.
Okay.
In certain cultures, there comes
a point when one leaves everyday life
for self-reflection and discovery.
The Amish have a tradition called Rumspringa.
On the 16th birthday, young Amish
leave the village to experience and explore
everything in modern life to help make a decision
on whether they want to be baptized in the church.
Muslims take part in a religious trek
called Hajj for their self-discovery.
In Harlem, groups of women embark
on a similar journey of self-discovery,
affectionately known as a girls trip.
Come on, girls, let's get 'er done.
Oh, wait. No, guys. I can pack for myself.
Oh, we know you can, but why, when you have us?
And this.
Ooh. And that.
No, no, no, this is not a lingerie trip.
This is an eat, pray, love my way back to happiness trip.
Which we can support.
But for me, it's a eat, suck, fuck my way
back to a "hoecation."
Ooh, remember when we went to Puerto Rico
and I had all those fine-ass papis
and didn't even get a STD?
Eow!
Well, none of the bad ones.
Camille, you think you folded that dress enough?
Cami? - Huh?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I was just thinking about
how much fun we had in Puerto Rico last time.
Fun?
I remember a lot of you crying
while we begged you not to quit grad school after you got in.
You know, she was getting her minor in self-sabotage.
More like her double major.
But you know what I remember was debauched, drunken,
- drug-fueled shenanigans... - Yes.
...and now that I'm on the other side
of this divorce drama and shots in my stomach,
I think I want to get back to wild, directionless Tye.
- Yes. - We all need
some old school fun, you hear me?
Hey. Get that butterfly.
Okay, okay, okay, but party girls, though,
we do need to take it easy,
because I do have a little bit of work to do,
and you know that Quinn can't mix alcohol
with the medication the doctor gave her.
Oh, I didn't fill the prescriptions.
He said that they were an option,
and they're an option that I'm not choosing.
Wait, what?
You did not see Julia Roberts pop pills
in Eat, Pray, Love.
Look, this trip is gonna be enough.
I know it.
Okay, real talk.
That makes me nervous.
And pills make me nervous.
Listen, I got this.
It's gonna be great. I promise.
And y'all need to go ahead and get your A-game together
if we're gonna have a "vacocktion."
Oh, no, no, no. Try again.
- A "holidick." - Come on. Come on.
Come on. One more time.
A "expefucktion"?
- You tried, baby.
- I'm a bad curser. - You tried.
Angie, I don't know why you're so thirsty.
I thought you were all into Mike.
I am falling for him so hard,
but he came out of nowhere,
and I didn't get my farewell booty tour.
My last hurrah.
I am proud of all of you.
You are going to get back to Quinn.
Yeah. - And I'ma get back to Tye.
- Yes. - And now that I've
booked the space for the big motherhood presentation
for my grant with Jameson,
I can focus on the work and getting back to me.
Ooh, I cannot wait until we get back to us!
- Ooh! - Get back to us.
Get back to us.
Get back, get back, get back to us.
Puerto Rico!
Welcome to Puerto Rico!
Ah! Oh, my gosh!
Thank you.
Y'all know I got to go to the beach first.
Oh, island girl, cocktails on the beach?
Yes!
Let's hope they have really good Wi-Fi.
Oh.
May I say that my beautiful island
is more beautiful now that you arrived?
I'm gonna give you my number,
and if you need a driver or a private tour,
I'm your man.
A private tour or a tour of my privates?
Thank you.
Angie! Does that come with a QR code?
Honey, a QR code to this pussy.
Ooh. - Okay.
- Then there's that. - The hoecation has begun.
I can't believe that this is our view.
Oh, my gosh. I feel better already.
Show us your tits!
Seriously? Pigs.
Who says we can't do it like we was back in college?
- Oh, my God. - Yes!
Show us your dick!
- No. - Oh, wow!
Now that's a five-star dick.
Bye.
Fuck, I did it again.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, and he was totally my type.
In that he was conscious and male.
Okay, when did the press queen transition into bitch queen?
He really was hot.
I don't know what's wrong with you.
Okay, and then that water bottle in his Speedo...
- I saw it. - Couldn't miss it.
And all I could say was bye?
It was like the waiter at lunch.
You know, Hoecation Angie would have jumped and rolled
and hopped all on it.
Girl, maybe you're getting older.
Angie does not age.
She persists.
Okay.
Well, transitioning now
to overstating the obvious Quinn...
Yes, please?
It's your guy back home.
You like him too much to cheat.
It's sweet.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't do sweet.
I need my farewell tour.
Camille, what do you say?
Is our girl Angie falling in love?
Girl, you're trying to make me feel guilty
about inviting you on this trip.
You clearly don't have the time.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Sorry.
And I am done.
Is everything okay? Do you need to talk?
No, but can't you just enjoy the beach?
For these couple of days,
can't Jameson do the heavy lifting?
No, no, no, no, no. No heavy lifting, no touching.
I have to do this first pass by myself,
then he can do whatever he wants with the grant.
Jell-O shots!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
This one is for you and for you.
And this one is for you.
Did you walk to New York for them?
You're welcome, Angie.
The closest open bar is all the way down the fucking beach.
The last time I did a Jell-O shot
was when we were here on our college trip.
Exactly.
Girl, the Jell-O has turned.
It's a million degrees of hot sand out there.
I was seeing mirages on my way back.
You better not dump it out.
But it melted.
Okay, maybe the next time,
I'll bring them down in a cooler
just to keep them cold for you.
Thank you, 'cause this one is separated.
It's like the Jell-O powder just collected at the bottom.
I do not think it's a good idea to drink that.
Y'all are doing the most.
Camille?
Mm.
Am I the only fun one?
Yum.
Party!
Oh, you guys, I missed this.
I miss us laughing, having such a great time.
Yeah.
I miss that.
Is that?
No way! That's Keith, right?
NYU Keith?
Holy shit, that is him.
Quinn?
Keith!
You remember Tye, Angie, Camille.
Right, of course.
Hi, ladies.
Deconstructed Jell-O shot?
Don't.
I will pass, but nice to see
you all still hang out.
We're still besties.
I lost touch with everyone from the NYU days.
How did you... where did you...
Long story.
My story is longer.
We'll meet later, swap stories?
And fluids.
Still same number?
Yeah.
Great. Okay.
- I'll text you later. - Okay.
Bye. Bye, ladies.
Bye, Keith.
And that is the last we see of Quinn.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
This is still a girls trip, okay?
We're just gonna share a quick meal.
The "eat" of eat, pray, love.
Oh, my God, but what a coincidence that was, right?
It's your thirst's origin story.
Okay.
Gonna have to bring your A-game for this one.
That was good.
A+ game.
I'm not gonna lie, that was good.
- Uh-huh. - Okay.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Now, have you been broken up with
on your birthday three years in a row?
Three, honey.
1, 2, 3, and they tried to do it on the fourth,
but I broke up with him first.
Don't make it worse. Okay.
To answer your question, no.
Okay.
But I have been cheated on
at my grandmother's funeral.
See, you can't be making stuff up.
I'm not making it up.
- That's not... - I swear.
I swear.
And during the eulogy.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, no. - No, I'm okay.
And I just thought that you were not going to beat
the guy who tried to frame me for robbery.
So does this mean I'm the winner
or the ultimate loser?
There are no winners at the jilted Olympics.
Touché.
So you know this just proves my point, right?
Hmm?
You never should have broken up with me.
Yeah, well, sitting here,
knowing all the bullshit that I've gone through,
I can safely say you are right.
I don't know. I guess I just thought
that maybe we were too easy?
I, um...
I always thought to myself,
you don't do happily ever after with your college boyfriend.
I mean, it's supposed to take longer.
Be careful what you wish for.
I will not,
because you...
have been my wish all along.
Thank you.
And now we eat.
Thank you.
This is...wow.
I know.
Out of all the things on the menu,
we both ordered scallops.
Oh, my gosh, it was probably
one of the best nights of my life.
We ate dinner at the resort,
and then we had dessert at this place called
El Convento.
It's this old convent that they turned into a five-star hotel.
I always suspected that nuns were secret ballers.
You guys, we ate dessert in a convent.
It's eat, pray, love all at the same time!
Oh, my gosh, Puerto Rico is perfect.
Best idea ever.
Okay, ladies, we're up.
For what?
Kite surfing.
We did it the last time we were here.
Absolutely not.
No, we were younger.
And dumber.
And high as fuck.
You guys are no fun.
We're young!
I'm young!
Well, I am so happy that you're feeling so much better,
and I hate to be Negative Niecy,
but are you sure this is not just a quick fix?
You know what?
I just think that I'm meant to be coupled up.
I just feel happiest when I'm with someone.
I'm starting to think the same thing,
but like, what the fuck is happening here?
Just wasting so much dick.
So what happened with the valet?
We were in the hotel lobby bathroom...
Ooh, ain't love grand?
And the brother dropped his pants, and it was...
Oh, Lord, here we go.
Not Mike.
I couldn't.
I'm actually thinking I'm one of those people
who feel...committed.
What?
Y'all, watch me!
You okay?
Palomas, like the last time we were here.
Five palomas, please.
You got it. House tequila okay?
- Yes. - Absolutely not. No.
We do not have those ironclad 22-year-old stomachs anymore,
so we're gonna have the 1800.
Has the club always been this loud?
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No.
Fuck that. Not again.
Ooh, Angie, let's find some random stranger
to buy us drinks like in the old days.
Uh, new day, girl.
I'm 'bout to get in some face time with Mike.
Bitch, what?
But nobody leaves the club alone.
I'm just gonna go look for reception.
Fuck.
Uh, we got a bar.
We got a bar.
Fudge.
Okay, okay.
Keith wanted to show me a nearby art gallery,
so that's also happening too.
And I'll be with her every step of the way.
- Quieth is out. - Quieth is out.
Yuck.
Please do not tell me that you're gonna go work too.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
You guys shamed me enough.
You know what would make tonight extra special?
No.
Cocaine.
No, Tye.
No, no, no, no, no. Don't you worry.
It'll be fun.
No, it'll be sad.
Let's just get another drink.
Mm-mm.
But where to get it?
All we have to do is find a gay white guy
who's speaking way too loud.
And trust me, as a lesbian who talks way too loud on coke,
I can say that.
Ooh, Lady Gaga shirt in the back.
We have spotted our prey.
Ooh, okay.
Surprise.
Hey, beautiful.
You been thinking about me?
Every day.
Mm! Hold on.
I might have better reception on the roof.
Okay.
So now what?
Now, um...
now I feel guilty for ditching my friends
two nights in a row.
Does this help?
Oh, doesn't hurt.
Doesn't hurt at all.
Mom?
Hi, Quinn.
Is everyone I know on the island right now?
I think I just paid $100 to snort...sugar.
You know when you drink too much
and it starts to go really bad,
but then, like, you drink some more,
and then it goes, like, better.
I think I'm stuck at the part when it starts to go bad.
This is supposed to be fun.
This was supposed to cheer up Quinn,
and when she left with Keith, I would say
that is mission accomplished.
Well, I needed this too.
I mean, I just wanted things to be how they were
or for me to be that way.
I mean, we used to close this place down.
And now I think I'm just gonna go.
Wait, wait, wait.
Rule number one, you cannot leave the club alone.
Or is that rule number two?
And rule number one is if you lose your phone,
you go to the $1 pizza place.
But I'm already at... the club alone.
So what difference does it make?
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna go find Angie, and then we'll go.
Angie?
Tell me what you want me to do.
I want you to be careful.
Are you sure there's no one else around?
No one on the roof but me. See? See?
So let's get started.
Do you like it...
when I touch myself...here?
This is the police.
I repeat. This is the police.
Vacate the roof...
it is not safe for public use.
What's happening?
This is the police.
I repeat. This is the police.
Vacate the roof...
it is not safe for public use.
Angie, are you okay?
We definitely still see you.
Please exit. Now.
Angie, do you hear me?
I will call you when I get home!
Yes, please do.
And I appreciated the thought, but...
Okay!
You have to watch out.
They snatching Black girls.
Yeah. Tell your friends.
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit. - Yeah, girl.
Not on my watch.
Camille? Camille?
Shit.
Quinny?
Tye?
Tyesha?
Shit!
Shit. Fuck.
- Angie!
Camille.
Oh, I am so glad that you are here and safe.
Someone is snatching up American Black girls.
One is missing.
Girl, it's you.
It's me what?
You are the American Black girl who's missing.
Oh, shit.
I just agreed to lead my own search party.
You disappeared over an hour ago,
and you didn't answer any of my many texts.
I was on the phone with Mike.
Aww.
Where is Tye and Quinn?
They gone.
- Lightweights. - Mm-hmm.
After club food?
You ain't say nothing but a word.
I found her.
It's barely midnight, man.
I can't be going home like this.
The night must continue.
What's up? Hey, yo, homey.
What's up?
What do you want, ma'am?
"Ma'am"? Fuck that.
I want drugs. I got money.
Whatever you got.
Lady, you need to grow up, okay?
You're too old to be out here buying drugs.
Fuck, that was cold.
We can go to the club.
Where the hoes at?
No hoes?
No hoes. Okay.
God.
What the fuck?
- Amy. - Hey.
Sorry to bother you so late,
but you're the only computer person I know.
What's up?
My computer is frozen,
and I can't close out my register.
You called me all the way in Puerto Rico for that?
Wait, you're on vacation?
How is it?
Humbling.
Am I too old to be the party girl buying coke?
My dad's 73, and he's still doing it.
He wouldn't happen to be in Puerto Rico, is he?
Not likely.
- Point me at the computer. - Okay.
No. You have to reverse it.
How do I reverse the computer?
No, the view.
Oh.
Good God, how old is that computer?
It's old enough to not want to buy coke.
I was just trying to relive a little bit of my glory days.
So you gave up on finding a relationship?
There's one, a feisty old side piece,
but besides the bedroom, the bathroom stall,
and the shower, that's going nowhere.
Okay, maybe don't be so quick
to dismiss others as going nowhere.
You know, you never know.
What was happening when it froze?
Okay, you see this button right here?
Amy?
Hello?
This woman.
Oh, wow.
Oh, okay.
Whatever that is smells too good to not stop.
- Ooh. -
Like a fritter with plantains and tomato and meat.
Honey, you had me at fritter.
Amen.
Two of whatever you like best.
Oh. Hey, there.
That's Jaimie and Victor.
Gigi, and that's Hector.
Oh, they are beautiful.
And they know it.
Are they all yours?
Oh, no, normally they aren't here with us.
We take turns who watches them all.
We?
Me, Lola over there,
Raquel, and Eugenia.
We all live together, and we raise them together.
So kind of like a commune of mothers.
Mm.
We leave tomorrow,
but do you mind if I come by before
just to, you know, interview you all on how you do it?
It's for a paper that I'm writing.
Of course.
Look at that.
You stop working for a minute,
and you get some work done anyway.
They're getting cranky tonight.
They're up much later than normal
because of Noche de San Juan.
What's that?
At midnight, you walk backwards into the ocean
to cleanse yourself of the year's sins,
and then you walk forward into a fresh new year.
So...
Texting them right now.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Enjoy. - Thanks.
I cannot believe that Angie called you.
I cannot believe she has my new number.
She said they brought you here to cheer you up,
but she's worried that it's not enough.
I'm fine.
You did not need to come.
Yes, I did.
I am a mom.
That's my only job.
I don't get a choice to change careers all the time.
Mm. There she is.
I was wondering how long it was gonna take you to get one in.
- Oh.
Saved by the ding.
Sorry, gotta go meet the girls.
You can give me one minute.
Now, why is Angie so worried?
I don't...
I feel off or...
Sad for no reason?
Mad for no reason?
Well, you blame me for a lot, Quinny,
but depression come from your father's side of the family.
Daddy gets depressed?
How...wha... how would I not know this?
Because every time he's with you girls,
he tries to show you the perfect him.
But it's not his fault. It's genetic.
His mother was in and out of hospitals with it.
That's why she missed so many Christmases.
That and the fact that she was a major bitch to me.
My God, why do Black families keep shit like this a secret?
We know how to hide our pain,
but your father is on medication.
It keeps him even.
Or compliant,
which is probably where you really want him.
Ah, saying mean things.
Now, that you got from my side of the family.
I love you, Quinn.
I want you to be happy.
Now, traveling is lovely,
but if you need medication just to balance things out,
who cares?
You deserve to be happy.
The medication work for your father.
Maybe it'll work for you too.
Thank you.
Thank you for flying all this way
just to tell me that.
I'd go anywhere for you, Quinny.
Plus, while I'm here,
I have a consult with a facial plastic surgeon.
They say he's the best in the area.
Oh, but you're first, Quinny.
You are always my priority.
Oh, isn't this great?
A vacation
and a "get out of sin free" card.
And the one fucking time
I don't have anything bad to cleanse from.
You didn't do anything bad either.
I wonder if this works preemptively
for a future fuck-up.
Actually, that's not true.
I did something bad, Angie.
Something monumentally stupid.
It's like as soon as things start to go good,
I just have to mess it up.
I remain my mother's child.
Honey, I am in a post-fritter haze.
I am not following.
I slept with Jameson.
Wait, what? When?
Wait. Why?
Okay, my turn to say wait.
I literally slept. Like, just slept.
Is this one of those
"oral, anal, and finger fucking doesn't count"?
No.
Okay, so we were at his place, and we were working...
What? You hitting a wall?
Mm, in more ways than one.
I mean, I'm glad we're doing this,
but fuck.
The grant doesn't want me.
You don't want me.
Guess I'm not as much of a thing as I thought I was.
If this is too hard,
we don't have to do it together.
Oh, it's actually...it's easy.
It's, like, too easy.
Have we friend-zoned that fast?
Jameson...
...you are a great person.
You are a smart man.
You are a really good man.
You're just not my man.
Is this the part where you walk me out
like on "The Bachelorette"?
Oh, my gosh, no.
Maybe I just need some sleep.
Yeah, we have been at it for a while.
Power nap?
10 minutes?
Good night.
So I closed my eyes...
and suddenly,
ten minutes became the middle of the night.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
Oh, that doesn't seem too bad to me.
Yet.
But am I flirting with disaster?
I could have left Jameson's.
I could have text Ian.
I didn't cheat, and yet I still lied to Ian?
It's like every time something is going so good,
I just have to mess it up.
I got drunk, and I told my boss off.
I left Ian right before Paris.
I slept with a student.
Hell, the last time that we were here
was because I was trying to quit grad school.
Why all the self-sabotaging?
Kind of like me trying to fuck strangers
because I might have it too good with Mike.
Yeah.
So do you regret ending it with Jameson?
No. No.
I mean, weirdly, it's not even about him.
Ian said that we are a team, and if I can't give birth,
that we can figure out another way to start a family,
and I panicked.
He ended a whole wedding for me.
And what if, after that, we don't want the same family
that he could have had with Mira?
It sounds like you put yourself in a position
where it looks like you cheated.
Ian gets mad and ends it,
and you get out of making harder family decisions.
God, when you say it out loud...
Which is why you will never tell anyone else.
If you want to tell me about it over and over again, I'm down.
We can talk about it forever.
But that same self-sabotage that put yourself there
is saying share it so he will hear about it and it ends,
and that's not fair to anyone, Camille.
We are not the worst things we did.
Shit, we forgave Chris Rock for Pootie Tang
because he doesn't bring it up.
I kind of like that movie.
And that's why you don't pick the movies.
Right.
But you are missing the point.
You and me, we're a lot more similar than people think.
And from someone who has made a career of being messy,
the whole overshare,
it just avoids growing up and sitting in our choices.
If you tell Ian you fell asleep in the same bed
and then lied about it, it just absolves you
from saying the truth, which sounds like, Millie,
you don't want kids.
And you owe it to him to be honest about that
rather than drag Jameson into it.
It will turn into something else,
and Ian deserves to hear how you feel
and choose what he wants to do.
You're right.
You're like a sexy Yoda.
Mm.
A Hoeda.
Eow!
Oh, honey, this world does not deserve Black women.
Let's go to the beach.
- Hey, guys. - Look at who I found.
Angie, I saw my mom.
Really?
You're my sister, and I was worried.
And forever and ever, thank you.
You're welcome. I love you.
Okay, ladies, so with the year that we've all had,
we are gonna walk backwards into the ocean at midnight
and cleanse ourselves of everything that we don't want.
And then we're gonna walk forward into what's next.
I love that. That's perfect.
It is, except I'm wearing silk.
Oh, yeah, the tags are still on this dress,
and I don't think Bergdorf is gonna refund Quinn's Amex
if the dress is damaged.
A discussion for another time.
Fuck it.
Who needs clothes?
Let's shed this shit.
Naked on a beach.
Now, this is the party I've been waiting for.
Oh, damn, the one day I wore underwear.
I've been free-lipping this whole hoecation.
- Ew. - "Free-lipping"?
Yeah, let the lips breathe, girl.
- I understand what you meant. - Oh, okay.
rolling in
see 'em coming
Yes!
with a bad attitude
I got to much to lose
on two by twos
I paid too many dues
supposed to feel like
I'm in the gym right
looking thick like
On three.
1, 2, 3.
Girls trip!
- Ooh! - So good.
So I realized I made a mistake.
Camille.
No, I, um, don't think that I should do the project,
because motherhood is not my story to tell.
But you...you got the space
and all those other colleges that are coming.
Oh, no, I'm still doing a big project.
If the grant approves, I'm switching to Black joy.
- Mm. - Our story.
Oh. God damn it. You are my shero.
Oh, Black joy.
Oh, we need joy.
I need joy and...medication.
There. I said it out loud.
- Quinn! - Baby.
- Mm. - Ow, my arm.
Ooh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, Mike sent me a selfie
saying he misses me.
- Well, can we see him? - Do I finally get to see
who you left the club with?
Ooh, chocolate.
- Okay. - Wait.
That's Michael.
Right, Mike.
No, no, no, my Michael.
Excuse me?
My dad's birthday.
My mom tried to fix us up
and said that we'd be, like, a perfect match.
Wait, what?
And now he's with you?
What is that supposed to mean?
That Black joy didn't last long.
I'm just saying.
I wasn't even saying...why?
Girl, I wasn't even...
Can I ride up front with you?
This is why I'm going on medication.
You heard her say that's her Michael?